The witless guffawing of the Dublin native (Mod warning in op)

angel eyes 2012

I spent Saturday afternoon in the vicinity of a number of drinking establishments around Fairview in Co. Dublin with my husband. We were taking a few hours R&R prior to observing several of the best footballers ever seen in the country. I’ll start by saying it’s a handy part of town, and our pub had stunning views of fans donning blue jerseys looking particularly happy drinking their beer. The gin was exceptional as well.

However, my overall enjoyment of the time before the game was spoiled by one particular incident. We had parked our buttocks outside on a bench for a 3-hour drinking ritual. The mood was almost immediately ruined though by the sound of 1 young man with a heavy Kerry accent talking to another peer, and laughing in that bleating style so common to the natives of certain towns outside of Dublin. It was impossible not to hear them, as the accent has an extremely obnoxious and aggressive tone. Withering (sic) on about something something yerra match (spit) and then something (spit) something, (spit) up da kingdom, and, ‘I said (spit) ye can ruin your own (spit)cattle, but you’re (spit) not going to ruin mine’, ‘the fat (spit) cow’ etc etc. The motion of the spit used as a noun, adverb, and verb as well.

Now I had presumed that the price point of Gaffneys pub would be enough to discriminate against people who usually drink their ‘ drink in the pub beside Tescos in Drumcondra’, but obviously not. I then thought they would eventually get bored of talking and spitting to each other about things so utterly banal and tedious (that I could make out), and enjoy the calm of the surrounding. Not a chance. I proceeded to approach the young man with the saliva issues, and asked him to cease spitting in my direction as it was making me ill. The spitting stopped for a maximum of 5 minutes, before said individual proceeded to spit again, giggling, laughing, and eventually talking out loud again about which one of the Dublin football team they’d love ‘on their team’.

My Irish husband was extremely confused about the whole episode – he questioned why Kerry people would pay money to visit a predominantly Dublin pub, and then spend the entire duration of their time there talking and spitting. They did give the impression of being the sort of people who would have the same sort of time knocking backs pints of some inexpensive cider after having a sandwich in the Stables. We spent a few minutes in the lounge area, which did cancel out the sounds, but emerged to hear them still spitting around with an intent to cause as much disgust as possible.

A quick glimpse at them confirmed the image I had created in my head. Lots of, badly styled hair, hands in their pockets, the unmistakable signs of naivety that come with years of isolation and drinking. The type of culchie whose father or mother makes his living from suspect grants, or what the IFA would describe as the ‘reps scheme’

The early afternoon was only beginning, and I told my husband we were leaving the vicinity of the wall area. Our reward was rescheduled for later that evening, and an excellent 5 in a row was delivered to our players by way of evidence that they are the best team in history of Gaelic Football.

Why does this sort of Kerry townie native believe they are:
1) Funny
2) Interesting
3) Entitled to talk and spit as loudly and obnoxiously as possible?

There truly is a type of ‘townie’ who seems to revel in being a bore, and hamming up how common and lacking in class they are.

Touché

kankicker

No point in following a thread if you can,t have a bit of craic . or speak your mind take it whatever way you want . i,m out of here . before i get banned .

Plumbthedepths

I thought humour was allowed in After hours? Has this changed?

Hego Damask

Ah lads, AVB is spot on here!
nothing worse than a bunch of Dublin jackeens ruining the atmosphere.

"Lots of cellulitis , premature aging"

Spot on, you know those women that are 40 and look about 60 !! JAYSUS!!!
I saw a girl I went to school with that was a year or 2 younger than me (I'm 39 now...) - she looked at least 50.

Baggly

Mod

Name calling isn't. Nor is giving out about mod decisions. Get back on topic or leave the thread. Those are the options.

wakka12

Cant believe the amount of likes the OP got. Pretentious isnt the word, Id rather hang out with aul bats

corner of hells

Baggly wrote: »

Mod

Name calling isn't. Nor is giving out about mod decisions. Get back on topic or leave the thread. Those are the options.

I for one , would like to pledge my allegiance to all mods and bask in the glow of their never ending wisdom.

corner of hells

Hego Damask wrote: »

Ah lads, AVB is spot on here!
nothing worse than a bunch of Dublin jackeens ruining the atmosphere.

"Lots of cellulitis , premature aging"

Spot on, you know those women that are 40 and look about 60 !! JAYSUS!!!
I saw a girl I went to school with that was a year or 2 younger than me (I'm 39 now...) - she looked at least 50.

You old charmer , you.

Chancer3001

i laughed a few times at this.

Aonghus HAS to be Paul Howard

Baggly

corner of hells wrote:

I for one , would like to pledge my allegiance to all mods and bask in the glow of their never ending wisdom.

Bask away.

Paddy Cow

jim o doom wrote: »

From the tone of this post, I'm guessing the OP likes to sit in a small, airtight room and smell his own gaseous eruptions, like he was smelling that fine bottle of red that was delivered to his room by way of an apology. And I'm sure he imagines they smell like roses.

