Men's toilet etiquette: what is wrong with so many men?

I think after littering/not caring about the environment this is the societal behaviour in Ireland that annoys me most. I doubt it's unique to Irishmen, but are there any countries where males do not behave like this in toilets? A society of men with toilet manners and toilet etiquette?

The filth. Manky. Horror. Jesus. Mary. Joseph. What way are so many men raised that they urinate on toilet seats and floors and seem wholly incapable of hitting a simple target of water in a toilet bowl? Basic respect.

And then there's the minor matter of flushing the toilet. It's allowed, you know? If you must urinate in a toilet as opposed to at a urinal, could you please wipe the seat (assuming you're too lazy to lift it beforehand) with the toilet paper, or tissue in your pocket if there's no toilet paper, and then flush after you? And, yes, many people like you to put down the toilet lid also. A simple consideration for the next person.

And then there's the excrement. Mother of God. Flush the damn thing quickly if it's too difficult to position your posterior (arse) so that your poop drops into that bowl of water. Use the brush if you lack the technical skill to hit the water. If there's no brush, be creative and save your pee for a stand up to scorch the poo off the sides above the water. And if it's a really big, stinky Blue Whale-sized one, flush immediately - immediately! - before the stink has the time to kill us all. Then worry about the wiping etc.

This problem is particular awful in the huge number of substandard pubs in poorer areas in Dublin and across rural Ireland. It's like the owner doesn't even think twice about ensuring the toilet is checked every day never mind every hour, or that the brown-stained, cracking urinal that's been there with the cracked tiles, endemic fumes and poor ventilation since 1950 is changed. Even in some of Dublin's hugely profitable "legendary" traditional pubs where apparently great pints flow the toilets remain as they would have been in 1950. Cheapskate owners are trying to pass off awful hygiene and comfort standards as "traditional". Is there even a minimum hygiene standard in Irish law for these places? In the soulless superpubs amid the roaring televisions and/or music, the toilets are generally better kept, but that's about their only redeeming feature. Is it not possible for publicans to create pubs with character, tradition and regularly cleaned, well-maintained toilets?

Do the huge number of males who treat toilets in pubs, restaurants, etc like this in 2019 treat the toilets in their own homes like this? It's a matter of basic respect, you barbarous, ignorant arrant troglodytes.

Not much seems to have changed since this review of Irish pubs in 1971 (from 12:58)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lLsaO9SiRbs

Maz2016

What have I just read

square ball

Having worked in hotels, hostels and bars I regret to say that the women's toilets can be worse.

Baron Kurtz

You have serious mental problems

DS86DS

Fuaranach wrote: »

I think after littering/not caring about the environment this is the societal behaviour in Ireland that annoys me most. I doubt it's unique to Irishmen, but are there any countries where males do not behave like this in toilets? A society of men with toilet manners and toilet etiquette?

The filth. Manky. Horror. Jesus. Mary. Joseph. What way are so many men raised that they urinate on toilet seats and floors and seem wholly incapable of hitting a simple target of water in a toilet bowl? Basic respect.

And then there's the minor matter of flushing the toilet. It's allowed, you know? If you must urinate in a toilet as opposed to at a urinal, could you please wipe the seat (assuming you're too lazy to lift it beforehand) with the toilet paper, or tissue in your pocket if there's no toilet paper, and then flush after you? And, yes, many people like you to put down the toilet lid also. A simple consideration for the next person.

And then there's the excrement. Mother of God. Flush the damn thing quickly if it's too difficult to position your posterior (arse) so that your poop drops into that bowl of water. Use the brush if you lack the technical skill to hit the water. If there's no brush, be creative and save your pee for a stand up to scorch the poo off the sides above the water. And if it's a really big, stinky Blue Whale-sized one, flush immediately - immediately! - before the stink has the time to kill us all. Then worry about the wiping etc.

