Are short men disadvantaged in the dating world?

amandafrom97

One of my female friends said to me that dating short men wasn't ruled out per say but used the analogy of getting a job.

For most women, tall, masculine, and confident men are like people who want a high paying job that they enjoy. The fact is that most people (women) would prefer to get that job (man) however they will be happy to settle for something that the enjoy and pays below what they have it it means readjusting their lifestyle.

In the same way she says that she believes with most women (even short women who date short men), they're settling. The guy may be a catch but if suddenly she his doctor accidentally gave him a medicine that made him a burly 6ft lad then she would be way attracted to him.

I am on the lower end of the height spectrum myself and it has not seemed to be a concern for me

Day Lewin

A common misconception among men, if you will pardon me mentioning it.
Appearance doesn't matter half as much as you think - really TRULY.
A nice smile, smiley eyes, a sense of humour, kindness, good hands...these make women swoon. Try it and see.

Those "tall dark and handsome" types are often full of themselves, all surface and no quality, and only the silliest type of women fall for it.
I am serious, genuinely.

PS Don't look for a "date" - look for a friend, somebody you really like. There's more lasting in it.

Sprinter Sacre

Yeah there's definitely something in it. You see far too many "6 foot and above only" type things in dating bios for it to be just a rarity and from experience myself and talking to random women, desiring a tall man would be a thing. It probably comes down to the primitive aspect of it which hasn't been weeded out.

Of course attraction isn't universal and there are women who like small guys in the same way some men like fat women but if you could magically create a man that would be considered attractive by the most women then he'd be 6 foot to 6 foot 2 for the Goldilocks treatment of just right I would imagine. Tall but not freakish tall.

I'm over 6 foot myself so I've never had to worry about it but I do know friends who've suffered because of it.

Also have to disagree with the person above, appearance matters far more than you'd think. Women will say they like a funny lad or whatever but they're only human too with functioning eyes, of course they're going to judge a guy on appearance and desire a lad who looks good. The only difference is men probably have more of a chance to be considered good looking as they can hit the gym, fix the haircut and dress sharp and probably be considered handsome. For women it's far more clearcut whether you're a good looking girl or not.

iptba

Yes, I think short men are disadvantaged not just from what I’ve seen/observed but mainly from research and the like I’ve read.

But height is only one factor men are judged by. And polygamy is not allowed at least in terms of marriage which means there are a lot of potential partners for men.

blue note

It's a big factor. I'd say you could directly compare it to fatness in women. They're far less attractive to the vast majority of women.

bmm

Unfortunately there are many of the newer generation caught up in the world of celebs.Example is 'Love Island', wow, what a load of rubbish! Many of the celebs are fickle and are only interested in image and looking good in fotos. Small men suffer in these environments. Many adds on dating sites specify tall men only. Sad but true.

Dial Hard

blue note wrote:

It's a big factor. I'd say you could directly compare it to fatness in women. They're far less attractive to the vast majority of women.

Someone will come along with the "but fat women can lose weight" canard shortly, but I agree, they're the most directly comparable turn-offs for each gender.

FWIW, OP, yes, height is a deal-breaker for me in online dating. I'm 5' 7" in my bare feet so generally only swipe right on gents 5' 10" and above. My ex husband was that height and I was taller than him in heels, which I live in. I'd never dream of specifying a height in my bio, though.

If I met someone in real life who was smart, funny, engaging and was attractive to me and he was a shade on the short side, I wouldn't be getting the measuring tape out. And no doubt someone will now point out that I'm ruling out that potential by being so "fussy" online. And that may be the case, but we all apply certain parameters to our online decisions because otherwise everyone would just swipe right on everyone "just in case" and I certainly don't have the time or the energy for that.

shakeitoff

Of course it matters. A short guy(and short isn't 5'2'', it's anything below 5'10'' has to be notably handsome to compensate. Majority of people are average so it's very rare a guy will be good looking enough to make up for it. Shorter people have better faces though but prettiness doesn't matter for women that much.

Fr D Maugire

In terms of online dating, I would say it is definitely a disadvantage to be shorter. I am 5.8, average looking, average build, in the largest dating pool in Ireland Dublin, yet my profile only gets viewed 1-2 times a week max(I know, maybe a bad profile picture). Realistically it is most likely due to the fact I am below the height most women use for their search criteria, so I don't reach as many people.

