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What's the etiquette here??

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    #9212
    Slideways
    Registered Users Posts: 2,003 ✭✭✭Slideways


    Was out at a house party and pulled a vintage specimen. Now some reckon and old wan closing is as good as a young wan opening. This dolly was about late 40s, what some round these parts describe as a prawn. Pull the head off and just keep the body.


    She brought me back to her place and after a few too many VB cans we made the beast of two backs. Afterwards she hoped up and I hear the shower running. Decided I would join her in my less than sober state. In I went to the bathroom, my flute already at half mast, well what I saw knocked any horn off me fairly rapid like.


    There she was, legs spread and her pissing like a racehorse in the shower while lathering up with what smelled like Rafox. She must have been on the Beroccas before she went out as it looked like a council man’s jacket. Flourescent yellow.


    Luckily she had her back facing me. It sobered me right up. Scarpered rapidly. Think I’ll stick to the younger models from now on.



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    #9213
    Bobson Dugnutt
    Registered Users Posts: 1,468 ✭✭✭Bobson Dugnutt


    I’d imagine you were messaging her a week later when full of cooking lager. Getting the horn thinking about it, and making the decision that you’d rather be up to the seam of your sack in her than listening to Warren and Bruce talk shïte about their divorce and work.

    100 dollars in a taxi only to get no answer at the door.

    We’ve all been there pal.



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    #9214
    Hotblack Desiato
    Registered Users Posts: 34,271 ✭✭✭✭Hotblack Desiato


    Me mate clambered up the roof from the shed, and laid an egg down the chimney.

    Was the fire lit at the time? Could be a recipe for 'roasted nuts', or smoked at least...

    Fingal County Council are certainly not competent to be making decisions about the most important piece of infrastructure on the island. They need to stick to badly designed cycle lanes and deciding on whether Mrs Murphy can have her kitchen extension.



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    #9215
    Grouptherapy
    Registered Users Posts: 113 ✭✭Grouptherapy


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121441742#Comment_121441742

    Reminds of a one in work a few years ago that some called Kronenbourg. Looked 16 from the back but 64 from the front.



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    #9216
    JIdontknow
    Registered Users Posts: 723 ✭✭✭JIdontknow


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121441872#Comment_121441872

    "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire"



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    #9217
    You the man
    Registered Users Posts: 110 ✭✭You the man


    Indeed it was lit. But the client laying the egg wasn't perched too long. A master at $hit n run...



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    #9218
    tikka16751
    Registered Users Posts: 239 ✭✭tikka16751


    I had a bleachy one there this morning after the breakfast.



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    #9219
    Floppybits
    Registered Users Posts: 7,560 ✭✭✭Floppybits


    I haven't been well the last few days and today is the first I have felt like using the facilities. It had been a few days but haven't eaten much so I thought this won't be a big one, just something to get the system going again. It felt like one of those fast clean ones that leave no trail. Then I looked in the bowl and it was huge, practically climbing out to get me. Took 2 flushes to go but not much on cleaning though. It was great to be back though.



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    #9220
    Bobson Dugnutt
    Registered Users Posts: 1,468 ✭✭✭Bobson Dugnutt


    Almost a ghostie there by the sounds of it. Some health freaks say they occur fairly regularly but for us mere mortals who like the odd gallon of porter or a sneaky kebab at lunchtime then you can expect only one or two in your lifetime.



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    #9221
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121441872#Comment_121441872

    May be into something here - in Iceland they smoke lamb over sheep dung in a smouldering fire.



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    #9222
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121441536#Comment_121441536

    Yeah I know, but it’s the nearest I’ll get, I’ll be down the coast, not in Cancun, Mayan ruins in grounds of where I’m staying.



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    #9223
    Brendan Bendar
    Registered Users Posts: 19,163 ✭✭✭✭Brendan Bendar


    Aah I understand probably the El Rey area…. Excellent examples of the Mayan culture there .



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    #9224
    spacetweek
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators Posts: 4,979 Mod ✭✭✭✭spacetweek


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121441290#Comment_121441290

    "Och - a ned shat down the chimney" might be the most Scottish thing I've ever read.



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    #9225
    Hotblack Desiato
    Registered Users Posts: 34,271 ✭✭✭✭Hotblack Desiato


    Just one example of "things that are easier in a kilt"

    Fingal County Council are certainly not competent to be making decisions about the most important piece of infrastructure on the island. They need to stick to badly designed cycle lanes and deciding on whether Mrs Murphy can have her kitchen extension.



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    #9226
    tikka16751
    Registered Users Posts: 239 ✭✭tikka16751


    I’m going to have to give in and have a apres midnight drop off. Not turtle heading but could be touch and go if I keep it in and herself wants the dawn shot in the morning.



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    #9227
    Hotblack Desiato
    Registered Users Posts: 34,271 ✭✭✭✭Hotblack Desiato


    My rectum is playing games lately, you can fairly guarantee that 10 mins before a work Teams meeting it starts acting up and within 3 mins of H-Hour the irresistible force meets the rather quite movable objects, but there's never enough time to complete the job and the paperwork.

    "Sorry I was late for the meeting, I was having a shite"

    At least when WFH it's my own jacks. When I'm in the office there's nary a peep... is shy rectum a thing?