This problem is particular awful in the huge number of substandard pubs in poorer areas in Dublin and across rural Ireland. It's like the owner doesn't even think twice about ensuring the toilet is checked every day never mind every hour, or that the brown-stained, cracking urinal that's been there with the cracked tiles, endemic fumes and poor ventilation since 1950 is changed. Even in some of Dublin's hugely profitable "legendary" traditional pubs where apparently great pints flow the toilets remain as they would have been in 1950. Cheapskate owners are trying to pass off awful hygiene and comfort standards as "traditional". Is there even a minimum hygiene standard in Irish law for these places? In the soulless superpubs amid the roaring televisions and/or music, the toilets are generally better kept, but that's about their only redeeming feature. Is it not possible for publicans to create pubs with character, tradition and regularly cleaned, well-maintained toilets?

Do the huge number of males who treat toilets in pubs, restaurants, etc like this in 2019 treat the toilets in their own homes like this? It's a matter of basic respect, you barbarous, ignorant arrant troglodytes.

Not much seems to have changed since this review of Irish pubs in 1971 (from 12:58)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lLsaO9SiRbs

I'd put this more on greedy publicans. They charge damn well enough for each pint that they could at least have the decency to keep a cleaner on standby. Really I think pub toilets should be checked every 30 minutes or so.

I don't think though that fellas after 10 pints are going to be too bothered about keeping a sense of aim in the urinals. It's disgusting, but been drunk makes people sloppy in their thinking and consideration.

mosstin

You're taking the piss.
We don't give a ****.

Hammer89

Fuaranach wrote: »

And then there's the excrement. Mother of God. Flush the damn thing quickly if it's too difficult to position your posterior (arse) so that your poop drops into that bowl of water.

MaryBrosnan

DS86DS wrote: »

I'd put this more on greedy publicans. They charge damn well enough for each pint that they could at least have the decency to keep a cleaner on standby. Really I think pub toilets should be checked every 30 minutes or so.

I don't think though that fellas after 10 pints are going to be too bothered about keeping a sense of aim in the urinals. It's disgusting, but been drunk makes people sloppy in their thinking and consideration.

I would have never knew it was the op you were replying, thanks for quoting it.

LessOutragePlz

Fuaranach wrote: »

This problem is particular awful in the huge number of substandard pubs in poorer areas in Dublin and across rural Ireland.

Do the huge number of males who treat toilets in pubs, restaurants, etc like this in 2019 treat the toilets in their own homes like this? It's a matter of basic respect, you barbarous, ignorant arrant troglodytes.

Not just a problem in Dublin I witnessed the very same when I was in college. I saw a clogged toilet nearly everyday and piss everywhere. I personally think it's due to a lack of respect. Anyone that does it doesn't care if they make the cleaner's life a misery by having to clean up the mess they leave behind. Where as I was thought that you treat the cleaner with the same respect as you would a lecturer or a CEO

You can bet your ass they don't leave the toilet at home in the same state cos they know mammy or daddy would not tolerate it at all.

alexmalalex

Fann Linn

square ball wrote: »

Having worked in hotels, hostels and bars I regret to say that the women's toilets can be worse.

Nail on head. I never had to pick bloodied sanitary towels up from the floor of a gents toilets.

freshpopcorn

This sounds like a Louise O Neill article!

chalkitdown1

Speaking of bad habits, does anyone else spit into the toilet/urinal before peeing?

I have no idea why I do it, it just feels right.

naughtysmurf

square ball wrote: »

Having worked in hotels, hostels and bars I regret to say that the women's toilets can be worse.

Back in the day as a young emigrant working in a restaurant, absolutely agree, the ladies were absolutely manky compared to the gents

JohnnyFlash

Just take a shît before you go to the pub. Then don’t go for a piss until you’ve had at least 6 pints. This stuff isn’t rocket science, pal.

DS86DS

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Just take a shît before you go to the pub. Then don’t go for a piss until you’ve had at least 6 pints. This stuff isn’t rocket science, pal.

No piss until after 6 pints would be the stuff of the Guinness Book of Records.

Gimme A Pound

People say that women's toilets are worse but how can that be the case? Are they really covered in faeces and urine and used sanitary products? I mean, I have used many of them and the vast majority have not been remotely manky.

