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Can anyone advise on Tusla - Update: now with the Gardai

  • 09-07-2018 4:44pm
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,619 ✭✭✭


    Hi all, I've posted a number of times in here about my childhood, I was sexually abused by my brother and grew up in an otherwise abusive house, my mother physically, mentally and emotionally abused me and my father was an alcoholic, apart from being absent, he was actually alright. My sister was also sexually abused by our brother.

    I started counselling in September of last year and eventually made my official report to Tusla through the Rape Crisis Centre where I go for counselling. My sister made her report about 3 months before I made mine.
    I received one response to that report seeking further information which I don't have (contact numbers, addresses, work information) to which I replied, again through the RCC, that I don't have that information and I have heard nothing since.
    I feel extremely frustrated and angry about the Tusla process. Can anyone provide any insight at all into any sort of timeline?

    Just to give you an idea on my brother's situation now, he has 2 teenage daughters and is married, my sister told his wife about the abuse last year, however, the whole family are still living together as normal (going on a family holiday later this month), the 2 daughters know nothing about the abuse, which suggests to me that they haven't been questioned, even by their own mother, about whether they were abused in any way.
    So basically, things are looking good for my brother, off living his life, everything swept under the carpet.
    It would appear that nobody in Tusla has contacted my brother nor his wife about their daughters. Surely it can't be right that 2 separate reports were made to them, one almost a year ago, and no action has been taken in order to investigate or protect the 2 children still living in a house with my brother.

    My sister and I told our mother last year and she has pretty much disowned us, continues to have a relationship with our brother and his family (my brother knows that my mother knows and my mother knows that my sister confronted our brother through lots of texts) and is basically letting on to the extended family, including my dad, that she has no idea why we're all not speaking.
    As far as I know, my dad doesn't know anything about it all, I haven't told him and my sister hasn't told him.
    There are 2 reasons for this. My dad is an alcoholic and, while he has reduced his drinking a lot, now just drinking on the weekend and he has been running his own business for 15 years, we have a fear that, if he finds out, he will just drink himself into the ground. The second reason is that I have a genuine fear that he would kill my brother and, while I hate him, I wouldn't like my dad to go to prison for killing him, he's not worth it.

    So, does anyone have any information or advice on Tusla? I am so angry that this organisation have been formed and promoted by the government but they seem to be doing absolutely nothing.


«1

Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,226 ✭✭✭nikkibikki


    Does your sister not have the information required? She was texting him.

    I don't know anything about the process, sorry. You are naturally worried about your nieces.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,619 ✭✭✭erica74


    nikkibikki wrote: »
    Does your sister not have the information required? She was texting him.

    I don't know anything about the process, sorry. You are naturally worried about your nieces.

    No, my sister doesn't have any additional information on Tusla.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,226 ✭✭✭nikkibikki


    erica74 wrote:
    I received one response to that report seeking further information which I don't have (contact numbers, addresses, work information) to which I replied, again through the RCC, that I don't have that information and I have heard nothing since.

    Maybe I am picking this up wrong. Tusla are looking for his contact info and whereabouts.

    You don't have it. But you mentioned your sister was texting him. She must have his number?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 40,291 ✭✭✭✭Gatling


    Unfortunately it's all a waiting game and outside of your actual complaint to tusla ,they won't share anything else with you about your brother and family ,
    For all you know they sent a social worker and or others to speak with his family ,
    Have the Guards being informed at all about the past cases ,
    haven't seen your other threads


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,619 ✭✭✭erica74


    nikkibikki wrote: »
    Maybe I am picking this up wrong. Tusla are looking for his contact info and whereabouts.

    You don't have it. But you mentioned your sister was texting him. She must have his number?

    It's not just his phone number that they are looking for, sorry, I didn't elaborate on that. There's a lot of different information they want that neither me nor my sister has.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,619 ✭✭✭erica74


    Gatling wrote: »
    Unfortunately it's all a waiting game and outside of your actual complaint to tusla ,they won't share anything else with you about your brother and family ,
    For all you know they sent a social worker and or others to speak with his family ,
    Have the Guards being informed at all about the past cases ,
    haven't seen your other threads

    They haven't, I know they haven't.
    I haven't gotten the gardai involved as I thought Tusla would be on the ball and start investigating straight away. I'm mulling over whether to involve the gardai, it's a big step and I need time on it.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 78 ✭✭LonelyBoy84


    erica74 wrote: »
    They haven't, I know they haven't.
    I haven't gotten the gardai involved as I thought Tusla would be on the ball and start investigating straight away. I'm mulling over whether to involve the gardai, it's a big step and I need time on it.

