Obese, and unable to conquer it.

LegacyUser

I need to lose c. 35kg in weight to be at anything approaching a healthy BMI. This week was particularly vicious as my school principal (I'm a teacher) brought me in to show me photos of myself which were put online with urls such as pornhub/bigtits (I'm male). Another photo was presumably much worse as he didn't show me it (nor do I wish to see it) but he said that student, unlike the other one, was immediately suspended. On a previous occasion, aside from remarks about my weight (particularly my chest), I arrived at my car to see a bra hanging from my driver's side window. I cannot, cannot, cannot conquer this. I have now had so many false dawns, so many hopeful starts and progress for weeks and even months for me to fall flat on my knees once again. Last year I spent c. €700 getting dietary help and I lost c. 10kg before I fell off the wagon. Back to square one, once more. And poorer. And less hopeful.

I've gone to see a surgeon about my gynecomastia (man boobs) and he said come back when I have reduced my weight to 100kg. That was @ 5 years ago. I have never been able to reach that magic number (I should be c. 82kg). I've gone to counselling but the counsellor's words of wisdom were "You know how to solve that, though; eat less than the energy you expend". I obviously know that but whatever escapism or mechanism I've developed to deal with tough times and setbacks keeps me self-sabotaging with food. I don't drink or smoke - indeed, both of those I gave up many years ago with surprising ease. This one, for some reason, has many more layers in my stupidthink.

How do people conquer the mental aspect of eating too much? Are there any specialists in Ireland who actually have longterm success in stopping this repeat cycle? I checked the informative Bodywhys website but it seems that the serious mental intervention wouldn't apply to me - I'm neither morbidly obese nor anorexic.

Nevertheless, this is ruling my life be it with my lack of energy, low self-esteem or recurrent putdowns. I'm 46 now with little kids who need a healthy dad and I don't even know where a very unfit man of my age would start in terms of exercise other than interval walking. I simply can't afford to break joints or whatever is broken at this age. Thank you in advance for any constructive help.

Big Bag of Chips

Would you consider getting the help of a personal trainer? Dieting itself has proven not to work for you, but maybe if you could have weekly sessions with someone who can help motivate you to move more. It can be very difficult to get yourself up but if you have someone to go with it's more difficult to back out.

You could start a Couch to 5k programme. Download an app. Parkrun happens all over the country on Saturday mornings. They are now encouraging people to come along to walk. It's free (you just need to register on their website) and it's timed. You're not in competition with anyone, but every week you can try to improve on your own time. Have you a friend or family member who would go along with you, or be able to go out with you a couple of times a week?

There's no point in patronising you with what you should be doing. You know it all. But it is a mindframe. You could, along with exercising during the week, join a group like Slimming World. I know a number of people (male and female) who had great success with it.

It's not impossible, and if you can make changes that are sustainable and you can see your progress that in itself can motivate you to keep going.

Try the Couch to 5K app. It's tough at the start but believe it or not once you get to about week 5 it gets easier!

Shelli2

I would highly recommend Slimming World.
It really helps change lifestyle, rather than a crash diet.
The group I go to has a good few men. Including one very inspiring man who lost 16.5 stone!

Dial Hard

Big Bag of Chips wrote:

Would you consider getting the help of a personal trainer? Dieting itself has proven not to work for you, but maybe if you could have weekly sessions with someone who can help motivate you to move more. It can be very difficult to get yourself up but if you have someone to go with it's more difficult to back out.

Unfortunately for the OP it's very unlikely he will ever be able to control his weight through exercise alone, let alone lose the amount he needs to. The very simple fact of the matter is that diet is vastly more important than exercise for weight control.

OP, you spent €700 last year on dietary help but did any of that address *why* you overeat as opposed to just what you eat??? I presume you went to a dietician and they armed you with all the relevant info about what to eat and why but have you ever been to counselling? CBT? There's clearly a huge mental aspect to your eating issues and until you unlock that all the calorie counting and C25k in the world isn't going to help.

Ursus Horribilis

I agree that you can't outrun a bad diet but maybe going to a personal trainer and becoming fitter and more active might help change the OP's mindset?

gavindublin

OP, not sure what part of the country you are.
If you want to contact me, I'd be glad to help you. It's a mix of what you've been told and know, but it's good to have someone beside you to help pull you through.

You can do this

dudara

A gentle reminder to all that the requesting of PMs is not allowed.

dudara

OP - based on my experience, losing weight is mostly about diet with exercise being a secondary component. But first and foremost, you have to truly want to lose the weight. If you can get to the root of that, you’ll have done a lot to set yourself up for success.

SirChenjin

Sorry to hear about what happened OP, that's truly vicious behaviour.

I agree with previous posters. It's the psychological side that really needs to be tackled first, to help you to understand why it is that you self sabotage when it comes to food. I don't know offhand what would be the best direction to go. You say you tried counselling, would you consider trying again?

As mentioned up thread, seeing a dietician would be helpful. Some hospitals, I believe, run weight management clinics, that might be an option worth exploring. A chat with your GP might be a good place to start with.

Start with something small meantime in terms of habit change, whether it's a daily walk or planning meals for the week ahead and so reducing the likelihood of eating stuff that isn't good for you.