When I look at profiles, I will check the height of the lady as if they are in the 5-5 up range, I am realistic in that they are less likely to be interested. Hasn't stopped me from trying, but it is always a no response. Personally, I would find it strange if a woman who was under say 5.4 would not want to date a guy who was 4/5 to inches taller than them. Now I would call that being super picky.

Ahh yes, because women being able to look up my nose when they talk to me is such a decided advantage. Or that I have to bend my knees to get a kiss.

I'm 192 cm tall. I suspect guys with an average height are the best off rather than tall men. The grass is always greener for someone else.

Debtocracy

I’ve never heard as much about height until online dating came along. I think the problem is that height is a cue for masculinity and on paper this gets excessively associated with a host of other masculine traits – athleticism, strength, confidence, power etc.

As an example of how height is overrated online, imagine a group of guys in a company go on tinder. Lets say one of the guys is 6ft 3 and fairly attractive relative to the other guys. He will probably get the most likes online. But say these guys have a work night out. This tall guy is also socially awkward and doesn’t tend to talk much and keeps to the edge of the group. The manager of this group is average height but is extraverted and confident. Even women who claim to have height fetish will be more likely to go for the manager than the tall guy – because their height fetish was never really a height fetish but rather a power/masculinity fetish.

There’s about 5 or 6 key qualities male attractiveness is based on – facial attractiveness, body type, wealth, status, height, personality (extraversion, low neuroticism, intelligence etc.). And the degree to which a man is attractive will depend upon how they fare across these qualities, not defined by any one area.

So a short guy who focuses on his career, health and emotional well-being should be well ahead of a neurotic, financially unstable 6ft 3 guy. This especially comes into play as guys get into their 30s and women start to look for reliable providers rather than a masculine guy to satisfy their sexual fantasies.

Probably the best strategy for short guys is to avoid getting caught up in the hook-up/fantasy/hypergamy culture that go on in people’s 20s but instead use this time for focusing on career development. If they make it up the professional ladder they should have no problems getting female attention in their 30s.

I don't believe so.
You only need to look around to see fabulous looking ladies with, let's say, less than fabulous looking men.
It's not something you see the other way around.
To me it's because women are attracted to personalty, men are more attracted to looks.
Online dating might be different because it's looks based firstly. But in general if you meet a woman & you are charming, nice & genuine, that is more important than height

theteal

At a mighty 5'7-8 I can't say I've had any issues but thankfully my prime was before the era of smartphone dating. 5'7 in written text looks shorter than an actual 5'7 bloke in person - sure I'm still taller than ~70% of ladies out in the wild imo.

_Dara_

shakeitoff wrote: »

Of course it matters. A short guy(and short isn't 5'2'', it's anything below 5'10'' has to be notably handsome to compensate. Majority of people are average so it's very rare a guy will be good looking enough to make up for it. Shorter people have better faces though but prettiness doesn't matter for women that much.

What’s that now?

I’m a short woman and personally men being short has never bothered me. My husband is 6’2” though. But shortness was never historically a problem.

Squatter

amandafrom97 wrote: »

I'm 5ft 5in myself and haven't been able to find a date. Hoping for more though..

Have you considered moving to Donnybrook?

Bredabe

I grew up with predominantly tall men, so Im very comfortable with that, for me, being habitually unemployed or having an entitled attitude around work and sex particularly is a bigger turn-off, that a perceived/real lack of height.

amandafrom97

amandafrom97 wrote: »

I'm 5ft 5in myself and haven't been able to find a date. Hoping for more though..

I would be surprised if the height is the ultimate issue on that one. Quite often it tends to be things we do not see ourselves. Go out with mates when you are meeting dates - or if you are using online sites or apps let a mate watching while you do your first interactions with a few people.

You might find they see something going on - or failing to go on - that you are blind to.

That was my experience with a lovely guy I know who was just getting very down and depressed about progress with women. He could not understand why. And to be honest we could not either. He is all around a great guy.

So once I went speed dating with him and watched him in action. He got zero interested people.

