Cannot afford any more

Ultimate Seduction

I work for 450 per week.

Rent - 200

Petrol - 70

Child Maintenance x 2 - 120

Lunch - 20

ESB - 20



Leaves me 10 euro for shopping and bills/credit/pints ect.

Ex says the 120 isn't enough. Don't l ow how much more I can take!!

holliehobbie

Don't buy lunch at work. Make sandwiches. Have you been back to court re getting the maintenance looked at. Do you need a car?

Ultimate Seduction

holliehobbie wrote: »

Don't buy lunch at work. Make sandwiches. Have you been back to court re getting the maintenance looked at. Do you need a car?

I bring a microwave meal, a banana and a yougart for my lunch which is around 5e per day.

Yes I need the car to get to work, live in the country , no bus.

I live like this when my partner is on around 260 per week. On a hap scheme. Fuel allowance, back to school allowance, Christmas bonus. Children's allowance.

I find it very unfair.

Big Bag of Chips

Ultimate Seduction, I have moved your posts to a thread of their own as they are off-topic to the other thread.

Ultimate Seduction

Loveinapril wrote: »

Go back to court and have the amount of maintenance you pay looked at. It seems a lot based on your income. Was the initial figure court ordered?

Edit- Oh I just saw it is for two children. You may just have to look at cheaper rent and a better paying job.

The place I'm living is by far the cheapest around. I take the kids two nights a week so I need two bedrooms. Ex goes out those two nights probably spending all that 120 and more while I can't afford even 2 or 3 pints a week.

Why am I being punished for having kids when we both did it. Any attempt at leaving her short the very odd week I'm badly stuck leads to all out war an threats.

<snip>

Dalomanakora

You can apply for HAP yourself if your income isn't enough to pay your rent.


Your ex partner is on 260 a week, plus C.A, plus 120 from you. So the guts of 400 ish a week? So less than you.


And while she'd be paying less rent, she has the kids full time and has to pay higher food, clothing, electricity costs etc because of the higher number of people in the home.



If you genuinely can't afford the maintenance, ask the court for a variance. But realistically you need to get a better paying job, or move somewhere cheaper, or move somewhere within walking distance of a job.


Begrudging 480 a month for your kids and saying she spends it on booze is nasty. Kids cost an absolute fortune to raise and if she's surviving on welfare, life is no picnic for her either

Evd-Burner

In my opinion you are not earning enough money to be paying 120 in maintenance a week, if it is court ordered then you need to go back into court and do up a statement of means and allow a judge to decide an amount that has to be paid.

You have a duty of care for your kids and if you keep going down the road you are now you will end up in a position where you will be no good to anybody!

Also when you do go to court, only focus on your finances and your ability to pay. Do not insinuate that she goes out every week when you have the kids as it will not go down well with the judge.

Ultimate Seduction

Dalomanakora wrote: »

You can apply for HAP yourself if your income isn't enough to pay your rent.


Your ex partner is on 260 a week, plus C.A, plus 120 from you. So the guts of 400 ish a week? So less than you.


And while she'd be paying less rent, she has the kids full time and has to pay higher food, clothing, electricity costs etc because of the higher number of people in the home.



If you genuinely can't afford the maintenance, ask the court for a variance. But realistically you need to get a better paying job, or move somewhere cheaper, or move somewhere within walking distance of a job.


Begrudging 480 a month for your kids and saying she spends it on booze is nasty. Kids cost an absolute fortune to raise and if she's surviving on welfare, life is no picnic for her either

If she can afford to go on the lash two nights a week money isn't that tight for her. I don't mean a few drinks either its a right bender. Not begrudging her a night out at all, its tough looking after the kids all week but money is the only problem.

There is nowhere cheaper to rent for me, ans definetley not closer to work,please read what I am typing!

I feel my only hope is to quit work an sign on<snip>! Feel for every other bloke in this position or worse when mortgage involved!

Ultimate Seduction

Evd-Burner wrote: »

In my opinion you are not earning enough money to be paying 120 in maintenance a week, if it is court ordered then you need to go back into court and do up a statement of means and allow a judge to decide an amount that has to be paid.

You have a duty of care for your kids and if you keep going down the road you are now you will end up in a position where you will be no good to anybody!

Also when you do go to court, only focus on your finances and your ability to pay. Do not insinuate that she goes out every week when you have the kids as it will not go down well with the judge.

She earns more than me by not working and has her fuel and Christmas subsidiaries on top of that. My job is actually good paying for what I'm at.

troyzer

Ultimate Seduction wrote: »

If she can afford to go on the lash two nights a week money isn't that tight for her. I don't mean a few drinks either its a right bender. Not begrudging her a night out at all, its tough looking after the kids all week but money is the only problem.

There is nowhere cheaper to rent for me, ans definetley not closer to work,please read what I am typing!

I feel my only hope is to quit work an sign on, or the long rope! Feel for every other bloke in this position or worse when mortgage involved!

Don't have kids? Me and my girlfriend are making okay money and we agree we couldn't afford kids.

