Husband not helping (rant)

Farmerstatia

Hey all.
So I'm now 29 weeks pregnant and sorry but I have to rant.!!!
Anyone else have a husband that is just not helping.??
I get up at 6 every morning get our son ready and out to school.
H gets up at 8.
I make his lunch for work and his cup a tea.
He goes to work and I go to our farm.
Feed all animals which is very physical..
I'm out on the farm till roughly 3 .
Back home try get the housework sorted cook dinner.
Son comes home I help do homework.
Back out to farm to feed again.
Back home at 6.
H comes home eats dinner and sits up watching TV or on his phone.
I bring son to matches or training . Back to farm for 8/9 to do night feed .
Sort out calves for bottles etc.
Go home and do studying with h cause he has exam in a month.
He goes to bed and I am up till after 12 doing work for him to study .
I don't sleep much and I'm back up at 6.
Not only all that through my day I'm also trying to get the house ready for baby so putting stuff in attic painting the house etc. I'm swamped with house work and washing. ..
H told me I'm different towards him lately and I let loose .
I'm doing more work on farm etc than before I got pregnant! !
Is it just me and hormones or wat is people's opinion ?? I feel like I'm losing my mind .
Is it too much to ask for a small hand??

Sorry for the long rant but I'm steaming here!!!

What did he say when you explained this to him, calmly?

Farmerstatia

JayZeus wrote: »

What did he say when you explained this to him, calmly?

He said sorry and we will sort something.
But I had this convo with him weeks ago and he was great for a week but that was it.
He is the most loving person in the world and a very hard worker and a brilliant earner for our family but he needs to help me on the farm.
Farming generally isn't a woman's field as it is very physical now I'm not being sexist I'm just saying it is extremely physical and trudging up and down wet mucky fields is hard on me . Carry buckets of nuts etc.

Taltos

Sounds more like you’re his mother or carer than his partner and wife.
You really do need to spell this out to him otherwise things won’t magically change for the better, instead I fear for your long term marriage.

Inviere

Farmerstatia wrote: »

Hey all.
So I'm now 29 weeks pregnant and sorry but I have to rant.!!!
Anyone else have a husband that is just not helping.??
I get up at 6 every morning get our son ready and out to school.
H gets up at 8.
I make his lunch for work and his cup a tea.
He goes to work and I go to our farm.
Feed all animals which is very physical..
I'm out on the farm till roughly 3 .
Back home try get the housework sorted cook dinner.
Son comes home I help do homework.
Back out to farm to feed again.
Back home at 6.
H comes home eats dinner and sits up watching TV or on his phone.
I bring son to matches or training . Back to farm for 8/9 to do night feed .
Sort out calves for bottles etc.
Go home and do studying with h cause he has exam in a month.
He goes to bed and I am up till after 12 doing work for him to study .
I don't sleep much and I'm back up at 6.
Not only all that through my day I'm also trying to get the house ready for baby so putting stuff in attic painting the house etc. I'm swamped with house work and washing. ..
H told me I'm different towards him lately and I let loose .
I'm doing more work on farm etc than before I got pregnant! !
Is it just me and hormones or wat is people's opinion ?? I feel like I'm losing my mind .
Is it too much to ask for a small hand??

Sorry for the long rant but I'm steaming here!!!

Truthfully? You're nuts doing that much alone, and I'd say the same if you weren't even pregnant. Speak to your husband and share the burdens.

Farmerstatia

Inviere wrote: »

Truthfully? You're nuts doing that much alone, and I'd say the same if you weren't even pregnant. Speak to your husband and share the burdens.

I have spoken to him.he helps for a week and then back to normal again.
I think I'll just have to get on with it I don't think it's gonna change tbh .
Myou son is 13 and he a brilliant help on the farm but can't expect him to do it all either..
Well after I flipped last night h gone to his course and barely spoke never mind eye contact! We will see what happens in the next couple of days!!

whelan2

Most men won't see what has to be done. I am similar to you on the farm. Unless I spelt things out to oh he didn't realise.

