Anyone else enjoy being single?

Jester232

Jester232 wrote: »

What about the things you need to do when you don't want to do them?

Like say, picking someone up at the airport when you'd rather be lying down watching a series or something?

Those are the types of things that I prefer when single. I don't have any worries about anyone having any plans for me.

Tonight I'll watch the football. If I want to walk up the town at half time for a bag of chips, I can do it. I don't need to tell anyone I'm going, I don't need to offer to get anything for anyone. Just pure freedom.

People often say "relationships are about compromise". Being single there is none.

but the joys of having a partner drop you off to the airport , or pick you back up , don't underestimate that - it works both ways

I've 3 airport trips this month and its hassle parking car, buses up to terminal, delays waiting for bus on the return trip when you're tired etc etc. I'd love to have someone drop me off at 5am and pick me up at midnight!

Widdershins

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

I don't disagree but the trick there is finding said women.

And there are women out there thinking the same about men. I'm very happy to poke around old ruins by myself but I'd say it would be nice with someone I liked.

lainey_d_123

Jester232 wrote: »

What about the things you need to do when you don't want to do them?

Like say, picking someone up at the airport when you'd rather be lying down watching a series or something?

Those are the types of things that I prefer when single. I don't have any worries about anyone having any plans for me.

Tonight I'll watch the football. If I want to walk up the town at half time for a bag of chips, I can do it. I don't need to tell anyone I'm going, I don't need to offer to get anything for anyone. Just pure freedom.

People often say "relationships are about compromise". Being single there is none.

Well, you just sound really selfish, tbh.

There's a difference between not being joined at the hip and not picking someone you love up from the airport so you can watch TV or asking someone if they want a bag of chips being some great burden for you.

Probably better all around that you're happy being single.

jimgoose

Jester232 wrote: »

...If I want to walk up the town at half time for a bag of chips, I can do it. I don't need to tell anyone I'm going, I don't need to offer to get anything for anyone. Just pure freedom...

The Dude abides.

Jester232

Tell me how wrote: »

By the same rational, there is no companionship, support, synergy when you are single.
For most people, the benefits of these outweigh the negatives of having to compromise in some ways.

You can have companionship.

Support? True, I have none. But that's fine because I rely on nobody for anything.

Jester232

Deleted User wrote: »

but the joys of having a partner drop you off to the airport , or pick you back up , don't underestimate that - it works both ways

I've 3 airport trips this month and its hassle parking car, buses up to terminal, delays waiting for bus on the return trip when you're tired etc etc. I'd love to have someone drop me off at 5am and pick me up at midnight!

That works for you which is great.

I suppose the saying "you don't miss what you never had" is apt. I've been independent all my adult life, never relying on anyone for anything so things like taking a short bus to the airport doesn't bother me or I never wish I had someone to drop me there.

Jester232

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

Well, you just sound really selfish, tbh.

There's a difference between not being joined at the hip and not picking someone you love up from the airport so you can watch TV or asking someone if they want a bag of chips being some great burden for you.

Probably better all around that you're happy being single.

Maybe I am selfish.

All the things I do for family and friends would probably disagree though. Maybe that's why I don't want a woman to take up the rest of my time.

I'm happy with the casual sex at weekends.

ginandtonicsky

Being single is great when life is on the up, you're relatively young with a good social network, strong family support, things going well at work, you're fit and with plenty of dating or quick-fling options etc. I know lots of people in their 30s who fit this description.

I don't really think I'd want to find myself single in 20/30 years though, when key family members have passed, friends are now preoccupied with their own families, my career has settled and not every second man who crosses my path wants something to do with me.

You can get used to doing things for yourself, table for one, sitting around in your underpants just because you can etc and in fact I think people who are long-term single can get TOO settled into their routines to the point where the notion of a relationship is a negative thing in their heads, an assault on their freedom or independence or whatever (no healthy relationship will ever make you feel that way btw)

But as humans we're designed for interaction and social and emotional intimacy, that's what differentiates us, and in my world, life is simply more pleasurable, rewarding and worthwhile when you share it with other people. A partner, a family, a wider social and familial network around that.

rob316

Jester232 wrote: »

What about the things you need to do when you don't want to do them?