Mind yourself.

Mike9832

Sometimes OP its not even your fault, it's your body out of whack

Guy working with me was in a similar position to you, he was a big guy, must have been 30kg over weight, tried every diet ( counting calories doesnt work, we all like to eat )

What he did is he went to his doc or some physician and got HRT treatment ( youtube it)

Basically his testorone levels were on the floor, low for a man and physician brought them up to higher levels

His energy went way up, he felt good all the time, was able to burn fat and put on muscle like a young man would, he looks great

Hes a changed man now

My advice would be go to a doc and look into HRT/TRT

Doc on about it here

https://youtu.be/15bVDoXRO64

Tell me how

Completely unqualified opinion here!

I suspect there are many different elements to this OP. Just 3 of these are listed below.

• Quality of food and portion size at meal times.
• Snacking
• Exercise

In terms of the first 1, could you get some help in pre-making meals and snacks so the quality is correct and the portion sizes are adequate? Doing so, once a week, say Saturday afternoon after shopping in the morning, may set you up for the following week and then you can do it again. This may make it easier to do your shopping so that you are buying the right things.
Similarly, preparing snacks might prevent eating too many or of the wrong type.
You could get advice from a nutritionist on the above (I know you mentioned working with one last year) and maybe get a friend or sibling to help and encourage you to get a good system of shopping/preparation/storage going.

The exercise (I think) should start by focusing on creating a habit of doing it, x amount frequently no matter how small x is until you're used to the thought of and practice of dedicating time to it and then you can increase the type and intensity, if you wish (I'm an advocate for cycling here as it is less stressful on hips and knee joints than running but whatever works for you is what is best).

Finally, I think that many people who struggle with their weight while trying to improve it do so because of comfort eating, something drives us to seek solace in something we know will give us a temporary pleasant feeling. This is much harder to understand and change and could be paradoxically to do with our weight, for example, which makes us feel bad, so we eat, to feel good, which makes us gain weight, which makes us feel bad, and so it continues. This may be something where continuing to work with the appropriate counsellor could help (but discussing you and your self confidence, in general, not, maybe, just you and your weight).

A family member had tremendous success with Motivation clinics some years ago. I'm not suggesting them as such (and they do cost a fair bit), but, if someone was able to offer you to be a weight of 100Kg tomorrow, with a better relationship with food, I imagine you would pay north of 10K for that so, spending money appropriately is not a bad thing in this respect.

One thing I do know, any quick fix or fad is unlikely to show long term gains.
If you managed to make sufficient changes, to just lose one pound per week, you'd lose 23.5Kg in one year!

Best of luck. It is both easy, and very very difficult.

The_Honeybadger

Diet is 80% of it. Slimming world seems to be s good programme that a lot of people find helpful. In terms of exercise gentle walking while working up to a better pace is probably the way to go until you are at a better weight. Couch to 5k while significantly overweight might do more harm than good.

In terms of the mental side you could speak to your doctor and see if counselling or CBT might be an option.

I hope it works out for you op and sorry to hear about the bullying you are experiencing it is utterly unforgivable and I am glad your principal is dealing with it.

2 fast

Motivation are excellent and worth a try. They help youtoovercpmethe reason we overeat/binge eat. Best of luck you're already half way there wanting to try so I believe you'll do it!

Aoife77

No advice but I see mother suffer the same way you do. Sorry to hear you're feeling low. I promise you the people who love you do not care in the slightest if it helps at all. Best of luck to you sir

silverharp

dont go down the exercise route, a "biggest loser" approach of eat less and more more tends to end in bigger weight gain in the end. wanting to get fit will be something you might want to do after you lose a lot of weight. Something like walking is good though to break up your routine and improve mood etc.

you really need a new way of eating that you will do for life, going on a diet for 6 months or a year will just put you on a cycle. if you are bored or not motivated by obsessive calorie counting or bland low fat diets , have a look into low carb, keto, or intermittent fasting where you eat in a smaller window 8 hours for example, even something like the Dr Michael Mosley 5:2 deit where you eat 600 calories 2 days a week and eat normally the other 5 because it can change your perspective about having to eat every 3 hours.

if you are a bit of a data geek get a blood sugar monitor and see how different food affects your blood sugar, you will be on a path to diabetes 2 and the sooner you turn it around the better.

Bunny Colvin

Have a read about Keto. The weight will fall off you and you're never hungry.

BrokenWingz

What happened to you is absolutely horrendous. I've been fighting this weight battle all of my life and strongly agree with the posts about food being the main issue. Exercise is wonderful and has great health benefits (both physical and mental) but without dealing with the food side as well it won't be the solution. Personally I find that keto combined with intermittent fasting helps me stay in control, I've also done a food-based CBT class (The Beck Diet Solution). I wouldn't dismiss Bodywhys entirely, I am neither morbidly obese nor anorexic myself but know that most of my issues with food are mental ones. It is a lifelong battle and I'm currently recovering after a week-long food binge, but I have the tools to return to my "personal normal" way of eating and really hope you can find the ones that will work for you.

Yeah..ketosis..read up on it..fast for a day or two.. watch your diet..

never_mind

I’m not going to get knot a big debate about Keto. It’s great for initial weight loss but it’s hard to keep that up.

