I feel hurt and foolish

mj123

I was seeing a (what i thought was great) guy for 2-3 months but we havent seen each other in about 2 weeks due to work commitments on both sides. We kept in touch via phone and were texting a few days ago and he asked me what days I was working this week. I told Him and asked him when he was free again. He told me he was free on Saturday and seen as I was free also I went for it and asked him did he want to meet up and go to the cinema or something Sat. and he never replied. This was two days ago and he’s seen the message. Now I feel so s*** I almost feel like crying. I feel like a fool and Im hurt that he would behave this way. I feel it is so immature and just a lousy thing to do. We are 28 and 29 YO. He could have at least text back and said yes or no so I could have made more definite plans with someone else. I dont get why he would give the impression he wanted to meet by asking me my days off if he had no intention and was going to pull a stunt like this?? did he lead me on? I would like to hear some kind words of advice please as Im just baffled!

punisher5112

You aren't hitched so better now then when you have stronger feelings.

Why not go out with mates or go doa spa thing or whatever girls do these days.... I'm the punisher so I don't do girly things..... Thought I would just make that clear.

Guys can be right prciks.....

Girls can be head melts at times.

Don't read too much into it yee aren't is it exclusive as they say unless he asked you to be girlfriend....

Look have a drink, go for a walk eat some ice cream but try forget about it and move on.
I wouldn't be chasing anyway.

Jasper_

He simply doesnt have the nerve to tell you he has lost interest/just not that in to you.

Age has little to do with it, primary school kids do this and 50 year olds do too.

It is a ****ty thing to do and I'm not defending his actions, but a lot of people (sorry to say myself included at times) have real difficulty in coming out straight and ending things, so they let the silence do the dirty work for them.

mj123

I get what ye are saying but at the same time its a horrible thing to do. I may be biased here but to treat someone you shared a bed with and shared personal family information with like that is just not right. If he had no interest then why give me the inclination that he did want to meet (ie by asking my days and telling me his days off). Even so, he could have just said sorry something came up and left it at that. To not reply at all is just a d*** thing to do. I know Ill get over it but right now it really does hurt and has affected my confidence and self esteem a bit

punisher5112

mj123 wrote: »

I get what ye are saying but at the same time its a horrible thing to do. I may be biased here but to treat someone you shared a bed with and shared personal family information with like that is just not right. If he had no interest then why give me the inclination that he did want to meet (ie by asking my days and telling me his days off). Even so, he could have just said sorry something came up and left it at that. To not reply at all is just a d*** thing to do. I know Ill get over it but right now it really does hurt and has affected my confidence and self esteem a bit

You get knocked down but get back up again.....

Just think of the song.


Fcuk him think of him the same as he did you and move on....

Seriously though he got the ride and has probably others on the go.... Obviously I don't know but look at least yee weren't going out many more months or years.

I had a girl do similar but then turned out she had another fella and even had me drop her over....

Took me a while but got over it.

Jasper_

OP I dated a girl a couple of years back. We dated for about three months. I genuinely liked her at the start, things moved quickly, we confided a lot in each other, we got to know each other extremely well and I genuinely thought this was the soundest, funniest and just straight out heart of gold type of girls. I also knew she was growing to like me a hell of a lot in this time. Unfortunately my attraction to her dropped off and I found myself seeing her as a very good friend more so than a girlfriend. It got to the point were I had to tell her, but the thought of it killed me, I didnt want to cause this girl a second of hurt. I delayed and delayed, my replies became less and less over a couple of weeks and she eventually called me out on it and I came clean.

I'm telling you this because this guy may be in this same boat as I was. Or he may just be a d**k.