Like say, picking someone up at the airport when you'd rather be lying down watching a series or something?

Those are the types of things that I prefer when single. I don't have any worries about anyone having any plans for me.

Tonight I'll watch the football. If I want to walk up the town at half time for a bag of chips, I can do it. I don't need to tell anyone I'm going, I don't need to offer to get anything for anyone. Just pure freedom.

People often say "relationships are about compromise". Being single there is none.

Ya its a lonely life though. Having someone outweighs all that.

Gimme A Pound

rob316 wrote: »

Ya its a lonely life though. Having someone outweighs all that.

It's not if you have plenty of friends and family around though. It's actually pretty great.

But yeah it would be lonely later in life.

Basically I'm echoing Ginandtonicsky's post just above. People who say they never ever want to be in a relationship don't appear to be considering the bigger picture. Although maybe they wouldn't mind being alone for all of their old years.

joe40

For me the three options in rank order are

1 In a good relationship

2 Been single

3 In a bad/poor relationship

lainey_d_123

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

Being single is great when life is on the up, you're relatively young with a good social network, strong family support, things going well at work, you're fit and with plenty of dating or quick-fling options etc. I know lots of people in their 30s who fit this description.

I don't really think I'd want to find myself single in 20/30 years though, when key family members have passed, friends are now preoccupied with their own families, my career has settled and not every second man who crosses my path wants something to do with me.

You can get used to doing things for yourself, table for one, sitting around in your underpants just because you can etc and in fact I think people who are long-term single can get TOO settled into their routines to the point where the notion of a relationship is a negative thing in their heads, an assault on their freedom or independence or whatever (no healthy relationship will ever make you feel that way btw)

But as humans we're designed for interaction and social and emotional intimacy, that's what differentiates us, and in my world, life is simply more pleasurable, rewarding and worthwhile when you share it with other people. A partner, a family, a wider social and familial network around that.

I was dating a guy for a while who I think is going to be very sad and lonely in later life. He was one of the commitment-phobes who didn't want to settle down so he could do what he wanted and have lots of casual sex. He's 37 now and still managing to pull hot girls in their twenties, but for how much longer? He's on the verge of becoming that sad middle-aged man who never grew up and can't form relationships that aren't superficial ones based on sex. His friends are starting to get married and have kids, the young women he chases will find him old and creepy and the women his age will be settled down with families. He doesn't seem to be able to understand that while it's great being single now, he won't have all those friends around him to do stuff with and endless casual sex options in 10 years.

B0jangles

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

I was dating a guy for a while who I think is going to be very sad and lonely in later life. He was one of the commitment-phobes who didn't want to settle down so he could do what he wanted and have lots of casual sex. He's 37 now and still managing to pull hot girls in their twenties, but for how much longer? He's on the verge of becoming that sad middle-aged man who never grew up and can't form relationships that aren't superficial ones based on sex. His friends are starting to get married and have kids, the young women he chases will find him old and creepy and the women his age will be settled down with families. He doesn't seem to be able to understand that while it's great being single now, he won't have all those friends around him to do stuff with and endless casual sex options in 10 years.

Eh... if that's who he is, that's who he is.

I don't think it would be great for anyone if he got into a long-term relationship just to avoid being alone. That kind of thing rarely ends well for either person. Who wants to be the spouse someone finally settled for because they couldn't cut it in the clubs anymore?

pgj2015

i met a married woman last weekend who was asking me was i married, was i seeing anyone, did i have kids etc I answered no to all questions. she seemed frustrated with my answers for some reason. just because you want to be settled with a spouse and kids doesn't mean everyone else does. to me the whole settled down with a family idea looks pretty boring to be honest.