You should def consider Slimming World. It is really structured and focuses on healthy eating that keeps you full. You are allowed treats ( a man gets 25 ‘syns’ which is actually a good bit - a good bit of chocolate and crips!!). I have yo-yoed myself a good bit.

Start small. Small changes make big difference. eat leaner meats, eat more fruit, drink more water, drink less beer and more vodka lol, take low fat milk/ cheese, whole meal bread in moderation... etc. Really you just need to plan your week. I find making a big one pot of healthy spaghetti Bol for a week sets me straight. Then just have healthier lunches. Salads with low fat dressing, lots of crunchy apple etc.

Re exercise I think the C25k might be a bit much. I’m sure there are apps for walking and going for a short 20 minute walk a day would see big improvements. The weight will fall off initially but might slow down the smaller you get.

If I can do it (someone who lives their pints and chocolate) no one can. I’ve one stone more to go to target and then I’m done. Get on it today and go shopping and eat healthy food for a week x

cannotlogin

I think you need to start with your mind set first. You seem like a very together, logic person so can you get to the point where you believe you can lose just 1 pound a week and that it won't require a significant change to do so, just some small tweaks to your diet.

It's like anything in life, how do you save €50k, how do you run a half marathon, build a house etc. Start small and build it up gradually. Often times, the overall goal seems too big tackle and puts enormous pressure on us, but by making it more realistic and incorporating smaller goals, it becomes more possible.

True enough, you can't out exercise a poor diet, but if an hour walking is going to be a hour less spent mindlessly eating, then it will also be of benefit.

Download the fitness pal app, it will help you be more aware of calorie consumption.For me, it means that I was aware of when I was exceeding the daily allowance and made better choices as a result..

Also which do you think will work better for you, reducing the amount of what you eat or eating the same quantity but better quality food, i.e. more veg etc. I know the second option works better for me.

It is possible. Many people have lost significant amounts of weight. There are so many examples of this so while it may seem like mission impossible, it's not. But it will take time, there is no immediate solution, but focus on marginal improvements instead of overnight success.

Good luck with it. Won't be easy but will be worth it.

Even at only 1lb a week, you achieve your goal in less than a year and a half. Commit to doing just one pound only with everything else as a bonus. Fitness pal will calculate it all for you, you just have to input the info). You can refine it in a few months if you wish too.

The other thing to look out for is what triggers your biggest eating binges, is it boredom, stres etc and find another way to address these things - reading, listening to music, call a friend etc

blarb

Hi OP, I'd echo the Slimming World recommendations - the programme is easy to follow, you can eat as much as you like of pretty regular home-cooked foods, and the app and group are great for picking up tips for making better choices on the snacks and stuff. And I've found the group support there is really helpful and inspiring. I know how tough it can be to start but I've tried a lot of stuff and Slimming World is the only one that worked for me where I didn't feel I was depriving myself of anything!

If you do decide to give it a shot - I'd say just give it your all for a couple of weeks and you might be pleasantly surprised at the results. The men especially, (at least in the groups I've been to) seemed to find the weight slid off them! Worth a shot In fact I've been meaning to go back to SW as I've put on a few lbs and I think I just convinced myself lol

GreeBo

OP at your weight (110KG+ based on the numbers in your post) I wouldn't advise trying to go jogging or even walking for long distances, its going to play hell on your joints and as you said yourself, you don't want to end up injured during this, not to mention heart issues.
I presume you have spoken to a GP to determine if you should exercise?

I think the easiest way is to "simply" eat less, but for me that doesnt mean skipping means, just that when you do eat, eat less.

Portion control was already mentioned above, I think thats they key, at least until you get to a weight when you can safely increase the calories you are burning through exercise.
Set yourself an attainable long term goal, not a target weight but a "lose X every month" approach and make X something realistic so you dont get disheartened and pack it in.

Btw I'm not advocating that you keep eating crappy food if you do today, but if you are going to keep eating it, eat less than you do today. Something as simple as buying smaller plates can help with this, a big, half empty plate will defeat your brain before you even start eating whereas a full small one wont.

Best of luck

xi5yvm0owc1s2b

OP, I'm sorry to hear about those incidents with the online photos and the bra. It's bad enough being overweight, but being the brunt of malicious teenagers' jokes is naturally making it much worse.

About the weight issues itself -- you repeatedly say that you can't do anything about this, and you seem to be on a hunt for the right nutritionist or specialist who can solve the problem for you. Be aware that the hunt for the right expert can itself be a form of procrastination.

You can do something about this. Don't worry about exercise right now. Talk to your GP about how many calories you should consume to lose around 2 lbs a week. Then, just do it. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your little kids.

A key goal should not only be to reduce the number of calories you eat, but to change what you eat. Say goodbye to sugary and fatty foods. No more sweets, cake, biscuits, takeaways, sugary drinks, etc.

"Cutting down" on these things is almost always temporary. You just need to stop eating them, cold turkey, and stick at it for a few weeks until the cravings diminish and the weight starts to come off.

You can change. Just keep telling yourself that. It's within your ability to do this.

