Confused over what girlfriend said

Jimbob77

Hi
I am looking for peoples' opinion on what my girlfriend said to me one day earlier this week. I personally think it was a strange thing for her to say but would love to hear peoples' views. My head is melted with it.
The background is we are dating 5 months. I got depressed 6 weeks ago and broke it off saying she would be better off without me. I have a history of depression. Anyhow after a 4 week break we got back together 2 weeks ago and then this week she drops this bombshell: "I want to have a baby by you whether we are together or not" She went on to say "you can still be part of the baby's life even if we are not together and if you don't want to be part of the baby's life if you are gone before the child is 3 they won't miss you as they won't remember you"

What are people's views? Is this a strange thing to say? Is she baby mad? Why would someone say this? your views would be really really appreciated

SimpleDimples

I wouldn't be trusting her to make any decision regarding contraception if I were you.

ebbsy

I would exit stage left. Just my own opinion.

Mystery Egg

She sees you as a means to an end. She is clearly not mature enough for a relationship. If I were you I would run before she gets pregnant.

This is not the kind of life you want to build for yourself.

Jimbob77

just some further info. I am 39 years old. She is 35.

wirelessdude01

Definitely be using condoms that you know haven't been tampered with. She sounds like she is viewing you as a sperm daddy.

tusk

The worrisome thing here is what if that does happen and you find yourself with a child and a broken relationship. I guess that would not help and may potentially exacerbate your depression.

For me, what she said is very toxic, especially as you just broke up. As someone else mentioned, it looks like you're just going to be a tool to get her what she really wants. And if she's aware that you suffer from depression, this is even more frightening to he honest.

You should be very careful I think.

Stheno

Jimbob77 wrote: »

just some further info. I am 39 years old. She is 35.

run.

Regardless of what she says she can pursue you for maintenance for years

Ursus Horribilis

You don't think this is an unhinged thing to say?

Tigger99

Yeah it's not a normal thing to say by any stretch. I couldn't trust someone after that statement. Jesus, you don't even seem to get a say here.

dobman88

Run, away, far and fast. Now. Delete her number, don't contact her.

Ursus Horribilis

For all you know, it could be too late already and she may be "with child" as we speak. Hopefully not but this is a warning you should heed. Her biological clock is ticking and perhaps the break-up clarified things for her regarding having a baby.

I don't usually advise people to run but in this case you should. As fast as your legs can carry you.

Stheno

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

I don't usually advise people to run but in this case you should. As fast as your legs can carry you.

faster, as if he is in the 100m final in the Olympics against Usain Bolt

op women who are at that age can get concerned that time is running out for them when it comes to having children

Jimbob77

or am i just paranoid? i don't know what to think

Ursus Horribilis

So what do you think she wants? You've been given a unanimous answer from everyone so far.

Lisha

Jimbob77 wrote: »

or am i just paranoid? i don't know what to think

Do you want to have a child with someone you don’t love?

Do yiu want to have a child eith some one who treats you badly and who just wants you to provide money.?

Look at it this way, so many people love each other, get married, have babies and then they break up. It’s toxic and never easy even fur the most committed parents. Once a relationship breaks down, coparenting becomes very difficult.

Why would you put yourself (or a child) through that.

I’d run. If you stay then be so so wary if contraception. Protect yourself.

Wesser

She is trying to control you. Just leave her.

SimpleDimples

Jimbob77 wrote: »

or am i just paranoid? i don't know what to think

You aren't paranoid.

She is basically telling you she wants your sperm. End of. She doesn't give a hoot if you are involved or not. I can guarantee you she will have an "accidential" pregnancy at the next possible opportunity.

Consider this a warning. RUN

SuperSean11

Get out of there and by god if you’re having sex on your way out the door use your own condoms, the pill fails and condoms break in these situations

Ursus Horribilis

She could already be pregnant and softening you up for the "news".

beertons

Don't stick anything in crazy any more. She's looking for an income, and you're it.

WIZWEB

It's an insane statement she made. Your needs and ultimately a possible babies needs are all superseded by her selfishness. You need to extradite yourself from this drama and work on yourself.

leggo

Run.
Don’t have sex with her ever again, not once.
If she turns up pregnant, tell her you’ll be needing a paternity test before making any decision on your level of involvement (if she wants a baby this badly, don’t assume she’s not also seeking other sperm donors, at least in the time you were broken up).

This girl is next level crazy. To say this without the self-awareness to realise how mental it sounds? Like wherever you are right now reading this, I’d symbolically start sprinting somewhere right now, just to hammer the point home of what you need to do.

Boardno1

Jimbob77 wrote: »

Hi
I am looking for peoples' opinion on what my girlfriend said to me one day earlier this week. I personally think it was a strange thing for her to say but would love to hear peoples' views. My head is melted with it.
The background is we are dating 5 months. I got depressed 6 weeks ago and broke it off saying she would be better off without me. I have a history of depression. Anyhow after a 4 week break we got back together 2 weeks ago and then this week she drops this bombshell: "I want to have a baby by you whether we are together or not" She went on to say "you can still be part of the baby's life even if we are not together and if you don't want to be part of the baby's life if you are gone before the child is 3 they won't miss you as they won't remember you"

What are people's views? Is this a strange thing to say? Is she baby mad? Why would someone say this?  your views would be really really appreciated

Maybe this is a messed up way of her letting you know she does want to be with you? Very messed up I admit.
She might still be hurting from you ending it with her and she just wants you to know she wants a future with you but it come out the wrong way..

Jimbob77

thanks BOARDNO1. i don't understand how this could be a way of saying she wants a future with me. if she wanted a future with me, couldn't she just have said it without saying the strange thing that she wants a baby by me whether we are together or not. my head is wrecked with it. i don't know what to think

Ursus Horribilis

You're only together 5 months. You hardly know her in the grand scale of things. The mask has slipped in my opinion and you've been given a glimpse into how her mind works. If you think this is in any way normal then go ahead and continue the relationship. It's notable that the only thread you're grasping is the one that offers hope. The rest of us aren't telling you to avoid sex and to run just for the craic. If you find yourself with an unplanned pregnancy don't say you weren't warned. She has told you exactly what she wants. A baby. If I was a bloke I'd be exiting stage left.

Jimbob77

thanks Ursus

Jimbob77

Jimbob77 wrote: »

thanks BOARDNO1. i don't understand how this could be a way of saying she wants a future with me. if she wanted a future with me, couldn't she just have said it without saying the strange thing that she wants a baby by me whether we are together or not. my head is wrecked with it. i don't know what to think

Could be a fear of rejection causing her to say it in this manner. We're strange creatures.

On a completely separate notes, it boils my blood at the thought of someone willingly bringing a child into a single parent family. So selfish.

Bambi985

She's 35 and freaking out about her fertility declining with age. She's not sure if you have a future together as your relationship is obviously not the most stable, but doesn't want to miss the baby boat so is trying to safeguard against wasting her few fertile years left with you. Forward-planning, as it were.

No it's not a normal thing to say and yes it's the sign of a baby-mad woman who just wants a donor, any donor, but don't say you haven't been warned. She's spelled it out in black and white, now you just have to decide if you're OK with it or not.

JupiterKid

Given the brevity of the relationship and your mental health issues, the mention of wanting to have a baby - at any cost it seems - would be a huge red flag to me. If I were you OP I’d extricate myself from the relationship as fast as possible. Heed the advice practically everyone on this thread has given you.

punisher5112

Lad you have been warned.

You will forever be at her mercy and will probably never get access whether wanted or not.

Please listen to your head and everyone else on here she wants her forever home and a child to get it for her and payments from you run.... Seriously run run run......