You'd be wrong. Aongus is a high flying financial type who is very important and graces boards every so often with his presence. He is one of our betters and if you don't aspire to be like him, you are a typical bitter, begrudging low class Paddy.

Paddy Cow

Woke Hogan wrote: »

What an awful thing to say to someone. Exactly the kind of thing I would expect from a "working class" Dub, though. Punctuated with a "wha'?" and a "hweh hweh hweh."

You might have had a woke point if you left it at the first sentence. Your second negates that and puts you on a par with the original comment you find so distasteful.

Jurgen The German

I must say Aonghus, I would have thought a man of your obvious standing could have done better than a moderately attractive, late 40s lady with a teenage daughter. As luck would have it, I too spent the weekend in the Europe in Killarney, and as luck would have it, on Friday afternoon I was having a few drinks in the brasserie and enjoying the view. Who should sit in at the table next to mine but the aforementioned moderately attractive, late 40s German lady with teenage daughter in tow. Now of course, Im deducing that this lady was your better half because it would be one hell of a coincidence if there were two German ladies in the Hotel on the same weekend and both of them were staying in suites. How do I know she was in a suite you ask? Well as you would be aware, the tables in the brasserie, particularly inside are quite close together so when she was ordering a drink she told the waiter her suite number to charge it to and i was close enough to hear. Imagine, me brushing shoulders with the gentry, how exciting!

RhubarbCrumble

Well that's all fine and well Angus, but you left out one very important detail. Did your German partner get her towel out on the spa lounger early enough?

Paddy Cow

Candie wrote: »

New Aongus hasn't the same way with words or structure as old Aongus. Maybe old Aongus is too busy with the toilet thread or something, and had to outsource.

I thought the same. There's definitely been a dip in the quality of Aongus's posts lately. It's almost like someone trying to be him but not quite getting it right.

FishOnABike

Earthhorse wrote: »

Sorry, you're right.

Wittering Heights.

I take it you are referring to Aongus' missive?

Can identify with Aongus a weee bit.

Went into a busy Good Quality hi class restaurant in Co Sligo high season - TAKE NOTE

Ordered my food.

During taking my meal, 2 Dublin women sat down to my immediate left. Loudly started yammering off talking sh|te to one another. I finished my meal paid for meal.

Took it as a hard lesson.

Raconteuse

wakka12 wrote: »

Cant believe the amount of likes the OP got. Pretentious isnt the word, Id rather hang out with aul bats

Tis a joke post. As ever, all the "Brilliant!" posts without a hint of acknowledgement from the OP. Generally speaking though, really loud people wind me up too.

But I prefer Andreas77 the most out of the parody accounts. Something beautiful about the disgusting things that man writes.

Zubeneschamali

Deleted User wrote: »

During taking my meal, 2 Dublin women sat down to my immediate left. Loudly started yammering off talking sh|te to one another. I finished my meal paid for meal.

Took it as a hard lesson.

Yes, never eat again.

Your Face

Jumped the shark.

Ishma63

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

I spent the weekend in the Europe Hotel in Killarney with my partner. We were taking a few days R&R and playing several of the better links golf courses in the county. I’ll start by saying it’s a beautiful hotel, and our suite had stunning views over the lakes. The breakfast was exceptional as well.

However my overall enjoyment of the weekend was spoiled by one particular incident. We had booked into the spa for a 3-hour harmonising spa ritual. The mood was almost immediately ruined though by the sound of 3 women with heavy Dublin accents talking to each other, and laughing in that bleating style so common to the natives of our capital city. It was impossible not to hear them, as the accent has an extremely obnoxious and aggressive tone. Withering on about ‘and then she bleedin’ said to me to shur up’, and, ‘I said yous can ruin your own marriage, but you’re not going to ruin mine’, ‘the fat cow’ etc etc. The f word used as a noun, adverb, and verb as well.

Now I had presumed that the price point of the Europe Hotel would be enough to discriminate against people who usually book their ‘girls weekend away’ using Tesco Club Card vouchers, but obviously not. I then thought they would eventually get bored of talking to each other about things so utterly banal and tedious, and enjoy the calm of the surrounding. Not a chance. I went to reception, and asked one of the staff to have a word with them. The chatter stopped for a maximum of 5 minutes, before they started whispering, giggling to each other, laughing, and eventually talking out loud again about which one of the Dublin football team they’d let ‘give me one’.

My German partner was extremely confused about the whole episode – she questioned why people would pay money to visit a spa, and then spend the entire duration of their time there talking and laughing. They did give the impression of being the sort of people who would have the same sort of time knocking backs pints of Coors Light after having a carvery lunch in the Stables in Clondakin. We spent a few minutes in the aroma steam room, which did cancel out the sounds, but emerged to hear them walking around with an intent to cause as much noise as possible.