    What age were you/your brother at the time?


  • Administrators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,047 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    It is a long and slow process. Just because you make an allegation, doesn't mean that he will be removed from the house, or his children taken away. There has to be a process, and one which will most likely end up in court, eventually. The speed (or lack of) of the process just goes to highlight 1 - how thorough the investigation will be, and 2 - the huge workload that Tusla have.

    Just to give you an idea, a local man was recently convicted of raping his younger sister over a period of 8 years, going back over 30 years ago. She made her first complaint in 2015. It was in court in April. The man has not yet been sentenced, a date is set for August, I think. In the meantime he is back in the family home, with his wife and 4 children, getting his affairs in order.

    It is an horrendous situation for the whole family, and extended family. I honestly do not know what is going through his wife's head. Her life as she knew it has been ripped from under her. She is going to have to explain to her children what happened, and why their dad is going to prison.

    So, almost a year after making a report is still very early days. To be honest, if you have a contact in the RCC that is probably your best bet for guidance, and answers and liaising with Tusla. They deal with this every day, unfortunately. They will know the procedure.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,024 ✭✭✭Owryan


    Normal process is they acknowledge your referral, usually by letter and in some cases a phonecall.

    The referral is assessed as to level of seriousness and can go to a social worker for investigation or might end up on a waiting list. It might also be closed off. Depending on the area there may be a shortage of social workers.

    After that it's up to the SW, they usually contact the person who was reported, tell them they have a referral and try arrange a meeting.

    If yours is a historical allegation, there might be a different process for contact but that's usually how it goes.

    Don't know what level of feedback is given to the person who made the complaint but from experience it was usually a letter explaining the end result.

    But others might have a better idea.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,619 ✭✭✭erica74


    What age were you/your brother at the time?

    It started when I was around 6 and continued until I was around 9, my brother is 6 years older than me.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,619 ✭✭✭erica74


    It is a long and slow process. Just because you make an allegation, doesn't mean that he will be removed from the house, or his children taken away. There has to be a process, and one which will most likely end up in court, eventually. The speed (or lack of) of the process just goes to highlight 1 - how thorough the investigation will be, and 2 - the huge workload that Tusla have.

    Just to give you an idea, a local man was recently convicted of raping his younger sister over a period of 8 years, going back over 30 years ago. She made her first complaint in 2015. It was in court in April. The man has not yet been sentenced, a date is set for August, I think. In the meantime he is back in the family home, with his wife and 4 children, getting his affairs in order.

    It is an horrendous situation for the whole family, and extended family. I honestly do not know what is going through his wife's head. Her life as she knew it has been ripped from under her. She is going to have to explain to her children what happened, and why their dad is going to prison.

    So, almost a year after making a report is still very early days. To be honest, if you have a contact in the RCC that is probably your best bet for guidance, and answers and liaising with Tusla. They deal with this every day, unfortunately. They will know the procedure.

    I do have a counseller, even the manager of the RCC I go to is so helpful and nice but, I suppose, I just want more information and as much information as I can get because I'm finding it all very frustrating.
    I just don't understand how my brother's wife is still living with him with their 2 daughters and carrying on with normal life.

    I know it's unlikely I'll find all the answers I want and need, particularly on here, but I just need to let some thoughts out of my head before it explodes.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 40,291 ✭✭✭✭Gatling


    erica74 wrote: »
    I just don't understand how my brother's wife is still living with him with their 2 daughters and carrying on with normal life.

    What were you hoping would happen ,

    Bear in mind he might not have committed any other abuse since he was essentially a child himself ,they have a marriage and family there is multiple scenarios involved here which nobody on here can account for .

    As above your involved in a very long process


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,619 ✭✭✭erica74


    Gatling wrote: »
    What were you hoping would happen ,

    Bear in mind he might not have committed any other abuse since he was essentially a child himself ,they have a marriage and family there is multiple scenarios involved here which nobody on here can account for .

