Honest advice

Anna2834

I have to say it was great advice from everyone be it that I wanted to hear it or not. I think it was a lesson for both of us at the end of the day....it definitely opened my eyes. Maybe I was a bit hasty in my decision, maybe I should have thought about it twice...I just lost trust....and for me that's very important.

You guys are great and thanks a mill for all the constructive advice given.

GypsyByName

Anna2834 wrote: »

I have to say it was great advice from everyone be it that I wanted to hear it or not. I think it was a lesson for both of us at the end of the day....it definitely opened my eyes. Maybe I was a bit hasty in my decision, maybe I should have thought about it twice...I just lost trust....and for me that's very important.

You guys are great and thanks a mill for all the constructive advice given.

So your single now cough

billybonkers

Anna2834 wrote: »

I have to say it was great advice from everyone be it that I wanted to hear it or not. I think it was a lesson for both of us at the end of the day....it definitely opened my eyes. Maybe I was a bit hasty in my decision, maybe I should have thought about it twice...I just lost trust....and for me that's very important.

You guys are great and thanks a mill for all the constructive advice given.

What was his reason that he gave you?

Anna2834

GypsyByName wrote: »

So your single now cough

ha ha ha well after reading all the messages I need to maybe apologies to someone for my reaction but yes indeed I am.

You guys have a great weekend, and thanks a mill for your advice.

Anna2834

billybonkers wrote: »

What was his reason that he gave you?

He didn't give me one.

minikin

Anna2834 wrote: »

I have to say it was great advice from everyone be it that I wanted to hear it or not. I think it was a lesson for both of us at the end of the day....it definitely opened my eyes. Maybe I was a bit hasty in my decision, maybe I should have thought about it twice...I just lost trust....and for me that's very important.

You guys are great and thanks a mill for all the constructive advice given.

Your open-ness to differing viewpoints on here indicates that you're not a raging loony.
Seems like you trusted your gut in deciding to end the relationship, fair play.

GypsyByName

Anna2834 wrote: »

ha ha ha well after reading all the messages I need to maybe apologies to someone for my reaction but yes indeed I am.

You guys have a great weekend, and thanks a mill for your advice.

Apologise to absolutely Fooooking no-one!

Alf Veedersane

Anna2834 wrote: »

He didn't give me one.

Sounds like GypsyByName would.

King George VI

Recap:

• He won money
• didn't tell her
• she got upset over "lack of trust" because he didn't tell her his business
• she dumped him
• she gets advice on boards
• feels guilty about dumping him
• she's poor and single now and probably wants to get back together with him
• he's rich and single now so probably won't
• he's in Barbados right now sipping champagne while stuffing 50's into the thongs of Barbados beors....

I love a happy ending lol

ChippingSodbury

Anna2834 wrote: »

its the Ferrero Rocher - now that you have a rough idea of the sum is would you have liked to know if the shoe was on the other foot?

Size Grading Odds
<€100 Own-brand Custard Creams 2/1
€101-€1,000 "Real" Custard Creams 4/5
€1,001-€10,000 Hobnobs 1/4F
€10,001-€1,000,000 Ferrero Rocher 3/1
>€1,000,000 Buy the Biscuit Factory 10/1

And I apologise unreservedly to all readers for not having the patience to put more choices in the table so we'd get a better idea of exactly how much was won!!

Seriously though, if you haven't yet asked him why he didn't tell you, I think you've been unfair. Women are complicated: men are fairly straight-forward. When men try to second-guess what a woman will do, they often gets tied in knots. E.g. he may have thought having more money than you would put you under pressure.
Unless there are other reasons why you don't want to be with him, go back and apologise for over-reacting (and bring a box of Ferrero Rocher!)

Anna2834

King George VI wrote: »

Recap:

• He won money
• didn't tell her
• she got upset over "lack of trust" because he didn't tell her his business
• she dumped him
• she gets advice on boards
• feels guilty about dumping him
• she's poor and single now and probably wants to get back together with him
• he's rich and single now so probably won't
• he's in Barbados right now sipping champagne while stuffing 50's into the thongs of Barbados beors....

