Friends abandoned me when life got great ! 40 year olds

D3V!L

My wife experienced exactly the same thing when life took a turn for the better for her. Her best friend of over 30 years became very "busy". In the end she didn't even turn up to our wedding.

wylo

Deleted User wrote: »

He said it was inheritance.

ooops ok sorry I tried to find something in the posts but missed that, apologies OP. I guess it never happened me.

It would be a good motivation to try and hide that you have money tbf. Not easy when you have 2 new houses.

wylo

wylo wrote: »

ooops ok sorry I tried to find something in the posts but missed that, apologies OP. I guess it never happened me.

It would be a good motivation to try and hide that you have money tbf. Not easy when you have 2 new houses.

Exactly. If OP is not a troll (which I think he may be) it is always better that people don’t know you came into money from my own experiences no good comes of it. No need for people to know you have bought a house outright let them assume you have a mortgage.

ASISEEIT

Lostphrophet wrote: »

Bit of an odd one this my parents allways said when your stuck or chips down your mates will drop ya like a hot snot.. Hmm ok fair enuff. Had a fairly normal life lost jobs girlfriends the usual. Bad few years during recession. Have 2 best mates pretty much same boat as me when bad times hit in fairness i could allways meet them and have a chat with them like support group after all we were all in same boat similar upbringing life etc. Our lives literally have ran similar same course last 2o years. All good. So recently i came into some financial good luck. Like not life changing but allowed me to buy a pretty awesome new pad which i in fairness would never of afforded only for said good luck. So i mentioned briefly to best mate one night over a few pints that was moving and came into some good luck he enquired and i noticed him get very snotty about it.. They were there for my bad so times were good so things were looking up after a few dire years
I didnt boast at all was more quiet as was a little shamey as my good fortune was based on pure luck.
So anyway long story short... both lads have distanced themselves from me since my news. I asked them over for house warming but both busy. Quite confused as they are both single and on my watsapp . Its like as soon as i got a financial break i got the boot. I thought your friends ditched you when times were hard! Anyone had familiar thing happen. Weird thing is both lads are single with no kids and working normal jobs only .
Any texts i send are replied to with very quick yes no answers same with watsapp.
No chat at all from either anymore since xmas! No meeting for xmas drinks new years drinks no more jokey texts chats or anything. All my advances met with curt one line replies
Like i know these guys since i was 13.. were now all in 40s lol

First rule of life people are constantly changing and will come and go with the tides. My advice is give them space. Trust me I have done the opposite with people-cling and it only causes them to move further away. Dont text them at all for 2 months then invite them out for dinner -somewhere simple. Give them space to work out their own **** even if its very infantile.
You proably went OTT on bragging about pad. They are obviously still suffering so be careful not to rub noses in it-im not saying you did intentionally but the result might be the same

If they text you or invite u out go. But apologise to them if you bragged a bit-you probably didn't but some men are like women and you must say sorry to them anyway.

bottlebrush

so the alternative for you would have been to stash your inheritance away in the bank and not say a word about it and not spend it for fear of changing the dynamic of the 'Friendship'? I think not. you have done nothing wrong and you sound like a good natured person who is willing to share your good fortune with your friends. they sound like they still would have a problem if they found out about your good luck from somebody else and didn't share any of it with them. friendships are tested in different ways - we tend to think that the biggest test is during adversity but I have seen situations like yours before where relationships changed because life dealt one of the parties a good hand for a change. when you say your friends were there for you, were they there for you in practical ways at all. because there is a difference between listening to and sharing one another's problems over a few pints and actually putting oneself out to help another person.
enjoy your good fortune and get out and meet other people. there are plenty of people out there who are happy to see others doing well for themselves.

pkvader

I have a good close network of friends with 20 years or more,but i share very little financial info about myself with them,ive always kept that stuff to myself,is that unusual?

wylo

pkvader wrote: »

I have a good close network of friends with 20 years or more,but i share very little financial info about myself with them,ive always kept that stuff to myself,is that unusual?

Personally I used find it kind of weird and insulting in relation to very good friends when people did that. Some had no problem talking about their wages and savings and others did.

But now I find myself not talking about my credit union savings to a very good friend who often has no money (his no money is self inflicted through waste and bad management). He has a habit of looking for loans. So I dont like him knowing how much I have because I hate when friends owe me money, or vice versa, unless its someone who would never usually ask.

pkvader

wylo wrote: »

Personally I used find it kind of weird and insulting in relation to very good friends when people did that. Some had no problem talking about their wages and savings and others did.

But now I find myself not talking about my credit union savings to a very good friend who often has no money (his no money is self inflicted through waste and bad management). He has a habit of looking for loans. So I dont like him knowing how much I have because I hate when friends owe me money, or vice versa, unless its someone who would never usually ask.

Ive never really been inquisitive when it came to friends finances unless they brought it up,so i dont share much info about my finances either.I dont know its a weird one,even if i got a bit of luck with money i always kept it to myself.

wylo

pkvader wrote: »

Ive never really been inquisitive when it came to friends finances unless they brought it up,so i dont share much info about my finances either.I dont know its a weird one,even if i got a bit of luck with money i always kept it to myself.

Ah its very normal, most people keep it to themselves I notice.

I guess when you think about it, it makes sense to keep it hidden as it rules out any issues (like the OPs) or smaller equivalents in terms of earnings etc.

You're damned if you earn way more than them, and damned if you earn way less so I am starting to see more why its just easier not to talk about it.

JackTaylorFan

...

Moz wrote:

We hate it when our friends become successful
And if they're Northern, that makes it even worse