Inviere

Farmerstatia wrote: »

I think I'll just have to get on with it

I think that's a mistake. If it's ever to change, you need to hold firm on sharing of burdens. How are you going to do all of the above when a new baby is factored in? Spell it all out for him, like you did in your opening post, tell him you can't continue doing all that alone and you've had enough, and let him do the problem solving. Look after your son, he sounds a good kid.

Your husband needs a metaphorical kick in the backside, & depending on the type of man he is, he might end up being glad of it. As a bloke, I would be!

Sunflower 27

Inviere wrote: »

Truthfully? You're nuts doing that much alone, and I'd say the same if you weren't even pregnant. Speak to your husband and share the burdens.

I agree. He sounds like the type that will happily let you do it all if you plod along.

Work out a few things that he can do to lessen the load for you (surely he can do a few early mornings and evenings going to matches) and tell him that he needs to muck in because as time goes on you will need more help.

Farmerstatia

whelan2 wrote: »

Most men won't see what has to be done. I am similar to you on the farm. Unless I spelt things out to oh he didn't realise.

It's hard on a farm.
Trying to keep it all going on a normal day is hard never mind being pregnant! ! Like h doesn't go near farm now and the farm is his passion he just says he too tired..I'm like eh hello your tired be in my shoes and u know wat tired means..
My housework is literally out of control..if h good clothes aren't washed yet he gets a bit stroppy I'm just running on thin air and don't have anyone to give me a hand

bilbot79

If sharing the burden leaves both of you with hardly any downtime then maybe you've simply taken on too much as a couple. He's a great earner so why does there have to be so much extra work? If the man of the house does a non farming job, why the farm? Do you really need to be doing this?

Just saying this as the other posts will be about how to make your husband share the load but maybe the issues here are a symptom and not a cause?

Glass fused light

Farmerstatia wrote: »

Hey all.
So I'm now 29 weeks pregnant and sorry but I have to rant.!!!
Anyone else have a husband that is just not helping.??
I get up at 6 every morning get our son ready and out to school.
H gets up at 8.
I make his lunch for work and his cup a tea.
He goes to work and I go to our farm.
Feed all animals which is very physical..
I'm out on the farm till roughly 3 .
Back home try get the housework sorted cook dinner.
Son comes home I help do homework.
Back out to farm to feed again.
Back home at 6.
H comes home eats dinner and sits up watching TV or on his phone.try get the housework sorted prepared slow cook dinner for tomorrow
I he bring son to matches or training . Back to farm for 8/9 to do night feed .
Sort out calves for bottles etc.
Go home and do studying with h cause he has exam in a month.
He goes to bed and I am up till after 12 doing work for him to study .
I don't sleep much and I'm back up at 6.
Not only all that through my day I'm also trying to get the house ready for baby so putting stuff in attic painting the house etc. I'm swamped with house work and washing. ..
H told me I'm different towards him lately and I let loose .
I'm doing more work on farm etc than before I got pregnant! !
Is it just me and hormones or wat is people's opinion ?? I feel like I'm losing my mind .
Is it too much to ask for a small hand??

Sorry for the long rant but I'm steaming here!!!

You are not superwoman, you need to stop doing. If you are doing all the housework and washing and food prep you need to have a discussion. Politely explain to him that you could save about 2 hours a day if he was not living with you have less washing and the same volume of work and be in bed by 9:30 each night. The discussion should produce a list of jobs two columns, one for you and one for husband and a tick box system. He is in charge of getting the work done not you, after all if he wants to be treated as a child ....

Mooooo

Sit down and spell it out to him. Just 're the farm, what are ye farming that needs to be fed 3 times a day? Stand back and see where it can be made more efficient and get him to help you do it

Farmerstatia

The family is a family farm and has been handed down to him .
My fil helps me out when he can but he has his own farm too!
I have always done the farm .. I love farming . I love being on it.
He just needs to open the eyes and see what is happening.
Like I know every pregnancy is a blessing don't get me wrong but this one is 5 years in the making with ivf . He was more helpful when we were going through the ivf!!
I'm gonna just get tougher cause it's just going to get harder to move around and do things after a while.