I doubt you need details but I saw things right away that were just alarm bells galore. Worked with him on a lot of it. Went back speed dating again. He got quite a few interested people. Met a few. Is now still in an ongoing relationship with one of them.

Very often - it is not what we think it is. We just guess it is the thing we are least proud of in ourselves. In your case - height perhaps.

twignme

I’m 5’8 and my ex husband was 6’2, so I have experience of dating tall men. Since then, I have had two serious relationships with men who were shorter than me. Their height didn’t make a blind bit of difference to me, but it did to one of them. With one, he loved me whether I was in heels or flats, never mentioned height and never felt himself to be anything other than himself. The other constantly referred to his height and didn’t like to walk beside me when I wore heels. I never referred to his height or mine and it was very clearly his own problem. We had a really good thing going but he was the one who made it an issue and THAT was the part that was unattractive enough for me to call it a day.
I’ve done online dating and would never even look at the height in the profile.

mvl

wow, I didn't know this was a thing in this country.

I am short, and have always been only attracted to tall, smart, but quirky guys, with a level of assertiveness or creativity that matches mine.
short to me means friend zone I am afraid.

moving here from the continent already married, have to say in ten years I only found an other that if I were single I would have liked to pursue // plenty of tall guys where I work, but it appears the combination that works for me is rare - thank god for that .

jon1981

These threads pop up fairly often. I'm not blessed with the height gene but it's never caused an issue when i was on the dating scene years ago...or in any situation. I've never felt any prejudice for it, yeah the odd quip or joke from a mate. I guess I'm confident and comfortable with my lot. Perhaps i subconsciously attracted women who weren't as tall...who knows!

jimmytwotimes 2013

No more than fat/bald/ugly men/women I'd assume.

Lots of people looking for the perceived ideal form in the opposite sex. Most grow out of it at some stage and a select few land that model they wanted

Zascar

I've been out of the dating world for a few years years years but it was definitely very true when I was on the normal dating sites. Tinder does not have height listed I don't think - that's where I met my wife. I'm about 5'6, above average looks but I was always very skinny also. Without a doubt women would judge you and even mention it when you meet. Thankfully not all hold height in such importance but many really. I think confidence is the main issue, if you have a hang up about it they will notice, if you really don't care, they (usually) won't either.

Wen I was in my 20's I used to be paranoid about it so I would only ever go for women shorter than me. Later however when I gained more confidence I did date several women taller than me. I found foreign women didn't care nearly as much as Irish women did about how tall you are. My now wife is about 3" taller than me and strikingly beautiful - people comment on it all the time - 'punching above your weight' and 'how did you get a woman like that' etc - I love it - I take it as compliment! Any Irish women of similar beauty and stature would never go near me I can tell you!

There is a double standard unfortunately and it's very often true - as this cartoon illustrates.

mvl

Zascar wrote: »

I found foreign women didn't care nearly as much as Irish women did about how tall you are.

and how well can you know what these ladies are really after, especially since they're foreign ? with cultural differences, it can take years to really know someone.
but then again, this OP is about dating, and not the compromise some people make when they (want to) settle.

Yer Da sells Avon

At a mere 5ft 7, I'm unlikely to become owner-occupier of an enchanted beanstalk any time soon, but I can think of lots of reasons not to date me and my height doesn't rank (literally or figuratively) very highly, tb perfectly h with you. Is it a particular disadvantage? Sometimes, maybe, but it's never worth getting hung up on something you can't change. It's like getting annoyed about the weather - shut up and buy an umbrella (not if you're a short-arse though; you'll have someone's eye out with it).

It's a strange one since I tend to be attracted to small women. And yet, most supermodels are quite tall. Does that mean that tall women have an advantage even though I, personally, prefer small women?

I think height is just another aspect of attraction. Same with big/small eyes, small/wide mouth, etc.

shakeitoff

Deleted User wrote: »

It's a strange one since I tend to be attracted to small women. And yet, most supermodels are quite tall. Does that mean that tall women have an advantage even though I, personally, prefer small women?

I think height is just another aspect of attraction. Same with big/small eyes, small/wide mouth, etc.