    As above your involved in a very long process

    I don't know.


  • Administrators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,047 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    Because she may not ever have seen that side to him. She may not know what to believe. She may not know are you being malicious, or is he, the father of her children really capable of abuse. Marriages and relationships are complex. She has built a life, a family, a home with him. Don't for a second think she is just getting on with life as normal.

    My friend has zero contact with her husband's family. They make some of the toxic families mentioned here look like the Von Trapps. His sister accused him of abusing her as a child.

    She also accused her father, multiple cousins, neighbours and work colleagues. All false allegations. The girl is vicious, and dangerous. He didn't want her having unlimited, unsupervised access to her children, so she told him she'd 'get him' and make sure he never saw his children again.

    I must stress, there is not a grain of truth in any of her allegations.

    And my friend still lives with her husband and 2 children.

    I understand your frustration, and your annoyance, and your upset. But... It has been years. His children are now teenagers. I don't mean there is no rush in investigating it, but it would not be seen as "urgent". Just because you made your report does not mean that it all gets investigated and wrapped up in a few months. It will come. It will be investigated. But it will take time. There are many many layers to the investigation.

    You genuinely cannot know what has been said, or is being investigated with him. Especially if you have zero contact and don't even know where he is. There will be lots going on that you won't be aware of.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,619 ✭✭✭erica74


    Because she may not ever have seen that side to him. She may not know what to believe. She may not know are you being malicious, or is he, the father of her children really capable of abuse. Marriages and relationships are complex. She has built a life, a family, a home with him. Don't for a second think she is just getting on with life as normal.

    My friend has zero contact with her husband's family. They make some of the toxic families mentioned here look like the Von Trapps. His sister accused him of abusing her as a child.

    She also accused her father, multiple cousins, neighbours and work colleagues. All false allegations. The girl is vicious, and dangerous. He didn't want her having unlimited, unsupervised access to her children, so she told him she'd 'get him' and make sure he never saw his children again.

    I must stress, there is not a grain of truth in any of her allegations.

    And my friend still lives with her husband and 2 children.

    I understand your frustration, and your annoyance, and your upset. But... It has been years. His children are now teenagers. I don't mean there is no rush in investigating it, but it would not be seen as "urgent". Just because you made your report does not mean that it all gets investigated and wrapped up in a few months. It will come. It will be investigated. But it will take time. There are many many layers to the investigation.

    You genuinely cannot know what has been said, or is being investigated with him. Especially if you have zero contact and don't even know where he is. There will be lots going on that you won't be aware of.

    My sister has some contact with one of our nieces and no contact has been made by Tusla with the family. I didn't think the investigation which affects me would be quick but, I did expect, because there are 2 girls in the house, that Tusla would have made some contact by now, in order to ensure the safety of my brother's 2 daughters.

    I understand that I won't find all the answers, I'm really just thinking "out loud".


  • Administrators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,047 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    Just because your sister hadn't been told by your niece doesn't mean things haven't happened. It doesn't mean he hasn't been questioned. It's a very difficult process and the whole basis of the children first policy is people are told things on a "need to know" basis.

    I hope you're ok. I can't even imagine your pain. But keep talking to the RCC. Ask the questions. They'll explain it as best they can.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 251 ✭✭Steviesol


    Awful story. I know first hand that the Irish legal system and all who report to them let victims like yourelves down.

    Child abuse is something that is still happening today in Ireland, it may not be the church, but it goes right up to the very top. Therefore heels are dragged, again, I know this first hand.


    I wish you all the best, my advise to you is to keep making phone calls and do not give up.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,619 ✭✭✭erica74


    Thanks for all of the replies everyone.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,226 ✭✭✭nikkibikki


    erica74 wrote:
    I know it's unlikely I'll find all the answers I want and need, particularly on here, but I just need to let some thoughts out of my head before it explodes.