Pelvis

So after you said this to him did your get up this morning and make his lunch and a cup of tea again?

Stop making his lunch, his tea, his dinner, doing his washing, doing the housework.

When he gets home, tell him you're tired and going to bed, leave him to sort out the farm, his dinner, and whatever else needs to be done.

You need to put your foot down.

whelan2

Farmerstatia wrote: »

It's hard on a farm.
Trying to keep it all going on a normal day is hard never mind being pregnant! ! Like h doesn't go near farm now and the farm is his passion he just says he too tired..I'm like eh hello your tired be in my shoes and u know wat tired means..
My housework is literally out of control..if h good clothes aren't washed yet he gets a bit stroppy I'm just running on thin air and don't have anyone to give me a hand

Get a cleaner once a week for the house. You are not wonder woman. If he's not going to help why should you do it all. I have a cleaner comes once a week changes all bed linen. Washes floors, hoovers etc. I couldn't carry on with out her. It's easier to get help for the house than for outside

Farmerstatia

Mooooo wrote: »

Sit down and spell it out to him. Just 're the farm, what are ye farming that needs to be fed 3 times a day? Stand back and see where it can be made more efficient and get him to help you do it

We have a suckled herd so all cows and calves to be checked and nutted.
But wat needs to be fed three times a day is the beef bullocks that are getting fattened.
They are going in 3 weeks so that will be a serious burden lifted when there gone.
They need nuts and silage 3 times a day.
I also am a carer to his uncle that's suffers from bi-polar so it's busy but also stressful some days when his uncle is having a low or high day.

listermint

Have you considered packing the farming itself in?

It's too much work for little reward and he himself doesn't seem interested.

Why are you keeping it going. For yourself ?


There doesn't seem a reason to keep it going..

Glass fused light

bilbot79 wrote: »

If sharing the burden leaves both of you with hardly any downtime then maybe you've simply taken on too much as a couple. He's a great earner so why does there have to be so much extra work? If the man of the house does a non farming job, why the farm? Do you really need to be doing this?

Just saying this as the other posts will be about how to make your husband share the load but maybe the issues here are a symptom and not a cause?

Great earners hire house help to make sure they get fed and have clean clothing. If they don't want to run around after their childern they hire a nanny with a driving licence to ferry the little darlings around.

They dont decide that stopping work is the answer to the other party in the couple having to carry the domestic arrangements.

bilbot79

Farmerstatia wrote: »

The family is a family farm and has been handed down to him .
My fil helps me out when he can but he has his own farm too!
I have always done the farm .. I love farming . I love being on it.
He just needs to open the eyes and see what is happening.
Like I know every pregnancy is a blessing don't get me wrong but this one is 5 years in the making with ivf . He was more helpful when we were going through the ivf!!
I'm gonna just get tougher cause it's just going to get harder to move around and do things after a while.

I think you should pull the ivf card here. Being overworked is bad for the baby.

He can put on a few washes, I started doing that myself a couple of weeks back, it's not that bad.

Otherwise, can you hire a cleaner? Highly recommended and generally relatively cheap

whelan2

Pelvis wrote: »

So after you said this to him did your get up this morning and make his lunch and a cup of tea again?

Stop making his lunch, his tea, his dinner, doing his washing, doing the housework.

When he gets home, tell him you're tired and going to bed, leave him to sort out the farm, his dinner, and whatever else needs to be done.

You need to put your foot down.

It's easier said than done to leave things that need to be done as they will still be there the next day

Farmerstatia

Pelvis wrote: »

So after you said this to him did your get up this morning and make his lunch and a cup of tea again?

Stop making his lunch, his tea, his dinner, doing his washing, doing the housework.

