Girlfriend wont allow me to have a TV in house

odyssey06

pwurple wrote: »

Because it’s wasteful and expensive.

Part of living with someone is that you have these commonalities and can share the basics. If you have to buy multiple brands of everything, milk, bread, coffee, toothpaste... whatever. You might as well just be living separately.

And judging by the respect he is showing her here, I think that it would be for the best.

There are no commonalities. There is no reasonable coming together on what makes sense for both parties in terms of household purchases. Respect goes both ways.

There is one set of preferences only that are respected and any deviation from this is tolerated at best. Her cheese. Her bread. No instant coffee. As if a jar of instant coffee is gonna disrupt the weekly shop.

I dont see how your comments connect in any way with what the OP has said of the situation.

extra gravy

pwurple wrote: »

And judging by the respect he is showing her here, I think that it would be for the best.

And what respect has she shown him? He has come on here on for advice as it is clearly bothering him. Patronising him isn't going to help.

splinter65

splinter65 wrote: »

My husbands pal is 32 years married and still has to ask if he can go to the pub to see the match, if she says no he says he’s “not allowed”.

let him start his own thread id tell him the same thing although the poor cratur is a long time gone at this stage

_Kaiser_

pwurple wrote: »

Because it’s wasteful and expensive.

Part of living with someone is that you have these commonalities and can share the basics. If you have to buy multiple brands of everything, milk, bread, coffee, toothpaste... whatever. You might as well just be living separately.

And judging by the respect he is showing her here, I think that it would be for the best.

Hang on. The OP is a grown adult in a supposedly mature relationship with his girlfriend. If he wants to buy his preferred slice pan or whatever it shouldn't be world war 3.

You don't stop being an individual entity when you move in together. Compromise and work together towards a shared goal yes, but not subject to the random and unreasonable demands of a partner.

Trying to make the OP out as unreasonable and disrespectful for questioning this is nonsense.

Idle Passerby

She sounds more like the landlady of a student digs than a partner. She might own the house but if your living together as a couple and each paying your way she can't stop you getting a TV. I can see why she might be irked about it if she's always lived without one but she's now sharing her house with a partner, she needs to compromise. The nonsense with hissy fits over conflakes/coffee/cheese is totally bizarre.

J Mysterio

Telly wrote: »

Not your post so you’ve no right to touch it. Doesn’t matter if it’s just supervalue vouchers, it wasn’t addressed to you!

Collie D wrote: »

You’re not allowed in here

Oh god that is absolutely priceless.

abyrne888

yep, i totally believe in give and take
i totally respect that she is a foodie and likes the very very best food. sure it does taste delicious. i compromise and pay over the top for this organic food.
supervalu is good enough for me but if she want to buy organic veg for twice the price at the farmers market i have to respect that.
relationships are built on give and take. it cant be all take and no give.
partners work together
if everything has to be her way, she can be single

another thing
her car is getting near the end of its life and she needs a new one. she is telling me i should sell my car and we can get a joint car. I think this is just more of her selfishness. why should i sell my car. i wont

my eyes have been opened tonight by all the posters

godtabh

I remember when I moved in with my now wife into her new house after about 6 months of going out.

I bought a fish tank. A small one but she didn’t like it. Didn’t lije fish.

I bought another one. Twice the size. She didn’t like it that either!

I bought another one. So big a toddler could swim in it (800l). She didn’t not like that but that’s because it cost more than her wedding dress asbd we just got engaged and were saving for a wedding.


But at that stage it didn’t matter because it wasn’t her house it was our home.

OP, do you see that happening with you?

odyssey06

Just to note re the energy bill that when my partner moved in one of the first things we did was add her as a nominated party for service providers so if there was issue while I was away at work she could get on and get power tv broadband sorted rather than being stuck in the dark.

abyrne888

absolutely agree
we are partners
i am not a lodger

and there shouldn't be hissy fits over petty things like the coffee, bread, and cornflakes. these are petty things. bloody hell

Needles73

Go out and buy the biggest tv you can afford. Don’t be bringing anything less than 65” screen home. If at all possible get an 80”. When you get home remove tv from packaging. Then fill all your girlfriends stuff into the empty box and give her a hand moving out.

pwurple

_Kaiser_ wrote: »

Hang on. The OP is a grown adult in a supposedly mature relationship with his girlfriend. If he wants to buy his preferred slice pan or whatever it shouldn't be world war 3.

You don't stop being an individual entity when you move in together. Compromise and work together towards a shared goal yes, but not subject to the random and unreasonable demands of a partner.

Trying to make the OP out as unreasonable and disrespectful for questioning this is nonsense.

Absolutely. They cannot communicate at all. He takes any comment she makes as him not being ‘allowed’ instead of talking about it, and does weird stuff like opening her mail.

Think we all agree, they are not suited.

J Mysterio

OP - get out ASAP.

Warning: she might not take the news well - arrange accomodation before you break it to her.

Let us know how it goes!

Enjoy your new TV.

_Kaiser_

Needles73 wrote: »

Go out and buy the biggest tv you can afford. Don’t be bringing anything less than 65” screen home. If at all possible get an 80”. When you get home remove tv from packaging. Then fill all your girlfriends stuff into the empty box and give her a hand moving out.