    If you find it helpful getting it all out, keep doing it. We may not have the answers but we can listen.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 525 ✭✭✭WIZWEB


    OP just to inform you that as your brother was also legally a child at the time and hasn't likely come to the attention of Tusla since this will be a slow process. Because of his age at the time too the outcome may not be what you want either. This in no way mutigates your experience. However the vast majority of abusers start in their youth so an investigation is warranted to ensure the safety of other children.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,172 ✭✭✭FizzleSticks


    I'm surprised to see so many people saying it's a slow process, I've witnessed two cases where slow isn't the issue - avoidance and then nothing being done is the issue. I need to throw my two cents in here of what I have seen first hand, but OP you need to look after yourself and manage your expectations of what you want out of this process because the agency is not fit for purpose.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 217 ✭✭Skibunny77


    Op, Tusla have been critiqued recently in the press for their handling of retrospective abuse allegations - you are absolutely right to be frustrated. Tusla also have a mandatory obligation to contact the gardai if they believe a crime has taken place. My suggestions
    - write to the principal social worker in the area requesting an urgent update. Advise him/her that you will be submitting a formal complaint within 14 days.
    - if you don't hear anything, contact Tusla Head office and request their complaints procedure - use it.
    - contact the gardai yourself.
    Good luck.


  • Administrators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,047 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    Skibunny77 makes a good point, if you feel strong enough to do it, and if it is something you want to do, you can go to the gardaí yourself. They would most likely have a designated garda for cases like this. They should have a liaison person then who can act as your point of contact and might be better placed to get information for you.

    You can always report any crime yourself you don't have to wait for Tusla.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 216 ✭✭blueberrypie


    In my line of work I deal with Tulsa every now and then. They are snowed under with cases. What is deemed to be a priority/urgent to you and I is not a priority in Tulsa's eyes as they have more urgent and serious cases to deal with. As you have reported abuse from years ago and the abuse has stopped presently your case is in the pile. They have a system in place where they usually acknowledge your concern and then they follow up with their report. I have had to wait 3 months for a Tulsa referral to be investigated and I received 1 line of a response to say they are no longer concerned, yet I am very concerned about the individual. Stay strong.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,400 ✭✭✭lukesmom


    Tusla are the most corrupt and unfit for purpose organisation we have ever had in our country. Their rules, regulations, policies and procedures are so stringent and mind numbingly time wasting, that most of their social workers suffer burn out or huge job dissatisfaction. This means that the turnover of staff at Tusla occurs at a very fast rate. New social workers assigned to cases and have to familiarise themselves all over again. This causes frustration among their service users or victims as I would often call them. Their child protection service is highly toxic and they seem to operate a one size fits all scenario for every family. If I was you I would make it my business to HOUND them day in and day out until you get some kind of satisfactory response.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,619 ✭✭✭erica74


    Thanks for the additional replies everyone. I have counselling on Thursdays so I'm home now mulling it over and this thread popped into my head.

    So, my counsellor and the lady who runs the RCC in my area encouraged me to write a letter or email (at least I'd have a record of it then) to the social worker handling the case (my brother still lives in the county where the abuse took place but I no longer do) and ask for an update. They can't do this for me because they are technically external to the matter and it is confidential. My sister, after she made her report to Tusla last year, received a reply letter which contained an email address so I'm going to use that email address and see if there's any update.

    Unfortunately, the lady who runs the RCC said that Tusla, social workers, the HSE, counsellors, RCCs etc are all extremely frustrated by the reporting process. The rules that are in place have been under review for over 2 years apparently and that has led to issues in the reporting process and the entire function of Tusla. It is very frustrating for everyone involved, particularly those reporting abuse and those who are actually trying to help.

    My next step is that I think I want to speak to my local vulnerable persons unit of the gardai and just make some enquiries initially anyway and I also want to email the social worker.

