Men's toilet etiquette: what is wrong with so many men?

uptherebels

The Tetrarch wrote: »

Have you ever played in a poker tournament?
You visit the toilet, do your business, wash and dry your hands.
And notice that about half the players do not wash their hands.
Back at the tables everyone handles the cards every few minutes, hour after hour.

Don't ever take change from a pub/bar!

DEFTLEFTHAND

Do you ever notice that only men find things like farting and fecal matter hilarious?

What's wrong with us? Why are we wired this way?

_Brian

I wonder sometimes what some people do in public toilets.

It’s like an competition to shiit and piss everywhere, use as much paper as you can and block the loo when your done.

Really, I’m on the road allot in my job and so use public facilities daily. Men seem completely incapable of pointing their knob into a toilet bowl and controlling themselves. I’m sure it’s not like that at home so it must be a total break down of their civility when they see a public loo.

As for the hoards that run out without washing their hands, Jesus considering how poor their control is you’d imagine washing their hands would be a priority.

The only place I’ve seen dirtier public toilets than Ireland was in Egypt.

AndrewJRenko

My father-in-law came out of the loo just before I went in, while we were both visiting another house over Christmas. I was greeted with large amounts of his pi$$ around the seat and the floor.

So I had to clean up his pi$$ to avoid getting blamed for it being my pi$$. Yeuch.

Zorya

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

Do you ever notice that only men find things like farting and fecal matter hilarious?

What's wrong with us? Why are we wired this way?

Some ladies quite enjoy scatalogical humour.

Jimbob1977

I went to a restaurant in Skopje, Macedonia a few years ago.

The toilet was Slavic style, i.e. a flat ceramic unit built into the floor. Zero height. Like crapping in the woods.

You had to squat for #2s.

Funnily enough, our Western-style toilets cause more haemmerhoids than squat toilets.

James Brown

Is this a thread about poor aul' George Michael's favourite hobby? Either way just wash your hands after and don't be a scummer.
The amount you see don't wash their hands after a whizz is manky.

Brendan Bendar

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Just take a shît before you go to the pub. Then don’t go for a piss until you’ve had at least 6 pints. This stuff isn’t rocket science, pal.

Why would you not wait till you get a nice warm stall to pump out a length of rope,John.

No seat wear, no brushing, fire and forget, man, ignore the fawn footprint.

Someone else’s bog roll, John.

What’s not to like about that,dude.

JohnnyFlash

I was in a pub on Baggot Street during the summer, and was in the jacks draining my main vein. I spotted a well-known TV 'celebrity chef' emerge out of one of the cubicles. The fúcker was still pulling up his chinos and belting up as he walked out. Then he looked at the sink, turned around, and wiped his hands down the front of his trousers, before walking out the door with not a care in the world. Spotted the dirty bastard at the bar a few minutes later demolishing a bag of scampi fries, and hoovering down the porter like he was dying of the thirst.

JohnnyFlash

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Why would you not wait till you get a nice warm stall to pump out a length of rope,John.

No seat wear, no brushing, fire and forget, man, ignore the fawn footprint.

Someone else’s bog roll, John.

What’s not to like about that,dude.

Fair questions, Brendan. Where your argument falls down is the assumption that no other fúcker has the same ideas and principals as the ones you allude to. Can't take the risk of opening a cubicle door, and discovering a 'dead otter' looking up at you, along with a wojus 'fent' of scutter that would knock down a Bombay sewage plant worker.



Even if that isn't the case, you always find pubs tend to scrimp on the quality of the toilet paper - rough 2-ply at most. And I really can't abide sitting down on the throne and discovering some latent heat because of the fat cúnt that was holding court there only 5 minutes earlier.



Very much an AM and home 'pooper'. A mug of coffee and 2 benson and hedges, and I'm goose stepping into the ensuite with a look of urgency on my face.

Brendan Bendar

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

I was in a pub on Baggot Street during the summer, and was in the jacks draining my main vein. I spotted a well-known TV 'celebrity chef' emerge out of one of the cubicles. The fúcker was still pulling up his chinos and belting up as he walked out. Then he looked at the sink, turned around, and wiped his hands down the front of his trousers, before walking out the door with not a care in the world. Spotted the dirty bastard at the bar a few minutes later demolishing a bag of scampi fries, and hoovering down the porter like he was dying of the thirst.

Hmmm.... must have been on the hunt,John.

Instead of attending to your main business you were scanning the traps.

Too much detailed info for the casual pisser there,John, I think you have questions to answer, my friend.

