Feeders

hawley

I'm in my late thirties, coming out of a long term relationship and am trying to get back into the dating scene. I'm currently trying online dating but am looking to meet a slim or average girl who is interested in being a feedee. How should I go about telling a woman that this is what I want from a relationship? Have looked online but there doesn't seem to be any specific community or dating platform for Feeders in Ireland. Do you think that any girls will be interested in it? I'd also like a long term partner out of this, not just the feederism aspect to it.

.......

Its a fetish isnt it?

So join Fetlife and go to the Irish part and see if you can find any info?

hawley

....... wrote: »

Its a fetish isnt it?

So join Fetlife and go to the Irish part and see if you can find any info?

I'm not interested in the fetish part of it, but there's very little Irish content on that site. How quickly should it be brought up, I don't want to scare her away and some people do think of it as a fetish. Just want to see her grow a lot, ideal would be to be a sub 140 pound girl up to 300 pounds in the space of two years.

Ursus Horribilis

I'm sorry but that sounds like a fetish to me. Most women are fighting a battle to keep their weight down, not blow up to 21 stone.

SSr0

Each to their own, but I'd hope to think that no one would be interested in that. It's not your health that would be negatively affected in that scenario.

D3V!L

hawley wrote: »

I'm not interested in the fetish part of it, but there's very little Irish content on that site. How quickly should it be brought up, I don't want to scare her away and some people do think of it as a fetish. Just want to see her grow a lot, ideal would be to be a sub 140 pound girl up to 300 pounds in the space of two years.

If its not a fetish, why would you want to do this ?

Hitman3000

Sounds like you want to destroy someone else's health for your own gratification.

vandriver

You want to wreck someone's looks and health,for your own gratification.
But it's not a fetish....mmmmm.

silverharp

go get a counsellor , you have a messed up view of relationships, I wouldn't even describe it as a fetish as a fetish still has to be measured against any harm caused. You might as well try find a girl you want to turn into a heroin addict....

dudara

I am going to give this thread one chance. If it starts to lose quality, we will close it immediately, as this will be a contentious subject.

I want to remind all posters that advice is supposed to be specific and constructive to the OP. It's fine to express a different opinion, but do it in a way that explains why.

dudara

hawley

https://www.dailystar.co.uk/real-life/735457/Fetish-confessions-sex-couple-feedism-bedroom-sexual-desire-model-Australia

This is an example of a relationship that I'd like. They call it a fetish, I don't because we are doing it for ourselves, not as a statement. How should I broach the subject with someone online or on a date. The girl in the newspaper article would be the kind of person I'd like. I have no problem in paying for extra food or anything else that's needed.

Hitman3000

hawley wrote:

This is an example of a relationship that I'd like. They call it a fetish, I don't because we are doing it for ourselves, not as a statement. How should I broach the subject with someone online or on a date. The girl in the newspaper article would be the kind of person I'd like. I have no problem in paying for extra food or anything else that's needed.

You claimed you're not interested in the fetish aspect of the feeder relationship, yet the article you linked is precisely that.. a fetish.

Ursus Horribilis

Why do you think it isn't a fetish?

Ursus Horribilis

What size are you, by the way? Do you plan on blowing up to 25 or 30 stone while you're feeding up this hypothetical lady?

hawley

Hitman3000 wrote: »

You claimed you're not interested in the fetish aspect of the feeder relationship, yet the article you linked is precisely that.. a fetish.

I'm interested in feeding her, but it's not in any way related to performance or sexual for me. They have stage names and are involved in performing online. Was just trying to give an example of a feedee, am not looking for something like that.

Flibble

You can't just approach someone about this. Well, you can, but you won't get very far. You would need to go to a fetish site for it. Fetish's are not about 'statements'.

You want a relationship with this girl presumably? Is it just about the feeding? What if you meet someone who allows you to feed them but you don't get on in other respects? What are you planning on doing once she reaches 300 pounds- are you going to leave her?

