How is a Woman supposed to find a Man in the 21st Century

ToddyDoody

I mean, with so much rubbish to contend with

theteal

Line dancing ???

Fiery mutant

How about trying something new, like say, approach a man and strike up a conversation with him.

I know this is something probably alien to a woman, but sure in these lean times, put your head above the parapet and see what happens.

Pair of binoculars.

mohawk

Looking at all the couples I know that got together in the 21st Century. They met at college, work, through friends, night out or a shared hobby.


You will have to talk to them and get to know them.

Bigbagofcans

Get rid of the 'woah' and you'll find a man.

ToddyDoody

ToddyDoody wrote: »

I mean, with so much rubbish to contend with

And with that lovely attitude, it's a mystery

Yer Da sells Avon

Follow the advice in this helpful article and you'll be beating them off (saves them having to do it themselves after a long day at work).

Bobblehats

ToddyDoody wrote: »

I mean, with so much rubbish to contend with

Not a patch on the PM’s you’re about to be inundated with

John DoeReMi

The same way they've always done it. Tight jeans, tight top and stand there while the unfortunate men line up for rejection.

pretend to want sex

even just for the first while like

Bigbagofcans

John DoeReMi wrote: »

The same way they've always done it. Tight jeans, tight top and stand there while the unfortunate men line up for rejection.

They're waiting for a guy that isn't you. Or perhaps they just wanted a night out wearing nice clothes and having fun with their friends? Not standing there waiting for a creep to say the wrong thing.

Dial Hard

Fiery mutant wrote:

How about trying something new, like say, approach a man and strike up a conversation with him.

I know this is something probably alien to a woman, but sure in these lean times, put your head above the parapet and see what happens.

I'm going to go against every rule I have about AH (and threads pertaining to female behaviour in particular) and respond to this in good faith.

I'm a 37-year-old divorcee who has been single pretty much since my marriage broke up in 2011. I dated plenty in the early years and had one on-again-off-again-on-again relationship that wheezed along for the guts of two years but since then, pretty much nothing for the past three years.

I have a good job. A nice house. No kids. Am (and I'm aware I'm about to commit a massive AH faux pas here) pretty good-looking (imo, obvs). Am in good shape. Outgoing, independent, all the "right" things. But I find it *so* hard to connect with men. I'm more than happy to make the approach. Have no problems striking up a conversation and am more than happy to send the first message in an online scenario. But none of that seems to matter. I couldn't tell you the last time I even managed a little flirtation with someone.

Now, the good news is that I'm pretty much grand with the idea that I may well be single for the rest of my life. I have an amazing family and fantastic friends. I'm happier than quite a few of my friends who are "happily" married. But I really wouldn't mind a bit of oul male company on a semi-regular basis. And I would really like to put paid to the notion that a lot of men seem to have that all a woman needs to do is basically go out and stand on her doorstep and a man who wants to sleep with her will be along shortly.

It's tough out there. For both genders. S'all I'm saying, I guess.

blackbird98

Try topless sunbathing in the local park!!!!

fash

Dial Hard wrote: »

I'm going to go against every rule I have about AH (and threads pertaining to female behaviour in particular) and respond to this in good faith.

I'm a 37-year-old divorcee who has been single pretty much since my marriage broke up in 2011. I dated plenty in the early years and had one on-again-off-again-on-again relationship that wheezed along for the guts of two years but since then, pretty much nothing for the past three years.

I have a good job. A nice house. No kids. Am (and I'm aware I'm about to commit a massive AH faux pas here) pretty good-looking (imo, obvs). Am in good shape. Outgoing, independent, all the "right" things. But I find it *so* hard to connect with men. I'm more than happy to make the approach. Have no problems striking up a conversation and am more than happy to send the first message in an online scenario. But none of that seems to matter. I couldn't tell you the last time I even managed a little flirtation with someone.

Now, the good news is that I'm pretty much grand with the idea that I'll probably be single for the rest of my life. I have an amazing family and fantastic friends. I'm happier than quite a few of my friends who are "happily" married. But I really wouldn't mind a bit of oul male company on a semi-regular basis. And I would really like to put paid to the notion that a lot of men seem to have that all a woman needs to do is basically go out and stand on her doorstep and a man who wants to sleep with her will be along shortly.

It's tough out there. For both genders. S'all I'm saying, I guess.

You have to go to social places where it is at least possible that guys are looking for girls / long term relationships - e.g. dance clubs, tag rugby, some meet-up things etc.