EmmetSpiceland

pgj2015 wrote: »

i met a married woman last weekend who was asking me was i married, was i seeing anyone, did i have kids etc I answered no to all questions. she seemed frustrated with my answers for some reason. just because you want to be settled with a spouse and kids doesn't mean everyone else does. to me the whole settled down with a family idea looks pretty boring to be honest.

Unhappily married women, especially those with kids, always seem to want to get others to do the same as they’ve done. It’s like a cult.

If you’re in a long term relationship and not ready to make things legal keep your partner away from people like that.

lainey_d_123

B0jangles wrote: »

Eh... if that's who he is, that's who he is.

I don't think it would be great for anyone if he got into a long-term relationship just to avoid being alone. That kind of thing rarely ends well for either person. Who wants to be the spouse someone finally settled for because they couldn't cut it in the clubs anymore?

That's who he is because he currently has no incentive to be otherwise. He can be selfish and just see women for sex because he has those options now. He's been able to drag his twenties out into another decade because he's handsome and charming. Will be interesting to see how it pans out for him when he's 47. It's not about 'settling', it's about growing up and valuing people for reasons other than their looks.

lainey_d_123

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

That's who he is because he currently has no incentive to be otherwise. He can be selfish and just see women for sex because he has those options now. He's been able to drag his twenties out into another decade because he's handsome and charming. Will be interesting to see how it pans out for him when he's 47. It's not about 'settling', it's about growing up and valuing people for reasons other than their looks.

Are you maybe a bit hurt that things didn't work out between you both?

B0jangles

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

That's who he is because he currently has no incentive to be otherwise. He can be selfish and just see women for sex because he has those options now. He's been able to drag his twenties out into another decade because he's handsome and charming. Will be interesting to see how it pans out for him when he's 47. It's not about 'settling', it's about growing up and valuing people for reasons other than their looks.

Yeah, but he's 37; he's probably about as grown up as he's going to get. I get that you're probably a bit disappointed that he's like this but surely it's better to know that now than to be left hanging on for years hoping a person will change and always being let down?

Jester232

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

I was dating a guy for a while who I think is going to be very sad and lonely in later life. He was one of the commitment-phobes who didn't want to settle down so he could do what he wanted and have lots of casual sex. He's 37 now and still managing to pull hot girls in their twenties, but for how much longer? He's on the verge of becoming that sad middle-aged man who never grew up and can't form relationships that aren't superficial ones based on sex. His friends are starting to get married and have kids, the young women he chases will find him old and creepy and the women his age will be settled down with families. He doesn't seem to be able to understand that while it's great being single now, he won't have all those friends around him to do stuff with and endless casual sex options in 10 years.

Sounds like a bitter ex tbh.

There's no shortage of women of any age looking for casual sex. What makes you think he'll still want to be banging mid 20's women in his 50's?

You also called me probably selfish and it's better that I'm happy being single than be in a relationship with someone because I gave my opinion...

lainey_d_123

Jester232 wrote: »

Sounds like a bitter ex tbh.

There's no shortage of women of any age looking for casual sex. What makes you think he'll still want to be banging mid 20's women in his 50's?

You also called me probably selfish and it's better that I'm happy being single than be in a relationship with someone because I gave my opinion...

Not bitter at all. He's quite a toxic individual and I'm glad to be shut of him.

Did you miss the part where I said he likes to chase 20-somethings?

You do sound selfish, yes. That's my opinion. Saying it's nice to be single because you don't want to pick your partner up from the airport instead of watching TV sounds selfish. Didn't say being selfish was bad, I said it's good you're not trying to be in a relationship if that's your attitude.

lainey_d_123

Deleted User wrote: »

Are you maybe a bit hurt that things didn't work out between you both?

No. He's quite a toxic person and I'm much happier now he's no longer in my life. Last I heard he got someone pregnant during a one night stand and was threatening her when she was saying she didn't want an abortion. He has no respect for other people's needs whatsoever.

