I feel hurt and foolish

Ghekko

QueenRizla wrote: »

She asked him to go on a date tonight and he ignored her. What answer?
Ringing someone about that is really cringe.

My reply was in response to another post regarding getting an explanation. Nothing cringe about calling someone. If more people did it there would be less posts like this fretting over texts, or lack thereof.

Ursus Horribilis

I'd be amazed if he answered the phone. If he's gone to ground (as appears to be the case) and doesn't even have the courtesy to send her a goodbye text, the last thing he'll want is an uncomfortable conversation over the phone. It is lousy behaviour though, no matter what labels you want to put on what the OP had with him.

Ursus Horribilis

Ghekko wrote: »

My reply was in response to another post regarding getting an explanation. Nothing cringe about calling someone. If more people did it there would be less posts like this fretting over texts, or lack thereof.

I agree with this but I'm not 25 any more. Texts are a lousy way of communicating complicated issues. Our phone call adverse younger brethren would save themselves a lot of trouble at times if they just spoke to each other on their phones.

Definitely in this case it's gone beyond phone call territory.

yogi37

blairbear wrote: »

I wonder are the people suggesting double texting and to call him to demand an explanation also in their 20s and involved in the online dating scene?

Because that is bad, cringey advice that will leave the OP hurt, embarrassed and worse off than she was before.

I don't agree with this at all. The OP was seeing this guy for 3 months. Its not like she just met him online and is stalking him now.

If I was seeing somebody for 3 months, I would regularly talk to them on the phone etc. I am not suggesting that OP spends weeks chasing after this guy. But one follow up text or call to see what is happening is hardly cringey.

Paddy Cow

mj123 wrote: »

I was seeing a (what i thought was great) guy for 2-3 months but we havent seen each other in about 2 weeks due to work commitments on both sides. We kept in touch via phone and were texting a few days ago and he asked me what days I was working this week. I told Him and asked him when he was free again. He told me he was free on Saturday and seen as I was free also I went for it and asked him did he want to meet up and go to the cinema or something Sat. and he never replied. This was two days ago and he’s seen the message. Now I feel so s*** I almost feel like crying. I feel like a fool and Im hurt that he would behave this way. I feel it is so immature and just a lousy thing to do. We are 28 and 29 YO. He could have at least text back and said yes or no so I could have made more definite plans with someone else. I dont get why he would give the impression he wanted to meet by asking me my days off if he had no intention and was going to pull a stunt like this?? did he lead me on? I would like to hear some kind words of advice please as Im just baffled!

Everything you need to know was written in your OP. Ye were texting about days off and it turned out you both had the same day so you took a chance and asked him out. He didn't reply which is a sh!tty thing to do. This makes him not a nice guy. Even if he had a death in the family, he could have sent you a text. In the early stages of a relationship where all you can think about is that person, nothing would stop you from texting them.

Did he lead you on? Yes. Absolutely. He asked were you free and when you wanted to make plans he ignored you.

You are seeing this guy a relatively short time so you don't really know his character. You thought he was a nice guy but his actions show that he wasn't. I've bolded the part of your op that I think might explain this - he was in a "relationship" with more than just you. He was playing the field and wanted to know when you were available vs whoever else he was texting to keep his options open.

Plenty of guys (and girls) will have multiple "dates" on the go. I don't get it myself but apparently it's normal to be dating 2, 3, 4 + people all at the same time and when you decide who is the "one", you become exclusive and break off from the other people. If you are a decent human being you break it off with the others with an explanation. If you are a weak person, you ghost them.

This is what I think happened here and I'm so glad you didn't text him. He wouldn't have given you the closure you wanted and your self-esteem would've taken a further hit.

You have received a lot of conflicting advice here and the one thing that stands out to me is that you are very level headed. You haven't overreacted and have taken everything on board. When some were telling you to text and others were saying not to, your response was "how should I phrase the text?". I think any guy in the future would be lucky to have you and I wish you all the best

mj123

Paddy Cow wrote: »

Everything you need to know was written in your OP. Ye were texting about days off and it turned out you both had the same day so you took a chance and asked him out. He didn't reply which is a sh!tty thing to do. This makes him not a nice guy. Even if he had a death in the family, he could have sent you a text. In the early stages of a relationship where all you can think about is that person, nothing would stop you from texting them.

Did he lead you on? Yes. Absolutely. He asked were you free and when you wanted to make plans he ignored you.

You are seeing this guy a relatively short time so you don't really know his character. You thought he was a nice guy but his actions show that he wasn't. I've bolded the part of your op that I think might explain this - he was in a "relationship" with more than just you. He was playing the field and wanted to know when you were available vs whoever else he was texting to keep his options open.

Plenty of guys (and girls) will have multiple "dates" on the go. I don't get it myself but apparently it's normal to be dating 2, 3, 4 + people all at the same time and when you decide who is the "one", you become exclusive and break off from the other people. If you are a decent human being you break it off with the others with an explanation. If you are a weak person, you ghost them.

This is what I think happened here and I'm so glad you didn't text him. He wouldn't have given you the closure you wanted and your self-esteem would've taken a further hit.

You have received a lot of conflicting advice here and the one thing that stands out to me is that you are very level headed. You haven't overreacted and have taken everything on board. When some were telling you to text and others were saying not to, your response was "how should I phrase the text?". I think any guy in the future would be lucky to have you and I wish you all the best

Thank you so much paddy cow for your reply. Everything you said makes sense and yes I agree he more than likely is seeing other girls. I understand that’s the way it goes and he’s entitled to but not dignifying me with a reply really does show his true colours. I have struggled with self esteem issues in the past and my counsellor always focused on me and what’s right for me etc and maintaining my worth which is sometimes overshadowed by feelings of anxiety fear sadness etc. This is why I didn’t text him, because Regardless of what he said or didn’t say I know it would have made me feel worse. In addition I didn’t want to give him the chance or opportunity to redeem himself as he doesn’t deserve it.
Your last paragraph genuinely brought a tear (of happiness) to my eye. I appreciate your compliment a lot and it had given me the boost I needed. Thank you and all the other posters for taking the time to advise/help me.

iamwhoiam

OP . Not texting you back was an unkind thing to do . Now just remember he was the unkind one , not because you are not a nice person but because he is not nice
You sound like a nice girl and remember that and look forward to good times .

milli milli

OP I am very happy for you for not texting. It is an empowering thing to have such self-restraint when your whole being is crying out for to contact this person. So be proud of yourself.

Also the sweet thing about this is it will look you didn’t give a toss about this bloke, and he won’t get an ego-stroke out of it!

I’m a fan of positive quotes and this one is appropriate for your situation and I’m so happy you showed how smart you are!

‘If he’s stupid enough to walk away, be smart enough to let him go’.

lulu1

Op I know your hurt and angry about the situation and rightly so.

But I wouldn't text him back if he hadn't the manners to reply to you

And if by chance he textes again I would challange him then about it

leggo

Yeah don’t write back. I’d put money on it someone else has come along and turned his head, and he’s likely not going to tell you that if you ask, so you won’t gain anything by texting and will just double down on the misery you’re feeling now when you get ignored again. I don’t ghost people but when I finish with them if they keep contacting me afterwards and don’t get the hint, I’m very quick to block. There’s every chance that what this guy could do if you reach out when, as others have said, you’ve got your answer already that that’s what’ll happen. Chalk it up to experience, dust yourself off and forget about this arsehole.