When he gets home, tell him you're tired and going to bed, leave him to sort out the farm, his dinner, and whatever else needs to be done.
If I don't do a dinner then our son won't eat a proper dinner and I won't let that happen or he will just go down to his mam for dinner..which is brilliant on the days where I'm literally up to my eye balls with farming say when we have to mover cattle or have a cow calving..
But I know he would just land to his mams and that would feel terrible for me ...make me feel like a terrible wife!! I know old fashioned .

Pelvis

Farmerstatia wrote: »

Pelvis wrote: »

If I don't do a dinner then our son won't eat a proper dinner and I won't let that happen or he will just go down to his mam for dinner..which is brilliant on the days where I'm literally up to my eye balls with farming say when we have to mover cattle or have a cow calving..
But I know he would just land to his mams and that would feel terrible for me ...make me feel like a terrible wife!! I know old fashioned .

Your son is 13 I'm sure he knows how to make a sandwich or put a pizza in the oven.

Look either you say enough is enough or you keep on as you are. Are you going to be doing this when you're 40 weeks pregnant? It's not that far away, you don't have the luxury of waiting for your husband to cop himself on.

Glass fused light

Farmerstatia wrote: »

.
If I don't do a dinner then our son won't eat a proper dinner and I won't let that happen or he will just go down to his mam for dinner..which is brilliant on the days where I'm literally up to my eye balls with farming say when we have to mover cattle or have a cow calving..
But I know he would just land to his mams and that would feel terrible for me ...make me feel like a terrible wife!! I know old fashioned .

Sorry but if he toddles down to his mams rather than feeding preggers you and your son tell him he can stay there.

You are as much a problem as he is, if you are working late and he is home it should always have been his job to feed everyone.

Talk to his mam i'll bet that her job on the farm was always food first, while the men continued field working she went in cooking. He has not figured out that if you are doing the field work he is on kp duty

LaLa2004

Some of what you are doing is dangerous. All that lifting and slippery ground?

Put your foot down and do not do the evening shift. Let him do the stuff after 6 for a start BEFORE the bullocks go.

Your husband is having the life of Reilly.

How are you going to do all this with a baby? You will have sleepless nights, feeding, recovery after birth. What happens it it's a section & you are out of the picture for 6 weeks.

Perhaps when you bring your husband to your next hospital appointment you can ask for advice from the medics in front of him.

If anything happened to such a wanted baby before or after birth, how would you cope?

Perhaps there are some female farmers on boards who can give you advice on "maternity leave". Can you get in some outside help?

Mind yourself!!!

wildwillow

Agree with Listermint. Once the beef bullocks are gone consider not replacing them.

You are a pregnant woman, having gone through the ordeal of IVF, not to mind the expense. I would be so grateful for that success that I'd hardly lift a finger till baby arrives.

Being a wife, mother, farmer, mental health nurse, and housekeeper is just impossible. What happens when the baby arrives?

Your husband is also working full time and though he should be doing more at least for himself and his son, yours is a life style which cannot be sustained.

Either get help in the house or farm or cut the work.

whelan2

Glass fused light wrote: »

Sorry but if he toddles down to his mams rather than feeding preggers you and your son tell him he can stay there.

You are as much a problem as he is, if you are working late and he is home it should always have been his job to feed everyone.

Talk to his mam i'll bet that her job on the farm was always food first, while the men continued field working she went in cooking. He has not figured out that if you are doing the field work he is on kp duty

Surely there's stuff in the freezer that could be popped in the microwave. I'd be having words with his mother too. What age is he?

whelan2

LaLa2004 wrote: »

Some of what you are doing is dangerous. All that lifting and slippery ground?

Put your foot down and do not do the evening shift. Let him do the stuff after 6 for a start BEFORE the bullocks go.

Your husband is having the life of Reilly.

How are you going to do all this with a baby? You will have sleepless nights, feeding, recovery after birth. What happens it it's a section & you are out of the picture for 6 weeks.

Perhaps when you bring your husband to your next hospital appointment you can ask for advice from the medics in front of him.