I doubt men's toilets are that bad overall either - I just don't see how it could be possible for women's toilets to be worse. Makes more sense that it'd be 50/50 mostly - although due to biology, women don't have the "missed" aim problem (usually). Or is it maybe a subconscious expectation that women's toilets would be cleaner than men's?

Kevin Finnerty

The Flutt would have a field day at that OP. Pity he got so badly constipated he asked to be banned. Probably felt his art was leaving him.

tupenny

Can honestly say I've never been to a filthy toilet unless the flusher isnt working

Carlos Orange

Elisha Better Baby wrote: »

I just don't see how it could be possible for women's toilets to be worse. Makes more sense that it'd be 50/50 mostly - although due to biology, women don't have the "missed" aim problem (usually).

I imagine everything that can go wrong in mens toilets can go wrong in womens and much much more. Apparently [according to posts on the internet] some women hover over the toilet due to some strange fear of making contact with the toilet which isn't great for their aim.

Gimme A Pound

"Much much more" like what?

spurious

Some really shocking women's toilets alright.

You really would wonder about some people. What must their homes be like?

Andrew00

I do always place toilet paper around the seat if I ever need a sh*te in any public toilet .

Would never place my arse on any of them

KevinCavan

Men’s toilets are disgusting I must say. On occasion I’ve gone into a stall for a whizz, only to see somebody else has given the toilet seat a “golden shower.” I then proceed to take my own pee carefully. Then I realize that 12 angry men are waiting to use my cubicle. What do I do? I reluctantly clean the pee belonging to somebody else with a tissue before I exit. How do you explain to the next guy that it wasn’t me? It’s the closest I’ve gotten to feeling what Lee Harvey Oswald must have felt.

Tell me how

Olivia O'Leary was particularly attractive in that video wasn't she.

And very well spoken. Lovely diction.

FanadMan

DS86DS wrote: »

No piss until after 6 pints would be the stuff of the Guinness Book of Records.

Lightweight!! So, you've started drinking a couple of months ago?

KungPao

It’s simple. Himself has been listening to her indoors all week, giving it large about the toilet paper not hanging the right way, and putting the seat back down, opening windows and spraying Oust after taking a ****.

Now he’s out with the lads, a few jars, no woman moaning, so time to piss all over the place and forget washing the hands... that’s wasting drinking time.

Real man stuff.

Andrew00

KungPao wrote: »

It’s simple. Himself has been listening to her indoors all week, giving it large about the toilet paper not hanging the right way, and putting the seat back down, opening windows and spraying Oust after taking a ****.

Now he’s out with the lads, a few jars, no woman moaning, so time to piss all over the place and forget washing the hands... that’s wasting drinking time.

Real man stuff.

Haha brilliant

DS86DS

KungPao wrote: »

It’s simple. Himself has been listening to her indoors all week, giving it large about the toilet paper not hanging the right way, and putting the seat back down, opening windows and spraying Oust after taking a ****.

Now he’s out with the lads, a few jars, no woman moaning, so time to piss all over the place and forget washing the hands... that’s wasting drinking time.

Real man stuff.

There's a grain of truth in that. Pubs the world over are refuges for men from their nagging wives.

King of Kings

Mods I think the OPs account has been hacked,he hasnt blamed "the brits" for this terrible situation

Sunflower 27

KevinCavan wrote: »

Men’s toilets are disgusting I must say. On occasion I’ve gone into a stall for a whizz, only to see somebody else has given the toilet seat a “golden shower.” I then proceed to take my own pee carefully. Then I realize that 12 angry men are waiting to use my cubicle. What do I do? I reluctantly clean the pee belonging to somebody else with a tissue before I exit. How do you explain to the next guy that it wasn’t me? It’s the closest I’ve gotten to feeling what Lee Harvey Oswald must have felt.