    Thanks to everyone who has contributed. This whole process is very overwhelming and frustrating and frightening so I really do appreciate the advice and support.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi OP,
    Just a bit of info as I used to work for Tusla. Not in order of importance just how it comes to mind.
    1. We could never respond by email with confidential information. Couldn't even email the guards.
    2. The response will be entirely dependent on resources which is also dependent on area. Some areas have Social Workers working entirely on retrospective disclosures others have a Duty Team only.
    3. Duty Teams in poorly resourced areas are constantly fire fighting and have to respond to urgent cases. For context on my busiest week I had several emergency cases come in- non accidental injury to a baby, suspected CFA (child sex abuse) from a family fleeing another jurisdiction, a number of serious mental health concerns of various mothers (where there was risk to unborn children as well as emotional risk of harm) and then several lesser priority cases that also needed attention- which included neglect, physical and emotional. I was in court (report required), organising information for gardai (report required) organising medical professionals and the lead in several child protection case conferences (report required for all of them). I was in contact with Social Work in hospitals and other jurisdictions. I placed children in care- I went to their home to get them clothes before doing so. I expained to the kids why they were in care, most kids are well aware of the problems in their home so you'd be surprised how many are prepared for it/ are even relieved. I was in contact with schools, GPs, health nurses, community care staff. I was often in by 8 and I often left after 10. The paperwork is immense and I had to maintain stats- there are timeframes for assessments and I had to complete more forms to explain why I didn't get to complete the other forms.
    4. I often had weeks like that.
    5. Team Leader and Principal make decisions about allocating cases- go directly to them. Basic grade SW (what I was) have no say in allocation. We can argue your case for you but ultimately they decide. It is better to go to the people who can decide. If it was me? I'd also go to area manager as they hold ultimate responsibility.
    6. There should be an automatic report to Gardai of suspected abuse. Ask if this has happened.
    7. This all requires a lot from you and I am truly sorry that having built yourself up to make the disclosure that you are left to follow up on so much. Its crap, totally crap. People working there are not happy with it either.
    8. Put everything in writing. Keep copies.
    9. Complain through the complaints procedure if needed.
    10. Complain through hiqa if needed.
    11. All of the above is not to make you feel discouraged or that what has happened to you is not important. It is. It matters. I wish it was better.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,619 ✭✭✭erica74


    7. This all requires a lot from you and I am truly sorry that having built yourself up to make the disclosure that you are left to follow up on so much. Its crap, totally crap. People working there are not happy with it either.
    8. Put everything in writing. Keep copies.
    9. Complain through the complaints procedure if needed.
    10. Complain through hiqa if needed.
    11. All of the above is not to make you feel discouraged or that what has happened to you is not important. It is. It matters. I wish it was better.

    Thanks very much for the information, I really appreciate it.
    You're right, there does seem to be a lot of running around to do. I thought the biggest thing would be the actual disclosure and the rest would just fall into place.
    I sent the 2 emails on 12 July so I'm going to give them both a fair opportunity to respond first and then move towards the complaints procedure.

    I totally understand that you're fire fighting, I expect that, I think everyone expects lots of fire fighting and obviously that is the priority. It's just a pity that there isn't a separate, dedicated retrospective section, rather than pulling from the already overstretched resources who are trying to firefight.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    erica74 wrote: »
    It's just a pity that there isn't a separate, dedicated retrospective section.

    There is but not in every area unfortunately.
    Best of luck OP I hope you get answers.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,619 ✭✭✭erica74


    There is but not in every area unfortunately.
    Best of luck OP I hope you get answers.

    Sorry, that's what I meant, it's a pity there isn't a separate section in every area.
    Thanks very much for taking the time to respond to my thread, I appreciate it.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 19 nbsr


    Personal here but they traumatised me there absolutely ****e, as warning too anyone reading try your best not too ever have too deal with them, I'm also trying/planning too get therapy with rcc soon, I hope everything works out with you op, all the best.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,619 ✭✭✭erica74


    Hi all, I was hesitant about posting this update because I don't want to dishearten anyone in the same position as me but I'd also like to be honest about this process.

    So, as stated above, I made my report to Tusla in February of this year and heard nothing from them. My sister made her report to Tusla towards the end of last year and received a 2 page letter reply from Tusla about a month later looking to meet with her to take a full statement.

    I had kind of forgotten about Tusla for a while and then, suddenly, my focus turned to them and why I hadn't heard from them. Particularly after hearing on the grapevine that my brother has not had any contact from Tusla.

    At the beginning of July, I emailed the person in Tusla who had sent the 2 page letter to my sister, and it has taken since then to get a simple answer out of him. I've never dealt with a more incompetent, badly run organisation in my life. I contacted the person in Tusla to ask if they had received my report as I hadn't heard anything and it took nearly 5 weeks for him to answer that yes or no question.

    It turned out that they have received it and have done nothing about it. It was only yesterday that I received the standard 2 page letter that my sister received last year, which basically says you have triggered our statutory responsibility to investigate.
    So, since I made my report in February of this year, they have done nothing. They have also done nothing since my sister made her report at the end of last year. So much for "children first", my brother has 2 daughters. No investigation has started. I know that earlier on in the thread, I wasn't sure if Tusla had contacted my brother or his family but, I now know that they haven't.