If anything happened to such a wanted baby before or after birth, how would you cope?

Perhaps there are some female farmers on boards who can give you advice on "maternity leave". Can you get in some outside help?

Mind yourself!!!

I worked up to the day I had my kids. Had 3 sections. Back out working soon enough after each. Farming is not like any other job. There is no maternity leave as such

Glass fused light

whelan2 wrote: »

Surely there's stuff in the freezer that could be popped in the microwave. I'd be having words with his mother too. What age is he?

If there is nothing in the freezer he can find a shop and buy a fully prepped dinner, from european to Asian, and pick up the stuff for the freezer too.

judeboy101

Tell him if he doesn't buck up, he's out the door and you'll get kids and farm in the divorce.

LaLa2004

whelan2 wrote: »

I worked up to the day I had my kids. Had 3 sections. Back out working soon enough after each. Farming is not like any other job. There is no maternity leave as such

I'm from a farm myself. This woman is probably driving tractors and pulling / dragging stuff that a man would lift in a second.

Driving after a section is not on. I tried after 4 weeks -painful.

Regardless, you can't take a newborn out in the yard.

Farmerstatia

I am driving the tractor and quad and that I was fencing two different fields about three ago!
I feed all the nuts which is 25 pounds per bucket and in the day I lift 13 buckets full..I feed milk to suck calfs.
Right now I've got some of the feeding done and I'm on my way to a match with my son haven had breakfast.
My breakfast is a banana and two plums on the way and a cup a tea!!
Would never stop the farming as it is a family generation farm and my husband always wanted his own farm.
Just at mo it's very tough trying to do all

whelan2

Farmerstatia wrote: »

I am driving the tractor and quad and that I was fencing two different fields about three ago!
I feed all the nuts which is 25 pounds per bucket and in the day I lift 13 buckets full..I feed milk to suck calfs.
Right now I've got some of the feeding done and I'm on my way to a match with my son haven had breakfast.
My breakfast is a banana and two plums on the way and a cup a tea!!
Would never stop the farming as it is a family generation farm and my husband always wanted his own farm.
Just at mo it's very tough trying to do all

What about what You want. I was you. Only you can sort it out. Do you have a transport box or a loader that you could put the meal in to stop the lifting

iamwhoiam

Farmerstatia wrote: »

I am driving the tractor and quad and that I was fencing two different fields about three ago!
I feed all the nuts which is 25 pounds per bucket and in the day I lift 13 buckets full..I feed milk to suck calfs.
Right now I've got some of the feeding done and I'm on my way to a match with my son haven had breakfast.
My breakfast is a banana and two plums on the way and a cup a tea!!
Would never stop the farming as it is a family generation farm and my husband always wanted his own farm.
Just at mo it's very tough trying to do all

Does your husband work outside the farm on a Sunday ? If not why is he not pulling his weight equally at weekends . ? Or at very least have a healthy breakfast on the table for you ?
And while you bring your son to the match is he doing the washing or tidying the kitchen ?

catrionanic

Bloody hell, this is awful. How can he sit there and watch you struggle and work every hour of the day while he has his feet up watching the telly?

My husband is pretty lazy around the house, but this takes the biscuit.

You say you’ve had this conversation several times with him and he doesn’t improve, so you need to change tactics. I would hit him where it hurts and just go on strike. Do your own washing and your sons, but leave his to sort himself. Same for ironing. Absolutely stop making his lunches and cups of tea. Tell him your day’s work finishes at x o’clock and head to bed, leaving him to do the farm after that time.

And if that still doesn’t work, turf him out. I’m serious. A short, sharp shock may be what he needs to make him realise that you really are serious about this and you can’t go on any longer. He thinks you’re just full of talk and that this can continue on. Sometimes the only way to get through to them is to show them what will happen if they don’t take you seriously.