Either way its highly unlikely you did anything wrong so dont be beating yourself up over it.

mj123

I think he's just a d**k to be honest. Yea we got on great in the beginning but its just such a sh**ty thing to do to someone. He could have made up some excuse but just to completely ignore me was a bit harsh. its no way to treat anyone regardless of how high or low interest levels are, its basic respect

Sittingpretty

mj123 wrote: »

I think he's just a d**k to be honest. Yea we got on great in the beginning but its just such a sh**ty thing to do to someone. He could have made up some excuse but just to completely ignore me was a bit harsh. its no way to treat anyone regardless of how high or low interest levels are, its basic respect

You can’t control it though, only your reaction to it is within your control.

Chalk it down to experience and move on to better.

gossamer

Of course you're hurt and your confidence is knocked. I would expect no less. You formed an attachment and didn't expect to be treated as you have been, so you're blindsided right now and floundering for comfort or answers.

I don't think anyone here can provide you with that, except their own experiences which won't help much. You'll hear a lot of what you don't want hear, and that'll only rub salt into the wounds.

I would only advise you to not rake over what has been said and done. That'll only make you feel worse. You could think rings around yourself and you'll still feel terrible. Just go easy on yourself. Don't judge yourself for his cowardice. The way he acted could have been down to many things, but unfortunately it's happened now and you have to process it as best you can.

mj123

Thank you for your kind words of empathy.

gossamer wrote: »

The way he acted could have been down to many things, but unfortunately it's happened now and you have to process it as best you can.

Regardless of reasons, I dont feel there is any excuse for not answering me when I asked him out. He could have made up an excuse told me he didnt know, at least get back to me in some way not just ghost me. He treated me poorly in this regard with no respect and Im sad he would actually end things this way. He really is an a**hole isnt he

wiggle16

mj123 wrote: »

I dont get why he would give the impression he wanted to meet by asking me my days off if he had no intention and was going to pull a stunt like this?? did he lead me on? I would like to hear some kind words of advice please as Im just baffled!

Wow.

You mean Saturday as in this Saturday? As in tomorrow? As in, Saturday that hasn't happened yet?

You texted him two days ago and he hasn't replied. You haven't texted since and are clearly furious. Would it have occurred to you to text him again to ask if everything is okay? Or if he is interested in meeting up again? There is no need for you to be baffled. You do not need to feel hurt or foolish. Why put yourself through all this ridiculous fretting and theatricals (and checking your phone every few mins to see if he has replied, no doubt) when you could just ask him directly:
Hey man! Everything okay?
or
Hey, are you still up for meeting up on Sat or what?
and see what he gets back with?

If I was seeing someone and I texted him and he didn't reply for a couple of days, I would be pretty peeved and it would certainly make me anxious, but my first reaction would be to send another text just to make sure that, y'know, he was alive and kicking and hadn't been hit by a bus, before getting worked up and assuming I'd been led on and ghosted. For all you know he's had a bereavement.

On the balance of probability, the other posters are right and yes, he has simply lost interest and is being a díck. But you don't know that, because instead of asking him directly, you are needlessly letting this affect your self-esteem and confidence by assuming you have been ghosted and dumped, when you could just get an answer from him which might clarify things, and are instead seeking that answer and "kind words of advice" from people who cannot possibly know why he hasn't replied.

And OP, after 3 months seeing someone I'd want an explanation from the guy himself if he were dumping me, if I could get one, rather than just let him ghost me, and I have been ghosted and dumped far more than my fair share - but after 3 months I'd want to make sure that's what was actually happening before getting so worked up. Honestly.

mj123

wiggle16 wrote: »

Wow.

You mean Saturday as in this Saturday? As in tomorrow? As in, Saturday that hasn't happened yet?

You texted him two days ago and he hasn't replied. You haven't texted since and are clearly furious. Would it have occurred to you to text him again to ask if everything is okay? Or if he is interested in meeting up again? There is no need for you to be baffled. You do not need to feel hurt or foolish. Why put yourself through all this ridiculous fretting and theatricals (and checking your phone every few mins to see if he has replied, no doubt) when you could just ask him directly:
Hey man! Everything okay?
or
Hey, are you still up for meeting up on Sat or what?
and see what he gets back with?

