Co-worker is a dirtbag

whoopsadoodles

Tampons up the nose is always the answer.


What was the question again?

Widdershins

Burn the office down.

Red_Wake

I was hoping this would be a thread about office perverts

pilly

Nasal Violation wrote: »

This thread is purely so he can see the thoughts of others. We've all told him, he's a certain kind of special but we love him like he was our own mistake.

Is he the boss? If he is I think you're kind of in trouble.

Rory28

You may need to challenge him to an office duel. Wheely chairs will be ruined. Staplers will be emptied. There will be chaos but should you win you get his fridge space as per the shared office agreement 2007.

You got this OP!

suicide_circus

Steamed veg as a snack seems very healthy

uch

flaneur wrote: »

I made myself a lovely cup of tea in an office I worked in and discovered stringy stuff in it.
I gave the kettle a rinse out and tried again. This kept happening and we were looking into getting plumbers to investigate.

Eventually we discovered one of my colleagues was using it to boil eggs for their sandwiches !!!!!

Steve is that you ?

I got caught doing this once and nearly got battered,

pilly

uch wrote: »

Steve is that you ?

I got caught doing this once and nearly got battered,

You boiled your eggs in a kettle??

You disgusting animal.

darkdubh

Nasal Violation wrote: »

I work in a pretty small office - there's 5 of us in a 5 metre by 5 metre room. We have a small fridge in the room to keep water / lunch etc in to save us having to go up and down to the kitchen throughout the day.

My co-worker, who is obviously some sort of maniac, steams a huge batch of cauliflower on a Sunday night and then bags it up and brings it in with him on a Monday and leaves it in the fridge to eat throughout the week.

Now the smell on a Monday is pretty bad as it is but by the time it gets to Thursday or Friday it smells like an old wet football boot that's been stuck in a pig's a$$ for a few months. He opens the bag about four or five times a day and eats the cold cauliflower in front of us like this is somehow fuc.king normal.

There are some weeks he will change it up and swap his cauliflower for brussels sprouts.....this is not any more pleasant.

Does anyone in your office do anything ridiculous like this, how do you cope? I don't want to throw his food out, we all know what happened to Ross when someone ate Monica's Moist Maker.

Eh, no not all of us. Some of us didn't watch Friends.

ooter

Jaysus I feel guilty now having just polished off a big bowl of steamed carrots, cauliflower, Broccoli and leeks. And boiled eggs and blue cheese, not sure about the smell but it tasted bleedin great.

corner of hells

uch wrote: »

flaneur wrote: »

I made myself a lovely cup of tea in an office I worked in and discovered stringy stuff in it.
I gave the kettle a rinse out and tried again. This kept happening and we were looking into getting plumbers to investigate.

Eventually we discovered one of my colleagues was using it to boil eggs for their sandwiches !!!!!

Steve is that you ?

I got caught doing this once and nearly got battered,

No way , we caught an apprentice boiling eggs in our burco years ago .
He got the bollix kicked out of him.
He also did burn down his house too.

SuperSean11

Boiling eggs in a kettle, genius:D

Kimbot

darkdubh wrote: »

Eh, no not all of us. Some of us didn't watch Friends.

How did you know its from friends? :P

1874

corner of hells wrote: »

No way , we caught an apprentice boiling eggs in our burco years ago .
He got the bollix kicked out of him.
He also did burn down his house too.

I was sure I hadnt heard it all yet, so what does cloacal flavoured tea taste like?
besides eggs, Im assuming its rank, I cant imagine dipping my digestives in that

SuperSean11 wrote: »

Boiling eggs in a kettle, genius:D

If Im getting this right, wouldnt the eggs be more blanched, unless of course you mean he dropped the whole egg in, Id imagined the person that brought it up meant they cracked them open, hence the stringy stuff.

I could imagine that cauliflower being fired off yer mans head in some places or at least out an open window.

uch

1874 wrote: »

I was sure I hadnt heard it all yet, so what does cloacal flavoured tea taste like?
besides eggs, Im assuming its rank, I cant imagine dipping my digestives in that



If Im getting this right, wouldnt the eggs be more blanched, unless of course you mean he dropped the whole egg in, Id imagined the person that brought it up meant they cracked them open, hence the stringy stuff.

I could imagine that cauliflower being fired off yer mans head in some places or at least out an open window.

Nah, drop whole egg in shell in, problem was when kettle was boiling the eggs hopped about a bit and the odd crack appears

Cee-Jay-Cee

I had a similar situation about 10 years ago, co worker steamed cauliflower cabbage sprouts potatoes peas and carrots every single fücking day of the week for his dinner. The smell in the entire building was hideous. I was going on a weeks leave one week and the smell in the kitchen and rest of the building was lethal. I had enough so as I left (I was finishing early that day) I took the communal steam cooker along with all his vegetables in it and put it in a black bin liner and brought it outside and put it in the bin.