That won't work because it's her house

OP, tell her you're either in an equal relationship with give and take from both sides, or you're not - in which case you'll be moving out (and ending the relationship) and she can get in a lodger which seems more suitable for her expectations.

abyrne888

needles
yup that sounds a great idea! the biggest tv out there.

though on a serious note, i said to her i would be happy with a really small tv, like 20 inchs or something. but still there was no budge from her

amcalester

Needles73 wrote: »

Go out and buy the biggest tv you can afford. Don’t be bringing anything less than 65” screen home. If at all possible get an 80”. When you get home remove tv from packaging. Then fill all your girlfriends stuff into the empty box and give her a hand moving out.

It’s her house. OP may keep the box because that’s where he’ll be sleeping.

She does sound mental though.

_Kaiser_

pwurple wrote: »

Absolutely. They cannot communicate at all. He takes any comment she makes as him not being ‘allowed’ instead of talking about it, and does weird stuff like opening her mail.

Think we all agree, they are not suited.

The girl has issues with him buying a TV (a pretty common household item) out of his own money, isn't willing to compromise on where it goes, and has issues with what food he buys and hygiene?

They're not suited for sure, but the problem isn't the OP. The thing about the ESB bill is trivial. It's not a personal letter and he's paying towards it - he has every right to see it.

Again they're supposed to be a couple not a landlord and lodger

abyrne888

kaiser
thanks
i totally agree with you
this post tonight has given my self confidence a great boost

Neyite

She obviously has set ideas of where you fit in with her life and there's no room for deviation from that.

Except you aren't a household accessory. If you prefer coffee X to coffee Y that she's always bought, you should be free to buy it if you want it.

You were out of line opening her mail - especially considering how exacting she can be about things. I suspect you knew that though but wanted to know what % of the money you hand up was going towards bills and whether or not it was a fair split.

I don't think you are suited. She's too set in her ways to adapt. And you'll only make yourself miserable feeling like a lodger and a child. So the writing is probably on the wall for you now. Incidentally has she had any long term relationships living with someone?

pwurple

_Kaiser_ wrote: »

The girl has issues with him buying a TV (a pretty common household item) out of his own money, isn't willing to compromise on where it goes, and has issues with what food he buys and hygiene?

They're not suited for sure, but the problem isn't the OP. The thing about the ESB bill is trivial. It's not a personal letter and he's paying towards it - he has every right to see it.

Again they're supposed to be a couple not a landlord and lodger

They are just patently different people, with different senses of what is normal. Neither of them is a problem individually, just together they suck.

And, no, he does not have a right to open post addressed to someone else. Not in this country anyway.

Needles73

abyrne888 wrote: »

needles
yup that sounds a great idea! the biggest tv out there.

though on a serious note, i said to her i would be happy with a really small tv, like 20 inchs or something. but still there was no budge from her

Yes in all seriousness, she does not seem very reasonable. In the bigger scheme it’s not a big ask on your part.

abyrne888

i think she went out with a fella for two years and he lived with her for a while.

she said he was absolutely devastated when she broke it off with him. she actually said he was almost suicidal but she said she looked after him and kinda nursed him back to himself. i am beginning to doubt that and suspect he broke it off with her given my experience, and her comments on him being devastated are bull**** in fact

wiggle16

abyrne888 wrote: »

i think she went out with a fella for two years and he lived with her for a while.

she said he was absolutely devastated when she broke it off with him. she actually said he was almost suicidal but she said she looked after him and kinda nursed him back to himself. i am beginning to doubt that and suspect he broke it off with her given my experience, and her comments on him being devastated are bull**** in fact

Sounds like you've made your mind up that it's over then. If you think she's full of BS then there's not much to salvage there is there?

WoollyRedHat

Collie D wrote: »

You’re not allowed in here

Can we switch off the thread now, this post wins Boards today. Don't open it.

abyrne888

pwurple
while i respect your right to a view, can you not see the overwhelming views of posters here on this situation?????
you are almost in a minority of one, and i really mean that with respect. i am sure you are a nice person.
virtually everyone here has issues with how she goes on.

abyrne888

thanks woolly hat
i think so too
look at all the replies. lots of them
virtually everyone agrees with me

abyrne888

moderator
no there is not much to salvage
what a waste of 10 months!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

eviltwin

abyrne888 wrote: »

moderator
no there is not much to salvage
what a waste of 10 months!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't think of it like that. Consider yourself very lucky it was only ten months.

pwurple

abyrne888 wrote: »

pwurple
while i respect your right to a view, can you not see the overwhelming views of posters here on this situation?????
you are almost in a minority of one, and i really mean that with respect. i am sure you are a nice person.
virtually everyone here has issues with how she goes on.

What do you mean? I agree with everyone else, you’re not suited. Off you go, plenty of fish and all that.

Prominent_Dawg

abyrne888 wrote: »

i think she went out with a fella for two years and he lived with her for a while.

she said he was absolutely devastated when she broke it off with him. she actually said he was almost suicidal but she said she looked after him and kinda nursed him back to himself. i am beginning to doubt that and suspect he broke it off with her given my experience, and her comments on him being devastated are bull**** in fact

So are you waiting on her to break it off here? As it sounds like you don’t have the self respect to do it yourself!