If I was seeing someone and I texted him and he didn't reply for a couple of days, I would be pretty peeved and it would certainly make me anxious, but my first reaction would be to send another text just to make sure that, y'know, he was alive and kicking and hadn't been hit by a bus, before getting worked up and assuming I'd been led on and ghosted. For all you know he's had a bereavement.

On the balance of probability, the other posters are right and yes, he has simply lost interest and is being a díck. But you don't know that, because instead of asking him directly, you are needlessly letting this affect your self-esteem and confidence by assuming you have been ghosted and dumped, when you could just get an answer from him which might clarify things, and are instead seeking that answer and "kind words of advice" from people who cannot possibly know why he hasn't replied.

And OP, after 3 months seeing someone I'd want an explanation from the guy himself if he were dumping me, if I could get one, rather than just let him ghost me, and I have been ghosted and dumped far more than my fair share - but after 3 months I'd want to make sure that's what was actually happening before getting so worked up. Honestly.

He is 100% alive as he has been online on the messaging app since reading my message even a few hours ago
And how would you go about getting the explanation from him?

wiggle16

mj123 wrote: »

He is 100% alive as he has been online on the messaging app since reading my message even a few hours ago
And how would you go about getting the explanation from him?

And have you asked him?

mj123

wiggle16 wrote: »

And have you asked him?

asked him what exactly? Why he didnt text back?

wiggle16

mj123 wrote: »

asked him what exactly? Why he didnt text back?

I hardly need to elaborate on that, OP, and I'm not getting into a one-liner back and forth with you. If you are for some reason not willing to ask him why he hasn't got back to you then you cannot expect that answer from anyone else.

mj123

I realise that sounded smart but it genuinely wasn’t supposed to sound that way. I haven’t text him again as I kind of feel that if he wanted to see me then he would get back to me, I also feel he should get back to me as a basic courtesy. I’m also conscious that he has lost interest etc hence why I don’t want to text again and look like I’m being clingy or overpowering and I want to try maintain as much dignity and self worth as possible. Hope this makes sense and you understand

wiggle16

mj123 wrote: »

I realise that sounded smart but it genuinely wasn’t supposed to sound that way. I haven’t text him again as I kind of feel that if he wanted to see me then he would get back to me, I also feel he should get back to me as a basic courtesy. I’m also conscious that he has lost interest etc hence why I don’t want to text again and look like I’m being clingy or overpowering and I want to try maintain as much dignity and self worth as possible. Hope this makes sense and you understand

I do. However I don't see texting once more as clingy or overpowering in the slightest. Badgering someone when they are clearly not interested is clingy - one text isn't. 3 months is a good stretch of time to be seeing someone and he owes you the courtesy of an explanation if he has decided not to take things any further with you, and you are perfectly entitled to ask for one if you want.

As I've said I've been ghosted plenty. One time I took it particularly badly as I really liked the lad and had been seeing him for a couple of months. I messaged him after a couple of days and asked him out straight - he replied and explained how he felt and I felt much better for it and put it behind me. There were no hard feelings. I don't expect he will do the same for you but you have nothing to lose by asking: if he's not interested and thinks that's clingy (which it isn't) then it doesn't matter as he isn't interested anyway so his opinion shouldn't mean anything to you.

People misunderstand self-respect as something bestowed upon you by the way others perceive you rather than something you give to yourself. If you believe you are owed an explanation, you are entitled to ask for one and are not debasing yourself by doing so. In the same way, he's entitled not to bother to give you one, but that would show what kind of person he is after 3 months seeing someone.