    Anyway, because I was getting the run around with Tusla, I felt quite anxious about my brother's daughters. Had they been left in a bad situation for the past 6 months because Tusla had done nothing? Had they been in a bad situation for the past 18 years (one is 18 and the other is 16) because I hadn't disclosed the abuse sooner?
    So, I met with a Garda from my locality and asked questions and got information about the whole Garda and court process. Up until the meeting with this Garda, I wasn't sure if I wanted to engage with the Gardai at all. However, after meeting with that Garda, I made my mind up and decided I wanted to make a formal complaint about my brother.

    On Tuesday, I met with 2 Gardai in the Vulnerable Persons Unit in my locality. It was an awful experience. I met 2 female Gardai and they were so nice and patient and understanding but having to relive my childhood in detail in order to give my statement was awful.
    I went through a whole rainbow of emotions, nervous, sad, embarrassed, anger. I was there for around 4 hours and haven't felt quite right since then. However, I do know that I feel good about my decision to meet the Gardai.
    I gave my statement, which was long, and one of the Gardai then had to read it back to me and that felt even longer and that was awful, hearing my childhood out loud made it seem very real and painful and very very sad.

    My statement will now be typed up, sent to the garda station local to where my brother lives, which is also in the same area as my childhood address, where the abuse took place. A local Garda will be assigned to it and it will be investigated.
    The gardai told me that it will most likely go to court. She said a file will be prepared for the DPP and that the majority of cases are going to court, in order for the parties to feel they have been properly through the justice system and treated fairly. They told me my brother will be arrested and brought in to give a statement and if he admits everything (which he did last year, in a text to my sister) then I won't need to give evidence and it will be simpler.
    There is a maximum 2 year waiting list for court so, for now, I'm just letting the legal side of things go and leaving it up to the Gardai.

    It has been a very painful and draining experience.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,749 ✭✭✭Flippyfloppy


    I'm so sorry that Tulsa were so difficult to deal with. Well done for having the strength to go to the Garda. You've done the right thing. For yourself, and for those girls. x


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,226 ✭✭✭nikkibikki


    Wow well done Erica. You are amazing. That was such a brave thing to do!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 216 ✭✭blueberrypie


    Erica best of luck. You are doing the right thing for yourself, your sister and your vulnerable nieces.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 349 ✭✭Senature


    That's so courageous, well done. Try to give yourself lots of tlc you have been through such a lot.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,619 ✭✭✭erica74


    Thanks everyone, I appreciate your support.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9,057 ✭✭✭.......


    Well done.

    Dont be beating yourself up for delays etc....

    What youve done is very difficult, and made more difficult by the incompetent organisations you have been forced to deal with.

    I hope you get some peace from this.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,579 ✭✭✭charlietheminxx


    You’re so strong. I really admire you, it takes serious courage to go through all that.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,619 ✭✭✭erica74


    Would it be possible for a mod to change the thread title as the situation is now less about Tusla and more about the gardai?

    So, I made my official statement to the gardai in my locality about a month ago and didn't expect to hear anything for at least a few months. However, I had a phone call today from a garda in my brother's locality to say that she has received my statement and was just making contact to give me her details (which was much appreciated by me) and let me know what the plan is.

    So this garda will interview my parents, my sister (who will probably refuse to give a statement because she doesn't want to), my husband (because I disclosed the abuse to him 10 years ago) and then my brother - in that order. I was surprised that she was planning to interview my parents first and so soon but, it makes sense, presumably she wants to have all the information prior to interviewing my brother. The garda is hoping to meet with my husband within about 6 weeks so that means, she'll probably interview my parents fairly shortly.

    It's all gotten quite scary again. I feel quite sad today. This feeling that I've destroyed the family is weighing me down. I know it's not my actions that have destroyed the family but I can't help feeling responsible and guilty. To be fair, there wasn't much family there to begin with before I started this process so it's not like I've destroyed something particularly good.

    I feel most worried and guilty about my dad because he knows absolutely nothing about this and being contacted by the gardai will probably be a big shock to him but I suppose there's nothing I can do about that.

