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Any of you never had a relationship?

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  • #92
    Trebor176
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,435 ✭✭✭Trebor176


    Pug160 wrote: »
    A question for the guys who are in the same boat: how do you think you'll approach this subject if and when you do meet someone and decide to take it further? Will you be blunt about it or try to tackle it in an ambiguous way? In other words, give politician type answers. Obviously, most of us are fairly mature minded and don't want to deal with it in an immature way, or do anything that would compromise our morality. But most of us are also aware that we are outliers and that this will be seen as a big red flag to many women. So it does leave us with a conundrum. It's not all doom and gloom of course, and there is no reason anybody in the same position can't overcome it. But to put this into some kind of perspective, some women would probably be more shocked that a man had never been in a relationship by a certain age, than she would be if he told her he had a criminal record or something like that.

    For me, it's a kind of ''cross that bridge when I come to it'' sort of thing. I don't really know what I'll do.

    It's a tough one. She has brought it up early, either on the first or second date. I will be honest and say that I had to say it wasn't long, just a couple of months, which has kind of surprised her. Not much more would have been said after that. In comparison, she'd have been in a few relationships before, or just the one. I would be afraid to say I haven't been with someone so early on in case that was that!

    My biggest concern, and I wonder how many of you in the same boat, would be coming to "do it." How would you be honest then and say it never happened?


  • #93
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Trebor176 wrote: »
    It's a tough one. She has brought it up early, either on the first or second date. I will be honest and say that I had to say it wasn't long, just a couple of months, which has kind of surprised her. Not much more would have been said after that. In comparison, she'd have been in a few relationships before, or just the one. I would be afraid to say I haven't been with someone so early on in case that was that!

    My biggest concern, and I wonder how many of you in the same boat, would be coming to "do it." How would you be honest then and say it never happened?

    TBH I find conversations about past relationships and experience to come up during the first 1-5 dates. It's not a big issue for me, but I like to clear the air, and know if there's a psychotic-stalker-exBF in her past. :D

    I'm generally very honest about my own past, and I don't mind bringing it up. I see little difference between having a number of short relationships and having one/two long relationships. IMHO honesty is pure gold for dating. I succeed because I am honest with women. [I have my private things but only about things that don't concern other people.]


  • #94
    Pug160
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,088 ✭✭✭Pug160


    Some very good points have been raised, but I would once again say that we are all individuals and what works for some may not work for others. I think travelling is good for lots of different reasons, and it should always be encouraged. It's clear that many people have got a confidence boost from it as well as lots of other benefits. For me personally, I haven't actually hit a dead end, I just started from a very low place and I have been gradually trying to piece myself together. I've gone from having clinical levels of anxiety to feeling fairly calm, and all without a drug in sight. I have also been in steady employment for three years now, when I had previously had some issues with that. Added to that is lots of small but noticeable improvements. I'm on the neurotic side, personality wise, but I have been able to curtail that to some extent and have a healthier, more outward focused mindset (it's tough to completely change but improvements have been made). I saw a pyschologist who certainly helped as well (I don't know how many men go to see a psychologist compared women but I couldn't help but notice that it was always women coming out of the psychologist's office)

    My two main lingering problems are social anxiety and some degree of insecurity, which manifests itself as cynicism. Everybody has this but there is a line, and if you cross it it's going to be harmful and will have an impact on your quality of life. But it's a balancing act between being realistic and having a healthy, optimistic view of life. If I'm being completely honest, I've got to a point where my appearance isn't that bad and I do seem to catch the eye of some women, and some of them are reasonably attractive as well. So in my case I don't necessarily need to look at moving elsewhere, I just need to let go of some of my insecurity. One quick example of this is when I have cancelled a date with someone because I thought I may have lacked knowledge in certain areas (she was on the nerdy side and was a big fan of sci fi etc). My knowledge of not only sci fi, but of TV shows in general is very poor, and my first thought was to think about some of the lads in work who are almost encyclopedias when it comes to TV and film. This is how my mind works but I am slowly improving.


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