Girlfriend wont allow me to have a TV in house

abyrne888

Met girlfriend 10 months ago. Both mid thirties. Moved in together. No TV in the house. I want one for the sitting room. I would like one to watch say the 6 o clock new and maybe 1 hour of sport at the weekend. No more than that. I don't want to watch TV for hours on end. She insists I can't have a TV in the house. She was going to relent and allow me to have one in the bedroom but now she insists no TV is allowed in the house.

I am worried that she is very controlling??????? Is she being unreasonable? Am i asking for too much? Is she too controlling of me? ??????????

niallers1

<SNIP>

Yes, Unless she is very entertaining I would be worried that this is the tip of the Iceberg (or worse.)

stevek93

Ah here, I would be concerned of things to come

Calltocall

<SNIP>

Yes she sounds very controlling and agree with poster above that could be tip of iceberg and you’ll be caving on a lot more than tvs in the future. if you want a tv get a tv, you’re a grown man in your thirties she’s not your mammy.

AndrewJRenko

What's her reason for this restriction?

Anthonylfc

Op

Grow a pair ye blouse

Kevin Finnerty

You used too many question marks there OP. Cut down on them or you're in the doghouse.

ClanofLams

Never mind things to come, this is enough on its own for me. It’s a tv you want to have not growing drugs or anything ffs. You’re even willing to be flexible about where it is in the house. A good partner would have no issue with this, particularly as it sounds like you’re not the type to watch it all evening or all weekend.

cannotlogin

Run. If she's this bossy, controlling and unreasonable over something as minor as this how bad will see be over the big stuff?

There cannot be any logic reason for this? Cost is not outrageous, cannot be allergy related, no maintence costs, cannot have a phobia, completely at a loss on this one!

Big Bag of Chips

Anthonylfc, please read the Forum Charter before posting again.

Your post falls far short of the standard expected in Personal Issues.

abyrne888

it's just she doesn't like TVs in her house. it is her house. and she is adamant about it.
she said something about TVs ruining a house and that she hasn't had a TV in the house for years.
i genuinely don't think it is too much too ask??????

SoundsRight

If she isn't happy with your money going into the pockets (and up the noses) of south Dublin's finest, I'm full square behind her. You can follow news on your phone or tablet. Ditto for sport. You're not missing out on anything.

abyrne888

but it is only a TV. i'd say they are in virtually every house in the country.
like for instance the Six Nations rugby was on the TV last weekend. i would have liked to have been able to watch it at home. just a game of rugby like.
at the most i would only have watched maybe the news at night or an occasional programme.
surely she should allow me have a TV????

pwurple

Yeah, it is her house. I think it’s fair enough if she doesn’t want some piece of furniture. Also, with a TV you also need something to connect it to. An aerial or dish, and you need a license. So there’s a bit of infrastructure and drilling holes in her house and roof for this malarkey, and setting up monthly expenses on her turf.

I wouldn’t be too pushed about a TV either really, it’s a big ugly yoke, and people become total zombies in front of it. News is on the radio, sport is in the pub.

We do still have one though, even though I don’t want it... and when I’m sick, or there is some milestone event on, we stick it on.

abyrne888

she says she doesn't like the look of a TV in a house.

pwurple

abyrne888 wrote: »

she says she doesn't like the look of a TV in a house.

Makes sense. They are hideous.

Unless you found a nice looking one? There are ones that turn into pieces of art when off. Or retro types .

odyssey06

Only a matter of time before she doesnt like the look of you in the house. Get out now.

abyrne888

and there is other stuff as well. now maybe it is me. i dont know.
i pay her 100 a week in rent. it is her house. and this covers ESB. I would never open another persons private post. The ESB bill came the other day. It was clearly marked ESB. i opened it to see how much the bill was. Like, we are partners. I pay the ESB. But she went absolutely crazy. I mean crazy.
It was not a bank statement or a private letter or personal medical stuff or family stuff. they would all be private to her and I respect that. BUT it was the household ESB bill, clearly marked ESB. I pay the ESB. Surely I can see the bill?
was she being irrational about this as well?

