Did you ever go to an escort?

Problem Of Motivation

Mod note - No jokes apart from one's about cars, etc.
No jokes apart from one's about cars, etc.
No jokes apart from one's about cars, etc
No jokes apart from one's about cars, etc .
No jokes apart from one's about cars, etc.
No jokes apart from one's about cars, etc.
No jokes apart from one's about cars, etc
No jokes apart from one's about cars, etc .
No jokes apart from one's about cars, etc.
No jokes apart from one's about cars, etc.
No jokes apart from one's about cars, etc
No jokes apart from one's about cars, etc .
No jokes apart from one's about cars, etc.
No jokes apart from one's about cars, etc.
No jokes apart from one's about cars, etc
No jokes apart from one's about cars, etc .
No jokes apart from one's about cars, etc.






What things were you wearing of once you stepped inside the door? Ever come across someone who looked different than in the photo? etc.

I did once. She was quite a banger.

freshpopcorn

I was more of the Focus era!

EmmetSpiceland

Problem Of Motivation wrote: »

Ever come across someone who looked different than in the photo?

No, just the photo.

JohnnyFlash

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I did once. She was quite a banger.

I also presumed you were still a virgin, Bertie. Not sure I agree with using the services of a lady of the night to lose it, but I suppose if you’ve hit 35 and it hasn’t happened yet then needs must.

PsychoPete

Yes, I found it ironic that I was the one that had to shower first

NSAman

Preferred Cortina myself.. much more accommodating.

JeffKenna

I once fell in love with an escourt.

JohnnyFlash

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

I also presumed you were still a virgin, Bertie. Not sure I agree with using the services of a lady of the night to lose it, but I suppose if you’ve hit 35 and it hasn’t happened yet then needs must.

*Whoosh*

Thanks for playing.

skallywag

No way I would touch one unless she was a Cosworth.

Kermit D. Frog

I did. In Western Australia, in a legal brothel. Went in, was greeted by a hostess who rang a doorbell and the available girls all came out in their lingerie and lined up.

I picked a girl, and we went to a room. I had a shower and some mouthwash.

On to the bed, she was naked, started with a massage, when I was hard she slipped a condom on, and into her I went for a few seconds, until my erection failed totally I was that nervous.

She was very nice, chatted, told me to relax and got me hard again, in I went again for a minute, went soft again.

So we took the condom off and just lay in bed having a chat for about 10 mins.

I was 22, had had a few drinks, and was lonely and tempted.

skallywag

Kermit D. Frog wrote: »

I did. In Western Australia, in a legal brothel. Went in, was greeted by a hostess who rang a doorbell and the available girls all came out in their lingerie and lined up.

I picked a girl, and we went to a room. I had a shower and some mouthwash.

On to the bed, she was naked, started with a massage, when I was hard she slipped a condom on, and into her I went for a few seconds, until my erection failed totally I was that nervous.

She was very nice, chatted, told me to relax, age got me hard again, in I went again for a minute, went soft again.

So we took the condom off and just lay in bed having a chat for about 10 mins.

I was 22, had had a few drinks, and was lonely and tempted.

Bet she threw on 'Money for Nothing' on the CD player after you left the room.

Kermit D. Frog

skallywag wrote: »

Bet she threw on 'Money for Nothing' on the CD player after you left the room.

Perhaps! I got a naked cuddle, some technical sex and an embarrassing memory. It is what it is though.

PsychoPete

Kermit D. Frog wrote: »

I did. In Western Australia, in a legal brothel. Went in, was greeted by a hostess who rang a doorbell and the available girls all came out in their lingerie and lined up.

I picked a girl, and we went to a room. I had a shower and some mouthwash.

On to the bed, she was naked, started with a massage, when I was hard she slipped a condom on, and into her I went for a few seconds, until my erection failed totally I was that nervous.

She was very nice, chatted, told me to relax and got me hard again, in I went again for a minute, went soft again.

So we took the condom off and just lay in bed having a chat for about 10 mins.

I was 22, had had a few drinks, and was lonely and tempted.

Mashing a marshmallow into a piggy bank just doesn't work

gifted

Kermit D. Frog wrote: »

I did. In Western Australia, in a legal brothel. Went in, was greeted by a hostess who rang a doorbell and the available girls all came out in their lingerie and lined up.

I picked a girl, and we went to a room. I had a shower and some mouthwash.

On to the bed, she was naked, started with a massage, when I was hard she slipped a condom on, and into her I went for a few seconds, until my erection failed totally I was that nervous.

She was very nice, chatted, told me to relax and got me hard again, in I went again for a minute, went soft again.

So we took the condom off and just lay in bed having a chat for about 10 mins.