BabysCoffee

Farmerstatia wrote: »

Hey all.
So I'm now 29 weeks pregnant and sorry but I have to rant.!!!
Anyone else have a husband that is just not helping.??
I get up at 6 every morning get our son ready and out to school.
H gets up at 8.
I make his lunch for work and his cup a tea.
He goes to work and I go to our farm.
Feed all animals which is very physical..
I'm out on the farm till roughly 3 .
Back home try get the housework sorted cook dinner.
Son comes home I help do homework.
Back out to farm to feed again.
Back home at 6.
H comes home eats dinner and sits up watching TV or on his phone.
I bring son to matches or training . Back to farm for 8/9 to do night feed .
Sort out calves for bottles etc.
Go home and do studying with h cause he has exam in a month.
He goes to bed and I am up till after 12 doing work for him to study .
I don't sleep much and I'm back up at 6.
Not only all that through my day I'm also trying to get the house ready for baby so putting stuff in attic painting the house etc. I'm swamped with house work and washing. ..
H told me I'm different towards him lately and I let loose .
I'm doing more work on farm etc than before I got pregnant! !
Is it just me and hormones or wat is people's opinion ?? I feel like I'm losing my mind .
Is it too much to ask for a small hand??

Sorry for the long rant but I'm steaming here!!!

First thing that stuck out is that you make HIS lunch for him!

Is there some reason why you do this? Is he unable to make his own lunch?

Mooooo

Farmerstatia wrote: »

I am driving the tractor and quad and that I was fencing two different fields about three ago!
I feed all the nuts which is 25 pounds per bucket and in the day I lift 13 buckets full..I feed milk to suck calfs.
Right now I've got some of the feeding done and I'm on my way to a match with my son haven had breakfast.
My breakfast is a banana and two plums on the way and a cup a tea!!
Would never stop the farming as it is a family generation farm and my husband always wanted his own farm.
Just at mo it's very tough trying to do all

If your husband wanted the farm he'd want to start farming it. Get him to do the evening jobs, no asking just tell him. Look at ways of investing to reduce the manual labour. Get feed bucket for.the tractor that will allow you to drive along the barrier and it will put the meal in front of the cattle.
One of two things will happen if it continues as is if he doesn't cop on, you or the farm will break and he will lose you or the farm or both.
For the future look at a change of system, get rid of the sucklers perhaps and buy in yearlings instead. Less minding in them and less risk and work than suck calves.
You need to sit down and talk to him, work out a system where he helps out and the farm is more manageable or it will have to go.
I wonder when he talks about the farm does he tell his buddies his pregnant wife is doing all the work, I doubt it very much.

BabysCoffee

iamwhoiam wrote: »

Does your husband work outside the farm on a Sunday ? If not why is he not pulling his weight equally at weekends . ? Or at very least have a healthy breakfast on the table for you ?
And while you bring your son to the match is he doing the washing or tidying the kitchen ?

Your husband should prepping all the dinners for the week ahead if he is not working. Making batches of food like lasagne and then freezing in portions.

He needs to be taught this as perhaps his mother never showed him.

Farmerstatia

Well I make his lunch cause I'm up all ready ...the other day I had hosp app for 9 in the morning so I had to leave at half six to get up there with traffic so I woke up my son and husband. ..son Made his own lunch that was grand and he went to school got bus and all...so I rang my h at say half 7 to be sure he was up !! Was still in bed which was fair enough cause fil was doing the farming for me that morning I had it arranged...so anyway went to hosp had to wait hours cause was getting anti d injection long story short I went and got lunch after and rang h. He had gone back to his mams for lunch cause he stayed in bed too long and didn't have time to make his own lunch! So he went back to his mam!
He was never like this before in regards to helping on farm...
If he not working or doesn't have course at the weekend he might come down the farm...might..
Depends on what has to be done down there on that particular day...the long weekend he was on the farm all weekend doing injections dosing moving animals and spreading fertiliser cause I can't do them by myself but say it's a normal feeding day he might or might not come to farm...
He might stay at home and rest and myself and our son who 13 will do the farming..
I relie heavily on our son to help me which I feel is terrible he shouldn't have to be on the farm constantly either