I won't push the point with you any further, it's up to you. If you text and he doesn't text back, then you'll pretty much know he's simply lost interest and the advice given you by other posters is pretty solid, and you can hold your head up high and say you tried. I just think you're jumping the gun a bit and clearly driving yourself around in circles by quite rightly wanting an explanation but not seeking one from the only person who can give it.

blairbear

I don't think the OP is jumping the gun in assuming that the interest has waned on his part.
Have you ever been really into someone and dying to see them and just not bothered to respond to them for 48 hrs? After being asked a direct question? There is no reason in the world not to respond unless the guy has had life changing news or a sudden bereavement or some other tragedy. He has been online. He is deliberately deciding not to respond. If he's just forgotten, he's not that into you. If he's keeping his options open to see what other offers he gets for Saturday night, he's not that into you.

And no, it isn't nice or fair or gentlemanly (regardless of whether you are exclusive or not, I do think people should be kind to each other while dating. Kindness can mean being honest and straight forward in these situations.) But dating in general is not nice or fair of late, I find. And there is no point torturing yourself over it.

He may ignore a follow up text. He may make some half hearted excuse. This forum is full of similar posts and relationship timelines. I have gotten to a point personally where I actually don't care; a guy "ghosted" me a month ago and it was a few days before I even noticed I had been ghosted (so does that even count?) After a few too many hurtful situations, I am no longer getting prematurely attached. That took a couple of years of the online dating scene though.

You're allowed feel sad about it, but do something nice for yourself this weekend and try not to over analyse it. Including on this forum!

wiggle16

blairbear wrote: »

I don't think the OP is jumping the gun in assuming that the interest has waned on his part.
Have you ever been really into someone and dying to see them and just not bothered to respond to them for 48 hrs? After being asked a direct question? There is no reason in the world not to respond unless the guy has had life changing news or a sudden bereavement or some other tragedy. He has been online. He is deliberately deciding not to respond. If he's just forgotten, he's not that into you. If he's keeping his options open to see what other offers he gets for Saturday night, he's not that into you.

And no, it isn't nice or fair or gentlemanly (regardless of whether you are exclusive or not, I do think people should be kind to each other while dating. Kindness can mean being honest and straight forward in these situations.) But dating in general is not nice or fair of late, I find. And there is no point torturing yourself over it.

He may ignore a follow up text. He may make some half hearted excuse. This forum is full of similar posts and relationship timelines. I have gotten to a point personally where I actually don't care; a guy "ghosted" me a month ago and it was a few days before I even noticed I had been ghosted (so does that even count?) After a few too many hurtful situations, I am no longer getting prematurely attached. That took a couple of years of the online dating scene though.

You're allowed feel sad about it, but do something nice for yourself this weekend and try not to over analyse it. Including on this forum!

Actually... agreed. :rolleyes:

wiggle16

Re-reading my original reply to you, OP, I realise it comes across quite harsh and a bit mean. I'm sorry. What I meant and should have just said in not so many words is that if you want an explanation, ask him directly. But I think blairbear makes a better point.

Have a nice weekend to yourself and apologies again x

mj123

Thanks guys I appreciate all the advice.

However if I were to seek out an explanation then could someone help me phrase what exactly would I say? As I’m emotionally hurt and angry I don’t want to come across all guns blazing. If someone could help with wording/phrasing that would be great thanks

QueenRizla

mj123 wrote: »

Thanks guys I appreciate all the advice.

However if I were to seek out an explanation then could someone help me phrase what exactly would I say? As I’m emotionally hurt and angry I don’t want to come across all guns blazing. If someone could help with wording/phrasing that would be great thanks

I’m going to suggest if you are emotionally hurt and angry don’t send a text. I really wouldn’t bother, it’s not coming from the right place. As blairbear said the way to deal with this is to be less attached. Think of the bigger picture, you’ll either get no response or a thanks but no thanks, and be in exactly the same position. You have to accept that he isn’t interested so why do you need it in writing from him? Why make it all about him?
Sending a text is giving him a lot of power, I wouldn’t bother looking for an explanation. Make yourself feel better, move to indifference and focus elsewhere.

blairbear

mj123 wrote: »

Thanks guys I appreciate all the advice.

