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    #32
    hawley
    Registered Users Posts: 1,224 ✭✭✭hawley


    Foweva Awone wrote: »
    OP what bothers me is that there are probably women out there - very damaged, vulnerable women, I'm thinking the likes of Graham Dwyer's victim - who might just be willing to go along with this. Does that bother you at all, that you'd be preying on the weaker members of society to find someone to use for your messed up fantasies? Any mentally healthily, emotionally stable woman would want no part in this sort of "relationship".

    I'm only willing to have a consensual relationship with her. It's not about power. Ideally I'd like her to go up over 300lbs but it would have to be completely her own decision, I would never force anyone to do anything that they're not comfortable with. I want to be able to look after her. The reason we broke up had nothing to do with feederism, I did encourage her to be bigger, but it wasn't an important factor. I'm not forcing it on her, she would have to want it.


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    #33
    SusieBlue
    Registered Users Posts: 8,029 ✭✭✭SusieBlue


    hawley wrote: »
    I'm only willing to have a consensual relationship with her. It's not about power. Ideally I'd like her to go up over 300lbs but it would have to be completely her own decision, I would never force anyone to do anything that they're not comfortable with. I want to be able to look after her. The reason we broke up had nothing to do with feederism, I did encourage her to be bigger, but it wasn't an important factor. I'm not forcing it on her, she would have to want it.

    What happens when she reaches your goal of 300lb, do you dump her?


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    #34
    Ursus Horribilis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    Why would anyone willingly risk their physical health and go over 300lbs? God knows, there's enough coverage in the media these days about obesity and how it's a health crisis coming down the tracks. The vast majority of people who are overweight/obsese are in that condition because they have a troublesome relationship with food.


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    #35
    kylith
    Registered Users Posts: 17,736 ✭✭✭✭kylith


    OP, I try not to judge, but I really can't condone feeding. You are essentially trying to give someone heart disease, diabetes, breathing problems, arthritis, mobility issues, and who knows what else for no good reason. If you just said that you wanted to shag a fat bird then there are many ways you can do that, but what you want to do is actively destroy someone's health.

    As you've already been asked; would you be footing all the bills, both the groceries and medically? Is getting a lady massive, housebound, and totally dependant on you what you're looking for?


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    #36
    hawley
    Registered Users Posts: 1,224 ✭✭✭hawley


    SusieBlue wrote: »
    What happens when she reaches your goal of 300lb, do you dump her?
    Would help her in whatever way she wanted to go. If she wants to go up in weight or to lose weight I would help her. It would have to be consensual for me. If she wanted to go to 400lbs or back down sub 140, I'd help her with it.


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    #37
    kylith
    Registered Users Posts: 17,736 ✭✭✭✭kylith


    hawley wrote: »
    I'm only willing to have a consensual relationship with her. It's not about power. Ideally I'd like her to go up over 300lbs but it would have to be completely her own decision, I would never force anyone to do anything that they're not comfortable with. I want to be able to look after her. The reason we broke up had nothing to do with feederism, I did encourage her to be bigger, but it wasn't an important factor. I'm not forcing it on her, she would have to want it.

    The bolded statements are contradictory. I think that if you are honest you want to get her big enough that she is unable to 'look after' herself.

    OP, do you have abandonment issues?


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    #38
    Ursus Horribilis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    hawley wrote: »
    I'm only willing to have a consensual relationship with her. It's not about power. Ideally I'd like her to go up over 300lbs but it would have to be completely her own decision, I would never force anyone to do anything that they're not comfortable with. I want to be able to look after her.

    I'm sure Graeme Dwyer would've argued that his "relationship" with Elaine O'Hara was consensual too. You're looking for the consent of someone who's vulnerable and not your equal. Someone who's probably not in a position to properly give consent. It's creepy.

    Seriously, get help. I'm sure you've noticed that nobody on this thread thinks this is anything other than a terrible idea.