Pelvis

Sounds like your husband is a bit of a waster to be honest.

looksee

I think one of the problems is you are expecting him to 'help'. That implies that you are primarily responsible and he does a bit when he can/if he feels like it. Sort out some of the jobs that are 'his' to get done and you ignore them. Discuss this whole thing maybe starting with 'we need to make plans for the farm when I have the baby'. Yes, farmers don't have maternity leave, but you might have to, and you will certainly feel the need for it. And wean him off the tea and lunch making! 'Can you sort your lunch love, sorry I don't have time right now'.

If you have to employ people for the moment then do it. It sounds as though you need to rethink the kind of farming you are doing though, could you be doing something less intensive, even if its only for a few years. Whatever about not taking a baby down the yard, you will have even bigger problems when you are dealing with an active toddler.

whelan2

Farmerstatia wrote: »

Well I make his lunch cause I'm up all ready ...the other day I had hosp app for 9 in the morning so I had to leave at half six to get up there with traffic so I woke up my son and husband. ..son Made his own lunch that was grand and he went to school got bus and all...so I rang my h at say half 7 to be sure he was up !! Was still in bed which was fair enough cause fil was doing the farming for me that morning I had it arranged...so anyway went to hosp had to wait hours cause was getting anti d injection long story short I went and got lunch after and rang h. He had gone back to his mams for lunch cause he stayed in bed too long and didn't have time to make his own lunch! So he went back to his mam!
He was never like this before in regards to helping on farm...
If he not working or doesn't have course at the weekend he might come down the farm...might..
Depends on what has to be done down there on that particular day...the long weekend he was on the farm all weekend doing injections dosing moving animals and spreading fertiliser cause I can't do them by myself but say it's a normal feeding day he might or might not come to farm...
He might stay at home and rest and myself and our son who 13 will do the farming..
I relie heavily on our son to help me which I feel is terrible he shouldn't have to be on the farm constantly either

His family are worse for letting him watch you do the work. You are not his mother. What addition is he in your life at all? It's like another child. Actually a child wouldn't carry on like that. He sounds like a waster.

heldel00

I really feel your pain. Our second is 4 months old and my husband is absolutely useless this time round. He helps a bit at weekends but nothing like when we had our first child.
He drives a lot for his job and i know this is tiring but so is fecking being up with a baby at 5am.
I've also had a paralysed shoulder since baby was born, and am on a lot of medication, so everything is twice as hard. He's that busy tittering and giggling at shíte on his phone that he doesn't see what needs to be done.
He can't cope when i cry so i turned on the waterworks big time during the week. I'll be back to work in September and i swear to God he won't know what has hit him.
No advice for you really except get a cleaner for two hours a week. You won't regret it. I'd go without food quicker than be without her!

iamwhoiam

Farmerstatia wrote: »

I am driving the tractor and quad and that I was fencing two different fields about three ago!
I feed all the nuts which is 25 pounds per bucket and in the day I lift 13 buckets full..I feed milk to suck calfs.
Right now I've got some of the feeding done and I'm on my way to a match with my son haven had breakfast.
My breakfast is a banana and two plums on the way and a cup a tea!!
Would never stop the farming as it is a family generation farm and my husband always wanted his own farm.
Just at mo it's very tough trying to do all

So he wanted his own farm and now he sits back while his pregnant wife works it and keeps it going ? I have to say I am stunned reading this in 2018 .I am retired now and of an older generation and we would not have even entertained his behavour .? All of my circle of friends and family worked and the men chipped in and shared the load. I worked weekend nights and my husband would take three kids out with a picnic packed( which he made ) so I got some sleep . Its a partnership and your husband is the adult partner and not a child .Treat him like a partner and let him follow suit and learn that he is an adult and not a little boy anymore

tea and coffee

You say it's his family farm which he wants to keep. But he's not working the farm, you are. So he clearly doesn't want to hang on to it that much if he works a different job. It's not your legacy. Tell him if he loves it so much he needs to do the work for it. He might not feel so sentimental about it when he actually has to do the work.

jackboy

What is the plan when the baby is born? You will have much less time for the farm and everything else. I recommend to scale back the farm, sell alot of the livestock.
Your husband will never be better. People almost never change. So, it's down to you to improve things.