    The other great thing about WFH is being able to, as the great man Benjamin Franklin wrote in perhaps his finest work, "Fart Proudly". Just have to remember to mute the mic first. 1 or 2 days a week the mrs is WFH at the other end of the table from me, bonus points if she's on a call when I let rip

    Post edited by Hotblack Desiato on

    Fingal County Council are certainly not competent to be making decisions about the most important piece of infrastructure on the island. They need to stick to badly designed cycle lanes and deciding on whether Mrs Murphy can have her kitchen extension.



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    #9228
    Hotblack Desiato
    Registered Users Posts: 34,271 ✭✭✭✭Hotblack Desiato


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121441411#Comment_121441411

    If they do heavy-duty bags better stock up before you go.

    Post edited by Boards.ie: Paul on

    Fingal County Council are certainly not competent to be making decisions about the most important piece of infrastructure on the island. They need to stick to badly designed cycle lanes and deciding on whether Mrs Murphy can have her kitchen extension.



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    #9229
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121447831#Comment_121447831

    The beauty of it is that sans colon I can eat challenging stuff without issue, the issues of overload are overeating anything or consuming a lot of liquid. My first meal served to me out of hospital after the big op was an authentic Vindaloo curry (created by my cousin who was brought up in India) trimmings, with a glass of beer, not a problem 😁



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    #9230
    Hotblack Desiato
    Registered Users Posts: 34,271 ✭✭✭✭Hotblack Desiato


    Hottest curry I've ever had was a Vindaloo in Lanzarote, went in thinking it'd be a doddle (the waiter did try to warn me) and I fairly struggled but got there in the end 😉 of course the next day it extracted a little bit of revenge on me, not sure if people with your type of plumbing get that? Vindaloos in Ireland I've had weren't a patch on this thing

    Reminds me of this sketch

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H-uEx_hEXAM&pp=ygUbdGhlIGJsYW5kZXN0IHRoaW5nIHlvdSBoYXZl


    Fingal County Council are certainly not competent to be making decisions about the most important piece of infrastructure on the island. They need to stick to badly designed cycle lanes and deciding on whether Mrs Murphy can have her kitchen extension.



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    #9231
    You the man
    Registered Users Posts: 110 ✭✭You the man


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121447824#Comment_121447824

    Well, if the last part of your story was good enough for Kimi Raikkonen, it'll do us all...



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    #9232
    Hotblack Desiato
    Registered Users Posts: 34,271 ✭✭✭✭Hotblack Desiato


    Not sure what incident you're referring to? Searching for 'kimi raikkonen toilet' reveals that he once repaired the jacks on the Ferrari team bus, and also caught Daniel Ricciardo using the ladies toilet (tsk) but that's pretty much it.

    Fingal County Council are certainly not competent to be making decisions about the most important piece of infrastructure on the island. They need to stick to badly designed cycle lanes and deciding on whether Mrs Murphy can have her kitchen extension.



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    #9233
    You the man
    Registered Users Posts: 110 ✭✭You the man



    Mind you I could get banned for that link so search for Kimi Raikkonen and Martin Brundle 😁.


    Link removed.



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    #9234
    tikka16751
    Registered Users Posts: 239 ✭✭tikka16751


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121447824#Comment_121447824

    Can you arouse your rectum?



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    #9235
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121449690#Comment_121449690

    My removal & ileostomy plumbing is utterly simple. In it goes, out it comes almost identical but coloured brown cos of bile:chemical reaction. Drink a nice few cups of good strong coffee, an hour or two later a perfect clean unadulterated coffee brew the far end. I put a good strong vindaloo, output 2-8 hours later a smooth clean curry paste. The only malodour will be in the unemptied overnight bag where bacteria have decomposed. The small intestine has few enough bacteria, so output is pretty clean/neutral and sometimes even appetising! 😁



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    #9236
    Bobson Dugnutt
    Registered Users Posts: 1,468 ✭✭✭Bobson Dugnutt


    image.jpeg

    . .



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    #9237
    spacetweek
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators Posts: 4,979 Mod ✭✭✭✭spacetweek


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121451295#Comment_121451295

    If your food comes out undigested then how are you getting sustenance?

    Post edited by Boards.ie: Paul on


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    #9238
    Bobson Dugnutt
    Registered Users Posts: 1,468 ✭✭✭Bobson Dugnutt


    image.jpeg

    2?!? No wonder there are so many angry and bound-up contributors to this website. If you’d told me 2 was the average in Norn Iron then I might have believed you.



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    #9239
    StevenToast
    Registered Users Posts: 3,409 ✭✭✭StevenToast


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121468077#Comment_121468077

    So the average Italian has nearly 8 shìts a day?

    Just like so many of your posts Doc, that map is highly questionable....

    I average 1 dump a day....

    "Don't piss down my back and tell me it's raining." - Fletcher



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    #9240
    EmmetSpiceland
    Registered Users Posts: 10,601 ✭✭✭✭EmmetSpiceland


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121468099#Comment_121468099

    Can’t be enjoyable.

    “It is not blood that makes you Irish but a willingness to be part of the Irish nation” - Thomas Davis



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    #9241
    Hotblack Desiato
    Registered Users Posts: 34,271 ✭✭✭✭Hotblack Desiato


    Well it's no wonder productivity in France, Germany and Spain is falling.

    Fingal County Council are certainly not competent to be making decisions about the most important piece of infrastructure on the island. They need to stick to badly designed cycle lanes and deciding on whether Mrs Murphy can have her kitchen extension.



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