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    #39
    SusieBlue
    Registered Users Posts: 8,029 ✭✭✭SusieBlue


    hawley wrote: »
    Would help her in whatever way she wanted to go. If she wants to go up in weight or to lose weight I would help her. It would have to be consensual for me. If she wanted to go to 400lbs or back down sub 140, I'd help her with it.

    Well what's the point in it then, if that's the case? You are insisting its not a fetish but I don't know what else you could call it. Especially if you are happy for her to slim down again post gaining 10st+.


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    #40
    Hannibal_Smith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,991 Mod ✭✭✭✭Hannibal_Smith


    If it's not for your own gratification, or a fetish and not about control , then what is it about?

    Not looking for a discussion on it, but it would make it easier to answer your initial post (when to mention it), if you gave an idea of the angle you're coming from


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    #41
    never_mind
    Registered Users Posts: 915 ✭✭✭never_mind


    hawley wrote: »
    Would help her in whatever way she wanted to go. If she wants to go up in weight or to lose weight I would help her. It would have to be consensual for me. If she wanted to go to 400lbs or back down sub 140, I'd help her with it.

    But yo-yoing like this is incredibly unhealthy. There is a huge difference, as others have pointed out, between a fetish and a perversion. I am all for sexual diversity and am happy to accept others' kinks as long as it's consensual... but this is medically and psychologically harmful and is borderline abuse. You are trying to find someone vulnerable and then exploit it for your own gratification. Yes, there are going to be empowered women out there who are into this but there will also be a sizable majority who won't be.

    Bottom line, OP, you should want your OH to be healthy and happy. This is not going to make them healthy or happy so have a look in the mirror and jog on.


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    #42
    hawley
    Registered Users Posts: 1,224 ✭✭✭hawley


    never_mind wrote: »
    But yo-yoing like this is incredibly unhealthy. There is a huge difference, as others have pointed out, between a fetish and a perversion. I am all for sexual diversity and am happy to accept others' kinks as long as it's consensual... but this is medically and psychologically harmful and is borderline abuse. You are trying to find someone vulnerable and then exploit it for your own gratification. Yes, there are going to be empowered women out there who are into this but there will also be a sizable majority who won't be.

    Bottom line, OP, you should want your OH to be healthy and happy. This is not going to make them healthy or happy so have a look in the mirror and jog on.
    I'm quite happy to meet an empowered woman who wants to do this. No, I don't have abandonment issues.
    I am looking for advice, not for people to judge us like it 1950s Ireland.


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    #43
    Ursus Horribilis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    I've a bridge in Brooklyn I'd like to sell you.

    Seriously Hawley, print out this thread and go see your GP.


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    #44
    never_mind
    Registered Users Posts: 915 ✭✭✭never_mind


    hawley wrote: »
    I'm quite happy to meet an empowered woman who wants to do this. No, I don't have abandonment issues.
    I am looking for advice on this, not for people to judge us on it.

    Sorry, OP, but you can't come to a personal issues page and seek out advice on something that could be potentially harmful to others. As I said before, I have seen some very bizarre and unusual kinks through my years but this one is going to be harmful to the person in question. Most kinks (and sexuality in general) has some sort of power dynamic involved in it. This one is potentially harmful to the submissive in this case.

    If you were generally into larger women then I wouldn't have an issue with it. If you want to feed a healthy woman to submission then yes I do have an issue with it.


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    #45
    Hitman3000
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,596 ✭✭✭Hitman3000


    Ursus Horribilis wrote:
    Seriously Hawley, print out this thread and go see your GP.


    Best advice here tbh.


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    #46
    tabby aspreme
    Registered Users Posts: 3,877 ✭✭✭tabby aspreme


    hawley wrote: »
    I'm quite happy to meet an empowered woman who wants to do this. No, I don't have abandonment issues.
    I am looking for advice, not for people to judge us like it 1950s Ireland.

    Your getting plenty of advice not to try this with a woman, and get help yourself, listen to it.


