What's the etiquette here??

NeinNeinNein

Emmet, on a serious note that sounds like a 'shot across the bow'.

I'd start watching UTV if I were you.

EmmetSpiceland

Voodoomelon wrote: »

Twisted ball by the sound of things, which managed to undo itself. I know several men who had to have their ball surgically "unwound" if you will, its a serious condition. Not to say that's what happened you, but both lads I know were resting when it happened.

Jesus, that makes for sober reading. I don’t think anything twisted, the pain was dead on the “South Pole” of the left nut.

DellyBelly wrote: »

I know this is a bit of a funny thrad however that sounds like something serious. Does testicular cancer run in your family? What you describe is something similar to a family member of mine who after going to the doctor after a few weeks of pain was diagnossed wit hit..I'd get myself checked out if i were you

Thanks for your genuine concern, if I do get any future pain I’ll be sure to get get it looked at. No lumps, out of the ordinary, and no discomfort since the initial “spike” so, fingers crossed, it was just one of those things.

Andreas77 wrote: »

Was there pressure applied to your package while you were snoozing emmet? Did you have your legs one over the other. A testicle can become squeezed between two thighs, imagine a marble, rolled around on a painted concrete floor, with a brick weighing 6lbs, that grating sound, the small chips in the glasswork, same can happen to the protective covering surrounding your testicle

No, A. It was when I sat down. Now, maybe whatever way I sat caught the ball in a position that caused the “strings” it’s attached to to pull back. I don’t know to be honest but I do hope I haven’t done any damage to the ball “casing”.

Hotblack Desiato wrote: »

He should chop 'em both off himself to be on the safe side.

OTOH maybe his gusset got bet up into his sack when he sat down?

Very possible, although I’m wearing boxer briefs. Things might have gotten caught and then “pulled”, as I said above.

NeinNeinNein wrote: »

Emmet, on a serious note that sounds like a 'shot across the bow'.

I'd start watching UTV if I were you.

I have Sky digital, it’s a pain in the, I’ll say it, bollocks getting UTV and ITV on the screen.

Thank you all for your posts of support and, indeed, humour. It’s great to see such comradery in these divisive times. I know “International Men’s Day” was on the 19th but, honestly, it feels like it’s every day in here.

Lady’s thoughts and opinions are also welcomed and appreciated, should go without saying though.

Andreas77

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

No, A. It was when I sat down. Now, maybe whatever way I sat caught the ball in a position that caused the “strings” it’s attached to to pull back. I don’t know to be honest but I do hope I haven’t done any damage to the ball “casing”.

You tried keyholes? They cradle the sack, to provide support. More comfortable, and a better look for men still concerned of his appearance. Can I ask if you have bruising on your testicle, as this is a sign of a contusion, the tunic can become torn with meat-like substances released from the capsule

Brendan Bendar

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

I see poor old Pintman Paddy Losty has fallen foul of the Boards authorities and is currently languishing in prison. Don’t drop the soap, Paddy!!

A man who suffered terribly with loose bowel movements by all accounts.

Will be a big loss to this important thread John, best stay away from
Politics of any kind on this forum John, as I well know.

Hope it’s a fairly short ban though, lot worse than poor Pintman around these here parts.

Hope he doesn’t have to ‘slop out’ would need the barbie tongs and slotted spoon to shift the usual evacuations from him, proper dreadnaughts covered in glazed treacle.

Hector Savage

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Bit drastic there, J. I’m fairly confident that “Lou Gehrig’s Disease” doesn’t start in the balls.

My main fear was ending up with one of those giant swollen bollocks like you’d seen in a Channel 4 “special”. That lad with the ten stone testicle got that from a injury endured while he was asleep and it just kept swelling.

Thankfully, the pain went, there was no, obvious, “swelling” and it hasn’t reoccurred. Hopefully, I’ll get the chance to sort things out later on. Be good to do that while the Jo Scott image is still fresh in my mind.

How the **** did he let it get to weigh 10 STONE!!??

EmmetSpiceland

Andreas77 wrote: »

You tried keyholes? They cradle the sack, to provide support. More comfortable, and a better look for men still concerned of his appearance. Can I ask if you have bruising on your testicle, as this is a sign of a contusion, the tunic can become torn with meat-like substances released from the capsule

Which ones are “keyholes”, A. I usually go for the snugger fit “hipster” ones. No buttons. I prefer the side-slip access as I found my “member” was pushing out with the button ones whenever it got “excited”.

There’s no bruising from what I can tell. Gave it a good “going over” in the shower this morning. No flaps or tears, thank good. No “loose meat” either.

Hector Savage wrote: »

How the **** did he let it get to weigh 10 STONE!!??