Most of us concentrate on the hosepiece when at the pewter, like, make sure she doesn’t snap up and speckle the strides with,what do they call them ‘coins of the realm’

Not a reassuring post there,John.

baron von something

What's the deal with women putting the toilet seat down all the time?
Every single time I have to go to the toilet I have to lift it up again. It's getting very annoying

Brendan Bendar

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Fair questions, Brendan. Where your argument falls down is the assumption that no other fúcker has the same ideas and principals as the ones you allude to. Can't take the risk of opening a cubicle door, and discovering a 'dead otter' looking up at you, along with a wojus 'fent' of scutter that would knock down a Bombay sewage plant worker.



Even if that isn't the case, you always find pubs tend to scrimp on the quality of the toilet paper - rough 2-ply at most. And I really can't abide sitting down on the throne and discovering some latent heat because of the fat cúnt that was holding court there only 5 minutes earlier.



Very much an AM and home 'pooper'. A mug of coffee and 2 benson and hedges, and I'm goose stepping into the ensuite with a look of urgency on my face.

Have to say you make good points there John, in fairness nowt worst than parking your buns on a hot bangbox, you involuntarily have to lift the helmet if she lodges on the ‘leading edge’ as they say.

Now I have to admit this ,if presented with this problem I will swathe the bell in tissue and let her loll on the leading edge.

Like looking down at fhhuuker Laurence of Arabia, but it gives comfort.

Edgware

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

I was in a pub on Baggot Street during the summer, and was in the jacks draining my main vein. I spotted a well-known TV 'celebrity chef' emerge out of one of the cubicles. The fúcker was still pulling up his chinos and belting up as he walked out. Then he looked at the sink, turned around, and wiped his hands down the front of his trousers, before walking out the door with not a care in the world. Spotted the dirty bastard at the bar a few minutes later demolishing a bag of scampi fries, and hoovering down the porter like he was dying of the thirst.

Did you have a look to see if he left his latest gastronomic creation in the bowl to marinate?

AndrewJRenko

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

And I really can't abide sitting down on the throne and discovering some latent heat because of the fat cúnt that was holding court there only 5 minutes earlier.

The term is shoeburyness

Ush1

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

I was in a pub on Baggot Street during the summer, and was in the jacks draining my main vein. I spotted a well-known TV 'celebrity chef' emerge out of one of the cubicles. The fúcker was still pulling up his chinos and belting up as he walked out. Then he looked at the sink, turned around, and wiped his hands down the front of his trousers, before walking out the door with not a care in the world. Spotted the dirty bastard at the bar a few minutes later demolishing a bag of scampi fries, and hoovering down the porter like he was dying of the thirst.

Not even a rinse after pebble dashing the porcelain? I'd say the bang was fetid.

andekwarhola

It's an eye opener in work. Being a tramp isn't class or income specific. There cannot be a single man in our workplace that isn't educated to a decent level and on a decent wage and yet so many people leave piss on the toilet seats and skid marks in the toilet.

Another trivial thing that boils my piss is being startled by people dropping or slamming down the toilet seat in an adjacent cubicle. What type of jaysus fxuking effort is required to place the thing down gently?

JohnnyFlash

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Hmmm.... must have been on the hunt,John.

Instead of attending to your main business you were scanning the traps.

Too much detailed info for the casual pisser there,John, I think you have questions to answer, my friend.

Most of us concentrate on the hosepiece when at the pewter, like, make sure she doesn’t snap up and speckle the strides with,what do they call them ‘coins of the realm’

Not a reassuring post there,John.

Nah, dude, that sort of thing isn't my scene. Toners isn't a 'specialty' pub. I take a very business like approach to taking a whizz - march in there, release the old Herman, and pull a pint on the piss pump, tackle up, then wash the paws and out of there. No asking the lad at the next pisser if he thinks Liverpool have the league won, or any of that sort of bollocks.



Drink outside going warm.

Brendan Bendar

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Nah, dude, that sort of thing isn't my scene. Toners isn't a 'specialty' pub. I take a very business like approach to taking a whizz - march in there, release the old Herman, and pull a pint on the piss pump, tackle up, then wash the paws and out of there. No asking the lad at the next pisser if he thinks Liverpool have the league won, or any of that sort of bollocks.



Drink outside going warm.

Sorry John, got you tookken up wrong there, as a football pundit might say.

Lad I knew not only insisted on talking to the lad at the next pisser,he conducted conversations with punters in the next stall.