A quick glimpse at them confirmed the image I had created in my head. Lots of cellulite, badly styled blonde hair, those tattoos on either ankle, the unmistakable signs of premature aging that come with years of smoking and drinking. The type of ‘moll’ whose husband or boyfriend makes his living from what Paul Reynolds would describe as the ‘proceeds of crime’.

The afternoon was ruined, and I told my partner we were leaving. I spoke to the manager in reception, and they assured us that they had attempted a number of times to ask the customers to respect the rules around keeping quiet. Our treatments were rescheduled for this morning, and an excellent bottle of Italian red was delivered to our room by way of apology.

Why does this sort of Dublin native believe they are:
1) Funny.
2) Interesting.
3) Entitled to talk as loudly and obnoxiously as possible?

There truly is a type of ‘Dub’ who seems to revel in being a loud-mouthed bore, and hamming up how common and lacking in class they are.

I probably would have enjoyed the craic and laughed along with them. They sound funny. You need to loosen up a bit. How awful for you to have your harmonising spa ruined. There's more to life than living in an isolated bubble.

dd973

The male version of the breed the OP points out is what I call 'The Dublin Wanker', Dublincentric, arrogant, obnoxious, aggressive, boorish and a bore, accent turned up to 11, they tend to be overwhelmingly working class although there is a middle class variant as well. Many Dubliners I've met whom I'd class as nice people tend to have either country parents or at least one non-Irish parent.

I took great pleasure in my youth beating one up that was bullying me and headbutting and splitting his nose open when he came looking for payback, what a c**t that bloke was, even one of the most odious people in the pub I frequented at the time came up to me saying what a tosser he was.

I remember an Irish pub in Heerlen in the Netherlands (now closed down) and there was another DW working in there, had all the same traits as well, I feel little sympathy when a DW gets wiped out in their squalid drug fuelled underworld as well.

ToddyDoody

Get op to an art gallery and let him tell everyone else why they're trailor trash.

Arghus

The subtext to all of AvB's posts is that he's really a plain GAA traditionalist, from country stock, whose habits and tastes frighten him to the point of feigned disgust, because they lie latent in him at all times - it'll only take one corporate restructuring before he's back masticating on hang sangwhiges.

And for all his talk of high fashion he probably sleeps and feels most comfortable in O' Neills shorts and a tattered Tommy Varden sponsored Galway Jersey.

olestoepoke

Mrs Bucket would be proud. As a "Dub" am I allowed to pull the racist card out?

olestoepoke

dd973 wrote: »

The male version of the breed the OP points out is what I call 'The Dublin Wanker', Dublincentric, arrogant, obnoxious, aggressive, boorish and a bore, accent turned up to 11, they tend to be overwhelmingly working class although there is a middle class variant as well. Many Dubliners I've met whom I'd class as nice people tend to have either country parents or at least one non-Irish parent.

I took great pleasure in my youth beating one up that was bullying me and headbutting and splitting his nose open when he came looking for payback, what a c**t that bloke was, even one of the most odious people in the pub I frequented at the time came up to me saying what a tosser he was.

I remember an Irish pub in Heerlen in the Netherlands (now closed down) and there was another DW working in there, had all the same traits as well, I feel little sympathy when a DW gets wiped out in their squalid drug fuelled underworld as well.

Just wondering, is there a "culchie" version or your generalisations?

JohnnyFlash

Ishma63 wrote: »

I probably would have enjoyed the craic and laughed along with them. They sound funny. You need to loosen up a bit. How awful for you to have your harmonising spa ruined. There's more to life than living in an isolated bubble.

In fairness to the lad, he paid good money to be somewhere where peace and tranquility is part of the package.

A lot of Dubs are more Anglo Saxon than Celt, and it comes across in their mannerisms. They’ve planter and Tan surnames, and have a suspicion of the True Gael and those who grew up beyond the pale. You can even see it with the gangland names - Hutch, Wilson, Fowler, Davis, Thompson etc.

Woke Hogan

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

In fairness to the lad, he paid good money to be somewhere where peace and tranquility is part of the package.

A lot of Dubs are more Anglo Saxon than Celt, and it comes across in their mannerisms. They’ve planter and Tan surnames, and have a suspicion of the True Gael and those who grew up beyond the pale. You can even see it with the gangland names - Hutch, Wilson, Fowler, Davis, Thompson etc.

They use a lot of English slang as well in Dublin. "Bloke," "mate," soccer chants at GAA matches.

I personally consider Dublin people akin to Russian communities in former Soviet states: born in raised in the country but still unmistakably Russian. The Anglo Saxon Dub would our equivalent in Ireland.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

I does like a bit a de aul country accent, dough, 'wha?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jvbujX4hXOg

MrMusician18

Not your best work OP 5-6/10. A character such as AvB wouldn't know what the Stables in Clondalkin are, let alone be able to namecheck it.

Great to have you back though