However if I were to seek out an explanation then could someone help me phrase what exactly would I say? As I’m emotionally hurt and angry I don’t want to come across all guns blazing. If someone could help with wording/phrasing that would be great thanks

Any time I find myself over thinking a message, I stop, write the simplest form of it possible, then send and let the cards fall where they may. If it were me, I would just write; "Hi, I thought we were in the middle of organizing a date there but I never heard back from you. Why was that?" I am pretty blunt though. I wouldn't sugarcoat it or be angry either. Ask a straightforward question.

I would leave it personally, though and just let go of that nauseous, panicky "waiting for a text" feeling.

QueenRizla

blairbear wrote: »

I would leave it personally, though and just let go of that nauseous, panicky "waiting for a text" feeling.

^^ This is good advice.

KathleenGrant

OP you said you were seeing a guy who you thought was great. Great guys don't ghost people they have been seeing for months regardless of the reason. Someone in his late 20's certainly should not. He is not a great guy. Take a deep breath, realise you are worth more than this and forget him. Yoi can do better and you will do better.

mj123

I think I’ll just leave him, if I send another message he’ll get more satisfaction then I will.

I know my emotions will change but right now I’m just so angry and feel really small/belittled or something. I’m hurt and I shed a few tears this morning. Obviously he doesn’t even see me as worthy as a text message, I feel used and like I’ve iust been thrown to one side.
Don’t get me wrong I’ve been rejected many times before but just never this harshly

KathleenGrant

mj123 wrote: »

I think I’ll just leave him, if I send another message he’ll get more satisfaction then I will.

I know my emotions will change but right now I’m just so angry and feel really small/belittled or something. I’m hurt and I shed a few tears this morning. Obviously he doesn’t even see me as worthy as a text message, I feel used and like I’ve iust been thrown to one side

You can't help being hurt or angry but soon you will see that he is not worth it. Be glad you found out now rather than when you had completely fallen for him. Good luck OP

LegacyUser

Hi OP, here's an extremely similar thread to your own, even down to the ages, which might be of help to you

https://touch.boards.ie/thread/2057915230/1/#post108207600

mj123

should I call him out? My friend thinks that I should

Sephiroth_dude

mj123 wrote: »

should I call him out? My friend thinks that I should

Phone him and talk to him would be what I would do.

milli milli

mj123 wrote: »

I think I’ll just leave him, if I send another message he’ll get more satisfaction then I will.

I know my emotions will change but right now I’m just so angry and feel really small/belittled or something. I’m hurt and I shed a few tears this morning. Obviously he doesn’t even see me as worthy as a text message, I feel used and like I’ve iust been thrown to one side.
Don’t get me wrong I’ve been rejected many times before but just never this harshly

OP, modern dating is really crap. Unfortunately this kind of unaccountable behaviour is becoming the norm.
I can understand people trying to save other people’s feelings but in life, we need to have uncomfortable conversations.
People who ghost are usually emotionally immature/unavailable, lack awareness of other people’s feelings and their communication skills aren’t up to par.

I totally sympathize with your position, it’s a despicable way to treat people, but in time you’ll see that he was no great loss.
Take care of yourself this weekend, do something nice and then do your best to move onto better things.

P.S. as others have said, the best thing you can do for yourself is to act indifferent towards him. If you call him and go on a rant (knowing he’s lost interest in you) then that will solve nothing. It’s not going to make him fall in love with you. He’s not worth getting angry over and you’ll just regret it in time

mj123

milli milli wrote: »

OP, modern dating is really crap. Unfortunately this kind of unaccountable behaviour is becoming the norm.
I can understand people trying to save other people’s feelings but in life, we need to have uncomfortable conversations.
People who ghost are usually emotionally immature/unavailable, lack awareness of other people’s feelings and their communication skills aren’t up to par.

I totally sympathize with your position, it’s a despicable way to treat people, but in time you’ll see that he was no great loss.
Take care of yourself this weekend, do something nice and then do your best to move onto better things.