Usually feeders afaik want the control of knowing they've incapacitated their feedee, and have ultimate control over their lives as a result.

Your chances of finding a woman willing to allow you to destroy her life like that are slim to none- you won't find these people anywhere 'normal', you'd need to access very unusual sites and build a relationship with someone long term.

You should know though, that unlike other fetishes, this is a damaging one and you absolutely will be hurting the other person in really messed up ways. This is a fetish you should get therapy for instead of acting on. There's no way it ends on a positive note.

hawley

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

What size are you, by the way? Do you plan on blowing up to 25 or 30 stone while you're feeding up this hypothetical lady?

I'm just over twelve stone. No, I'm happy enough as I am, want there to be a difference between the two of us.

.......

hawley wrote: »

How should I broach the subject with someone online or on a date.

You say:

"Id like to be a feeder and you to be my feedee. I want to feed you up so that you go from being 10 stone or so to over 20 stone - whaddya say? I dont mind paying for anything we need including your medical insurance for the next 20 years because youll need it when you develop all the medical issues that come with morbid obesity."

Incidentally, what happens when she hits 20+ stone? Do you lose interest? Is she just left off to sort it out herself? Wont you be responsible for the medical assistance she will need to get the weight off and fix her body (skin removal etc...)?

Ursus Horribilis

hawley wrote: »

I'm just over twelve stone. No, I'm happy enough as I am, want there to be a difference between the two of us.

Sounds like a fetish to me. You're wanting to control this lady and turn her into an object.

facehugger99

Instead of spending the time and effort trying to find a woman who'll let you 'feed' her up by an additional 11.5 stone (Jesus!), use that time to get professional help with your own issues, because, even though in this day and age you're apparently not allowed say stuff like this, what you're looking for is beyond fcuked up.

Hitman3000

hawley wrote:

I'm interested in feeding her, but it's not in any way related to performance or sexual for me. They have stage names and are involved in performing online. Was just trying to give an example of a feedee, am not looking for something like that.

I'm genuinely stunned anyone would want to do what you are hoping for to another human being. The damage to the other person is incalculable. I suggest you speak to someone and just try to meet someone to have a normal healthy relationship and enjoy life.
There is no advice I can or will offer other than to talk to someone.

GingerLily

What happened with your last relationship? Did you break up because of her weight?

wiggle16

I don't know what to tell you, hawley.

You say this isn't a fetish, but it's very hard to conceive of another non-sexual motivation for such an... unusual desire, and therefore it's very hard to understand why you would want to do it, and why anyone else would want to get involved.

The other side of it is that, even if this is not a fetish (which I find extremely difficult to believe), anyone who would want to participate in this activity with you is going to have to have a feeding fetish.

So yeah, you should really be looking on fet-life either way.

brevity

I’m aware people have their kinks and whatever but this seems a little “off”

If you are into bigger ladies then date a bigger lady.

Foweva Awone

OP what bothers me is that there are probably women out there - very damaged, vulnerable women, I'm thinking the likes of Graham Dwyer's victim - who might just be willing to go along with this. Does that bother you at all, that you'd be preying on the weaker members of society to find someone to use for your messed up fantasies? Any mentally healthily, emotionally stable woman would want no part in this sort of "relationship".

osarusan

hawley wrote: »

I'm not interested in the fetish part of it, but there's very little Irish content on that site. How quickly should it be brought up, I don't want to scare her away and some people do think of it as a fetish. Just want to see her grow a lot, ideal would be to be a sub 140 pound girl up to 300 pounds in the space of two years.

It is a fetish though, and I'd say your only chance of finding a woman who is interested in doing that is on a place like Fetlife.


Otherwise, your chances of finding somebody are basically non-existent.

Ursus Horribilis

Foweva Awone wrote: »

OP what bothers me is that there are probably women out there - very damaged, vulnerable women, I'm thinking the likes of Graham Dwyer's victim - who might just be willing to go along with this. Does that bother you at all, that you'd be preying on the weaker members of society to find someone to use for your messed up fantasies? Any mentally healthily, emotionally stable woman would want no part in this sort of "relationship".