Ultimate Seduction

troyzer wrote: »

Don't have kids? Me and my girlfriend are making okay money and we agree we couldn't afford kids.

Ah! Genius aren't you?

We could actually afford the kids when we were living together, quite comfortably actually.

Gorgeousgeorge

Dont feel too bad man. Have one kid aged 9 we both work make okay wage and its a struggle. Your not alone loads of us are in the same boat.

annettea

Ultimate Seduction wrote: »

If she can afford to go on the lash two nights a week money isn't that tight for her. I don't mean a few drinks either its a right bender. Not begrudging her a night out at all, its tough looking after the kids all week but money is the only problem.

There is nowhere cheaper to rent for me, ans definetley not closer to work,please read what I am typing!

I feel my only hope is to quit work an sign on, or the long rope! Feel for every other bloke in this position or worse when mortgage involved!

So as a single mum, I can say your paying way too much, I get 400 a month so a lot less than your paying and you pay it twice a week. Are they the same mum?
I would go to court and get it readjusted. Your working the best you can and you have them every weekend, most dads have them every second weekend.

troyzer

Ultimate Seduction wrote: »

Ah! Genius aren't you?

We could actually afford the kids when we were living together, quite comfortably actually.

No you couldn't. Assuming both of your incomes were the same, there's no way you were comfortably able to afford two kids

Sardonicat

The fuel subsidies keep your children warm.

The HAP keepd a secure rood over their heads

The Children's Allowance (Child Benefit) is to ensure they are well fed and appropriately clothed and shod and can have things like toys .

The Back to School Allowance ensures they have smart uniforms and sturdy footwear and all their books and stationary going into school in September.

Why do you begrudge your children these things?

It seems you are contributing all you can afford and the courts should be able to see this.

troyzer

troyzer wrote: »

No you couldn't. Assuming both of your incomes were the same, there's no way you were comfortably able to afford two kids

This is RI, a place for people to seek advice, not ideas on changing the past. Shut up.

Ultimate Seduction

Who said I'm begrudging my kids warmth and a roof over their heads? Talk about jumping! Im the bad guy here busting my balls to help pay for them?

Sardonicat

Ultimate Seduction wrote: »

Who said I'm begrudging my kids warmth and a roof over their heads? Talk about jumping! Im the bad guy here busting my balls to help pay for them?

I commend you for the amount you contribute.
You listed all of those benefits and stated it wasn't fair. Those benefits are for your kids.

Ultimate Seduction

troyzer wrote: »

No you couldn't. Assuming both of your incomes were the same, there's no way you were comfortably able to afford two kids

Yes we did. The outgoings were almost the same but paying 1 rent, 1 ESB, ect instead of two. She was actually on less when we were together too.

Ultimate Seduction

Ultimate Seduction wrote: »

Who said I'm begrudging my kids warmth and a roof over their heads? Talk about jumping! Im the bad guy here busting my balls to help pay for them?

It's the internet. People will make assumptions on your entire life that go along with their biases. Ignore that and listen to advice you find useful. I have none to give. Really feel for you, though.

troyzer

[Deleted User] wrote: »

This is RI, a place for people to seek advice, not ideas on changing the past. Shut up.

I'm not talking about changing the past. The poster feels hard done by and is expecting to pay less. I'm saying he's being unrealistic and agree with the other posters that he needs to get a better job. They're his kids. They need more, not less.

Ultimate Seduction

I'll know not to post again anyway. Thanks for the genuine replys.

VonZan

troyzer wrote: »

No you couldn't. Assuming both of your incomes were the same, there's no way you were comfortably able to afford two kids

What is your suggestion? To kill the children now because it's unaffordable or do you have access to a time machine?

I bet you feel good judging people on here.

Ultimate Seduction

troyzer wrote: »

I'm not talking about changing the past. The poster feels hard done by and is expecting to pay less. I'm saying he's being unrealistic and agree with the other posters that he needs to get a better job. They're his kids. They need more, not less.

No, you're saying I shouldn't have kids 3 years after having them, and also telling me how my own finances were 3 years ago.

Ultimate Seduction

Ultimate Seduction wrote: »

I'll know not to post again anyway. Thanks for the genuine replys.

Check Reddit. There's some subreddits like personalfinance or povertyfinance, and many others. You might get some ideas, and more helpful people.

troyzer

Ultimate Seduction wrote: »

I'll know not to post again anyway. Thanks for the genuine replys.

The genuine reply is to stop pitying yourself. Man up, be responsible and look after your kids. And that means getting a better job.

eviltwin

troyzer wrote: »

The genuine reply is to stop pitying yourself. Man up, be responsible and look after your kids. And that means getting a better job.

Maybe you should stop posting now and leave it to the people with actual advice. The OP is looking for advice not judgement and immature drivel.

Ultimate Seduction

troyzer wrote: »

The genuine reply is to stop pitying yourself. Man up, be responsible and look after your kids. And that means getting a better job.