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    #47
    endacl
    Registered Users Posts: 22,255 ✭✭✭✭endacl


    hawley wrote: »
    I'm quite happy to meet an empowered woman who wants to do this. No, I don't have abandonment issues.
    I am looking for advice, not for people to judge us like it 1950s Ireland.

    In fairness, it’s not the ‘us’ you refer to that’s being judged. And it’s coming from 21st century Ireland.

    Not that you’ll pay any attention to that fact...


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    #48
    pq0n1ct4ve8zf5
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,070 ✭✭✭✭pq0n1ct4ve8zf5


    Realistically the only avenue to have to find a relationship like this is through fetish sites.

    It's not a fetish, not about control, what is it about? You want to have a partner you can feed up, it's not that you're just specifically attracted to women who are already big, from my reading?

    The more clearly you can understand your feelings, expectations and motivations, and the better you can communicate them, the better your chances of finding a relationship that's mutually consensual and non abusive, and I agree that the potential for that here is huge. You need to do a lot of work on yourself before you proceed.

    One bit of advice anyway is that you need to get over this aversion to the word fetish.


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    #49
    Hannibal_Smith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,991 Mod ✭✭✭✭Hannibal_Smith


    hawley wrote: »
    I'm quite happy to meet an empowered woman who wants to do this. No, I don't have abandonment issues.
    I am looking for advice, not for people to judge us like it 1950s Ireland.

    But what are you looking for advice on? You've been given links and advice on whether it's a good Idea. You haven't set out the reasoning behind it. So what more can People say.

    If it's not that big a deal that it didn't effect your last relationship, then why do it?


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    #50
    Segotias
    Registered Users Posts: 232 ✭✭Segotias


    hawley wrote: »
    I'm quite happy to meet an empowered woman who wants to do this. No, I don't have abandonment issues.
    I am looking for advice, not for people to judge us like it 1950s Ireland.

    You were given advice, this type of person you are looking for will be possibly only be found in someone with that fetish. The slim/average/larger woman is usually looking to get smaller or maintain their smaller size.


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    #51
    Idle Passerby
    Registered Users Posts: 1,122 ✭✭✭Idle Passerby


    OP, you want this to be a consensual thing but why do you think a woman would want to do this? If shes of an average weight now but wanted to be bigger wouldn't she have already done it by herself? Why would she wait for a man to be a catalyst in her gaining huge amounts of weight if that's what she was into?

    I cant see any sane woman who maintains a healthy lifestyle deciding to turn herself into a helpless blob on some random guys whim.


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    #52
    Sephiroth_dude
    Moderators, Computer Games Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 80,091 Mod ✭✭✭✭Sephiroth_dude


    Why would any woman in their right mind want to par take in a relationship like this :confused:


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    #53
    GingerLily
    Registered Users Posts: 4,767 ✭✭✭GingerLily


    Sephiroth_dude wrote: »
    Why would any woman in their right mind want to par take in a relationship like this :confused:

    Most people think the women wouldn't be in her right mind, and that's what's objectionable!


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    #54
    SusieBlue
    Registered Users Posts: 8,029 ✭✭✭SusieBlue


    hawley wrote: »
    I'm quite happy to meet an empowered woman who wants to do this. No, I don't have abandonment issues.
    I am looking for advice, not for people to judge us like it 1950s Ireland.

    What does the woman get out of this, besides a myriad of lifelong health issues? What's in it for her?


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    #55
    Bigbagofcans
    Registered Users Posts: 1,164 ✭✭✭Bigbagofcans


    hawley wrote: »
    I'm not interested in the fetish part of it, but there's very little Irish content on that site. How quickly should it be brought up, I don't want to scare her away and some people do think of it as a fetish. Just want to see her grow a lot, ideal would be to be a sub 140 pound girl up to 300 pounds in the space of two years.

    Having a "sub" is a fetish no matter how much you deny it. You're a dominant then.