I hope there weren't skid marks as well....

uptherebels

Elisha Better Baby wrote: »

People say that women's toilets are worse but how can that be the case? Are they really covered in faeces and urine and used sanitary products? I mean, I have used many of them and the vast majority have not been remotely manky.

I doubt men's toilets are that bad overall either - I just don't see how it could be possible for women's toilets to be worse. Makes more sense that it'd be 50/50 mostly - although due to biology, women don't have the "missed" aim problem (usually). Or is it maybe a subconscious expectation that women's toilets would be cleaner than men's?

I used to work as a porter in a busy four star hotel in the middle of a city when I was younger. Housekeeping would clean the women's during the day so we would only do it at night, but they are as bad as the gents.
As for the gents, **** on the walls, on top of the toilet roll holders ( imagine trying to clean the key slot on top of one of those). Toilets blocked from ****ty jocks that they tried to flush. Blobs of **** leading in (or out?) of the toilets and up the lobby, nevermind the poo footprints.
**** in places that you can't figure out how it got there as it looked like a spray.
The funny thing is I didn't notice the blobs because of the colour of floor tiles until I stood in it.
As a young lad I never understood why places wouldn't let you use the toilet unless you were a customer - then I worked in a hotel.

As a child after learning to finally do a "stand-up pee" I quickly discovered the joys of what I called "the wee wee race". Got years of great entertainment out of it as a young lad.

Basically when you're standing over the bowl taking a whizz, mid-flow so to speak you then flush the toilet. The "race" is to see whether you can complete your pee before the toilet stops flushing. Ah, simpler times! Doesn't work anymore with modern jacks bowls being so fast, thus robbing an entire generation of this wonderful experience.

fergiesfolly

What's the big deal about putting the seat down?
It's hinged for a reason.
A man leaving it up is no different than a woman leaving it down.

Zorya

Himself works on sites where they have portable toilets, one for men and one for the women. The stories he has told me about the men's toilets are incredible. He says that not only is their indescribable mounts of splatter all over the bowl and the seat and on the floor, he says the back part of the toilet cubicle can also be covered, like someone has backed in the door, bent over, already gushing. And then some people try to clean off their offerings and replace the toilet brush in the holder covered in shyte. He says it is unnatural. And there are poor people who have the job of going in to clean these places at the end of the week. Gah!

Anyways, enjoy yer breakfast.

Broken window theory in action. As soon as there's a bit of piss on a toilet seat it's gonna go downhill rapidly.

razorblunt

I've posted in the Trivially Annoying thread before but I agree, it's particularly infuriating in work.
There's some incredibly bright, very well paid professionals here that can't piss in a straight nor clean up after themselves.
Don't get me started on the lads that just walk off without flushing.

I'd be fully in favour of using our swipe cards to access the loo and if you were the last person in there and created a mess you're fired and have to change your LinkedIn to "currently seeking new opportunities, once I've successfully completed my potty training refresher".

kona

https://youtu.be/XZsYJfVCDqQ

Exhibit A.


Its nsfw.

whisky_galore

Goes to lock cubicle door, lock broken.
Tries to hang up jacket, hook already broken off.

Why do people wreck toilets, what do they get out of it?

OldGoat

On the issue of why men miss the giant target I think there are a few misconceptions. As shown by the overwhelming evidence, the target is not as easy to hit as some people believe.

Here are a few of the factors involved though listed in no particular order:

Back pressure. The volume of urine to be excreted varies the pressure of the flow thus the first jet is always a surprise. It might hit the back of the bowl, it might just dribble onto your feet. This pressure constantly changes and every piss is a voyage of discovery.

Flaccidity/Turgidity. This has an enormous affect on the direction and the pressure (see above) of the jet thus having a 'semi' will almost always cause a miss.

The size of the water target. This might surprise some but a lot of men prefer to piss silently rather than sounding like a titanic waterfall. We/they piss on the side walls of the bowl rather than directly into the water. This reduces the target size and brings the stream of piss closer to the rim of the bowl where splashback may cause some splatter.

Belly size. For those of us of a more rotund size it's a bit difficult to aim accurately when you can't see the gunbarrel, so to speak.