Keep a food journal, be honest about it, record everything, and show it to your wife every night.

Exercise is great, but you can lose weight without it. Diet is by far the most important thing.

Ursus Horribilis

Cycling or those elliptical machines would be easier on the joints though? I wholeheartedly agree that diet is key to losing weight. I've heard the joke that the only personal trainer most people need is the one to snatch your hand away when you try to eat a bar of chocolate. I don't think going to a personal trainer is a bad idea per se. Especially if you've got into the bad habit of barely moving in the evenings once you get home and eating out of boredom/loneliness/bad habit. If you come home after a workout and feel good about it, you might feel a bit less likely to reach for the junk food.

Having said all that, I agree with the others who recommend the likes of Slimming World and Weight Watchers. Most people who've put on significant weight are going to struggle to lose it again without help. I know several people who swear by it and enjoy going along to their group meetings.

Another option is to try some sort of therapy and try to get to the root of why you comfort yourself with food. Everyone who has weight problems knows the theory of how to lose it. Putting it into action and not self sabotaging is the hard bit. I hope you manage to lose your weight. I can't even begin to imagine how devastated you must be over what happened. There are some really awful people out there.

ginandtonicsky

Laylah Broad Canvas wrote: »

Be aware that the hunt for the right expert can itself be a form of procrastination.

This. This is a key symptom to people who binge eat / emotional eat. The need to find the "perfect" program or nutritionist or weight loss plan or gym or whatever. Trying to go from coach potato to Mo Farah. Not being able to start until you've drawn up the ultimate plan and "failing" on the first day because no-one goes from black to white overnight.

OP - really sorry for what you're going through. The public humiliation must be so painful. My one piece advice to you is this: baby steps. Do one thing tomorrow that you didn't do today. And do that for a few weeks.

What's always amazing to me is how ready and willing our bodies are to be healthy and to do the best thing to promote fitness and vitality when we stop and give them a chance. Don't overthink it. Download some of your favourite songs on spotify or a few podcasts and get out for a 20 minute walk every day after school. Replace mindless snacking and binge eating with that. The next time you've had a stressful day and are ready to reach for the snacks - throw on your runners and out the door you go instead.

You'd be surprised how quickly that can replace your negative coping mechanisms and really change your day. And it can be a domino effect from there. You don't feel like trashing your body with garbage food so you cook a healthy stir fry instead, etc etc. One step at a time.

If you're like me and can't be in the same room as sugary food, put a household ban on the stuff. Don't buy it, don't let your wife buy it, keep to treats to the weekend. It will benefit all the family. Sugar and junk foods are addictive, some research says they're worse than crack, but a few weeks without them and you'll really realise how much better you feel when you stick to healthier stuff.

Don't overthink this stuff. And STOP telling yourself you can't do it. You absolutely can. This stuff isn't rocket science, it's simply about finding healthier crutches in life. Counselling can be good, but it's not mandatory. It's about re-programming your brain, knowing what your triggers are and finding better ways to cope with your emotions. The first few weeks may involve white knuckling, but after that you get used to making better choices for yourself and it becomes a way of life.

Best of luck. Tunnel vision now, put the blinkers on to any of the negativity, whether it's external or in your own head. Treat it like it's your job to live a healthier life (because it is - this isn't just about you anymore). Find that one thing and start tomorrow.

Calibos

Intermittent and Multi-day water fasting. Head over to r/fasting on reddit and start asking questions and reading testimonials.

Watch this series of Videos by Dr Jason Fung to begin with

https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=the+aetiology+of+obesity

LegacyUser

Well, if you're thinking you can't do it, you won't.

The first thing you need to change is your mental outlook - is it going to be bloody hard? Yes! Is it impossible? No! You can do it. You gave up cigs for God's sake! Of course you can do it.

I found the following helpful when I was trying to lose weight:
1. Reduce portion sizes.
2. Cook and bake as much as you can yourself. You can cut out a lot of sugar and other additives when you do it yourself.
3. Swap to dark chocolate - you'll eat less.
4. PLAN FOR THE WEEK! I'm putting that in capitals because it will stop you from getting takeaways when you have your meals planned. I got Joe Wicks 15 minute meals books - the meals are quick, easy, and healthy.
5. Speak to your GP about what exercises you can do. Do them every day!

You need willpower. Think of willpower as a muscle - if you use it every day it will get stronger. You need to be tough with yourself, OP. It is a cop out to say that you can't. Everyone has it within themselves to change, to say you can't is an excuse so you don't have to. Real change is not easy, it's actually horribly difficult, but doable!

You don't have to change everything all at once. Start with one thing e.g. maybe no takeaways, then move on to swapping sweets for healthier snacks (which can still be nice by the way).

You have to think of it as a life style change though. Not a diet, not a quick fix, but a total lifestyle makeover.

lyinghere

How often are you moving during the day? Do you know. Starting simple like making sure you are getting 10,000 steps per day at a good pace might be all the exercise you need to start with.

Do you know how many calories you are taking in per day. I’m not really into calorie counting long term however I have found that using apps like “my fitness pal” for even two weeks can give you perspective and you can work out if you are regularly in a calorie surplus. If you are you can work on ways to improve this - this shouldn’t mean feeling hungry - just better use of calories with more filling foods.