    I don't know any girl of average weight who wants to be obese or morbidly obese. Anyone who would agree to this would be an extremely vulnerable person.

    The only way I can comprehend feeders is that they feed their girlfriend so that no one else will want her? That's just completely wrong.


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    #56
    turbot
    Registered Users Posts: 1,106 ✭✭✭turbot


    That you refuse to define this desire as a fetish is a GIANT RED FLAG.

    Setting out to make someone MORBIDLY OBESE as your goal, suggesting you’ve thought through, rationalised & normalised this... (if not a wind-up) is a dangerous way of thinking.

    Your normalisation is what bothers me most - for the sake of others, go get evaluated by a psychologist asap! This may be the kindest thing you can do for yourself because if this is your goal, far more satisfying life paths may exist in your blindspots.


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    #57
    Dial Hard
    Registered Users Posts: 13,507 ✭✭✭✭Dial Hard


    hawley wrote:
    It's not about power.

    Of course it's about power. Otherwise you'd be perfectly happy to find a woman who's already 300lbs to start a relationship with.


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    #58
    Neyite
    Administrators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,947 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Neyite


    If it's not a fetish, and not linked to sexual pleasure, what is it then OP?


    Because you are asking an awful lot from a potential partner in exchange for something you can't really articulate or explain. And if you are not going to be able to explain why then why would any women entertain your non-fetish-not-a-sex-thing you propose they undertake at great cost to themselves for you?


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    #59
    hawley
    Registered Users Posts: 1,224 ✭✭✭hawley


    SusieBlue wrote: »
    What does the woman get out of this, besides a myriad of lifelong health issues? What's in it for her?

    I'd like to meet someone who wants to put on weight. I'm not trying to force anyone into it.
    https://www.irishmirror.ie/news/world-news/partner-50-stone-woman-uses-8781359
    She says: “The plan is to reach 1,000lbs and become immobile. I would feel like a queen because Sid would be waiting on me hand and foot and he’s excited about it too."

    This would be the kind of relationship that I'd like, to wait hand and foot and to pamper her. I'd be at her beck and call for her every need. Some women would like this lifestyle.


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    #60
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    What happens if you meet this woman and she gets to 300lbs?

    Do you dump her? Keep going until she drops dead of a heart attack? What if she decides to out out, do you find another victim?

    Far be it for me to judge anyone and their kinks but what you are proposing is a, imho, form of violence. It's absolutely abusive. You surely know the damage you would be inflicting on her but you don't care do you?

    I don't know if any mentally competent women exist who would be willing to participate in this but I suspect her ability to make rational decisions isn't high on your priorities. I think you should seek counseling on this one to try and discover where this need to control and destroy a woman comes from.


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    #61
    milli milli
    Registered Users Posts: 1,247 ✭✭✭milli milli


    hawley wrote: »
    This would be the kind of relationship that I'd like, to wait hand and foot and to pamper her. I'd be at her beck and call for her every need. Some women would like this lifestyle.


    You could just as easily wait hand and foot on a woman without interfering with her weight.
    I think you want someone who relies on you for everything, much like a giant baby. I’d say you’d want her incapacitated by her weight. How on earth is this healthy?
    I would ask you to speak to a professional because there is something in your past that is making you think like this. You need to do some exploring because it sounds like you have a deep need for someone to rely on you and I would question any self-esteem issues.

    I saw a documentary years ago called Fat Girls & Feeders. A lot of people watched it because (pardon my un-pc-ness) it was freakshowish.

    The really sad thing about the women (who were fed fat with a funnel until they were morbidly obese) was they had cripplingly low self-esteem and really got off on the attention they got from these men. I’ll never forget one of the women said, ‘it’s hard to believe there was a person under there’.
    It was a control thing for the men.

    No ‘empowered’ woman would ever consent to this OP. Really take advice from this thread and speak to a professional. It’s actually quite scary how you are trying to normalize this.


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