What's the etiquette here??

Larbre34

There is nothing worse.

Nothing.

Larbre34

Things just took a dark turn.

Dark brown.

EmmetSpiceland

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119662738#Comment_119662738

Unseemly and not in the “spirit” of the thread.

spacetweek

I didn't get the bit about "went to dairy". Is that a metaphor for something?

Larbre34

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119662969#Comment_119662969

Yes, its a metaphor for predictive text.

I dread to think what was actually intended.

Nevin Parsnipp

MMM ....think I will change the conversation to the time I took a **** in The Pecker Dunne's banjo over in Doolin.

Jest to lighten things up...like ...

Ever use a butt plug yourself, Nevin? Maybe to spice things up in the bedroom?

Count Dracula

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119664244#Comment_119664244

You should have made your missus do the same.

Count Dracula

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119664505#Comment_119664505

I can see why your missus is ramming an Aubergine up where it won't be eaten, the pooer woman. I hope you at least brought her out for dinner and paid for her trip to Ann Summers?

Ye fhilty bolleex.

https://youtu.be/YBsPOHKOU7c

Top class video.

Grouptherapy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119658852#Comment_119658852

That's been discussed here before - getting caught suddenly, so to speak, after a shower and sitting on the throne wet. Only trumped imho by the discomfort of having to get out of bed to log out, and climbing back in after with a hot hole.

Had 8 cans of Guinness on Friday night and 8 cans of Beamish on Saturday night. Fry as well on the Sunday, and a Chinese takeaway (I’d rather eat my own shoes) on Saturday.

I’m absolutely fücking toxic today - all the windows open, and following the advice to keep away from a naked flame.

Doing a clear out in the house at the moment, and found a can of tinned pears. Just finished them off with some of the syrup as well. Believe it takes about an hour to kick off?

Oh it was much quicker than that…… 😵‍💫

Grouptherapy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119666798#Comment_119666798

Tinned Pears on top of all that! Like living on the edge don't you!? Scorched earth.

Sgt Hartman

I made my own homemade Greek pork gyros yesterday with pitta bread, tzatziki, mixed leaves and chips. This was followed by 3 cans of strong Polish beer and a shot of Kilbeggan Black whiskey. I've been suffering all day as a result. Extremely hot molten sludge has been pouring out of my ring at regular intervals since 5.30am this morning. It has a malodorous bang of burning rubber, tomato ketchup and hydrochloric acid off of it. To make things worse, it's still repeating on me today with every burp I make tasting like strong spice :(

Larbre34

Well I mean, you were asking for trouble there...

Larbre34

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119666338#Comment_119666338

Merciful hour, I've never been caught that short that I've had to hit the throne while still dripping wet.

Honestly if the Sheriff's badge was twitching that badly I'd let it go in the shower and deal with the consequences. A shoot first, ask questions later approach, if you will.

Grouptherapy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119668243#Comment_119668243

I'd thread carefully there L34. Showers have (should have) a trapped outlet. Could take considerable sluicing to clean up that environmental catastrophe and get rid of any cling-ons.

More experienced posters may come along with tips and advice however.

Brendan Bendar

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119669552#Comment_119669552

Hmmm…..

Difficult situation to tackle .

Was in the shower the other morning and was on the one leg ‘swiping the credit card’ vigorously.

Encountered a thick nest of arse raisins- solid fcukers well ‘ bet in’ and difficult to dislodge, like the current bumper crop of blackberries in the hedgerows.

Anyway the hot water loosened the ‘ clag’ and they dropped like dead flies on the shower floor.

Trick is to have a good tight cover on the water outlet, nothing that mini arse beads can get through.

Then wait till they ‘bake out’ naturally and get the missus up with the brush and scoop to collect them.

Job done….. hope that helps.

PS

Tip of the hairdryer on them if too slow to firm up.

Suggest a mask if that procedure is needed.

Count Dracula

Bender, if I might add, it is always a good idea to heat up your dangle berries before attempting your initial swipe of the card.

I actually am in favour of cracking out the sponge or nail scrubber, especially if I have been warming a bar stool for the previous 36 hours. I find the abrasion on my cheeks from intense eroding, from my more tenacious clingons, can be spectacularly painful of a morning. It does my hangover no favours at all.

Nothing worse than the schting of a hard pellet ripping the hairs off the cheeks of a well soiled arse.