    I actually think I feel happier that my parents will be interviewed first because, that means my brother can't try to get in front of this and do damage control. By the time he's interviewed, it'll be too late for him to make up a load of lies, which would be his usual tactic. I suppose it's a good thing that nobody will have an opportunity to speak to my parents before a garda does.

    Anyway, I just said I'd update the thread and say thanks again to you all for your support and advice.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9,057 ✭✭✭.......


    Two things stand out for me from your last post:

    1 - You havent destroyed your family. You have not. Not at all. Please dont think you have.

    2 - Your father. You might be surprised. He may have his suspicions. Even if he doesnt, it cannot be helped. And again, you didnt cause this.

    Youre doing great and I sincerely hope that things go as smoothly as they can for you.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,226 ✭✭✭nikkibikki


    erica74 wrote:
    It's all gotten quite scary again. I feel quite sad today. This feeling that I've destroyed the family is weighing me down. I know it's not my actions that have destroyed the family but I can't help feeling responsible and guilty. To be fair, there wasn't much family there to begin with before I started this process so it's not like I've destroyed something particularly good.


    None of this is on you. Literally none of it. Did the garda say it's ok to talk to your family while she is investigating? I'd imagine your Dad will take it any number of ways but will try to talk to you in any case.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,619 ✭✭✭erica74


    nikkibikki wrote: »
    None of this is on you. Literally none of it. Did the garda say it's ok to talk to your family while she is investigating? I'd imagine your Dad will take it any number of ways but will try to talk to you in any case.

    Yeah, she said it's fine, she actually told me to expect a text or a phone call from one or both of my parents as that's what usually happens.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,303 ✭✭✭sexmag


    I do find it quite strange the guard told you so much, i mean by telling you the order shes interviewing people its quite possible that someone will alert your brother,possible your parents (which is natural as theyll want to ask him WTF is going on) and he may try to run which will hamper their investigation no?


  • Posts: 18,749 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    sexmag wrote: »
    I do find it quite strange the guard told you so much, i mean by telling you the order shes interviewing people its quite possible that someone will alert your brother,possible your parents (which is natural as theyll want to ask him WTF is going on) and he may try to run which will hamper their investigation no?

    Is the OP going to inform them? That's the only person that could.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9,057 ✭✭✭.......


    sexmag wrote: »
    I do find it quite strange the guard told you so much, i mean by telling you the order shes interviewing people its quite possible that someone will alert your brother,possible your parents (which is natural as theyll want to ask him WTF is going on) and he may try to run which will hamper their investigation no?

    Although it may seem a bit odd, we dont live in tv land where the cops co-ordinate and swoop for an investigation for a historical crime.

    They will perform an investigation. They are telling the OP the order in which people will be interviewed so that she knows the investigation is progressing.

    It doesnt matter if the parents tell the brother. He already knows what he has done. There is nothing to suggest he is a flight risk. He would be well aware that fleeing because the Guards want to speak to him would probably result in an upgrade from investigation to a warrant.

    They type of arrest you read about in the papers such as Graham Dwyer were performed as they were because the Guards had enough evidence to perform an arrest and charge him with a crime and they believed he was a danger to society at large.

    Usually they call and talk to people as part of an investigation before they charge anyone with anything.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,619 ✭✭✭erica74


    bubblypop wrote: »
    Is the OP going to inform them? That's the only person that could.

    Nope. The first they'll hear of this is from the garda herself.

    My dad may try to kill my brother (not even joking here) and my mother will contact my brother, try to cover it all up, stay in bed for days, blame me, blame my sister, probably in that order.

    Thanks again for the replies.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 78 ✭✭LonelyBoy84


    erica74 wrote: »
    Nope. The first they'll hear of this is from the garda herself.

    My dad may try to kill my brother (not even joking here) and my mother will contact my brother, try to cover it all up, stay in bed for days, blame me, blame my sister, probably in that order.

    Thanks again for the replies.

    Do you mind if I ask what age you, your sister & brother were when this happened?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,619 ✭✭✭erica74


    Asked by you and answered by me on the first page.
    What age were you/your brother at the time?
    erica74 wrote: »
    It started when I was around 6 and continued until I was around 9, my brother is 6 years older than me.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 78 ✭✭LonelyBoy84


    erica74 wrote: »
    Asked by you and answered by me on the first page.

    Apologies. Missed that


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