Larbre34

If they all just dropped the sneering attitude, sense of entitlement, vanity, selfishness and frankly overly ambitious physical appearance and sexual performance standards, they'd do great.




Taxi!

banie01

Blow jobs!
It's deffo the way to my heart anyway...

Failing that, a good club sandwich and I'll defend your virtue to the death

banie01

Dial Hard wrote: »

It's tough out there. For both genders. S'all I'm saying, I guess.

DH, your story would be very similar to my wife.
We got together when she was 36, she is a smart, strong independent woman who works hard and owns her own home.
For some reason, luckily for me she seemed to have been passed by, by relationships and had resigned herself to perpetual singledom.

The flip side of me "rescuing" her from that Bridget Jones hell...
She got lumbered with a big lumbering widower and his smart assed kid

We are together now since 2012, married since 2016 and she has been much better for me, than I have for her in all probability.
I owe her so much of my current happiness and contentment, I hope that she feels even a 10th of the joy she brought back to our lives.

As for where we found each other.
I always slag her that we are an "internet love story".
She bristles a bit at that :P but I used to be her boss, and we were friends on Facebook.
That friendship developed into meeting up for a drink, then dinner and dates before introducing her to my(now I'm happy to say our) son...
And on to the lovely relationship we have where we have both found the person we most want to do absolutely nothing with for the rest of our lives

Keep the faith, a relationship isn't the be all and end all of life.
If you want that tho, don't give up

Dial Hard

fash wrote:

You have to go to social places where it is at least possible that guys are looking for girls / long term relationships - e.g. dance clubs, tag rugby, some meet-up things etc.

Oh that's what I've been doing wrong!!! I am *such* a dolt!

Dial Hard

banie01 wrote:

DH, your story would be very similar to my wife. We got together when she was 36, she is a smart, strong independent woman who works hard and owns her own home. For some reason, luckily for me she seemed to have been passed by, by relationships and had resigned herself to perpetual singledom.

See, this was actually never my experience until recent years. I had absolutely no problems in my teens and 20s, had a few relationships, a few shorter-term things and plenty of hook-ups etc along the way, as and when I felt like them. It's only in the past few years that I feel like I might as well be invisible. I don't know if that's a function of my age and that the pool.is just smaller, or if that the ubiquity of online dating has just fundamentally changed how people interact, but something has changed, for sure.

jmayo

See this link ... plenty of men looking for women in the 21st century ....

https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057985079

Personally I prefer one of the ones from the 25th century.

fash

Dial Hard wrote: »

Oh that's what I've been doing wrong!!! I am *such* a dolt!

You are welcome!
But seriously, either learn to be happy living alone - or work out the best way of doing the above for your circumstances. Those are the two most likely options.

fash

Dial Hard wrote: »

See, this was actually never my experience until recent years. I had absolutely no problems in my teens and 20s, had a few relationships, a few shorter-term things and plenty of hook-ups etc along the way, as and when I felt like them. It's only in the past few years that I feel like I might as well be invisible. I don't know if that's a function of my age and that the pool.is just smaller, or if that the ubiquity of online dating has just fundamentally changed how people interact, but something has changed, for sure.

Yes there is a much smaller pool of eligible males in your age group:
http://www.davidmcwilliams.ie/the-rise-of-the-singleton-has-transformed-ireland/

DEFTLEFTHAND

Space is the big thing, men like having space.
Allow him to socialise with his friends one night a week.
Don't get on his case about trivial matters.
Allow him to watch 6 hrs of sport per weekend.

Thelonious Monk

I wish people would stop going on about f**king tag rugby when someone mentions they are single

banie01

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

I wish people would stop going on about f**king tag rugby when someone mentions they are single

But
But
But
Is it not an amazing way to score a shnaky "accidental" grope?!

Daisy78

Dial Hard wrote: »

See, this was actually never my experience until recent years. I had absolutely no problems in my teens and 20s, had a few relationships, a few shorter-term things and plenty of hook-ups etc along the way, as and when I felt like them. It's only in the past few years that I feel like I might as well be invisible. I don't know if that's a function of my age and that the pool.is just smaller, or if that the ubiquity of online dating has just fundamentally changed how people interact, but something has changed, for sure.

Honestly it’s probably an age thing, as in there are fewer single men out there in their late thirties/early forties.You might not see it as a positive but at least you have had some short term things even if they didn’t mature into something long term. Plenty of women don’t even get that.

ToddyDoody

Bobblehats wrote: »

Not a patch on the PM’s you’re about to be inundated with

Plenty of people have come after me and I've buried them all.