Lad went in to a stall beside an occupied one in the Brazen Head,blew out a geyser of raw midden like a flock of pidgeons taking off and said to his ‘companion’

“Jaysus pal, what’s wrong with this country anyway’

And yer man says “Haven’t a clue buddy, but ya better get your guts checked, there’s something wrong with them.”

That shut him up for a while.

SnakePlissken

I usually don't even consider washing my hands after using pub urinals... sure my willy is the cleanest thing in most of them.

Gimme A Pound

Floppybits wrote: »

Yep they are as bad. I worked in a bar and at the end of the night you would be sent in to collect any glasses in there and check that no one has fallen asleep. Sometimes you would need to wear waders in there was that much water/p1ss on the floor. Other times you would find a surprise crap on the floor of the cubicle.

Thankfully despite being a woman I have never been in one of these sh1t covered toilet cubicles!

fussyonion

Women are worse.
I once saw a shoite on a closed toilet seat in a Blessington pub.

NSAman

square ball wrote: »

Having worked in hotels, hostels and bars I regret to say that the women's toilets can be worse.

Having been brought up in a bar, parents had one, just didnt drink in it, I can absolutely concur with this statement... the Ladies toilets were always absolutely MANKY!

Larbre34

Theres some magnificent hiberno-english on here boys. Magnificent.

Agricola

I dont think it's necessarily a gender issue or a nationality one. It's a simple case of "This is a public toilet............there's a cleaner paid to clean it...........no one's going to give out to me.................I won't be back here again anytime soon/ever so what difference"

Same reason people litter. They wont litter in their own yard/village/town nor will they piss or shít all over their own toilet, but it's open season when they're on tour because there no comeuppance for it. People are, in general, ignorant focking animals imho!

andekwarhola wrote: »

Another trivial thing that boils my piss is being startled by people dropping or slamming down the toilet seat in an adjacent cubicle. What type of jaysus fxuking effort is required to place the thing down gently?

Or what about when your having a nice quiet dump and some silver back guerilla bursts into the cubicle next to you, drops the seat down on the ceramic from a height, waking the dead, then hocks up every bit of flem in his body from his toes to his tonsils and proceeds to spit that into the jacks. Finally he does a good impression of a horse, power pissing into the bowl with enough force to bore a hole in the ground.

And that's on a good day when this guy doesnt squat and drop what sounds like lead weights into the toilet while groaning and wet farting.

Edgware

fussyonion wrote: »

Women are worse.
I once saw a shoite on a closed toilet seat in a Blessington pub.

I saw a ****e in a urinal in the Aviva. Some lad was really under pressure. But then of course it was an FAI cup final. You wouldnt get that behaviour from the rugby guys

Bogfairy

Worked in pubs and nightclubs for years, mens jacks were rough, bit of puke, piss and glass on the floor but thats as bad as it got.

The womens, where do i start! At the end of the night we were doing our usual sweep of the place to make sure the place was empty. I opened the door of the womens jacks to be greeted by a drunken heifer who was passed out asleep with her kecks down below her knees. She had filled them with puke and had left a dead baby seal in the toilet beneath her. She woke up, pulled up her puke filled kecks, and staggered off home.

Another night found a smiley face drawn with a used tampon on the back of the cubicle door. Tampon was hanging on the coat hook.

Fanny snot rubbed on the walks was another one.

So glad i got out of that line of work. Women can be animals.

sligojoek

Rikand

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

Do you ever notice that only men find things like farting and fecal matter hilarious?

What's wrong with us? Why are we wired this way?

I have cried laughing the whole way through. I really needed this thread today

Brendan Bendar

andekwarhola wrote: »

It's an eye opener in work. Being a tramp isn't class or income specific. There cannot be a single man in our workplace that isn't educated to a decent level and on a decent wage and yet so many people leave piss on the toilet seats and skid marks in the toilet.

Another trivial thing that boils my piss is being startled by people dropping or slamming down the toilet seat in an adjacent cubicle. What type of jaysus fxuking effort is required to place the thing down gently?

Probably covered in ‘arse latticework ’ and tipped down with the toe of the shoe rather than handled.

And you are correct about the behavior not being income or class specific.

Student friend of mine doing some hotel work checked the bogs after a ‘posh ‘ wedding.

Three of them plus one in the ladies were ‘Topdecked’ and a large log like King Kong’s thumb was resting on the bog roll holder in another.

Luckily most cisterns are hidden these days.
Terrible stuff.