SoundsRight

abyrne888 wrote: »

and there is other stuff as well. now maybe it is me. i dont know.
i pay her 100 a week in rent. it is her house. and this covers ESB. I would never open another persons private post. The ESB bill came the other day. It was clearly marked ESB. i opened it to see how much the bill was. Like, we are partners. I pay the ESB. But she went absolutely crazy. I mean crazy.
It was not a bank statement or a private letter or personal medical stuff or family stuff. they would all be private to her and I respect that. BUT it was the household ESB bill, clearly marked ESB. I pay the ESB. Surely I can see the bill?
was she being irrational about this as well?

Her house, her rules. Pretty sure it's an offence to open someone else's mail?

qwerty13

Best case scenario is that she is not remotely ready to share her space with anyone.

Worst case scenario is that she is extremely controlling, and this is just the beginning of it. Has she ever seemed controlling to you before?

PS: and only 10 months in! This is supposed to be the ‘honeymoon period’

odyssey06

abyrne888 wrote: »

and there is other stuff as well. now maybe it is me. i dont know.
i pay her 100 a week in rent. it is her house. and this covers ESB. I would never open another persons private post. The ESB bill came the other day. It was clearly marked ESB. i opened it to see how much the bill was. Like, we are partners. I pay the ESB. But she went absolutely crazy. I mean crazy.

You are not partners. Thats not how partners act.
Went crazy... no. She was like that when you got there. These things just reveal it.

Things wont get any more normal from here on out.

Telly

Not your post so you’ve no right to touch it. Doesn’t matter if it’s just supervalue vouchers, it wasn’t addressed to you!

Silverfish

abyrne888 wrote: »

she says she doesn't like the look of a TV in a house.

Well my 52 inch is fabulous, and you know what else? Everything looks fabulous on it.

What's all her furniture pointed at??


No she sounds too much, lot of red flags here OP, you'll have to have a proper talk about where this is headed.

Collie D

Telly wrote: »

Not your post so you’ve no right to touch it. Doesn’t matter if it’s just supervalue vouchers, it wasn’t addressed to you!

You’re not allowed in here

odyssey06

SoundsRight wrote: »

Her house, her rules. Pretty sure it's an offence to open someone else's mail?

His house. He lives there and is paying for the bill.

No future with someone who freaks out that someone looked at bill they are being charged for.

johnny19w

She’s right. No need for TV license then 😂

Kevin Finnerty

abyrne888 wrote: »

and there is other stuff as well. now maybe it is me. i dont know.
i pay her 100 a week in rent. it is her house. and this covers ESB. I would never open another persons private post. The ESB bill came the other day. It was clearly marked ESB. i opened it to see how much the bill was. Like, we are partners. I pay the ESB. But she went absolutely crazy. I mean crazy.
It was not a bank statement or a private letter or personal medical stuff or family stuff. they would all be private to her and I respect that. BUT it was the household ESB bill, clearly marked ESB. I pay the ESB. Surely I can see the bill?
was she being irrational about this as well?

Totally. If she wants you to be her equal she should've understood why you opened it.
The very fact you did open it might tell you enough of what you actually think of the relationship yourself. Are you going to spend your time tiptoeing around her to get the information you want?

odyssey06

Telly wrote: »

Not your post so you’ve no right to touch it. Doesn’t matter if it’s just supervalue vouchers, it wasn’t addressed to you!

I open my partners bills and loyalty mailings and vice versa. Cant imagine agreeing to live as a couple with somone if that bothered me.

He is not a lodger or tenant.

No way they are going to be able to plan a future together like this.

amcalester

No TV? What’s the furniture pointed at?

abyrne888

yes
but i pay the ESB
it was clearly an ESB bill
i would never open anything personal. it was the household ESB bill.
not a doctors letter, a work letter, a letter from a friend, a bank statement.
sure if i pay the ESB bill, i can open the ESB bill.
we had a huge argument over this. huge

one more thing i bought a bookshelf for some books. but she commandeered it and said she wanted to use it as a shoe stand inside the front door. i caved. i had no choice. but i bought it out of my own money. but she insisted it be used as a shoe stand

are these signs she is controlling? i am starting to worry?

abyrne888

the furniture is pointed at nothing because there is nothing, except the couch is pointed at the stove, i guess

LegacyUser

abyrne888 wrote: »

are these signs she is controlling? i am starting to worry?

Yes, she seems extremely controlling. I house share and I wouldn't have a problem with one of them looking at a bill for the house that comes in my name - because, you know, it's a bill for the house!