I was 22, had had a few drinks, and was lonely and tempted.

Now known as Kermit D Flop.....

Problem Of Motivation

Kermit D. Frog wrote: »

I did. In Western Australia, in a legal brothel. Went in, was greeted by a hostess who rang a doorbell and the available girls all came out in their lingerie and lined up.

I picked a girl, and we went to a room. I had a shower and some mouthwash.

On to the bed, she was naked, started with a massage, when I was hard she slipped a condom on, and into her I went for a few seconds, until my erection failed totally I was that nervous.

She was very nice, chatted, told me to relax and got me hard again, in I went again for a minute, went soft again.

So we took the condom off and just lay in bed having a chat for about 10 mins.

I was 22, had had a few drinks, and was lonely and tempted.

I thank you for your honesty. I bow down to you.

Baron Kurtz

Problem Of Motivation wrote: »

I thank you for your honesty. I bow down to you.

Should be no need to bow to him. We were told there wasn't much going on down there

Phileas Frog

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I did once. She was quite a banger.

She had a hefty langer?

cj maxx

I'd say most fellas who have lived abroad have been to knocking shop. Even the likes of a galway lad in ny I met. Rang his girlfriend twice a day. If lads joked about hookers he was 'disgusted '. His girl was the love of his life and this 18yo was in a committed grown up relationship.
Spotted him coming out the door of the $20 skanks in Elmhurst.
Let a roar at him but he took off pretty sharpish. I never told the lads or they would have destroyed him , but it took him down a peg or 10

cj maxx

I once got a blow job in a brothel . Took about 4 whiskeys to get the taste out of my mouth

skallywag

cjmc wrote: »

I once got a blow job in a brothel . Took about 4 whiskeys to get the taste out of my mouth

You need to watch Succession!

corner of hells

cjmc wrote: »

I once got a blow job in a brothel . Took about 4 whiskeys to get the taste out of my mouth

Was it the same brothel your friend was coming out of ?

cj maxx

corner of hells wrote: »

Was it the same brothel your friend was coming out of ?

Definitely not

kowloon

PsychoPete wrote: »

Mashing a marshmallow into a piggy bank just doesn't work

Like pushing a rope up Grafton Street.

JohnnyFlash

Most of the lads who head off to Spain and Portugal in groups to play golf are banging hookers over there. In fact it’s more about the pints and the pussy then the putts.

nacho libre

I never have. When I can't see it anymore, I might just do so.

IAMAMORON

I blew a tranny in my Cortina a while back. I then got a Sierra , but never went for an escort.

skallywag

IAMAMORON wrote: »

I blew a tranny in my Cortina a while back.

The radios were known to be bad in those alright.

JohnnyFlash

The car jokes aren’t really working out for ye, lads. They just aren’t funny.

skallywag

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

The car jokes aren’t really working out for ye, lads. They just aren’t funny.

Disagree with you.

If someone starts a thread like this in AH, what else is expected? A full on serious debate?

Personal Issues is a few clicks away.

Plus, I bet you have never owned an Escort?

Bob the Seducer

IAMAMORON wrote: »

I blew a tranny in my Cortina a while back. I then got a Sierra , but never went for an escort.

Outside the US, the transmission is normally referred to as the gearbox.

Dr. Bre

I hear tranny escorts are the big thing these days

Alpha_zero

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

I also presumed you were still a virgin, Bertie. Not sure I agree with using the services of a lady of the night to lose it, but I suppose if you’ve hit 35 and it hasn’t happened yet then needs must.

Bro i presumed the same about you!

Deebles McBeebles

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

The car jokes aren’t really working out for ye, lads. They just aren’t funny.

I blame the wording of the title.

ben.schlomo

Problem Of Motivation wrote: »

Mod note - No jokes just one's about cars and the odd one!

What things were you wearing of once you stepped inside the door? Ever come across someone who looked different than in the photo? etc.

Guards haven't come knocking since your last Escort thread op?

NSAman

Bob the Seducer wrote: »

Outside the US, the transmission is normally referred to as the gearbox.

RTE has gearboxes?

Mad_maxx

Those escorts are great goers



Rally circuits full of them

skallywag

Mad_maxx wrote: »

Those escorts are great goers



Rally circuits full of them

Cos she's Worth it?

blinding

Apparently they are supposed to be hired for a drive ?

Took me a while to figure out the car angle. I must need a nap.

Potential-Monke

Yes. Once. Brazilian, and exactly like the picture. It was a birthday present from my mates due to a prolonged period of celibacy.

