Hate my new job, can I go back?

Ande1975

OMM 0000 wrote: »

I'm not saying everyone will think you're weak. I'm saying some arseholes will, and you need to be prepared for that. You're lying to yourself if you think otherwise. Nothing good comes from that.

I'm only interested in speaking the truth and dealing with reality. Other people can focus on being supportive.

I should also point out I almost always try to take the employers angle on things, as I'm old, an employer, and have worked in management the past 10 years.

I am probably older than you and have been in many senior management positions. Again I don't agree. Very myopic....

Thanks Monkeysnapper.... oops I'm liking a post that is aligned with my world view. OMM 0000 you are in the minority.

Ollibelo

Ande1975 wrote: »

I am probably older than you and have been in many senior management positions. Again I don't agree. Very myopic....

Thanks Monkeysnapper.... oops I'm liking a post that is aligned with my world view. OMM 0000 you are in the minority.

Hi there.
First post.

I'm in the same situation but a bit worse.
Knew the moment I walked into this job I'm now in, that this place is hell.

I'm still here.... Tried to get back to my old company...but new manager etc etc - new role, nothing back. I've considered it closed.

To make things worse, I've had a few problems in my current role... it's not good - quite bonkers. Gave notice and then retracted it.... And got the job back on certain terms....

I've a 2nd interview coming up and really anxious about keeping it all together and keeping from blurting out why I want to leave this role after less that a few months here.

I'm also stressed about handing in my notice also, if I get that far. Simply because of my previous behaviour.

Basically I'm a mess since I started this new place.

caviardreams

OMM 0000 wrote: »

I'm not saying everyone will think you're weak. I'm saying some arseholes will, and you need to be prepared for that. You're lying to yourself if you think otherwise. Nothing good comes from that.

I'm only interested in speaking the truth and dealing with reality. Other people can focus on being supportive.

I should also point out I almost always try to take the employers angle on things, as I'm old, an employer, and have worked in management the past 10 years.

I have experienced the same as OMM, where some colleagues have thought/let slip at coffee break etc. "oh they couldn't manage at the new job so had to come running back". Just to be clear, like OMM, this is NOT a view I would ever have myself but I definitely have come across it in a couple of different places when it has happened.

I think OMM is just being helpful in highlighting that you may encounter this view from *some* people even if it is completely unfounded, so be prepared/know how to handle it etc. It was helpful advice imo.

Ande1975

Ollibelo wrote: »

Hi there.
First post.

I'm in the same situation but a bit worse.
Knew the moment I walked into this job I'm now in, that this place is hell.

I'm still here.... Tried to get back to my old company...but new manager etc etc - new role, nothing back. I've considered it closed.

To make things worse, I've had a few problems in my current role... it's not good - quite bonkers. Gave notice and then retracted it.... And got the job back on certain terms....

I've a 2nd interview coming up and really anxious about keeping it all together and keeping from blurting out why I want to leave this role after less that a few months here.

I'm also stressed about handing in my notice also, if I get that far. Simply because of my previous behaviour.

Basically I'm a mess since I started this new place.

Hi there, whatever you do don't burn any bridges. You can say that it wasn't a good fit for you and you are looking for a certain type of culture maybe.
No chance you can go back? Maybe apply for a new role if it comes up in there.
I know how you feel believe me! All the best to you

Ollibelo

Ande1975 wrote: »

Hi there, whatever you do don't burn any bridges. You can say that it wasn't a good fit for you and you are looking for a certain type of culture maybe.
No chance you can go back? Maybe apply for a new role if it comes up in there.
I know how you feel believe me! All the best to you

Ah I have applied for a new role but old boss is gone and I think that's why I'm not getting anything back. So I've considered that option closed and hence the 2nd round interview coming up.

I'm nervous about saying the wrong thing in this interview - I think I'll just bend the question to positive things, as hard as that is.

If I hand in my notice (again) in this current place, I wouldn't be surprised if I am told to get out. I've hated it so much (you wouldn't believe how messed up it is in there) that I've surprised myself with how badly I reacted.
I was lied to about the job in the interviews and left a perfectly good job with amazing colleagues, systems etc... I was told I'd have a certain role and it slowly turned out to be very untrue. Although I've a payrise, in this role, it's like I have the responsibilities of 4 recent grads - there's no brain work but loads of admin and chasing things around.
And the culture... Don't start me.

mikep

Ollibelo, if they ask you to go once you hand in your notice it's a win win for you as you are outta there and they have to pay you if you are giving notice as per your contract!
Best of luck!

seamus

Ande1975 wrote: »

Wirelessdude, how did you explain the 7 months in that company? I am wondering what (if I do manage to go back) to say in the future.