I returned the following week and he asked if I knew what happened it, of course I denied all knowledge of it. He then asked if I’d contribute towards buying a new steam/pressure cooker and I said I wouldn’t as I never used it. No one else would contribute either and he was so fücking miserable he wouldn’t pay for one on his own so he started steaming his dinner at home and bringing it in and heating it in the microwave which didn’t rise as much of a stink as the cooker did.

Result.

corner of hells

1874 wrote: »

corner of hells wrote: »

No way , we caught an apprentice boiling eggs in our burco years ago .
He got the bollix kicked out of him.
He also did burn down his house too.

I was sure I hadnt heard it all yet, so what does cloacal flavoured tea taste like?
besides eggs, Im assuming its rank, I cant imagine dipping my digestives in that

SuperSean11 wrote: »

Boiling eggs in a kettle, genius:D

If Im getting this right, wouldnt the eggs be more blanched, unless of course you mean he dropped the whole egg in, Id imagined the person that brought it up meant they cracked them open, hence the stringy stuff.

I could imagine that cauliflower being fired off yer mans head in some places or at least out an open window.

The tea tastes terrible, we thought he had been filling the burco from a bogey water source.
It was a long time ago , however his nickname was Croatia because he looked like one of the starved prisoners in the camps during the Balkan conflict.

1874

Cee-Jay-Cee wrote: »

I had a similar situation about 10 years ago, co worker steamed cauliflower cabbage sprouts potatoes peas and carrots every single fücking day of the week for his dinner. The smell in the entire building was hideous. I was going on a weeks leave one week and the smell in the kitchen and rest of the building was lethal. I had enough so as I left (I was finishing early that day) I took the communal steam cooker along with all his vegetables in it and put it in a black bin liner and brought it outside and put it in the bin.

I returned the following week and he asked if I knew what happened it, of course I denied all knowledge of it. He then asked if I’d contribute towards buying a new steam/pressure cooker and I said I wouldn’t as I never used it. No one else would contribute either and he was so fücking miserable he wouldn’t pay for one on his own so he started steaming his dinner at home and bringing it in and heating it in the microwave which didn’t rise as much of a stink as the cooker did.

Result.

He cooked his dinner in work? wow

Car99

https://youtu.be/wmu7bHj81WI good for a laugh

Peatys

darkdubh wrote: »

Eh, no not all of us. Some of us didn't watch Friends.

How do you know it's a Frieda reference?

andekwarhola

Given a staple diet of Brussel sprouts and cauliflower, I'm amazed that elephantine farting is not part of the package.

darkdubh

Peatys wrote: »

How do you know it's a Frieda reference?

I presume you mean Friends reference. In the same way that I know who the Kardashians are despite having zero interest in them. I wasn't living on a desert island in the 90's.

the_pen_turner

Cee-Jay-Cee wrote: »

I had a similar situation about 10 years ago, co worker steamed cauliflower cabbage sprouts potatoes peas and carrots every single fücking day of the week for his dinner. The smell in the entire building was hideous. I was going on a weeks leave one week and the smell in the kitchen and rest of the building was lethal. I had enough so as I left (I was finishing early that day) I took the communal steam cooker along with all his vegetables in it and put it in a black bin liner and brought it outside and put it in the bin.

I returned the following week and he asked if I knew what happened it, of course I denied all knowledge of it. He then asked if I’d contribute towards buying a new steam/pressure cooker and I said I wouldn’t as I never used it. No one else would contribute either and he was so fücking miserable he wouldn’t pay for one on his own so he started steaming his dinner at home and bringing it in and heating it in the microwave which didn’t rise as much of a stink as the cooker did.

Result.

what kind of place has a canteen like this.
most sites I'm on you are lucky if there is a kettle. a fridge and microwave are the lap of luxury.
a steamer, :eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:

branie2

I think this stinks

AnneFrank

Puke on him?

Littlehorny

Get in early, unplug the fridge, take the fuse out of the plug and tell everyone the fridge is fooked.
If he doesn't bring in his stinky crap, then announce the fridge is miracalously fixed. Once he brings his stink in again....well you get the idea.
Repeat and repeat till he gets the message.

Ulysses Gaze

Blast him with piss

He'll be days trying to get the smell of ammonia off his clothes.

0ph0rce0

Is he one of those **** that just wants everyone to see he eats "HEALTHY"

We have loads in our place. They eat the same thing everyday (Rabbit Food Bull****) and the look of misery on their faces as they put the food to their mouths.
Just eat something you like and stop being an arsehole.

I'd dump the fridge, All the knackers in our place put their bags in the fridge. The same manky 5 year old tesco bag that only god knows where its been. I can't be putting my sandwich next to that stank.

Rotten *****

the_pen_turner

get something horrible and let it go off. pour the juice under his bag on Monday evening. someone will go mad in the morning and throw everything out. repeat everytime he puts in his bag

Gwynplaine

What I'm amazed at it how could anyone eat cold cauliflower for lunch. Is yer man skint or what?