Thelonious Monk

Dial Hard wrote: »

See, this was actually never my experience until recent years. I had absolutely no problems in my teens and 20s, had a few relationships, a few shorter-term things and plenty of hook-ups etc along the way, as and when I felt like them. It's only in the past few years that I feel like I might as well be invisible. I don't know if that's a function of my age and that the pool.is just smaller, or if that the ubiquity of online dating has just fundamentally changed how people interact, but something has changed, for sure.

Same as myself, I would just randomly meet people now and again through just living my life. That just doesn't happen any more at 38. I can meet girls from apps alright but I am never attracted to them, or they turn out to be a bit nuts, so I've just given up at this stage. I don't mind, I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. Except have sex of course! Then again most married people don't have that either...

fash

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

I wish people would stop going on about f**king tag rugby when someone mentions they are single

Honestly- true enough- I personally found it entirely useless for meeting people. However I've known a lot of people who've met (long term) through dance clubs (salsa, swing etc)- they had a good mixture of "stuff" to social stuff with people who were generally obviously single, interested in getting out, who you can get up know in a group context (people in relationships do go too- but fewer).

Jimmy Bottlehead

ToddyDoody wrote: »

I mean, with so much rubbish to contend with

Same as its ever been. You have to dig through the dirt to get to the gold.

Put yourself out there enough that you're meeting new people, know what you want, take a long honest look at yourself and ask if the person you're seeking is likely to view you as eligible and if not, why not? If you see fit to make changes, do so. If you're not willing to make changes, be ready to justify why and acknowledge that it may hold you back.

It does help meeting a lot of different people, sussing out what you want, what you need, what you like and dislike, and if you're lucky, you'll feel the chemistry with the right person. And the more you put yourself out there and improve up itself, the more your luck improves.

Tl;dr: Tag rugby

KungPao

Easy for any halfway decent lookin woman can a get a man with barely any effort.

Now to keep him, Don’t hassle him if he wants to watch 4 premier league matches on a Saturday, in just his underpants.

Go out with the girls or something.
And bring him back an 8 pk of Heineken on your way home. He’ll love you for all eternity.

Dial Hard

Daisy78 wrote:

Honestly it’s probably an age thing, as in there are fewer single men out there in their late thirties/early forties.You might not see it as a positive but at least you have had some short term things even if they didn’t mature into something long term. Plenty of women don’t even get that.

I was married!

Daisy78

Dial Hard wrote: »

I was married!

Yes I know, you said. But you also mentioned that you had some short term flings/relationship. That’s what I was referring to?!!

EmmetSpiceland

Dial Hard wrote: »

I was married!

At least that should stop people telling you “your time will come” while giving you that look that goes with it.

Daisy78

KungPao wrote: »

Easy for any halfway decent lookin woman can a get a man with barely any effort.

Now to keep him, Don’t hassle him if he wants to watch 4 premier league matches on a Saturday, in just his underpants.

Go out with the girls or something.
And bring him back an 8 pk of Heineken on your way home. He’ll love you for all eternity.

Without any effort? If that you was the case threads like this would not exist!!

messy tessy

My online dating profile was deleted this week for some reason! I'm off to get myself a cat*!


*Dog obviously!

TuringBot47

ToddyDoody wrote: »

How is a Woman supposed to find a Man in the 21st Century

Maybe start before your biological clock is playing the tune to "Countdown".

But typically long term single women tend to get more girly and it's harder for them to share interests, films etc with men.
The ones that get into yoga, rekki, spirituality, angels, Bridget Jones, vegetarianism etc... totally alien to men.

Harvey Weinstein

ToddyDoody wrote: »

I mean, with so much rubbish to contend with

True right?

Best get your subscription to Cat Fanciers weekly sorted now rather than later and when they tell you that childless middle aged women are generally miserable and depressed just remember its not true!

Childless middle aged Women have all the fun and spend their days politely turning down all the young studs lining up to hook up with them

And that old canard about middle aged Women becoming invisible? Sure everyone knows Women only get more attractive with age!





Too harsh?

Daisy78

Daisy78 wrote: »

Honestly it’s probably an age thing, as in there are fewer single men out there in their late thirties/early forties.You might not see it as a positive but at least you have had some short term things even if they didn’t mature into something long term. Plenty of women don’t even get that.

Surely there is a 50/50 ratio - unless men die in droves in this age group, or polygamy is legal?

I guess it could be that men of this age can go for younger women and women their own age whereas women tend not to go younger.

Daisy78

Deleted User wrote: »

Surely there is a 50/50 ratio - unless men die in droves in this age group, or polygamy is legal?