Perhaps, as another poster said, she's not ready to share her space? Maybe sit down and have a talk with her about what you expect from a relationship and living together and what she expects. You're her partner, not a lodger, her behaviour is not on! But if things continue as they are then I'd be making a hasty retreat. Be careful and keep an eye on things.

abyrne888

no it clearly was an ESB bill.
look at the ESB bill the next time it arrives, you can clearly see it is an ESb bill, genuinely

She sounds like a refreshing break from the vacuous airheads who drown out conversation and peace in the home with their definitely-not-reality or commercial soccer shows. A tv-free home is a quality of life statement and I can completely see where she's coming from.

Use your personal phone/laptop with headphones for that intrusive, commercial stuff.

salmocab

abyrne888 wrote: »

no it clearly was an ESB bill.
look at the ESB bill the next time it arrives, you can clearly see it is an ESb bill, genuinely

Nope it doesn’t say ESB

niallers1

[Deleted User] wrote: »

She sounds like a refreshing break from the vacuous airheads who drown out conversation and peace in the home with their definitely-not-reality or commercial soccer shows. A tv-free home is a quality of life statement and I can completely see where she's coming from.

Use your personal phone/laptop with headphones for that intrusive, commercial stuff.

Are you his girlfriend by any chance?

abyrne888

i dont know if ESB is tamped on the envelope but it was clearly an ESB bill. please look at the next bill you receive

posters
i am having serious doubts about her now. there is so much more.much more. and it is only 10 months.

thanks for the replies. after all everybody said i have made up my mind. either we are partners or not???? her choice now. i really shouldn't have to post on an internet forum to make up my mind. either we are partners or not. full stop

Liamario

This does read like an After Hours thread. For that reason alone I’d recommend you pack your stuff.

abyrne888

niallers
i wouldn't watch reality shows.
and i must be the only man who knows nothing about soccer at all. i'd say i havent watched a soccer match in five years. genuinely.
so there was no fear of me watching soccer shows

salmocab

abyrne888 wrote: »

i dont know if ESB is tamped on the envelope but it was clearly an ESB bill. please look at the next bill you receive

posters
i am having serious doubts about her now. there is so much more.much more. and it is only 10 months.

thanks for the replies. after all everybody said i have made up my mind. either we are partners or not???? her choice now. i really shouldn't have to post on an internet forum to make up my mind. either we are partners or not. full stop

I’m not sure your getting this it’s not an ESB bill. You said it was clearly marked ESB and it wasn’t. You need to do a little bit of homework before throwing pointless facts into your windup.

pwurple

Jesus, I have been married over twenty years and would never ever open post that wasn’t addressed to me. Nor would they open mine, unless I explicitly ask (if I was away or something).


This sounds like a class mismatch to me. You’re a bit rough around the edges for this girl I’d say.

abyrne888

wirelessdude

sadly, it is not a troll

i should have had more confidence though than to look online for advice and should have made up my own mind.
And i have made up my own mind now.
though that was after reading all the replies.
SHE IS WAY TOO CONTROLLING!!!!!!!!!!!! END OF

wirelessdude01

Must be great in the sack to put up with this for 10months so if true.

dhaughton99

I’m with her if she just doesn’t want a telly in the house to give two fingers to the tv license crowd.

FourFourRED

Was it a bill from Electric Ireland?

abyrne888

pwurple

but i pay the ESB bill. surely i can see the bill.

i total respect a persons right to privacy.

you must see the context here. it is a household bill. the clue is in the word HOUSEHOLD. it is not a personal bill . it is a household bill. i pay the bill. sure i can see it without saying having to say every time it arrives "please can I see the ESB bill"

no???????

punisher5112

Get a monitor!!!!!

Then you can say it's not a TV...

salmocab

FourFourFM wrote: »

Was it a bill from Electric Ireland?

No it was posted in the 1980s and said ESB

abyrne888

nothing to do with the licence at all
so are you still with her?

woodchuck

wirelessdude01 wrote: »

Must be great in the sack to put up with this for 10months so if true.

Mod warning:

wirelessdude01, your post is well below the standard expected in PI.

All posters are reminded to post in a civil and constructive manner. Please only post if you have advice to offer the OP. If anyone has a problem with a post, report it and we'll look into it.

abyrne888

electric ireland, i mean
you know what i mean