On the downside, I do quite enjoy the friction a decent dangle berry can ingratiate a proper itchy hole with. So cleaning such natural devices off the badge and surrounding area does leave me with the predicament of having to use a more swiveling motion during my early morning team beatings.

Everything has an opportunity cost these days, even my hole now polarizes opinion.

Sgt Hartman

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119671813#Comment_119671813

I think I threw up in my mouth a little reading that. Honestly though, yourself and Dr Phibes should start a podcast and have a different Boardsie on each week as a guest 😆

You could always shave the crack hairs to prevent the auld "men in the rigging" from building up. I had a back, sack and crack job done myself a while back. The disadvantage of no crack hair however is that the friction of both cheeks rubbing together can cause severe ire, and this is only compounded by the unbearable itch caused by the hair starting to grow back.

Brendan Bendar

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119673288#Comment_119673288

Good call Count, however I would caution against heating the winnitts as it ,I find, it spreads the load ,and in a well clagged hole can contaminate a large area like a melted bag of chocolate buttons.

I accept the recalcitrant dangleberry or arse raisin can be very annoying but a vigorous swiping in the hot shower its usually a cleaner more contained event.

If it’s a major problem then maybe it’s time to call in the waxers.

Brendan Bendar

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119674494#Comment_119674494

Good advice Sgt. as you can now see I offered the same advice but you certainly outlined the downsides very succinctly.

As an aside I’d never take any kind of a brush to the rusty rivet, lad I knew used the skid cleaning brush regularly for the procedure and the results would not be suitable to describe on this respectable thread.

Count Dracula

I was forced to use the skid brush several times over a few months after an injury to my lower back.

Once you get over the marketing, branding and usage content, it makes for a fantastic back scrubber and terrifies clingons, arse pelletts and dangle berries the world over.

I have one hanging out of the shower funnel ever since, life is just one big long sacrifice of lateral thinking.

I call her " the big wipe".

Cookie_Monster

Jasus lads, drying nuggets out in the shower and so on, what? Do ye have pressure problems or something. If ya get caught in the shower just aim the shower head at it and break it down, no probs at all.

If having real trouble, disassemble the shower head and remove the restrictor.

EmmetSpiceland

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119674494#Comment_119674494

One thing to watch out for after a crack wax is the higher decibel gas release. Without that “muffler” there’s no noise cancellation. Each one will loud but proud, even the deadly ones.

Nowhere to hide.

Slideways

I stayed in a pals house not so long ago and there was one of the loffa things on a rope in the shower. His mrs is fierce fond of the feminine touches like that around the place.

Had some cray fish the night before against my better judgement and there was some consequences form it.

The loofa thing got right in there and cleaned it out right and good. Grand job really, might get one for the home place now

Know of a lad who headed off on a fancy spa weekend with his girlfriend at the time. One of the treatments was a seaweed bath - two baths side by side.

He’d had a bottle and a half of red wine the night before, and was feeling very ropey. Hopped into the bath anyway, and soon felt the brown bus calling into the terminus. Was trying to clench, but then a piece of slippery seaweed tickled his badge and he gouted out a few pints of foul scutter into the bath.

No getting away with that, and the relationship was over only 10 minutes later, along with an extra charge on the bill for commercial cleaning.

AckwelFoley

Had a particularly pungent episode this morning in work. Job done, celanup reasonable. Back to desk.

My co worker who is usually tuned in to my "trips to the office" and will usually approach the toilet door like a bomb disposal team carefully cracking open the door to see if there's dangerous whaft emanating from the scene

He must having marital problems because he wasn't thinking this morning, he didnt perform his usual due diligence. He just walked straight in, and was slapped right into the face with my ass gas.

I know straight away I almost claimed a life. Because down the hall I could hear "uuugh he got me, he got me" followed by a dry reaching sound x 3

dubstepper

I had a terrible incident with an ex girlfriend. She invited me back to get busy for our first time. I was stripping down when I felt some rumbles below. I told her I needed to nip to the jacks and for her to wait in bed. Had been unwell a couple of days so knew there could be trouble.

Got on the bowl and extruded a foot long cable into it. Thing was breaching the water line like Nessy. No chance for flush to get rid. Had to mash the b*stard away over a couple of flushes. Talk about a passion killer.