You be honest. "I left because although I wanted to stay with that company, there were no opportunities available to move forward. Of course, I had only left a few months and one of those opportunities came up, so I went for it."

OMM 0000 wrote: »

The first part is true (they want experienced employees) but it does not look good you want to go back. Leaving and then returning is generally seen as weak. That's not to say they won't take you back though. Good luck.

Only if you leave and then go back to the exact same role again on the same pay. You'll be regarded either as a flake who'll be gone again in 18 months, or too timid to ever leave again.

If you leave and then come back for a better position or better conditions (such as permanent -v- contract), it won't be seen as weak at all, quite the opposite.

Ande1975

Thanks Seamus, that's the plan. Fingers crossed!
There is so much i dotting and t crossing in this place it would make your head spin.

OMM 0000

seamus wrote: »

Only if you leave and then go back to the exact same role again on the same pay. You'll be regarded either as a flake who'll be gone again in 18 months, or too timid to ever leave again.

Yeah from her posts we can see she wants to go back to her old role but it's gone now (someone else is doing it) so she's waiting for something else to come up.

I agree if she goes back to a better role then that's a significantly better situation.

Giblet

OMM 0000 wrote: »

It's not leaving the job that's seen as weak.

People leave jobs all the time.

It's the "she came running back" which is seen as weak.

A cynical person would see it as "she left, failed, and came running back".

A more "normal" thing to do would be to leave and find another new job. That's what 99% of people do.

We are not being kind to her if we pretend everyone will be high-fiving her and only thinking positive things about her return.

Again I'm not judging her. I don't know her. I'm just giving my opinion on the matter.

I went back to my old job, because they gave me a **** ton of money. Hardly weak there?

OMM 0000

Giblet wrote: »

I went back to my old job, because they gave me a **** ton of money. Hardly weak there?

That's obviously a very different scenario.

Giblet

OMM 0000 wrote: »

That's obviously a very different scenario.

LinkedIn doesn't know otherwise

OMM 0000

Giblet wrote: »

LinkedIn doesn't know otherwise

That's not relevant to what we're talking about though.

We're talking about the unhappy / aggressive people in the office who might think someone's weak because they returned due to their new job not working out.

I've seen it happen. It's not a big deal, but people should be aware of it and prepared for it.

I'm not saying I think she's weak.

ste

OP my advice is don't for a minute even conside if it shows weakness if you were to return to old job. It doesn't. Do what's best for you!

Might some dickheads whisper something negative on a coffee break? Sure!

The same people who bitch & moan about clothes ppl wear, their yogurt being re-posititioned in the fridge, Mary swanning around with her new handbag and Jimmy who just got a new tat!

Fck em

Ande1975

It just gets worse and worse.

I spent the weekend dreading today. God if I could only turn back time.
I feel sick and depressed.
I've spoken to everyone I need to speak with now. So its just a case of biding my time. I don't need this stress in my life right now.

Thanks to everyone who responded

OMM 0000

Ande1975 wrote: »

It just gets worse and worse.

I spent the weekend dreading today. God if I could only turn back time.
I feel sick and depressed.
I've spoken to everyone I need to speak with now. So its just a case of biding my time. I don't need this stress in my life right now.

Thanks to everyone who responded

Why don't you go to the doctor?

It's not normal for a job to be making you sick and depressed.

I'm not saying do this, but maybe a mild antidepressant or something like that could help take the edge off.

Ande1975

In fact I'm already on them. I've a lot going on in my life right now and this job just made everything worse.
I should have known better and I suspected this might happen.
I hope I haven't done damage to myself

mikep

Hi OP

It sounds like you have a plan in place to get outta the new job so that's good..

If you don't mind me suggesting this but perhaps counselling might help as you seem to have a lot going on added to by this workplace stress..

Take care!

Ande1975

thanks Mikep. I am in work and shaking. I'm just so stressed about being here.
I hope I can get out of here sooner rather than later.
I am speaking to someone Friday so I hope that helps me pull myself together

freida

Ande1975 wrote: »

thanks Mikep. I am in work and shaking. I'm just so stressed about being here.
I hope I can get out of here sooner rather than later.
I am speaking to someone Friday so I hope that helps me pull myself together

Ande1975 sorry to hear you are shaking in work. I just wanted to say, hang in there. You only have to get through the next half hour. Don't think beyond that.just get thru today one half hour at a time. Fingers crossed something turns up soon

Ande1975

freida wrote: »

Ande1975 sorry to hear you are shaking in work. I just wanted to say, hang in there. You only have to get through the next half hour. Don't think beyond that.just get thru today one half hour at a time. Fingers crossed something turns up soon

thanks Freida. I'm torturing myself here with the what ifs. Should have known this. Suspected this might happen but ignored my gut. Its all consuming.

mikep

Hi again

Perhaps you should take some time off, if you have any holiday time worked up, just to get you out of there for a few days so you can formulate a plan without the added stress of being in work.