I love a happy ending lol

HA HA HA really funny - made me laugh out loud in work. I am happy with my decision, but I just over reacted a bit.

I AM afraid no happy ending here....

Anna2834

ChippingSodbury wrote: »

And I apologise unreservedly to all readers for not having the patience to put more choices in the table so we'd get a better idea of exactly how much was won!!

Seriously though, if you haven't yet asked him why he didn't tell you, I think you've been unfair. Women are complicated: men are fairly straight-forward. When men try to second-guess what a woman will do, they often gets tied in knots. E.g. he may have thought having more money than you would put you under pressure.
Unless there are other reasons why you don't want to be with him, go back and apologise for over-reacting (and bring a box of Ferrero Rocher!)

I asked and I wasn't given an answer...

Ha ha ha you are very funny....I have to say you guys put a smile on my face today.

Ficheall

Money can change things. If you were happy, perhaps your OH didn't want to risk that.

Presumably if you were ever in actual need of the money, your OH would have mentioned it?

SAMTALK

minikin wrote: »

I'm not sure how to interpret '?'
Can you clarify?
Are you puzzled by the meaning or is the text I bolded not showing as bold?

Was just wondering what you meant when you highlighted this thats all

redcup342

Just look at how quickly money becomes the root of all arguments during a divorce.

Goes from "Ah sure I'll get that, don't worry about it"
to
"I BOUGHT THAT F*CKING SET OF SPOONS IN IKEA THAT DAY AND USED IT TO COOK DINNER FOR YOU, YOU F8CK, I WANT HALF YOUR PENSION"

I'd say staying quiet about a windfall could be the best idea ever, unless you are married of course then full disclosure.

SAMTALK

SAMTALK wrote: »

Was just wondering what you meant when you highlighted this thats all

Sorry Minikin the 2nd part of your post wasnt showing.

I get what you mean about it being about your own insecurities but I just think it says lack of trust from partner if they can't share this with you. Maybe I'm just being naive but I would be very hurt if I thought someone was hiding something like this from me.

All they'd have to say is they had a windfall, no need to say how much ets

Rory28

SAMTALK wrote: »

Sorry Minikin the 2nd part of your post wasnt showing.

I get what you mean about it being about your own insecurities but I just think it says lack of trust from partner if they can't share this with you. Maybe I'm just being naive but I would be very hurt if I thought someone was hiding something like this from me.

All they'd have to say is they had a windfall, no need to say how much ets

And whats the first question someone asks after hearing about a windfall?

If he then refused to say how much is the problem not worse?

SAMTALK

Rory28 wrote: »

And whats the first question someone asks after hearing about a windfall?

If he then refused to say how much is the problem not worse?

I see what your saying Rory28 but I wouldnt ask 'how much'.

I have seen 1st hand how some people are ruled by money and how much damage it causes but I just believe that if I was in a relationship with someone for some time there shouldnt be any secrets

Anna2834

SAMTALK wrote: »

I see what your saying Rory28 but I wouldnt ask 'how much'.

I have seen 1st hand how some people are ruled by money and how much damage it causes but I just believe that if I was in a relationship with someone for some time there shouldn't be any secrets

- that's what I thought as well, but obviously I was wrong.

...__...

maybe money isn't as big to him as it is to you?

I have a house with no rent or mortgage drive a nice car and have a good job but you wont see me with a wad of 50s in the wallet showing off. perhaps he is embarrassed at this wealth and has decided to pop it away for a few years.

think of those rags to riches stories where the poor eddie murphy turns out to be an elegant prince

BBDBB

Anna2834 wrote: »

- so did I.

Have I overreacted a bit??? maybe I have! I was just very hurt.

Thanks everyone for your honest advice, it was greatly appreciated. Made me see things from a different prospective...

you are allowed to be hurt by someone you are in a relationship with withholding significant information from you and the conclusion most people would leap to is "why? dont you trust me?"

I think the answer to that is only answered by one person, your ex partner. Even if you were to reform the relationship there is something there that you both need to discuss regardless of the money or the amount

_Dara_

Permabear wrote: »

This post had been deleted.