I would start with these simple tasks to find out more information.

I follow some really good people that have lost lots of weight using very simple techniques in instagram.

https://instagram.com/trishas.transformation?utm_source=ig_profile_share&igshid=1nuxjip3twap6




https://instagram.com/steves_weight_loss?utm_source=ig_profile_share&igshid=gh95tailx6e4

dellas1979

I think there is a big difference though to being an ejit about what you eat/careless about your diet (a weekend of netflix and pizza binge, off on hols and stuff your face) and eating constantly for comfort/distress.

I think from what he wrote, he would probably be comfort/distress.

So "eat this and change that" simply isnt going to work, because the issue is probably emotional.

I would suggest you go back to your GP and ask to see a specialist dealing with emotional eating.

You have to do this yourself OP. And you can do it!

Xterminator

Hi Op

there's been lots of good advice in this thread. I think what you said has struck a chord with a lot of people.

I would like to add that i got a fitness tracker for christmas. I have become very aware of how many steps a day i take, and it give me the motivation to get up and walk in the evenings when i would probably have sat by the TV. Its one simple step that has made a small differnce for me.

Another tip already given was to cook from scratch and i second that advice. If you can learn a handful of meals which can be easily cooked, and then ensure you have the right ingredients in your press for them. If time is tight in the evening you could prepare a couple of meal at the weekend and store them. We are not talking green salads here. Just cooking from scratch not using ready meals, or store sauces etc.

Also when shopping if you don't buy the biscuits/crisps and they are not in your press then you avoid the impulse of just grabbing a couple when your in the kitchen.

woodchuck

I've gone to counselling but the counsellor's words of wisdom were "You know how to solve that, though; eat less than the energy you expend".

I think you should try another counsellor.

You obviously know what needs to be done. But I think you need to explore the reasons why you haven't succeeded. It sounds like emotional eating is definitely a factor, so I think a (decent) counsellor could help with this.

SusieBlue

Forget about the end goal for awhile. I know you've probably heard this before but stop building this into a huge monumental sacrifice to be made and start looking at it as a lifestyle change.
No wonder you are struggling, the panic must set in each time you think about the huge number of kg you need to shift and you probably think what's even the point.
Its making you miserable & the pressure you are putting yourself under isn't helping.

Forget about counting calories & keto and all the rest.
You need to make this as straightforward as possible for yourself.
Try to cook from scratch as much as possible. Half your plate should be made up of veggies.
Eat until you are full and satisfied, and then stop. If you are hungry again awhile later, fill up on lean meat, fruit, greek yoghurt, etc. Avoid processed food as much as possible.
Don't force yourself to starve because you are on a "diet" because that's what inevitably causes you to fall off the wagon. Eat when you are hungry & stop when you are full.

Start walking more, short distances even.
When you've built up your confidence a little, would you consider starting gentle exercise like swimming? I know you might be self conscious but its easy on the joints and very good for your heart & respiratory system, as well as burning calories.

I think the biggest thing you need to face up to is that you aren't going to be successful until you truly commit & want this.
I'm not judging - I've been over weight myself, tried every crash diet going & failed.
I failed continuously for about 2 years of being miserable until I was in the right frame of mind to make changes.
And I did it as above, I ate healthily, controlled portions, & never restricted myself if I was genuinely hungry, so as to avoid binges.
Eventually, when better habits had been instilled & I lost the bulk of the weight (about 2 stone) I started calorie counting, because I had a better relationship with food.

Only you can make these positive changes. You can do this.
When I started personal training, my PT said something that really resonated with me, and really helped me make better choices.
He said, yeah its tough missing out on pizza & crisps, its tough finding the energy for the gym after a long day at work, and its tough having to miss a few social occasions because you aren't drinking.
But its even tougher looking in the mirror every day and not being happy with what you see. And I think he's right.
Choose your "tough".

Definitely go to counselling as well, you need to get to the root of why your relationship with food is like this. The right therapist will equip you with coping strategies if emotional binging is what your problem is.

Best of luck OP, you can do this.

B0jangles

I lost a good bit of weight in the last couple of years and one really easy thing I did was install a pedometer app on my phone - it took about 2 minutes and since then I've gone from walking 'a bit' to walking 7+ miles a day - at this point I get restless if I stay sitting around for more than half an a hour or so A side effect of taking more casual exercise is you have less opportunity to snack - if you tend to eat when you're bored it can really help to just keep moving.

Good luck - I know it's tough, but it really can be done.

valoren

You're a teacher so you are a goal oriented type of person. I would recommend you keep a diary/spreadsheet of your weight every three days, that you weigh yourself at the same time of day and keep track of it consistently, you can see what your highest loss in 3 days has been, what your average 3 day loss is etc.
Consistent should be your new favorite word. Consistent notes, consistent exercise, consistent clean eating. With consistency you eventually develop healthier habits and something like taking a 5km walk isn't an ordeal but becomes a pleasure without you even thinking about it.