Sorry about that

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Unhappily married women, especially those with kids, always seem to want to get others to do the same as they’ve done. It’s like a cult.

If you’re in a long term relationship and not ready to make things legal keep your partner away from people like that.

No they don’t.

lainey_d_123

B0jangles wrote: »

Yeah, but he's 37; he's probably about as grown up as he's going to get. I get that you're probably a bit disappointed that he's like this but surely it's better to know that now than to be left hanging on for years hoping a person will change and always being let down?

Oh, this was ages ago. I still hear about him through mutual friends. I just think he's sad.

wyf437gn6btzue

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

I was dating a guy for a while who I think is going to be very sad and lonely in later life. He was one of the commitment-phobes who didn't want to settle down so he could do what he wanted and have lots of casual sex. He's 37 now and still managing to pull hot girls in their twenties, but for how much longer? He's on the verge of becoming that sad middle-aged man who never grew up and can't form relationships that aren't superficial ones based on sex. His friends are starting to get married and have kids, the young women he chases will find him old and creepy and the women his age will be settled down with families. He doesn't seem to be able to understand that while it's great being single now, he won't have all those friends around him to do stuff with and endless casual sex options in 10 years.

make hay while the sun shines

Gael23

I do kind of. But then I would like to have a child one day.
And then there ps finding motivation to clean the house when your alone

buried

A lot of ye up in here claiming to enjoy being single, it don't look to me like ye enjoy it at all at all.

Same for the rest of ye what are coupled up too..

What ye all want to be doing is pumping the electronic music what sounds like a computer $hitting itself up to 11.

Then errybody will enjoy errything

Widdershins

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

Being single is great when life is on the up, you're relatively young with a good social network, strong family support, things going well at work, you're fit and with plenty of dating or quick-fling options etc. I know lots of people in their 30s who fit this description.

I don't really think I'd want to find myself single in 20/30 years though, when key family members have passed, friends are now preoccupied with their own families, my career has settled and not every second man who crosses my path wants something to do with me.

You can get used to doing things for yourself, table for one, sitting around in your underpants just because you can etc and in fact I think people who are long-term single can get TOO settled into their routines to the point where the notion of a relationship is a negative thing in their heads, an assault on their freedom or independence or whatever (no healthy relationship will ever make you feel that way btw)

But as humans we're designed for interaction and social and emotional intimacy, that's what differentiates us, and in my world, life is simply more pleasurable, rewarding and worthwhile when you share it with other people. A partner, a family, a wider social and familial network around that.

There are female versions. He might be afraid of loss.

Woke Hogan

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

I was dating a guy for a while who I think is going to be very sad and lonely in later life. He was one of the commitment-phobes who didn't want to settle down so he could do what he wanted and have lots of casual sex. He's 37 now and still managing to pull hot girls in their twenties, but for how much longer? He's on the verge of becoming that sad middle-aged man who never grew up and can't form relationships that aren't superficial ones based on sex. His friends are starting to get married and have kids, the young women he chases will find him old and creepy and the women his age will be settled down with families. He doesn't seem to be able to understand that while it's great being single now, he won't have all those friends around him to do stuff with and endless casual sex options in 10 years.

He sounds very happy with himself to me to be honest

EmmetSpiceland

Woke Hogan wrote: »

He sounds very happy with himself to me to be honest

If he’s smart he’ll pick up a girl around 26-28 that he can eventually settle down with without being subjected to any pressure from the girl or his female peers.

Dalomanakora

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

That's who he is because he currently has no incentive to be otherwise. He can be selfish and just see women for sex because he has those options now. He's been able to drag his twenties out into another decade because he's handsome and charming. Will be interesting to see how it pans out for him when he's 47. It's not about 'settling', it's about growing up and valuing people for reasons other than their looks.

What's actually wrong with him wanting casual sex but not a relationship? Plenty of men and women are in that boat, and more power to them. I don't really understand why you think he won't have those options in the future. There's plenty of middle aged women out there who are jaded by relationships but happy to have some fun once in a while.