Confused over what girlfriend said

Jimbob77

I am sure the baby is mine

Ursus Horribilis

So why should be believe this story is true, seeing as you led us all on quite the merry dance?

Jimbob77

I do want to be involved in his life but he lives 200km away. i am 40 years old and live with my parents and have never lived anywhere else except a few months with this ex-girlfriend

Jimbob77

Ursus, I wanted to get people's opinions. Only pity is I didn't get people's opinions way back when it happened

Ursus Horribilis

What good were our opinions at that stage? You'd already knocked her up. I'm so delighted my hard earned taxes are being spent on this.

Jimbob77

Ursus, i never intended to get her pregnant. She just used me. I never thought I would be used.

GingerLily

Jimbob77 wrote: »

Ursus, i never intended to get her pregnant. She just used me. I never thought I would be used.

But she told you she wanted a baby ay any cost - you should have expected this.

You need to get a job and move out of your parents and involve yourself in your child's life. No more excuses

Ursus Horribilis

You're the only person who didn't see it coming, it would appear. Anyway there's nothing you can do about it now. You've got two priorities from what I can see

1. Get better help. Ask for a different therapist. Would your parents be willing to pay for one if it meant getting you into a better place mentally.

2. Sort legalities regarding your child. Unmarried fathers don't have the rights of their married ones.

Jimbob77

Gingerlily, I have never held down a job. I have no friends, live with parents i detest, and am a total loser.

Jimbob77

and i have tried to move out but never was able to financially. i get suicidally depressed

Ursus Horribilis

So look for better help then. You can't do everything all at once.

Big Bag of Chips

OP there are links to organisations and agencies that are in a better position to help you with your mental health than posters here. Click on this link. A psychiatrist prescribes. They don't bother much with the talk therapy. If you want to talk out your situation and maybe try work through problems and work on solutions then you need a psychologist. Ask your psychiatrist for a referral to one.

You are not in a unique position. There are a lot of men in exactly your situation so don't feel like you're unique or nobody will understand. Lots of men have children they don't see, with women they don't speak to. You need to try improve your own personal situation and then you might be in a better position to be a parent to your child. Why have you lost 20 jobs? What skills do you have now? Could you retrain? Are you registered with any employment agency (Fás, or whatever they're called now) through the social welfare dept? Find out what courses are available to you and what sort of grant/entitlement you could get if you were to go back to education.

Mod Note: Posters here offer advice in good faith and it's not nice to feel that after taking time out to reply to a man and offer good advice, that the advice was wasted anyway. I will allow the thread to remain open for now, purely because I feel you are in a very delicate position and I think you could do with some advice and guidance. We all make mistakes. But at 40 you are a young man. There are jobs out there. You just need to figure out WHY you can't hold on to a job. If it's your attitude or work ethic then work on changing that.


I will allow the thread to remain open and I would remind all posters to direct mature, constructive, civil advice to the OP.

Jimbob77

Hi Bigbagofchips
I haven't lost 20 jobs. I have lost a few. Most roles are contract roles on low pay and they just end when the contract ends.
I just have no interest in life. never really had. And would much prefer not to be around any more. If I had a gun,I'd go today.
I just hate this world.

punisher5112

Op, is there an underlying issue. Obviously very personal question but do not answer if you don't want to.

Are you allowed access to your child and do you want to have it.

I would suggest write all contacts down and be very careful if she looks for money etc in cash.

Keep records and maybe ask to meet if you do want access on neutral ground somewhere where you both are comfortable.

You need to sort out your head, health and any issues you have and maybe make this clear with the mother of your child if that's what you want to do and be there.

Life will throw sh1t in your face but one thing I've learnt is no matter what you need to get up clear it off and move on.

You definitely should have spoken to someone back in 2016 and have you any hobbies or interests.

Maybe you need something to get the mind going and train up in something you would really like to do.

Have you a drivers license and if not maybe consider doing this and try more and more.

I wouldn't have a huge amount of friends but if you really get out there and work on your issues and get working it's something that most likely will just happen in the flow of things.

Jimbob77

Hi Punisher
Yes, she wants me to visit the child. And yes i want to visit him but they live 200km away and at most i could visit once a month.
I think long term maybe he will be better off without me because anything could happen with me. One can't miss what they never had.
She pursued me for maintenance in the courts already.
I have loads of skills. Have a university degree. Am really knowledgeable in various areas.
I just don't fit in this world.

punisher5112

Jimbob77 wrote: »

Hi Punisher
Yes, she wants me to visit the child. And yes i want to visit him but they live 200km away and at most i could visit once a month.
I think long term maybe he will be better off without me because anything could happen with me. One can't miss what they never had.
She pursued me for maintenance in the courts already.
I have loads of skills. Have a university degree. Am really knowledgeable in various areas.
I just don't fit in this world.

Right 1 you need to seek help as on here ain't the best place.

I do hope you work on the demons or whatever your issue is.

You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and please don't take this as an attack but maybe it's something you need to hear.

We can't help to much as none of us know the issues.

If you have all these degrees and skills put them to use and get out there. Even if it's part time but just get out.

You are not in a good place for starters as if you can't and don't get on with your parents you need to get out of that toxic environment.

I really think you need to see your doctor and I think calling the Samaritans and meeting with them could be worth a shot.

Please don't do what you are thinking and don't waste what you have.

I would love a degree and to move onto better jobs but having a family and bills etc and the problems I had in school all the way through from bullying and all that crack I couldn't go through with college even now it wouldn't be anything I could take on.

If you don't want to work on what your field is look into changing skills and get help from the right department.

Big Bag of Chips

Mod Note

Jimbob77, I am sorry to close your thread but the posters of Personal Issues although well intentioned are not qualified to help you with your mental health. I would urge you to please contact someone from this link.