He injured himself in his sleep and whatever fluid buildup occurred it just kept going. It was a tragic show but it was hard to look away. Yer man would just be sitting there with his arms resting on his massive ball bag.

He didn’t have any insurance so no doctor would perform the necessary surgery. Eventually one doctor had the balls to do it, after the surgery he got the sack.

Think yer man wasn’t happy with the size of his “Johnson” after, he remembered it being much bigger but it had been enveloped in testicle sack for years.

Brendan Bendar

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Which ones are “keyholes”, A. I usually go for the snugger fit “hipster” ones. No buttons. I prefer the side-slip access as I found my “member” was pushing out with the button ones whenever it got “excited”.

There’s no bruising from what I can tell. Gave it a good “going over” in the shower this morning. No flaps or tears, thank good. No “loose meat” either.



He injured himself in his sleep and whatever fluid buildup occurred it just kept going. It was a tragic show but it was hard to look away. Yer man would just be sitting there with his arms resting on his massive ball bag.

He didn’t have any insurance so no doctor would perform the necessary surgery. Eventually one doctor had the balls to do it, after the surgery he got the sack.

Think yer man wasn’t happy with the size of his “Johnson” after, he remembered it being much bigger but it had been enveloped in testicle sack for years.

Those stupid ones where the ‘Little Drummer Boy’ exits usually from the left front door.

Don’t go near them lad if you are a golfer.

I was playing in Druids Glen back in July and it was wet and drizzly.

Well wrapped in wetgear and it was a bit chilly too. Needed the latrine around the fourth hole but as we were being ‘pushed ‘ by the tubes behind us held off till the 11 th and dashed into the bushes hoping for a quick hose and away.

Couldn’t get near the snagger, tried thru the wet gear, through the strides, where is the fhhurking hole for the guy to get liberated. Couldn’t find the aperture in the skiddies and at this stage it was 100% N2 compressor pressure.

Blew the lot in a contained explosion..... but paid for the experience afterwards when the water got cold.

Never again.

Andreas77

Brendan, which undergarments you prefer?

JohnnyFlash

Andreas77 wrote: »

Brendan, which undergarments you prefer?

I’d say Brendan is strictly a briefs sort of guy. 6 for a tenner in Guineys sort of dude.

Hotblack Desiato

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

He didn’t have any insurance so no doctor would perform the necessary surgery. Eventually one doctor had the balls to do it, after the surgery he got the sack.

:pac:

........

Glad I'm not into the golf - a good walk spoiled as they say. Sounds pretty risky with these lads shitting in the bushes and/or pissing themselves. Aul lads in the changing room with a hairdryer pointed at their hole. It must be true what they're saying about the average age of golfers going through the roof.

JohnnyFlash

Golf is a good way to get away from the wife and kids for a few hours. And to drink on a Saturday afternoon. It’s also a handy excuse if you’re having an affair and need to disappear for a few hours to ride your mistress.

Hotblack Desiato

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

It’s also a handy excuse if you’re having an affair and need to disappear for a few hours to ride your mistress.

Golfers don't make great lovers, they're always trying to do it in the least number of strokes.

padd b1975

Silly Gilly wrote: »

Brendan Bendar?

A scurrilous accusation against a regular patron of The Boilerhouse "gentleman's sauna and social club".

Lewis_Benson

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

I see poor old Pintman Paddy Losty has fallen foul of the Boards authorities and is currently languishing in prison. Don’t drop the soap, Paddy!!

A man who suffered terribly with loose bowel movements by all accounts.

Poor paddy,
I ventured into prison for a gawk.
I'd say he'll be back soon enough.

tgdaly

Hotblack Desiato wrote: »

Golfers don't make great lovers, they're always trying to do it in the least number of strokes.

Great for having a **** though

Nevin Parsnipp

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

I see poor old Pintman Paddy Losty has fallen foul of the Boards authorities and is currently languishing in prison. Don’t drop the soap, Paddy!!

A man who suffered terribly with loose bowel movements by all accounts.

No sympathy for the kernt ...sent me a vile abusive personal message which was completely out of order .

Printed it out and used it to transport a massive steaming ****e to the pan.

Only right ....

JohnnyFlash

Nevin Parsnipp wrote: »

No sympathy for the kernt ...sent me a vile abusive personal message which was completely out of order .

Printed it out and used it to transport a massive steaming ****e to the pan.

Only right ....

Bad tempered sort alright, Nevin. Must have had some issues with ‘bell bloom’.

You seem strangely sober for this hour of the night - you off the sherry?

Nevin Parsnipp

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Bad tempered sort alright, Nevin. Must have had some issues with ‘bell bloom’.