Ande1975

mikep wrote: »

Hi again

Perhaps you should take some time off, if you have any holiday time worked up, just to get you out of there for a few days so you can formulate a plan without the added stress of being in work.

thanks I've only been here about 5 weeks so I don't have much accrued.
I can't concentrate and focus. I've told them about my personal issue and they are supportive but I just can't stand being here. I've just got so much stress in my life right now.

OMM 0000

What you're describing is very extreme. I really can't see how a job could be causing this much stress. I think the real problem is the issues you're facing outside of work. They're causing you to have no coping abilities, and every problem is being greatly enlarged in your mind.

I've worked in some absolutely messed up places, but there's never been anyone shaking at their desk, feeling sick and unable to concentrate.

The therapist on Friday can perhaps shed some light on this.

Can you quit?

Or go off sick?

Ande1975

I agree it is extreme and I'm so upset. I just knew straight away that this place wasn't for me.
I've a lot going on personally which is making this worse. I'm hoping the session Friday will start to help me make sense of this.

jayjay2010

Hi OP. I can completely relate to your story. I had a good job for 3 years and felt that I needed something new. I actually took a (big) pay-cut to move to a different job which seemed like all bells and whistles. Within 2 weeks I knew that I made a HUGE mistake. I simply hated the new job and I felt so envious of my old colleagues as we had a great friendship. I felt lonely in the new job and it was just not what I wanted to do. I lasted 2 months, which felt like forever. Thankfully, my old boss actually asked me to come back! I wouldn't have asked to come back as I would have been too embarrassed. But what I have learned is, go with your gut. Don't be embarrassed, don't feel ashamed. If you want to go back just ask. Worse case scenario they will say no, and at least then you can move on. I am a big believer in going with your gut, but everything happens for a reason. Do what you feel will make you happy.

jayjay2010

One more thing OP, don't listen to people saying that you are weak. You are not weak. If people criticise, let them. They would probably do the same if they were in your shoes. People need to stop worrying about other people think. Do what is right for you. If going back to your old job will make you happy, then you should definitely try to go back. Nothing is forever, you might move on again in a few years. I am currently in a job that I don't particularly like (hated at first) but I had to take it for my own reasons. I plan to leave in May, but I am staying positive until then as I know it is not forever. Like you, I left my great job but I had to make a decision (not the job mentioned above lol). If I can go back to my old job after May, I will. But if I can't, I will move onto something else. Just do what feels right for you, don't listen to anybody's criticism.

Ande1975

Thanks Jayjay2010. Your posts are music to my ears. A colleague here who is with this company 3 months told me that he told his boss that he is not happy and the job isn't what he thought he was. He said he wished he'd asked more questions during the interview process. I confided in him that I felt the same way and he said we are not the only ones. A weight almost lifted after we talked.

I'm keeping my contacts in the previous company warm and they are doing everything they can to bring me back. It'll probably take a few months as there are a lot of changes afoot but I am confident I'll be back there again.

Thank you again for making me realise I am not alone.

lapua20grain

Best of luck with it I hope you get what you want as the importance of being happy in a job is paramount. F##k the naysayers as they probably have never been in the same position. You should continue to look elsewhere and not only your past position so it will give you more options should the old job not come through, but i hope it works out for you.

Ande1975

Thank you lapua20grain, I am hoping things move fast there as I can't face the place. At least I know I am not alone. I'm concerned if I look elsewhere I'll make the same mistake. My confidence is shot as a result.
Being happy in a job is so important.

Ande1975

Back again and since I posted last, I've become very friendly with another 2 others. They are relatively new also and experienced the same as me. One even gave feedback to the manager and they didn't respond in a professional way.

People are just waiting to move on. I was thinking of expressing my concerns to another manager here (who I know from a long time back) and is a good person. Do you think that is advisable? Given our manager isn't capable of taking feedback, I was going to try another route.

Thanks

OMM 0000

I don't think it's a good idea, unless you are just looking for advice.

A better route is to go to your manager's manager.