Erm, hasn't your relationship moved at breakneck speed? But here you are making it seem like 18 months is practically a fling. So many couples are really serious by the 18 month mark or well before that point. I can't imagine my OH not telling me about something like this 18 months in. I came into a small inheritance at the 12 month mark and I could never have kept that from him. It was too good of news to keep quiet about.

leggo

Every relationship is different, but on paper I likely wouldn’t tell a partner of 18 months about a windfall until I had to. A partner has no right to know about your finances until you’re living together and looking at marriage. The first two years of a relationship are sussing a person out and seeing if they’re for real, you only really start to know who they actually are after that. Money can change that and people who hear about others’ having money can tend to make it about themselves (ie here the OP has made a situation that could’ve been “oh good for him!” into “Don’t you trust me?!!!”). The fear would be that they’re then acting with one eye secretly on the money so I’m not giving myself the full benefit of perspective to make the best decision for me on whether to share my life, and indeed money, with them. I’m being selfish but sure, **** it, so are they.

If I was the OP’s ex, I’d probably be happy she dumped me. Whatever has happened, she’s shown him something here and he returns to the single market with his stock sufficiently raised from when he was last on it, so he can get someone better and not have to feel guilty about breaking up with an ex when he got rich! Plus he can also not tell his new partner if he doesn’t want to and it’s not considered lying, result!

_Dara_

18 months in, myself and himself were well past the sussing out point. We couldn’t imagine not being together by then. Before then, actually. And that has been commonplace in circles I’ve moved through. I’m surprised that so many people think that 18 months is nothing in relationships. Hells, I know of happy couples who were engaged or had moved in together by that stage. We moved in together two years in.

I’m thinking back to when I got my little windfall 12 months in. There is no way I wouldn’t have told my OH. It was good news and I trusted him - why wouldn’t I?

Also the OP’s ex “can get someone better”? Charming.

Samuel T. Cogley

Someone has pointed out to the OP this isn't a Freudian slip haven't they? Either that or money was won/discussed in some very weird circumstances.

amtc

It depends what your relationship with money is. I grew up where neither of my parents knew what the other earned. I have a vague idea what those close to me earn. I have a friend who is seeing someone for a month and they share payslips!

If someone won an amount I'd expect them to tell me and maybe get me a nice present or holiday but i wouldn't expect a share!

pickarooney

oceanman wrote: »

The question I would be asking myself is what other secrets was this person holding back? ....if you don't have trust you don't have anything.

Well you have 10 grand plus...

soups05

Plot twist, there was never any money, OP's boyfriend had his eye on someone new and knowing her weakness he "let it slip" that he had won money, knowing full well she would take the hump and dump him.

He is now free and clear with no guilt and anyone the OP complains to will be told "ah sure, she is pure nuts, i never had any money but she got it into her head i did. pure gold digger that one"

OP's ex-boyfriend, I salute you sir. Your mastery of women is a lesson to us all.









Just kidding OP, am sure he just wanted to surprise you with a holiday or something before you lost the plot and dumped him for no good reason. He's probably at home right now crying into his big pile of cash, or thanking his lucky stars for the near miss. :P

Hannibal_Smith

If you've broken up with him over something so small, he was right not to tell you. If he won it in the early days of your relationship, maybe he felt he didn't know you well enough to tell you. As time passed then he didn't know how to tell you in case this was the result.

What's he like with you in general? Is he trusting in other respects. Usually trust is an issue when it's been breached, not when someone hasn't exercised it.

Mountainsandh

I don't think 18 months is that long. Objectively, if the person has won 500k or a million, would the national lottery advisors advise on telling or holding back for another while? I think to anyone wise enough, it would be to hold back. After all if the relationship is serious, what's another 5 years ?
I was with a guy for 2.5 years in my late teens early 20s, and I'm so glad it never went further looking back (no abuse or anything just not what I wanted). The thought that money could have changed the course of my life and his is a scary one.
Not saying we would have made decisions based on money the other might have had, simply that money might have enabled us into life changing choices too early, such as career, babies and house choices.