Another help is visualize your weight loss. Do you have one of those airport baggage weight hooks? You can use a plastic bag and fill it up until it shows you what weight you've lost. Arbitrary concepts like a pound, a kilo and a stone when shown as something tangible can become very motivational. You hear people moan about only losing 3 pounds but put three pounds weight in their hand and it's heft is tangible. You are looking to lose the weight equivalent of 2 16kg kettlebells. If you can, go to a sports shop that sell these. Pick one up, be careful as they are heavy, and imagine what it will feel like, how easier it will be to go about your day without having to carry the weight of two of those with you on your body. Other's have done it and there's no reason why you can't either. Always remember that.

You know the kind of foods you need to eat. The important thing is that it should be actual food, with the nutrition our bodies need and not processed junk which contains zero nutritional value. It's the rubbish junk that keeps the insulin in the blood trying to do it's job which is to reduce blood sugars. Eating nutritious food's prohibits insulin secretion and you can remain in a fat burning state. With insulin in the blood you can forget about accessing fat for energy, that's the crux of weight loss frustration. You think you've been eating well and you haven't lost any weight. Those one or three biscuits you might have after your healthy dinner being the culprit. When you abstain from the junk for a period of time you regain your taste buds and processed food starts to taste like, well, processed food

A combination of the above with consistent walking and the weight will drop. It won't happen over night but the progress you make will be inspiring.

Ellie2008

I don’t have any diet or exercise advice, but I just wanted to say fair play to you for how well you handled the awful teenagers are are tasked with teaching. I think that one day they’ll look back on what they did with the benefit of an adult brain & feel mortified. I’m glad your principal took action.

LegacyUser

OP people will offer all the usual advice on diet groups, trainers etc etc and thats fine, but I'm sure you've had it all said before. The treatment you've got from students is absolutely appalling and can I ask other than suspend that one student did the school actually do anything? Even if you find the right trainer/diet group etc etc it's not an instant fix. People spend years putting on weight and it takes years to take it off correctly, there is no quick fix. I worry that the abuse you are getting is going to damage what ever efforts you make to change. Your weight issues are your issues but peoples attitudes, especially students/kids can be particularly cruel about it. Often nothing is done because while the kids are wrong to make fun of someone its usually overlooked for fat people as it's your fault your fat mindset.

I would be speaking to your school principle about having workshops for the students on respect and anti-bullying not just in relation to weight issues but bullying in general. Your an adult so have the choice to leave and go get another job but what about overweight (or underweight, or too short, too tall, just weird) students who are being bullied and feel trapped. This isn't a 'its ok to be fat' speech, you know health wise it's not good to be overweight but mental health is just as important if not more so than physical. you need to be mentally in the right place to make life long changes. Honestly if I was getting that kind of abuse in work, I'd have quit long ago.

benneca1

Don't knock the keto diet on Jan 7th I WAS 115 kg as of today I am 86.5.
V low carbs no booze and combined with intermittent fasting. It can be done and is not so restrictive. It helps if you can cook and use keto substitutes for rice pasta bread and potatoes otherwise you eat pretty much as you like at meal times nothing in between and no sugary treats. If you google Jason Fung a Canadian doctor he gives the science behind it and all I can say is that it worked for me and wasn't too hard. Basically his theory is that obesity is caused by insulin imbalance and if you keep insulin low you find it easier to eat less and lose weight.

RHJ

I don't know why everyone continually goes on about keto. It is not a magic solution to everyone's problems.

The best success I had with a diet was a plant-based diet with whole grains what will really help you feel full is having plenty of fibre. One simple meal that was filling although not very exciting was spinach with peas and lemon juice.

This is one of my favourite recipe books because all of the recipes are simple and cheap to make.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Girl-Called-Jack-delicious-recipes/dp/0718178947/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?keywords=jack+monroe&qid=1557362619&s=gateway&sprefix=jack+mon&sr=8-2

And also

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Vegan-One-Pound-Meals-budget-friendly/dp/1472263723/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?keywords=one+pound+vegan&qid=1557362720&s=gateway&sprefix=one+pound&sr=8-1

SuperS54

benneca1 wrote: »

Don't knock the keto diet on Jan 7th I WAS 115 kg as of today I am 86.5.
V low carbs no booze and combined with intermittent fasting. It can be done and is not so restrictive. It helps if you can cook and use keto substitutes for rice pasta bread and potatoes otherwise you eat pretty much as you like at meal times nothing in between and no sugary treats. If you google Jason Fung a Canadian doctor he gives the science behind it and all I can say is that it worked for me and wasn't too hard. Basically his theory is that obesity is caused by insulin imbalance and if you keep insulin low you find it easier to eat less and lose weight.

That sounds impressive, no idea if it is sustainable but am about the same weight with a similar goal, do you mind sharing more details?

KikiLaRue

I would recommend going to six meetings of Overeaters Anonymous to try and get to the bottom of why you eat as you do.

thisistough

There’s loads of great practical advice here OP and I think that finding healthy recipes and exercises is relatively easy now.


The motivation, or more keeping the motivation going, is the element that can be more of a challenge for long term change and seeing actual results. Talking to someone professional would probably be a good idea to get to the root of the weight issues, but someone like a life coach could help with practical solutions with new daily challenges affecting your motivation and keep you going through those slumps while you figure out the underlying element.

