What's the etiquette here??

I had to change up my breakfast diet, switching from Dunnes brand Fruit and Fibre cereal to natural yogurt with fruit, nuts and honey. The difference is unbelievable!! I’m no longer farting 1200 times a day like I used to after the Fruit n’ Fibre and I’m now pooping like clockwork. Nice smooth solid ones too, not the horrid sludge I used to pass when on the cereal. I’ll never go back to eating that again.

And in Feb you'll need another truck to bring the empties back...

Can crusher? That'll cost you 15c a pop. Anything at all to punish home drinkers...

Had a very potent combination of pale ale, white wine, Guinness, oysters, fried haddock and chips, and a cheeseboard last night.

Very pungent movement just there. It also stuck to the sides with gusto, the piss power washer couldn’t move, nor could the frankly useless flush (thanks evironuts). Ended up having to take the new Joseph Joseph toilet brush to it. Good squirt of Mountain Fresh Domestos as well.

Don’t think it’s going to be the last visit to the small room today either.

Pie and mash, jellied eels, 10 pints of Pride, and a fumble in the dark in Eros in Soho isn’t important company business, dude.

Hmm … surprised you ‘wiped’ before your shower Sgt. Didn’t get into the shower and ‘swipe the credit card’ as it were?

Save on paper like?

Shower should accommodate any ensuing turd bullet.. no?

Two turds with one stone, as it were.

I’m sure most people here would have had similar experiences

there was rumblings of discontent from my work mates the last several days...the shitehouse yapper made a return,frig this says i,cant have peoples bit of workplace peace disturbed,going to cure this fcukhead once and for all...took a few days before it fell into place perfectly...on good advice from this very thread i first downloaded fart noises on to the phone,located the bottle of fart spray(nasty nasty stuff!!!) and dipped into our fire and emergency press for one of those chemical fire masks/goggle/breather combos(do security so we have this training) and waited...yesterday morning got the green light...here he comes,phone clamped to his head,making a beeline for the crapper"yapyapyap fintan yapyappityyap fantastic yapyap" gave him a minute,followed him in,checked to make sure nobody else was in there,mask on,fart noises on loop,volume up to 11 and released several large doses of the spray..."oh fock,fintan,its not me!!the smell,ooooh fock fintan i swear,im not in the traps!!!oooooh!!!!" heard his phone drop,loud coughing and gacking as i left,held my breath,took off the breathing gear discreetly and left the area,receptionist and one of the lads reported that he crawled out,still gacking and sputtering,muttering about peoples diet,minus the phone looking more then dishevelled,got reception to order a taxi and hasnt been seen or heard from since...a good mornings work i think and peace has been returned to the jacks

Dial a Sh1t..

Well, needs must.

I recall a mate who didn't get on with an individual who lived in a bungalow that had an adjacent shed on the roadside.

Me mate clambered up the roof from the shed, and laid an egg down the chimney.

Glenroe would have been on the box at the time the foreign object lodged in the 'slack'.

Imagine the scene there with all the family gathered round...

**True story btw.

I can't quite put my finger on the exact culprit but whichever dinner item it was, it took a spite filled revenge on my asshole( and the toilet bowl) about two hours after downing it.

What came out in one large quickfire splat, followed by three less rapid ones, resembled something that would be hurled by a trebuchet in medieval times to scald invaders.

All it was short was the flames.

Fair play Baba Y.

Was treated to a meal the other evening. Had a curry in a nice Indian establishment. Not something I often eat and on the encouragement of the host I had a not too spicy number. Enjoyed it I must say, and washed down with a few bottles of Cobra. Then in to a hostelry a few doors down for another couple. Good night without doing the dog.

A little rough the next morning and the weapons grade farts heralded a visit to the traps. Dropped what felt like 2kg of military green midden. New man after it though.

I was tempted to give Ringsend a courtesy call but the last mail reply I received from them more or less said- We got this GT... Only usual cause for concern was major concerts, sporting events or Holy days. Everything else was just 'normal rhythm of business'. Anyone who has had dealings with Irish water (Uisce Eireann these days) will know they love the corporate speak. Their policy documents are a real w-anchors bingo of buzz words.

Oh, I'm well aware of that from years of viewing here.

I was afraid my story wouldn't be up to scratch .

Carry on!

Ah, the sunday sport.

A highly regarded publication.

Class 👏

Hope its not Cancun, not really Mexico