I guess it could be that men of this age can go for younger women and women their own age whereas women tend not to go younger.

Hmm yea I guess so. Which leaves a lot of single women in that bracket.

Galwayguy35

Daisy78 wrote: »

Without any effort? If that you was the case threads like this would not exist!!

A woman will get approached more on a night out by men than men by women and this increases the chances of meeting someone.

And before anyone says it yes I know there are ugly drunk guys who try to chat up women but there are lots of decent lads as well out for the night.

leahyl

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

A woman will get approached more on a night out by men than men by women and this increases the chances of meeting someone.

And before anyone says it yes I know there are ugly drunk guys who try to chat up women but there are lots of decent lads as well out for the night.

I can count on one hand the amount of times in my life I’ve been approached on a night out - it’s even less likely to happen of recent years, people just don’t seem to bother anymore.

Personally if I was single I would go for a woman who is good craic and not a drama queen or the type who wants to "change" me. She should have a positive energy about her and actially enjoy sex. Able to hold a conversation on various topics. Able to be faithful to one man.

Looks wouldn't be important as long as she was a reasonably normal weight and not hideously ugly.

Somehow I think I'd have a small pool to choose from. Most fitting this description are married or in long term relationships. If God forbid I ended up divorced I don't think I'd remarry. I sometimes look around at the women I know and there are 2 that I would consider, one is so gorgeous looking it would be pointless trying - kinda ruins it actually as she had a fabulous personality - and the other one, I think that would work. For the rest, nothing floats my boat at all.

If you'd asked me in my 20s I'd have given very different answers. Maybe men get more picky as they get older?

A bit like with cars when you are young you jump in head first but when older you are much more discerning and look for low running costs and reliability over flashy looks.

leahyl

leahyl wrote: »

I can count on one hand the amount of times in my life I’ve been approached on a night out - it’s even less likely to happen of recent years, people just don’t seem to bother anymore.

The whole Metoo stuff has had a chilling effect on this. I also think that people assume older women are married.

leahyl

[Deleted User] wrote: »

The whole Metoo stuff has had a chilling effect on this. I also think that people assume older women are married.

When you say older... am I in the older bracket now at 34? :-( :-P

fash

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Surely there is a 50/50 ratio - unless men die in droves in this age group, or polygamy is legal?

I guess it could be that men of this age can go for younger women and women their own age whereas women tend not to go younger.

Not really. In a lot of fields, men are spread over a large range while women are clumped in the middle. Which means more women are functional adults than men.
Once you start getting into mid/late thirties, a lot of the"eligible" men have settled down. What you are left with are some (but not all) of the "amazing" men who have decided to keep playing the field, you also have a large contingent who are not capable of forming relationships or are dysfunctional in a major way (alcoholic, violent, gambling, failed to launch, weird etc.). There are some eligible males who haven't hooked up of course as well as "had been in a relationship but now divorced/widowed" men.
This significantly changes the market place - demand for functional males goes up, supply dries up - adding pressure to the dynamic for the "amazing" guys to keep playing the field.
So the guys in that market place have lots of options and tend to select younger women.

Galwayguy35

leahyl wrote: »

I can count on one hand the amount of times in my life I’ve been approached on a night out - it’s even less likely to happen of recent years, people just don’t seem to bother anymore.

I wonder is it that people don't know who is single or not and are afraid to approach in case they make a mistake.

Found this out myself once when I approached a woman who was at the bar and just started talking when a fella started shouting at me for trying to chat up his wife.

He calmed down after a few seconds but it was an embarrassing situation to be in!

leahyl

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

I wonder is it that people don't know who is single or not and are afraid to approach in case they make a mistake.

found this out myself once when I approached a woman who was at the bar and just started talking when a fella started shouting at me for trying to chat up his wife.

He calmed down after a few seconds but it was an embarrassing situation to be in!

Lol I got a chuckle out of that, thanks :-P

banie01

fash wrote: »

demand for functional males goes up, supply dries up .

That's so romantic, my functionality is precisely how I want to be judged of I was on the market.

Tho it really does depend on what functionality is required?

I know it's a selective quote
Just trying to be a little light hearted...

Jimmy Bottlehead

leahyl wrote: »

When you say older... am I in the older bracket now at 34? :-( :-P

At this point, as I want children, I'd class 34 as on the outer region of my range as if you're talking even just two years before having a child (and that's short enough as is), she's 36 and the associated risks increase.

For me, it became an increasingly important factor while I was single.