I found when losing a large amount of weight that I did virtually no exercise and it was all down to diet. I did walk everywhere though. If you’re driving to work is it an option to park further from work and walk (this would also prevent any vandalism of your car). You could increase the distance gradually and your eventual goal could be walking to work a few days a week (depending on the distance)

Best of luck OP, you sound like a nice you and no one deserves to be bullied. I think that the school would be reacting more strongly of the behaviour were being directed toward another student and it may be worth pointing out that you deserve the same respect.



Tl;dr Maybe try a life coach/personal coach

JustAThought

Who does the shopping and cooking in your house and where do you eat lunch at work - do you bring in your own or eat from a canteen? If you can participate in a programme like weightwatchers or slimmjng world they really focus you by teaching you what to eat & how much to eat - something you are never taught at home or at school. You'd be shocked at what a normal portion size should be and no doubt if what you write is true you do not have this knowledge in olace or are not taking responsibility for owning and controlling it.make your own lunches & seperate dinners - your wife has enough to be managing with 3 kids. If you can get the whole family eating the same dinners sll the better but that might be hard with kids. Find a local or commutable weightwatchers or slimming world group and take courage and join it and follow their routines/instructions. You will see results immediately and stick with it. Start this week and by next week you will have lost weight. Intellectualising with surgery snd bodywhys and the like is all very well but unless you start you will not have success. Weightwatchers works. Find the courage & just do it. Start this week and stick to it. No excuses.

Sleepy

I'm down nearly 10 kilos since February 1st just using the free version of the MyFitnessPal app. Once my calories for the day are used up, I stop eating until morning and if I have a bad weekend (family over, a stag do etc) once a month or so, I don't beat myself up over it. At first, I'd frequently find myself out of calories early in the evening but as I've progressed, I've included more healthy meals and snacks into my diet to stop that from happening.

I'd tried the same app a few years back but got nowhere as it was pretty tedious trying to find the right calorie counts for foods but as their user-base has grown, the data behind it has improved to the point where you can even use a bar-code scanner to track your calories from packaged food!

TBH, I reckon the diet aspect of most programmes like Weight Watchers / Slimming World are little different aside from the group aspect which helps some and hinders others.

Richard Hillman

As said before, Portion sizes. Your stomach is elastic. I notice if I eat big for a couple of days then I'm not as full when I eat regularly after it. Takes a few days to return to normal. The less you eat, the more it will reduce.

Cardio. Nobody likes it when you are unfit but it's the only way to lose fat. Run in parks at night time, how you're not self conscious about people watching. 5 laps of a football pitch is 1.5km. Run the length of football pitches and walk the ends.

Get a pedometer. It will guilt trip you into getting your steps done for the day. Forget 10,000 at the moment. Try 5,000, it's actually not as much as you think.

Don't weigh yourself at different times of the day. It has to be the same time. The only consistent time you can weight yourself is when you get out of bed because you have little in your stomach and are dehydrated.

KikiLaRue

I think a lot of the diet and exercise is well meaning but misguided.

OP has access to the internet and already knows what he needs to know about weight loss/ has access to more than enough info.

What he needs to get a grip of is the psychology behind why he eats as he does. A few people have suggested therapy, that might help.

You have to get to the root of the problem. Then you can do the diets and exercise and probably see more success.

.......

OP first of all I want to say that you ARE able to conquer being obese - you just need to find out what works for you.

There is a ton of information out there on healthy eating and exercise (a ton in this thread alone!), but thats not the problem. If that was the problem we wouldnt have an obesity epidemic.

I firmly believe obesity is more of a mental problem than a physical one. If you can find out why you always overeat then you can figure out how to fix it.

I knew a lady once who ended up having gastric band surgery after 4 decades of obesity. She said she had never ever been able to lose weight, been fat since childhood. After the surgery she lost all the excess weight and the last time I saw her she was waiting on a surgery to remove excess skin. What she told me has always stuck with me. In the aftermath of the surgery she COULDNT eat except for teeny amounts measured out like medicine. It was then that she hit rock bottom and was not able to reach for her usual support - food. She was miserable, in pain, bored, upset, hating herself etc..

But something unlocked in her brain and she realised that she had been "using" food rather than just "eating". She said that there was no reason why she couldnt have seen this before the surgery - but she just couldnt. And once it was clear to her, she excelled at her post surgery goals and beyond. By the end of it she said that she had never needed the surgery, except she did need it because it unlocked the truth for her. A physical operation unlocked a mental clarity - or something like that anyway.

A trained professional, a good one, who is experienced in this area, should be able to help you reach this clarity where you can understand why you eat as you do and how not to.

silverharp

that might say more about going the bariatric route where change is kind of forced on the person . A key part of this is getting little wins and turning them into bigger ones over time, not eating a bag of Doritos today can turn into lots of good things 6, 9, 12 months from now all built on discipline and daily or weekly successes. Wiring someone's teeth shut or stapling someone's stomach deprives the person of "winning" on their own account.
At the moment for this person its going to be a constant cycle of negatives, bored, eat, lack of self esteem, rinse and repeat. The main thing really is that the person finds a way forward that's motivating , losing weight shouldn't feel like a grind, it can be a positive experience

.......

silverharp wrote: »

that might say more about going the bariatric route where change is kind of forced on the person .