Gummy foreskin. Just like your mouth or your eyes, your foreskin may be a bit 'gummy'. This causes a bit of back pressure before the urine breaks the seal and gushes forth. The first squirt will hit the back of the bowl, the rest might just dribble out requiring a rapid readjustment of aim that invariable misses.

Urgency. When the matter is urgent all attempt at aiming becomes secondary to not pissing on yourself.



There may be more general factors and there may be some personal issues that affect the ability to piss into a bowl but hopefully the above gives some insight as to why we occasionally miss.

That said, for **** sake people, clean up after yerselves. Yer not fecking children anymore.

whisky_galore

spurious wrote: »

Some really shocking women's toilets alright.

You really would wonder about some people. What must their homes be like?

Probably quite normal, they only sh1t and p1ss around the place like animals when 'someone else' can clean up after them.

ongarboy

I don't understand it either. It's not just pubs or clubs where the excuse of booze may be blamed for some guys etiquette! I've worked in the IFSC in Dublin for almost 20 years. Gleaming office buildings full of supposedly more cultured guys in expensive designer suits....but with disgusting toilet habits. Recently, in our 4 cubicle mens toilet, I had to walk in and out of 3 cubicles before I found the 4th cubicle being acceptable. i.e. that didn't have piss spatter over the seats or skid marks or unflushed crap in it. I cringed (ok I smirked) at the thought of a visiting client we were trying to win business from seeing this!

I like the way some toilets in the USA have disposable/flushable paper rings you put on the seat before using. Although if the seat is soaked with the previous user's deposits, that is still not enough of a safeguard!

Rule of thumb - Perform your No 2s at home at all costs - nothing worse than having the urge in a packed pub or club with just one cubicle and a queue waiting/smelling/knowing it's you causing the delay!!

0cp71eyxkb94qf

I can't wait for the sjws to get their way on gender neutral toilets then the real complaining will get under way.

Carlos Orange

OldGoat wrote: »

On the issue of why men miss the giant target I think there are a few misconceptions. As shown by the overwhelming evidence, the target is not as easy to hit as some people believe.

Apparently it's why guys do better at physics.

https://www.tes.com/news/taking-pee-out-physics-how-boys-are-getting-leg

OldGoat wrote: »

That said, for **** sake people, clean up after yerselves. Yer not fecking children anymore.

I don't think people have managed to clean their coffee cups anywhere I have ever worked so toilets might be beyond them.

Zorya

OldGoat wrote: »

Gummy foreskin.
.

This is a brand new phrase I wish I had not just learned.

Outlaw Pete

Aiyana Famous Peephole wrote: »

I can't wait for the sjws to get their way on gender neutral toilets then the real complaining will get under way.

Any unisex toilet I've been in has been pristine. The one in the Lighthouse cinema for example.

Perhaps some are better behaved when they think the opposite sex might witness their inconsideration.

OldGoat

Zorya wrote: »

This is a brand new phrase I wish I had not just learned.

Like I said, there may be some personal factors involved.

0cp71eyxkb94qf

Outlaw Pete wrote: »

Any unisex toilet I've been in has been pristine. The one in the Lighthouse cinema for example.

Perhaps some are better behaved when they think the opposite sex might witness their inconsideration.

I'm just imagining some posh one in the cubicle next to some auld fella letting out a skitter laden Guinness fart. I doubt if he would give a toss about etiquette tbh.

stoneill

It's all culchies - with their culchie sh1te and their culchie piss...

JohnnyFlash

Aiyana Famous Peephole wrote: »

I'm just imagining some posh one in the cubicle next to some auld fella letting out a skitter laden Guinness fart. I doubt if he would give a toss about etiquette tbh.

There’s few things more satisfying than pressing the eject button and firing out a dose of hot and sour Guinness effluent. Sounds like a box of shoes being thrown out of an attic.

Ush1

My place is hilarious. It's a large MNC and lads would be taking loud, aggressive sh*tes while on the phone in the cubicles.