What is your issue? I'm looking for a bit of advice, or even just letting off some steam by sharing my thoughts and you come along and accuse me of all sorts and tell me to 'man up' like it'll fix everything.

troyzer

eviltwin wrote: »

Maybe you should stop posting now and leave it to the people with actual advice. The OP is looking for advice not judgement and immature drivel.

That is the advice!! Get a better job!! That's the only solution here. He might very well to court and get a reduction in his payments but then his kids lose out.

The "genuine" responses here amount to pats on the back and telling him to shaft his kids?

Dalomanakora

You obviously think many replies aren't genuine because they don't all agree with you, but as I said in my previous post, apply for HAP. If you're struggling that much, you may qualify for it.

If you can't get cheaper housing, or housing nearer to your job, look for a new job. There's no reason you can't look, even if nothing comes from it.

There are ways and means to change things. Unfortunately, having kids in Ireland is incredibly expensive, and anyone on social welfare or in low paid jobs will struggle with it.


Also go to Reddit and look at r/personalfinance as someone suggested. Simple things like trimming down the lunch costs will help. I just make an additional portion of dinner, costs me about an extra 80 cents all in and then a couple of quid for lunch boxes.

troyzer

troyzer wrote: »

That is the advice!! Get a better job!! That's the only solution here. He might very well to court and get a reduction in his payments but then his kids lose out.

The "genuine" responses here amount to pats on the back and telling him to shaft his kids?

A better job is not good advice. Go away.

Ultimate Seduction

troyzer wrote: »

That is the advice!! Get a better job!! That's the only solution here. He might very well to court and get a reduction in his payments but then his kids lose out.

The "genuine" responses here amount to pats on the back and telling him to shaft his kids?

Not one person said "shaft my kids".

Ultimate Seduction

Ultimate Seduction wrote: »

Not one person said "shaft my kids".

Just ignore him.

troyzer

Ultimate Seduction wrote: »

What is your issue? I'm looking for a bit of advice, or even just letting off some steam by sharing my thoughts and you come along and accuse me of all sorts and tell me to 'man up' like it'll fix everything.

My issue is that I've seen this before. I do genuinely feel for you, it must be enormously stressful. But a close friend of mine was struggling with her kid, Dad was struggling as well and successfully managed to get a reduction in his payments. The result was she often had to choose between eating and feeding her kids.

It's an awful situation. But there's only one solution. You have to get a better job. She can't work full time, you can. So stop feeling sorry for yourself, think about your kids and do the right thing.

troyzer

Ultimate Seduction wrote: »

Not one person said "shaft my kids".

By reducing your payments, they get less = shafting your kids.

King of Kings

Dont mind the begruders on this thread.
Ive been in your situation and through the whole family court bs and i find many people who have experience are too eager to offer opinions and judgement.
G0b****es seem to forget you need a life too rather than an existance.

I think you are paying too much and you need to go to court and apply for reduction in maintenace.ignore your ex if she goes bananas cos she prob will.

Keep chin up man. I know its not easy.

Ultimate Seduction

troyzer wrote: »

My issue is that I've seen this before. I do genuinely feel for you, it must be enormously stressful. But a close friend of mine was struggling with her kid, Dad was struggling as well and successfully managed to get a reduction in his payments. The result was she often had to choose between eating and feeding her kids.

It's an awful situation. But there's only one solution. You have to get a better job. She can't work full time, you can. So stop feeling sorry for yourself, think about your kids and do the right thing.

You cannot even fake being sincere. If any mother in Ireland has to choose between food for herself or kids then there is something seriously wrong with the parents ability to budget.

punisher5112

€450 in the country isn't bad money at all.

Cheaper living such as rent and some other things too.

I don't know distance travelling too, so not sure if car is suitable or not for your mileage.

Could you try getting a credit union loan to maybe save on fuel etc. With a better suited vehicle if applies to my question.

Try citizens info or other agencies for advice which may be able to help.

woodchuck

Hi Ultimate Seduction,

I've had to close this thread for multiple reasons, including concern regarding the content of some of your posts.

Please know that you do not have to deal with this on your own.

We encourage people experiencing difficulties to talk to someone they trust and, if appropriate, to go to their GP. If you need help urgently and outside of GP hours, please go to your nearest A&E department.

Here at Boards.ie our moderators are not trained to support people experiencing difficulties. There are other organisations better positioned to provide specialised support. These organisations are listed below. We hope that you will follow these up so that you can get the help and support you need.

If you need immediate help:
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Pieta offer one-to-one, face-to-face support. Click ‘Contact us’ to find the phone number and opening hours of your nearest branch on their site or email mary@pieta.ie for advice on getting an appointment.

If you need non-urgent help:
Aware have a support email service at supportmail@aware.ie

There are some other useful services that you can use also listed here.

woodchuck

Mod note:

A few reminders to all posters:
- If you have a problem with a post, report it (thank you to those who did).
- Off topic posting (including back and forth bickering!) is not allowed.
- Only post if you have constructive advice for the OP.

@troyzer, it is extremely unhelpful to suggest to someone who already has kids, not to have kids! This is not constructive advice. Comments such as "man up" are also not welcome here. Have a read of the PI/RI charter before you post in this forum again.