Oh absolutely - and to be clear, gastric band surgery does not work for everyone. It fails for some people the same way other methods work for some and fail for others.

The point I was trying to make (badly obviously) was that it was a mindset reset she actually needed - and in her particular case it came from the surgery (yes it was forced on her), but it is possible that that mindset reset could be achieved from another source - hence recommending a trained professional.

Diet and exercise come after the mental shift necessary to lose weight IMO.

jester77

Baby steps OP, baby steps. Don't try changing your whole lifestyle in one go. That never works. Forget about all these silly "diets". They never work and just make you miserable.

Just take 1 thing and change it, stick with it for some time. Then introduce another change once the first becomes habit. You need to gently change your lifestyle over time.

For example, are you getting proper sleep? If not work on that until you have it sorted.

Do you drink enough water? If you are drinking a lot of sugary drinks, replace with water. You can add fresh lemon, mint, lime, etc to the water to help if needed.

Do you drive/take the bus to places? Park a little further away, get off a stop earlier and walk the rest. Build it up over time.

Look at your diet and be honest. Learn about eating healthy and find foods you like. No point cooking something you don't enjoy. There are lots of health options out there that taste good.

Introduce some of those type of changes over a few months and you will notice change. Take a photo today and put it over the mirror. Then take a photo every few weeks and you will see change. Forget the weighing scales as well, actually throw it out if you have one.

Best of luck and keep plugging away.

RhubarbCrumble

Hi OP, I see a few people here have mentioned Slimming World. I've never been myself, but have a relative who lost over 10 stone after joining. She had tried pretty much every diet over the years and said that Slimming World was the only 'diet' she did where she never felt hungry or as though she was missing out on food. She went from just over 20 stone (at 5"3') to just under 10 stone and about 4 years later, has kept most of it off. There were quite a few men in her group too, so please don't worry that if you joined that you'd be the only man there. That would be very unlikely.

I'm sorry about the abuse you've received in your job. Kids/teenagers can be downright nasty and cruel.

santana75

Op obsessive eating is physiological and psychological. You have to tackle the problem in both of those ways. If you just focus on the physical you might lose weight temporarily but then little by little, almost imperceptively, you'll fall back into old habits. Its why contestants on The biggest loser all gain back the weight, and more, shortly after the show ends. You need to figure out why you eat the way you eat, become very self aware. Food can be a crutch which people will use under the Guise of Being a "foody" when in truth they are medicating themselves with what they eat. If you're obese then I'd venture to guess that theres a lot going on beneath the surface and facing it will be painful. But thats exactly what you need to do in order to permanently get yourself out of this hole. Theres no other way out other than right through all that discomfort. The exercise and diet are in the mix aswell. I mean if you walk into your local supermarket with open eyes you'll see just how things are laid out. The high sugar stuff is stacked near the door and checkouts. The healthy stuff is off down the back in a corner. And its usually pricey compared to the cheapness of junk food. Thats no accident, neither is it an accident that these foods are loaded with sugar, saturated fat and salt. Theyre designed that way to get you addicted. And thats what happens to a lot of people, they literally become hooked on processed foods. Think about it, when was the last time you heard about a person who was addicted to vegetables? Doesn't happen because vegetables are directly from nature and nature knows whats best for your body. Junk food has a profound effect on your physiology, more so than you might think. It hits your brain and body to the point where you believe that you need these foods. But you dont and you never did.
Op nobody can do this for you, its your ship and you have to sail it. Theres no "Expert" who has the answers for you, unfortunately you are the only one who can get yourself out of this. Which may sound scary but its actually liberating when you know that you have the power to do this. And you do, even though you may not see it right now, you have. First thing is to get yourself off processed food. The more junk you eat the more you'll want to eat. Thats how its designed. But the less junk you eat the less you'll want to eat it and crave it. Your body will start to re-calibrate itself. But break the cycle first and foremost. Cut back until you reach the point where your diet is mostly natural. While youre doing this emotional stuff will come up and you will be tempted to medicate those feelings with food. This is where you have to decide whether or not you want to live healthy and happy or continue the way youre going to an early grave. Which is what will happen. Theres no two ways about it, being obese will ultimately kill you. But while its doing that it'll make you miserable aswell. And thats no way to live. Get yourself off processed food and go from there.

Mike9832

benneca1 wrote: »

Don't knock the keto diet on Jan 7th I WAS 115 kg as of today I am 86.5.
V low carbs no booze and combined with intermittent fasting. It can be done and is not so restrictive. It helps if you can cook and use keto substitutes for rice pasta bread and potatoes otherwise you eat pretty much as you like at meal times nothing in between and no sugary treats. If you google Jason Fung a Canadian doctor he gives the science behind it and all I can say is that it worked for me and wasn't too hard. Basically his theory is that obesity is caused by insulin imbalance and if you keep insulin low you find it easier to eat less and lose weight.

Any diet that says you can never eat X, is doomed to fail imo

Who want's to live rest of life without pasta

I know I couldn't

Obesity in men in general in my experience is hormonal, lots of older men are walking around with low level's of testosterone