No, I actually prefer taller girls but the idea nowadays is definitely more on the smaller side. In 'Pretty Women' Richard Gere tells Julia Roberts to 'stand up straight' it makes her look taller, so the ideal of what is attractive has changed over 30 years. Although, a truly handsome, 6 foot something guy would probably opt for a taller beautiful women.

iptba

Just because some men might prefer short women doesn’t mean that there is a large group of women who prefer short men; though some women do seem to prefer men to not be overly tall.

Wibbs

Though started by a troll, the thread subject seems to have legs, so reopening it

Happy4all

Depends on the size of their wallet.

Phoenix Wright

Zascar wrote: »

My now wife is about 3" taller than me and strikingly beautiful - people comment on it all the time - 'punching above your weight' and 'how did you get a woman like that' etc - I love it - I take it as compliment!

I get this regularly and personally do not take it as a compliment, I always wonder whether people are suggesting I'm fugly :P

ginandtonicsky

Phoenix Wright wrote: »

I get this regularly and personally do not take it as a compliment, I always wonder whether people are suggesting I'm fugly :P

I honestly hear so much of this that I'm convinced it's just something guys say to each other for the craic. A socially acceptable way of saying you're a bollix and I fancy your missus or something. Both my exes got it regularly and they were pretty attractive guys, these were no beauty-and-the-beast scenarios.

Anyway I digress.

I used to encounter a LOT of profiles with "6 foot 2 because apparently that matters around here" on tinder and the likes when I did online dating. I think online being so overwhelmingly based on looks means that people can set their own "rules for engagement" that probably don't reflect how they'd react if they met and connected with someone in the real world. People tend to build mental "lists" about what they want in a person online, which is something you CAN do because there are so many dating options there.

My ex was about 5'9/10 I think, last guy I was mad about was about 5'7. I'm tiny and used to feeling tiny in relationships anyway at 5 '1! I do like the dynamic of guy as protector in a totally primitive sort of way, I like being picked up and thrown around

But overall what I look for is connection, which is so hard to find but is always based on more substantial things like humour, kindness, intelligence and similar backgrounds/interests. Obviously you need to be attracted initially, but height just wouldn't be a deal-breaker for me though things like a lot of excessive weight or someone who doesn't give a single sh1t about his appearance probably would.

Pug160

Overall height matters but proportions and stature come into it too. Some people have a squat type appearance despite being a normal height. I was watching some of those face offs boxers' do before a fight recently, and couldn't help but notice that despite some of them being a similar height, one guy's shoulders was much higher up compared to the fellow who was a similar height. I know men generally have longer bodies in proportion to their height than women do, but there seems to be a fair bit of variation amongst men as well. Or at least it seems that way.

Having a very long body with shorter legs seems to be seen as a somewhat masculine trait, but whether or not it's always desrirable is perhaps up for debate. You'll notice that a lot of caricatures of supposedly masculine males draw on this, the most well known one probably being Johnny Bravo.

shakeitoff

Phoenix Wright wrote: »

I get this regularly and personally do not take it as a compliment, I always wonder whether people are suggesting I'm fugly :P

The lads always seems to be 'punching above his weight' in my experience, regardless of his looks(unless he's a David Beckham type hunk) I think it's just ribbing.

Pug160

shakeitoff wrote: »

The lads always seems to be 'punching above his weight' in my experience, regardless of his looks(unless he's a David Beckham type hunk) I think it's just ribbing.

I agree with this. It's usually just banter (the guy has red hair or something) or he is marginally less atrractive than her, due to her being glamorous. But the cases where someone is really punching above their weight would be somewhat rare.

Wibbs

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

I honestly hear so much of this that I'm convinced it's just something guys say to each other for the craic. A socially acceptable way of saying you're a bollix and I fancy your missus or something. Both my exes got it regularly and they were pretty attractive guys, these were no beauty-and-the-beast scenarios.

+1. It's a smalltalk platitude type compliment of sorts thrown out regularly. Naturally people in love tend to overestimate their partners looks, but men in particular do it more often, or vocalise it more and tend to underestimate their own attractiveness. The I can't believe she's with me/she's out of my league/I'm so lucky and so on. Their mates tend to back this up out of friendship. You've done well and all that. I've caught myself doing it once or twice TBH. Plus as a society we tend to see women as the more beautiful sex anyway. Down the years I've known very few couples with much of difference in physical attractiveness. When I have it was usually the woman being ahead and the guy was higher than average in the social scale(well known, few quid, particular talent, social presence), so even there overall attractiveness was about equal. Couples tend to balance out.