Another person who crossed my mind was Lolo Ferrari. If you're old enough to have watched Eurotrash on Channel 4 back in the 1990s, you'll remember this lady. She was the woman with the enormous, surgically enhanced breasts. She died when she was in her 30s and it turned out she had significant mental health issues. It's thought she had Body Dysmorphic Disorder and her problems certainly weren't helped by the toxic partner she had.

unreg999

If you are looking for differences in size and weight then why not just date a larger lady, BBW or fat woman, whatever you want to call it.

There are thousands out there I'm sure who are healthy mentally and physically (yes) and ready and willing for a romantic relationship.

However, if you are only really interested in the feeder/feedee/change aspect then it's most definitely a kink or fetish and/or about control.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with kink and fetish (no kink shame here) but the other side of that is control and possible abuse which is NOT ok.

What happens when she reaches your 'desired' weight? Are you happy to stay with her then or does she get dumped for your next 'project?

If yoiu haven't thought about that they you really should and seriously, get some help.

Good luck OP

.......

Foweva Awone wrote: »

OP what bothers me is that there are probably women out there - very damaged, vulnerable women, I'm thinking the likes of Graham Dwyer's victim - who might just be willing to go along with this. Does that bother you at all, that you'd be preying on the weaker members of society to find someone to use for your messed up fantasies? Any mentally healthily, emotionally stable woman would want no part in this sort of "relationship".

Id wager that most people who would allow someone to feed them up to the point of morbid obesity, I mean actively allow it, as in agree (for example) to be pumped full of melted ice cream with a funnel regularly with the sole purpose of gaining lots of weight - are suffering with their mental health.

I think there are probably a lot of relationships out there where one person becomes a feeder and the other a feedee because that is how it has evolved (watch any tv show such as Half Ton Man about people so morbidly obese that they cannot get up). But they didnt start out with the sole purpose of one person feeding the other person up to over double their original bodyweight in a short space of time.

Im not even sure if what the OP suggests is physically possible as it would entail more than a 5 stone per year weight gain.

But I dont doubt that there are people out there who would do it. For every possible sexual perversion and fetish there are people into it. Thats not to say that its not extremely damaging and unhealthy.

In this case I too would recommend the OP speaks to a professional for themselves.

endacl

It’s not really a ‘fetish’, though, is it?

It’s seeking selfish gratification at the expense of the physical, mental, emotional, and quite likely social and/or professional wellbeing of a vulnerable person. Which would be a ‘perversion’.

Just so we’re clear on the terminology?

tonireid22

Sorry OP but this is completely fetish, it doesn't take a public performance to make it fetish. As someone who is larger and trying to lose weight the last thing I personally would want to be is anyone's fetish. This actually puts me off people who are into bigger women/BBW or anything like that.

As mentioned realistically you are only going to meet such a person in the fetish category and as asked what happens when they reach this goal of yours of 300lb.

I'd be looking more into why you'd want to change someone so much and so drastically when we spend out time looking for qualities in a person that we like and are attracted to

hawley

Foweva Awone wrote: »

OP what bothers me is that there are probably women out there - very damaged, vulnerable women, I'm thinking the likes of Graham Dwyer's victim - who might just be willing to go along with this. Does that bother you at all, that you'd be preying on the weaker members of society to find someone to use for your messed up fantasies? Any mentally healthily, emotionally stable woman would want no part in this sort of "relationship".

I'm only willing to have a consensual relationship with her. It's not about power. Ideally I'd like her to go up over 300lbs but it would have to be completely her own decision, I would never force anyone to do anything that they're not comfortable with. I want to be able to look after her. The reason we broke up had nothing to do with feederism, I did encourage her to be bigger, but it wasn't an important factor. I'm not forcing it on her, she would have to want it.