P.S. as others have said, the best thing you can do for yourself is to act indifferent towards him. If you call him and go on a rant (knowing he’s lost interest in you) then that will solve nothing. It’s not going to make him fall in love with you. He’s not worth getting angry over and you’ll just regret it in time

thank you for your advice and kind words.

So would the majority of people feel the best thing to do is just leave him altogether and let him off? You guys obv have experience and can assess the situation better. My friend said she would text and ask him whats going on etc. and part of me would like to to as I am angry but dont want to make a t*t of myself either. On the other side I do feel like I should be given some sort of response and basic manners and hate letting him just treat me like this.

QueenRizla

mj123 wrote: »

On the other side I do feel like I should be given some sort of response and basic manners and hate letting him just treat me like this.

It’s done, silence is your response. If you want to make it all about him and his opinion is important to you by all means chase him to tell you what you already know. But be searingly honest about your motives. It seems like you just want any sort of attention from him and are holding out hope. Today is Saturday, make some plans with your friend not fretting about trying to get a response from someone who is not interested. He has already delivered the message, actions speak louder then words. But if you need a more formal dumping, go for it.

mj123

Suppose your right just obviously I’m just angry and upset and natural response is to give a piece of my mind or just some acknowledgement to my message.

But if I do text then I’ll have to worry about a response, if I don’t get one I’ll be worse. If I do then he could say it but then, as weird as this sounds, but it’s easier hate him this way when he’s the one treating me like s***.

I’m just really hurt that’s all, I’ve shed tears this morning as it’s just such a horrible feeling and completely horrible way to be to someone

Porklife

milli milli wrote: »

OP, modern dating is really crap. Unfortunately this kind of unaccountable behaviour is becoming the norm.
I can understand people trying to save other people’s feelings but in life, we need to have uncomfortable conversations.
People who ghost are usually emotionally immature/unavailable, lack awareness of other people’s feelings and their communication skills aren’t up to par.

I totally sympathize with your position, it’s a despicable way to treat people, but in time you’ll see that he was no great loss.
Take care of yourself this weekend, do something nice and then do your best to move onto better things.

P.S. as others have said, the best thing you can do for yourself is to act indifferent towards him. If you call him and go on a rant (knowing he’s lost interest in you) then that will solve nothing. It’s not going to make him fall in love with you. He’s not worth getting angry over and you’ll just regret it in time

I don't think it's fair or accurate to say that people who ghost lack awareness or are immature. Everyone does it these days and with that logic, everyone has had it happen to them. I certainly have!

OP, I completely understand how you feel and it's horrible. I was seeing a guy during the summer who did the exact same thing to me. He left me hanging one weekend after suggesting we visit his home in Cork. I even booked the Monday off work. Like you, I needed an answer and I got one but as you can guess, it wasn't what I wanted to hear.
He said he was still in love with his ex girlfriend and she had gotten in touch. That made him realise how little he was into me. He also said we can still 'hook up' though if you want. Agghhhhhh
My sister has a friend who got ghosted at her dad's funeral!! She was seeing a guy for a few months. Her dad died and her bf didn't show up at the funeral and blanked her!

You'll be OK darling. You are of course worth more than a text. People on here have given you lots of words. He lost interest and acted cowardly but messaging him is cringe. You will feel so much worse. Hell either ignore you or tell you outright he's not into you. Ugh. Who needs that?! Get dressed up and hit the town and score a hot new bloke!! 🔥🀣ðŸ‘

unreg999

milli milli wrote: »

OP, modern dating is really crap. Unfortunately this kind of unaccountable behaviour is becoming the norm.
I can understand people trying to save other people’s feelings but in life, we need to have uncomfortable conversations.
People who ghost are usually emotionally immature/unavailable, lack awareness of other people’s feelings and their communication skills aren’t up to par.