Pug160 wrote: »

I know men generally have longer bodies in proportion to their height than women do/Having a very long body with shorter legs seems to be seen as a somewhat masculine trait,

Funny enough though often repeated research has shown that it's women that have on average shorter legs and longer torsos than men(and shorter arms, wider hips etc). Custom bike makers know this. Which makes sense as men are more built for running where longer legs are an advantage. What also skews perceptions is that women tend to wear higher heels than men which artificially elongates the legs. It's rare enough we see women in flat shoes or barefoot in the media, even swimwear is cut to accentuate and elongate the legs.

Pug160

Wibbs wrote: »

+1. It's a smalltalk platitude type compliment of sorts thrown out regularly. Naturally people in love tend to overestimate their partners looks, but men in particular do it more often, or vocalise it more and tend to underestimate their own attractiveness. The I can't believe she's with me/she's out of my league/I'm so lucky and so on. Their mates tend to back this up out of friendship. You've done well and all that. I've caught myself doing it once or twice TBH. Plus as a society we tend to see women as the more beautiful sex anyway. Down the years I've known very few couples with much of difference in physical attractiveness. When I have it was usually the woman being ahead and the guy was higher than average in the social scale(well known, few quid, particular talent, social presence), so even there overall attractiveness was about equal. Couples tend to balance out.

Funny enough though often repeated research has shown that it's women that have on average shorter legs and longer torsos than men(and shorter arms, wider hips etc). Custom bike makers know this. Which makes sense as men are more built for running where longer legs are an advantage. What also skews perceptions is that women tend to wear higher heels than men which artificially elongates the legs. It's rare enough we see women in flat shoes or barefoot in the media, even swimwear is cut to accentuate and elongate the legs.

I must say, it's a bit of a head scratcher. I was always under the impression that there were differences in body to leg ratios (women having longer femurs perhaps?) but maybe it's not as straigtforward. Part of it must be some kind of optical illusion then, but it really doesn't seem that way as women seem to have much shorter bodies a lot of the time. I know I'm a good three inches or so taller than my sister and she seems to wear the same length jeans. Although that's only one example of course.

I'll take a further look into it.

Relative height is what matters, not absolute height. in 1900 a man who was 5'7 wouldn't have felt as short as they do nowadays and would have been considered relatively more attractive by women than he is nowadays. People born in the last 20 years have had better nutrition for height than ever before making it so that if you are 5'9 or below you feel short. Social media and internet dating have further heightened the misery for men who reach their late teens and find they are shorter than their peers, who then get to enjoy more pleasure-filled lives than them while girls reject them for something they can't help and normal-height people who don't want to hurt their feelings tell them that it "doesn't matter". Women are attracted to attractive traits, one of which is height. If you are short it is best policy to be true to reality and accept that you're not as attractive as you could have been if you were normal height.

shakeitoff

True, I'm 5'8'', I get told I'm handsome but being short has hindered me with women for sure. I think it immediately detracts from my sex appeal. I even got told I had zero sex appeal even though I was very good looking.

Triceratops Ballet

shakeitoff wrote: »

True, I'm 5'8'', I get told I'm handsome but being short has hindered me with women for sure. I think it immediately detracts from my sex appeal. I even got told I had zero sex appeal even though I was very good looking.

is 5'8 short?

I agree that it's relative height that matters. I think you could only categorically call someone below 5'6" /5'4" for a man / woman objectively short. Everything else is relative to your own height. I'd say I find tall men attractive but I'm just shy of 5'9, I've dated blokes from 5'9" to 6'5" I was attracted to all of them, and if you were to judge each of them on their looks I wouldn't say any of them were better looking than the other in any major way like on a scale of 1-10 I'd put most of them at a 7/8.

Wibbs

Triceratops Ballet wrote: »

is 5'8 short?

That's what I was thinking TB. I wouldn't have thought of 5'8" as being short for a guy. Last time I checked that was the average height for men in Ireland. IIRC average height for Irish women was around 5'4".