Turned up, the lads told me it was for an hour (they had some serious notions about my ability to perform after a prolonged period). Granted, I was a bit more overweight. Anyway, greeted me at the door, in lingerie and robe. Brought me in, checked what was ordered. Turned out I was only booked for half an hour. Grand says I. Brought me into the bedroom, single room with a single bed and a wardrobe. Bed clothes were Spongebob, bit weird but not having kids it didn't bother me for long.

Told me to strip, wasted no time trying to put a johnny on a flacid cock but she did and began to orally harden me. Once hard enough, she jumped on top and did her thing. Changed positions around a few times, some awkward movements, working away for 20 minutes or so and realised it's not going to happen. My legs gave out, she tried to finish me off but just wasn't going to happen. Cleaned up, dressed, and left.

It's a cold experience. It doesn't have any of the closeness you would usually find with someone who genuinely wants to ride you for free. No kissing, no real foreplay (which I'm a fan of), and not something I would do again. Maybe.

Tammy!

Nope, never been with an escort. Never felt the need too.

enricoh

A mates younger brother had a pact with a few mates that if they hadnt got laid before the grad night of 6th year they'd get laid off one of the hooker websites.
There was only a few operating in the local town the night they went for it n only one bird answered the phone .
They took it in turns one after the other. Dunno if my mates bro was first or last!
God knows how many yer one fitted in that day. It all seems a bit grim!

skallywag

Medvedev wrote: »

What else is expected? How about an actual funny joke, not a desperate attempt to get likes thinly veiled as a joke.

Have you heard the one about the Rereg?

Sir Osis of Liver.

Worked abroad on sites on the continent for years as a youngster but I couldn't ever bring myself to pay for it.Alot of the Irish lads would jump straight off the work bus on payday and head straight for a hoor.
Preferred to hit the pub and try my luck the legitimate way.Usually failed and ended up pissed.

Don't see anything wrong with paying for it but I'm just too OCD to go where a thousand dirty bastards were before me.

That's just me.

Potential-Monke

Sir Osis of Liver. wrote: »

Don't see anything wrong with paying for it but I'm just too OCD to go where a thousand dirty bastards were before me.

That's just me.

How do you know the one you meet on a night out and take home for some bump and tickle hasn't had a thousand mickies before yours?

PsychoPete

enricoh wrote: »

They took it in turns one after the other. Dunno if my mates bro was first or last!
God knows how many yer one fitted in that day. It all seems a bit grim!

Always go first, you don't want to be stirring the porridge

knockers84

There Naming and shaming anyone in Ireland now these days and gardai are setting up stings and people’s names are getting in the paper. It has become illegal in the last year or two to hire a hooker.

If you do want to get a hooker just get a return trip to Amsterdam for 50 quid. Cheaper than Ireland anyway!!

paleoperson

knockers84 wrote: »

There Naming and shaming anyone in Ireland now these days and gardai are setting up stings and people’s names are getting in the paper. It has become illegal in the last year or two to hire a hooker.

People hire escorts up and down the country every day of the week. Getting arrested and/or named would be like winning the inverse lottery. Who cares if you're single anyway.

I would like to hope that they would only do it if you were behaving in an egregious way. Like how you won't normally get a fine for speeding if you are going 60 kmph on a straight wide road where you should technically be going 50 kmph, but if you're doing it going around a dangerous corner then yes you might be. However, I wouldn't trust them.

knockers84 wrote: »

If you do want to get a hooker just get a return trip to Amsterdam for 50 quid. Cheaper than Ireland anyway!!

Are you joking? That would be a lot more expensive, take a huge amount of time and many people have a major fear of flying (for example me).

the_syco

skallywag wrote: »

Plus, I bet you have never owned an Escort?

No. I owned a hoe, though. Kept it in the shed.

Potential-Monke wrote: »

It's a cold experience.

Agreed. Fcuked one in the 'Dam a decade ago, and it just felt like a business transaction. It didn't help that I went in after smoking all sorts of weed for the previous 5 hours :pac:

Kermit D. Frog

Kermit D. Frog wrote: »

I did. In Western Australia, in a legal brothel. Went in, was greeted by a hostess who rang a doorbell and the available girls all came out in their lingerie and lined up.

I picked a girl, and we went to a room. I had a shower and some mouthwash.

On to the bed, she was naked, started with a massage, when I was hard she slipped a condom on, and into her I went for a few seconds, until my erection failed totally I was that nervous.

She was very nice, chatted, told me to relax and got me hard again, in I went again for a minute, went soft again.

So we took the condom off and just lay in bed having a chat for about 10 mins.

I was 22, had had a few drinks, and was lonely and tempted.

All well and good Kermit, but what are the chances of snow for the winter ahead?