You seem strangely sober for this hour of the night - you off the sherry?

Not a Sherry "Man" my friend ...occasionally take a nice dark PORT with a dash of Brandy ....

Spool out an interesting shade of OCHRE in the morn I would suspect

Sharp MZ700

See your man over in the Work Problems forum whinging cos of the water mains being down for two hours causing him some anguish. Claims he can't use the Jax the useless kernt.
Oftentimes left a steamer in the pot slow cooking where I'd have been watching a bout of National Geographic and the guilty conscience kicking in. Only thing I'd do is push the humpbacks under with the toilet brush, sometimes they'd surface again but at that stage I'd think "fair play, you're a fighter" and let them be.
Would love to tie the ballcocks in a few of the upper class cisterns in this country, might learn the Kernts some basic human fundamentals.

EmmetSpiceland

Sharp MZ700 wrote: »

Would love to tie the ballcocks in a few of the upper class cisterns in this country, might learn the Kernts some basic human fundamentals.

They’d save themselves a few quid, and be “greener”, if they stopped installing those weak “eco-flushes” and just put a brick, or two, into the cistern of a solid Armitage Shanks or Shires.

There wouldn’t be a need for 3 to 4 flushes to clear a moderate “load” either. It’s a disgrace, S.

Sharp MZ700

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

They’d save themselves a few quid, and be “greener”, if they stopped installing those weak “eco-flushes” and just put a brick, or two, into the cistern of a solid Armitage Shanks or Shires.

There wouldn’t be a need for 3 to 4 flushes to clear a moderate “load” either. It’s a disgrace, S.

That there divides the classes Emmet, seems the wealthier you are, the more you have to pump.

The toilet handle. Take that away from them they're stumped. What does one do with one's free time then huh? Up to the top shelf sniff the line and jump into the bath, shìt themselves there again.

Sorry E, that lad has stirred something in me never knew I had.

Brendan Bendar

Sharp MZ700 wrote: »

That there divides the classes Emmet, seems the wealthier you are, the more you have to pump.

The toilet handle. Take that away from them they're stumped. What does one do with one's free time then huh? Up to the top shelf sniff the line and jump into the bath, shìt themselves there again.

Sorry E, that lad has stirred something in me never knew I had.

It’s the richer food Mr S. Top o the range cuts of meat, loads of sauce, and maybe a fcuking cheeseboard after the trifle, that coupled with little walking or exercise cause the build up in the cackpipe.

Result is the churns get bound up and have to slip in a ‘suppy’ to get the load moving.

Leave logs like a horses head after them.. check out Fitzwilliam there on Appian Way.

Bullocks

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

It’s the richer food Mr S. Top o the range cuts of meat, loads of sauce, and maybe a fcuking cheeseboard after the trifle, that coupled with little walking or exercise cause the build up in the cackpipe.

Result is the churns get bound up and have to slip in a ‘suppy’ to get the load moving.

Leave logs like a horses head after them.. check out Fitzwilliam there on Appian Way.

Sex, red wine and pheasant is how the other crowd live . Dogs would drop a less vile lump of muck than people on that diet .

Omackeral

Bobblehats

Nevin Parsnipp wrote: »

No sympathy for the kernt ...sent me a vile abusive personal message which was completely out of order .

Printed it out and used it to transport a massive steaming ****e to the pan.

Only right ....

You could have used it as a mat for a feed of pints. Last I heard Maureen tried to throw a six pack over the wall but it got caught up in in the mesh and just hangs there; tantalisingly out of reach

EmmetSpiceland

Hector Savage wrote: »

How the **** did he let it get to weigh 10 STONE!!??

There’s a show on TLC now called “Dan’s 80lbs Testicle”, not sure if there’s a +1 but check it out if you can.

The height of tragic comedy.

Hector Savage

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

There’s a show on TLC now called “Dan’s 80lbs Testicle”, not sure if there’s a +1 but check it out if you can.

The height of tragic comedy.

Im afraid to google that at work ...

in other news - the Pintman has had his ban reduced.

Posters like him make this site worth visiting, it's a good move to have him back.

Sharp MZ700

Never heard of this Pintman lad, is he something akin to a phantom shïtter?

Utter Consternation

Hit double digit pints of porter on Friday night. I'm still farting after it. One would have thought at this stage that the ill effects would have 'blown over' so to speak.

Utter Consternation

I had a fairly thunderous sh1te there, delivered a payload of 64 kilograms of highly enriched uranium-235 into the jacks. Minimal paperwork required, but i did have to bring the brush into action. Never pleasant.

I didn't have a full clear out since Friday, think it must have been the de-hydration. I drank two litres water of before lunch, that got things moving.

I feel like a new man.

#blessed