I totally sympathize with your position, it’s a despicable way to treat people, but in time you’ll see that he was no great loss.
Take care of yourself this weekend, do something nice and then do your best to move onto better things.

P.S. as others have said, the best thing you can do for yourself is to act indifferent towards him. If you call him and go on a rant (knowing he’s lost interest in you) then that will solve nothing. It’s not going to make him fall in love with you. He’s not worth getting angry over and you’ll just regret it in time

Totally agree with this.. ghosting someone is cruel and immature for whatever reasons.
There is no 'sparing their feelings' what you're actually doing is sparing your own.

It's very childish, adults and grown ups do not do that, they know that sometimes they have to live with a bit of discomfort themselves to be kind to other humans who have feelings.

I'm sorry that this man-baby wasn't able to do that for you after sharing your bed and your life for a few months OP but really isn't it so much better that you see that now rather than in 6 months or 2 years time?

Mind yourself for now and focus on you, try to do something nice for yourself over the weekend and you will be fine x

Oh and I can almost guarantee you haven't heard the end of him, when he comes knocking again (he probably will) either with some over dramatic sob story or pretending nothing happened PLEASE remember this feeling and that you are worth SO much more than this... he WAS online and a text would have taken literally 5 seconds to write.
He will either contact you again for one of 4 reasons-
1. He knows what he did was wrong and though he has no intention of being with you he will want to try to make himself feel better by 'checking in on you' to feel like what he did was ok
2. It will be a booty call and nothing more
3. He will be bored and you will be an easy distraction
4. His confidence has taken a blow for some reason and he will need a pick-me-up from someone he knows liked him

Just ignore him, you won't ever get 'closure' or the true answers you're looking for (and entitled to) no matter what x

unreg999

Porklife wrote: »

I don't think it's fair or accurate to say that people who ghost lack awareness or are immature. Everyone does it these days and with that logic, everyone has had it happen to them. I certainly have!

I don't agree that 'everyone does it', it does happen

OP do you have another thread open on this very same issue? My apologies if not.

I have been where you are countless times. I've heard it all and been left terribly disappointed and hurt. The thing is though that while ghosting is cowardly there isn't a single thing you can do about it. The exact same applies to the end of all relationships. When one person decides they want out then no amount of wondering or thinking or trying to figure it out will change that.

The impression I'm getting from this thread is that you might be looking for validation that he is an absolutely horrible human and you are a victim. It was a few months OP. Yes he is in the wrong but for your own sake draw a line under it.

Porklife

unreg999 wrote: »

I don't agree that 'everyone does it', it does happen

I don't know anyone who hasn't experienced it in some way. It happens to everyone and everyone these days does it. It's a sad fact.

LLMMLL

Porklife wrote: »

I don't know anyone who hasn't experienced it in some way. It happens to everyone and everyone these days does it. It's a sad fact.

No not everyone does it. It’s the opposite of a fact.

Porklife

LLMMLL wrote: »

No not everyone does it. It’s the opposite of a fact.

If you want to be pedantic fine. It's not a fact literally but it's certainly the rule. It's happened to me so many times that I almost expect it at this stage. I'm not condoning it. I absolutely hate it. It's so cruel and pathetic. If you're not into somebody have the decency to tell them.
I've only done it in terms of chatting to a guy online and then going meh and fading out. I've never slept with someone and ignored them. I've never even ignored a text.
It has been done to me and all my friends loads though!

wiggle16

Lads, this is becoming a general discussion of ghosting - keep in mind that you're responding to the OP. No more general discussion in the thread please.

yogi37

QueenRizla wrote: »

It’s done, silence is your response. If you want to make it all about him and his opinion is important to you by all means chase him to tell you what you already know. But be searingly honest about your motives. It seems like you just want any sort of attention from him and are holding out hope. Today is Saturday, make some plans with your friend not fretting about trying to get a response from someone who is not interested. He has already delivered the message, actions speak louder then words. But if you need a more formal dumping, go for it.