Farmerstatia

We can't afford to employ anyone to help at the moment as last year Nd this year have been very tough years financially starting our own herd and ivf expenses and wedding etc ....
So we trying to sort all the farm as we go cause the farm entitlement etc are true yet..

Saying that my father in law does try help as much as possible on farm same with son.

Flippyfloppy

Farmerstatia wrote: »

I am driving the tractor and quad and that I was fencing two different fields about three ago!
I feed all the nuts which is 25 pounds per bucket and in the day I lift 13 buckets full..I feed milk to suck calfs.
Right now I've got some of the feeding done and I'm on my way to a match with my son haven had breakfast.
My breakfast is a banana and two plums on the way and a cup a tea!!
Would never stop the farming as it is a family generation farm and my husband always wanted his own farm.
Just at mo it's very tough trying to do all

Sorry for being blunt, but you need to stop doing this, it's not good for your pregnancy, bottom line.

Why does your husband want his own farm? Actions speak louder than words, he's not really bothered about the farm now that he has it is he?

iamwhoiam

Farmerstatia wrote: »

We can't afford to employ anyone to help at the moment as last year Nd this year have been very tough years financially starting our own herd and ivf expenses and wedding etc ....
So we trying to sort all the farm as we go cause the farm entitlement etc are true yet..

Saying that my father in law does try help as much as possible on farm same with son.

" I have to go out to feed the calves , are you coming to help or will you stay and do the washing and the dinner "

" Son is going to the match in an hour , will you bring him or will you go out the check the fences and feed the animals and I can bring him "

" I am busy with the farm this evening so you can make yours and sons lunch and clean the bathroom .Or would you prefer to swap jobs ? "

" The dinner needs preparing for tomorrow so I can tend to the farm so can you get the veg cut and the in a sealed box now "

This is how you speak to a partner and make him cop on to his role and take ownership of his responsibilities

_Brian

Is your husband from a farming background ??

Most non farming folk have no idea what needs to happen on a farm to make it run. They think grass grows, animals eat grass and so animals grow big and are worth some fantastic sum of money with no cost on producing them.

I know it’s treating him like a kid but maybe rather than asking him to “help out more” give him specific tasks he must do and I’d make sure some of those are the heavier farm tasks considering your condition and when No2 comes along you’ll be more focused there.

Be cognisant not to rear your son to be his father in these regards. Teach him to use the washing machine, cook a dinner, make bread, run the farm, understand that running a house is 50:50. Our 9YO can make bread, hoover, tends to the chickens, make a pot of tea when we have visitors and mix milk to feed calves, but she is a girl after all

James 007

Farmerstatia wrote: »

I am driving the tractor and quad and that I was fencing two different fields about three ago!
I feed all the nuts which is 25 pounds per bucket and in the day I lift 13 buckets full..I feed milk to suck calfs.
Right now I've got some of the feeding done and I'm on my way to a match with my son haven had breakfast.
My breakfast is a banana and two plums on the way and a cup a tea!!
Would never stop the farming as it is a family generation farm and my husband always wanted his own farm.
Just at mo it's very tough trying to do all

Fair play to you. I have an aunt that has done this for years, not because of a lazy husband, her husband died young. She was a workhorse on the farm, fine farm too, she worked it for years on her own. She now has a stooped back and can barely walk but wasnt it all worth it?

Her daughter in law moved in, is teaching and my aunts son is left with the farm. They go off on holidays and sometimes they dont even tell my aunt. Long story short look after your own health, life is short, but bare in mind once you get older alot of little niggling injuries will come back to haunt you.