SusieBlue

hawley wrote: »

I'm only willing to have a consensual relationship with her. It's not about power. Ideally I'd like her to go up over 300lbs but it would have to be completely her own decision, I would never force anyone to do anything that they're not comfortable with. I want to be able to look after her. The reason we broke up had nothing to do with feederism, I did encourage her to be bigger, but it wasn't an important factor. I'm not forcing it on her, she would have to want it.

What happens when she reaches your goal of 300lb, do you dump her?

Ursus Horribilis

Why would anyone willingly risk their physical health and go over 300lbs? God knows, there's enough coverage in the media these days about obesity and how it's a health crisis coming down the tracks. The vast majority of people who are overweight/obsese are in that condition because they have a troublesome relationship with food.

kylith

OP, I try not to judge, but I really can't condone feeding. You are essentially trying to give someone heart disease, diabetes, breathing problems, arthritis, mobility issues, and who knows what else for no good reason. If you just said that you wanted to shag a fat bird then there are many ways you can do that, but what you want to do is actively destroy someone's health.

As you've already been asked; would you be footing all the bills, both the groceries and medically? Is getting a lady massive, housebound, and totally dependant on you what you're looking for?

hawley

SusieBlue wrote: »

What happens when she reaches your goal of 300lb, do you dump her?

Would help her in whatever way she wanted to go. If she wants to go up in weight or to lose weight I would help her. It would have to be consensual for me. If she wanted to go to 400lbs or back down sub 140, I'd help her with it.

kylith

hawley wrote: »

I'm only willing to have a consensual relationship with her. It's not about power. Ideally I'd like her to go up over 300lbs but it would have to be completely her own decision, I would never force anyone to do anything that they're not comfortable with. I want to be able to look after her. The reason we broke up had nothing to do with feederism, I did encourage her to be bigger, but it wasn't an important factor. I'm not forcing it on her, she would have to want it.

The bolded statements are contradictory. I think that if you are honest you want to get her big enough that she is unable to 'look after' herself.

OP, do you have abandonment issues?

Ursus Horribilis

hawley wrote: »

I'm only willing to have a consensual relationship with her. It's not about power. Ideally I'd like her to go up over 300lbs but it would have to be completely her own decision, I would never force anyone to do anything that they're not comfortable with. I want to be able to look after her.

I'm sure Graeme Dwyer would've argued that his "relationship" with Elaine O'Hara was consensual too. You're looking for the consent of someone who's vulnerable and not your equal. Someone who's probably not in a position to properly give consent. It's creepy.

Seriously, get help. I'm sure you've noticed that nobody on this thread thinks this is anything other than a terrible idea.

SusieBlue

hawley wrote: »

Would help her in whatever way she wanted to go. If she wants to go up in weight or to lose weight I would help her. It would have to be consensual for me. If she wanted to go to 400lbs or back down sub 140, I'd help her with it.

Well what's the point in it then, if that's the case? You are insisting its not a fetish but I don't know what else you could call it. Especially if you are happy for her to slim down again post gaining 10st+.

Hannibal_Smith

If it's not for your own gratification, or a fetish and not about control , then what is it about?

Not looking for a discussion on it, but it would make it easier to answer your initial post (when to mention it), if you gave an idea of the angle you're coming from

never_mind

hawley wrote: »

Would help her in whatever way she wanted to go. If she wants to go up in weight or to lose weight I would help her. It would have to be consensual for me. If she wanted to go to 400lbs or back down sub 140, I'd help her with it.

But yo-yoing like this is incredibly unhealthy. There is a huge difference, as others have pointed out, between a fetish and a perversion. I am all for sexual diversity and am happy to accept others' kinks as long as it's consensual... but this is medically and psychologically harmful and is borderline abuse. You are trying to find someone vulnerable and then exploit it for your own gratification. Yes, there are going to be empowered women out there who are into this but there will also be a sizable majority who won't be.