Dial Hard

Wibbs wrote: »

That's what I was thinking TB. I wouldn't have thought of 5'8" as being short for a guy. Last time I checked that was the average height for men in Ireland. IIRC average height for Irish women was around 5'4".

I'd consider it short, yes. But I accept that my perspective is probably skewed as all the men in my family are over 6' so to me, that's average.

KrustyUCC

Is being perceived as short a disadvantage in the dating world?

I'd say Yes

Last week the girls in the office had a chat about rule breakers when dating

One girl who is 5'4 stated that she couldn't go out with any man under 5'9 due to liking going out with heels

Not one girl in the office disagreed that they would date a shorter man or any one quite close to their height and most of them have husbands over 6 foot

Triceratops Ballet

KrustyUCC wrote: »

Is being perceived as short a disadvantage in the dating world?

I'd say Yes

Last week the girls in the office had a chat about rule breakers when dating

One girl who is 5'4 stated that she couldn't go out with any man under 5'9 due to liking going out with heels

Not one girl in the office disagreed that they would date a shorter man or any one quite close to their height and most of them have husbands over 6 foot

yeah deal breakers are deal breakers until you meet someone who's right for you who breaks them.
People say an awful lot of crap, but in reality there are very few people willing to live and die by what's on their list. I could give you a list as long as your arm of dealbreakers for me, but in reality there is only one (maybe 2 nowadays) that are hard and fast

KrustyUCC

That's true but in this case the woman is in her 40s and has never gone out with a guy less than 5'9

Seems pretty hard and fast for her to me

The more interesting thing is that the rest of the women in the office agreed with her perspective. Not one dissenting voice

We have a cross section of women from 23 - 62 in the office so that is quite a broad range of women

PlaneSpeeking

In the words of the legendary, of smallish stature and sadly missed Prince - "We're all the same height lying down and that's where it counts!"

PlaneSpeeking

KrustyUCC wrote: »

That's true but in this case the woman is in her 40s and has never gone out with a guy less than 5'9

Seems pretty hard and fast for her to me

The more interesting thing is that the rest of the women in the office agreed with her perspective. Not one dissenting voice

We have a cross section of women from 23 - 62 in the office so that is quite a broad range of women

I'm 5'1" so tbh anything above 5'8" would be a bit of a challenge!

KrustyUCC

PlaneSpeeking wrote: »

In the words of the legendary, of smallish stature and sadly missed Prince - "We're all the same height lying down and that's where it counts!"

Ha true lol

Lorelli!

amandafrom97 wrote: »

For most women, tall, masculine, and confident men are like people who want a high paying job that they enjoy.

Out of those three, tall is only one thing. And I'm sure loads are but not all tall men are all three. Lots of people have ideals but they rarely meet exactly that in real life.

I don't know about online dating but I've heard how some people put a specific height. Online, it seems in general, things are very much exaggerated and alot of the normal real life interactions when first meeting someone are sidestepped. There's nothing you can really do about that except be realistic yourself.

I wouldn't have a height preference myself and I'm 5'9 so tall enough for a woman. I think irl attraction doesnt really work like that and in the past ive been attracted to tall men and shorter men. At 5'5 and a with a feminine name like Kelly, Id have no problem going out with the guy from the Stereophonics

Triceratops Ballet

KrustyUCC wrote: »

That's true but in this case the woman is in her 40s and has never gone out with a guy less than 5'9

Seems pretty hard and fast for her to me

The more interesting thing is that the rest of the women in the office agreed with her perspective. Not one dissenting voice

We have a cross section of women from 23 - 62 in the office so that is quite a broad range of women

I believe it, I've been in those groups, I've said similar in the past myself, but what people say and what people do aren't always the same. I never thought I'd go out with someone the same height as me, I used to think that was way too short, but I did, I fell in love with him and it didn't matter a bit in the end.

I'm not saying it's not a real thing at all, but I don't think anyone who thinks they don't live up to this expectation should feel like they'll never find someone, cos that's not true, it might take more self belief and a bit more swagger but not being tall isn't condemnation to a life of solitude

mvl

wonder if this is a generational thing, can (post-)millennials be having different expectations than generation X ?

anyway - I think short but with BDE have good chance of doing alright in the dating world