I dont get this. OP was seeing this guy for three months. If he has completely ignored a message about arranging to get together I cannot understand why she would not get in touch with him and ask whats going on. This will not cost the OP a thing and they might get some response.

It sounds like this relationship may be going nowhere but I dont see why a direct question to the other half is such a big deal and making it "all about him". Mind you, it is a long time since I dated and I've never done online dating, maybe I'm not aware of modern protocall.

OP, I'd text and ask whats going on.

milli milli

Porklife wrote: »

I don't think it's fair or accurate to say that people who ghost lack awareness or are immature. Everyone does it these days and with that logic, everyone has had it happen to them. I certainly have!
‘

Not everyone does it. It might be the ‘norm’ now, but instead of people following like sheep, some will think for themselves and take personal responsibility.
An emotionally immature person avoids, and takes the easy path. A mature person will accept responsibility and have the uncomfortable conversations.

milli milli

wiggle16 wrote: »

Lads, this is becoming a general discussion of ghosting - keep in mind that you're responding to the OP. No more general discussion in the thread please.

Sorry just saw this now.
I wanted to make the OP feel better about herself by explaining ‘ghosters’ aren’t worth her time.

QueenRizla

yogi37 wrote: »

I cannot understand why she would not get in touch with him and ask whats going on. This will not cost the OP a thing and they might get some response.

Mind you, it is a long time since I dated and I've never done online dating, maybe I'm not aware of modern protocall.

OP, I'd text and ask whats going on.

It’s not so much modern protocol yogi, these days it is so easy to keep in contact with someone through multiple platforms that when someone stops contacting you it is very clear message that they aren’t interested. Also you’ll notice people who have experienced it a bit will usually tell you that reaching out to someone who is online and ignoring you only keeps the pain going and never ends well.
I do get where you are coming from though. You get over it faster by unfocusing from the person.
OP you should honestly though think long and hard about your motives for texting, if it is not guaranteed to make you feel better I wouldn’t bother.

Porklife

milli milli wrote: »

Not everyone does it. It might be the ‘norm’ now, but instead of people following like sheep, some will think for themselves and take personal responsibility.
An emotionally immature person avoids, and takes the easy path. A mature person will accept responsibility and have the uncomfortable conversations.

I completely agree with you. I think I came across accepting or blasé about it and I'm not. It's so horrible and it really hurts. It's happened to me so many times lately that I feel like everyone is doing it.
Back on track though, Op you really will be fine. Feel the hurt but know it'll get better. It's horrible though and I totally get how you feel. Big big hugs x

mj123

I know you guys may think I’m in denial or something but it doesn’t make a lot of sense in some ways. We were texting grand both talking about normal stuff, he asked me when I was working I told him and asked when was he free again, he told me and asked ‘what about you’ then I asked him since we’re both free did he want to meet. What doesn’t make sense if why he’d ask my plans and get it to the stage of asking to meet then just drop off. Esp as we were talking ok until that point also.

mj123

yogi37 wrote: »

I dont get this. OP was seeing this guy for three months. If he has completely ignored a message about arranging to get together I cannot understand why she would not get in touch with him and ask whats going on. This will not cost the OP a thing and they might get some response.

It sounds like this relationship may be going nowhere but I dont see why a direct question to the other half is such a big deal and making it "all about him". Mind you, it is a long time since I dated and I've never done online dating, maybe I'm not aware of modern protocall.

OP, I'd text and ask whats going on.

What would I say though if I were to text? I really don’t know how to phrase a message at this stage

QueenRizla

mj123 wrote: »

What would I say though if I were to text? I really don’t know how to phrase a message at this stage

Depends, what do you want to convey/Get accross? What are you trying to get out of this?

mj123

QueenRizla wrote: »

Depends, what do you want to convey/Get accross? What are you trying to get out of this?

I’m just asking in general as some posters are saying to text some are saying no so I’m just thinking if the posters who say they would text were to text what would they say basically