Bottom line, OP, you should want your OH to be healthy and happy. This is not going to make them healthy or happy so have a look in the mirror and jog on.

hawley

never_mind wrote: »

But yo-yoing like this is incredibly unhealthy. There is a huge difference, as others have pointed out, between a fetish and a perversion. I am all for sexual diversity and am happy to accept others' kinks as long as it's consensual... but this is medically and psychologically harmful and is borderline abuse. You are trying to find someone vulnerable and then exploit it for your own gratification. Yes, there are going to be empowered women out there who are into this but there will also be a sizable majority who won't be.

Bottom line, OP, you should want your OH to be healthy and happy. This is not going to make them healthy or happy so have a look in the mirror and jog on.

I'm quite happy to meet an empowered woman who wants to do this. No, I don't have abandonment issues.
I am looking for advice, not for people to judge us like it 1950s Ireland.

Ursus Horribilis

I've a bridge in Brooklyn I'd like to sell you.

Seriously Hawley, print out this thread and go see your GP.

never_mind

hawley wrote: »

I'm quite happy to meet an empowered woman who wants to do this. No, I don't have abandonment issues.
I am looking for advice on this, not for people to judge us on it.

Sorry, OP, but you can't come to a personal issues page and seek out advice on something that could be potentially harmful to others. As I said before, I have seen some very bizarre and unusual kinks through my years but this one is going to be harmful to the person in question. Most kinks (and sexuality in general) has some sort of power dynamic involved in it. This one is potentially harmful to the submissive in this case.

If you were generally into larger women then I wouldn't have an issue with it. If you want to feed a healthy woman to submission then yes I do have an issue with it.

Hitman3000

Ursus Horribilis wrote:

Seriously Hawley, print out this thread and go see your GP.

Best advice here tbh.

tabby aspreme

hawley wrote: »

I'm quite happy to meet an empowered woman who wants to do this. No, I don't have abandonment issues.
I am looking for advice, not for people to judge us like it 1950s Ireland.

Your getting plenty of advice not to try this with a woman, and get help yourself, listen to it.

endacl

hawley wrote: »

I'm quite happy to meet an empowered woman who wants to do this. No, I don't have abandonment issues.
I am looking for advice, not for people to judge us like it 1950s Ireland.

In fairness, it’s not the ‘us’ you refer to that’s being judged. And it’s coming from 21st century Ireland.

Not that you’ll pay any attention to that fact...

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Realistically the only avenue to have to find a relationship like this is through fetish sites.

It's not a fetish, not about control, what is it about? You want to have a partner you can feed up, it's not that you're just specifically attracted to women who are already big, from my reading?

The more clearly you can understand your feelings, expectations and motivations, and the better you can communicate them, the better your chances of finding a relationship that's mutually consensual and non abusive, and I agree that the potential for that here is huge. You need to do a lot of work on yourself before you proceed.

One bit of advice anyway is that you need to get over this aversion to the word fetish.

Hannibal_Smith

hawley wrote: »

I'm quite happy to meet an empowered woman who wants to do this. No, I don't have abandonment issues.
I am looking for advice, not for people to judge us like it 1950s Ireland.

But what are you looking for advice on? You've been given links and advice on whether it's a good Idea. You haven't set out the reasoning behind it. So what more can People say.

If it's not that big a deal that it didn't effect your last relationship, then why do it?

Segotias

hawley wrote: »

I'm quite happy to meet an empowered woman who wants to do this. No, I don't have abandonment issues.
I am looking for advice, not for people to judge us like it 1950s Ireland.

You were given advice, this type of person you are looking for will be possibly only be found in someone with that fetish. The slim/average/larger woman is usually looking to get smaller or maintain their smaller size.

Idle Passerby

OP, you want this to be a consensual thing but why do you think a woman would want to do this? If shes of an average weight now but wanted to be bigger wouldn't she have already done it by herself? Why would she wait for a man to be a catalyst in her gaining huge amounts of weight if that's what she was into?

I cant see any sane woman who maintains a healthy lifestyle deciding to turn herself into a helpless blob on some random guys whim.