How to find out if husband has fathered another child

bertsmom

I personally just think if you are married to someone and think they have a child with someone else the reasonable solution is to actually speak to them about it and stop involving friends in your marital business. This child's fathers identity is nobody else's business and all this skulking around like amateur sleuths is juvenile.

riffmongous

bertsmom wrote: »

Honestly this all sounds very intrusive into a mother and her child's Life! Maby they quite frankly don't want the hassle of all this and want to be left alone. I would think your friend should sort this matter out with her husband and not be involving friends into trying to obtain information on these people through deception. They do have a right to be left alone and privacy

I agree in principle, but well they might want to be left alone now but as was pointed out earlier if something happens to the father/husband they will become involved.

Claw Hammer

bertsmom wrote: »

I personally just think if you are married to someone and think they have a child with someone else the reasonable solution is to actually speak to them about it and stop involving friends in your marital business. This child's fathers identity is nobody else's business and all this skulking around like amateur sleuths is juvenile.

If the father is lying about it, the truth has to be established. There is no direct discrete legal route. You might not like it but the woman is involved and will have to be scrutinised. She had sex many years ago with a married man. She will have to put up with some intrusion from that man's wife. Theere is no such thing as a free lunch.

bertsmom

I respectfully disagree this womans sex life now or in the past is nobody else's business. The man's vows were to his wife nothing to do with anyone else. If I personally found that anybody was prying into my life they would find themselves with a very cold reception and a friendly caution!

Claw Hammer

bertsmom wrote: »

I respectfully disagree this womans sex life now or in the past is nobody else's business. The man's vows were to his wife nothing to do with anyone else. If I personally found that anybody was prying into my life they would find themselves with a very cold reception and a friendly caution!

Better not sleep with married men then!

Goldielocks1

bertsmom wrote: »

I respectfully disagree this womans sex life now or in the past is nobody else's business. The man's vows were to his wife nothing to do with anyone else. If I personally found that anybody was prying into my life they would find themselves with a very cold reception and a friendly caution!

You all make very valid points particularly in relation to the privacy of this woman and her child. It makes nobody feel good to do this. However my friend has a right to know through confirming her worst fears by obtaining a birth certificate which is on public record and accessible to all.

She is certain the child is her husbands and having had a number of children with him she feels it's important for her to pursue this avenue.

Thanks for all your help and replies.

bertsmom

I'll bow out now couldn't be trying to explain with that comment.

I meant Claw Hammer not the OP. I do understand the OP feels a sense of loyalty to a friend.

the_syco

I'm thinking that if the wife finds he has had a kid, she'll use it as the reason for a divorce.

Claw Hammer

the_syco wrote: »

I'm thinking that if the wife finds he has had a kid, she'll use it as the reason for a divorce.

It wouldn't on its own be reason for a divorce.

Dravokivich

Claw Hammer wrote: »

Better not sleep with married men then!

Quit the curtain twitching. What is this the '50s? Any issue with someone sleeping with another person that's married doesn't mean they forfeit any degree of privacy.

Claw Hammer

Dravokivich wrote: »

Quit the curtain twitching. What is this the '50s? Any issue with someone sleeping with another person that's married doesn't mean they forfeit any degree of privacy.

If a child results from it there will certainly be an invasion of privacy.

Goat the dote

Does your friend think this child was conceived during the marriage or before they were together?

njs030

It's highly unlikely a married man will put his name on a child's birth certificate when exactly this scenario could occur.
It'd be pretty stupid!

It's really intrusive the way you're acting tbh, this woman is a single parent and you're borderline stalking her getting her name, home address and looking at her Facebook profile to find out her child's name and date of birth???
That's scary, if she finds out she could inform the guards.

boardsuser1

notjustsweet wrote: »

It's highly unlikely a married man will put his name on a child's birth certificate when exactly this scenario could occur.
It'd be pretty stupid!

It's really intrusive the way you're acting tbh, this woman is a single parent and you're borderline stalking her getting her name, home address and looking at her Facebook profile to find out her child's name and date of birth???
That's scary, if she finds out she could inform the guards.

Myself and my brother were both conceived via extramarital affairs with the same man, his name isn’t on either of our birth certificates.

brian_t

Claw Hammer wrote: »

You might not like it but the woman is involved and will have to be scrutinised. She had sex many years ago with a married man. She will have to put up with some intrusion from that man's wife.

At the moment there is no proof that she did have sex with the husband and even if she did, she may not have known that he was married at the time.

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njs030

....... wrote: »

But he may be paying court ordered maintenance that he has concealed from his wife.

Its a matter of public record if she has gone after him legally for maintenance, she could have proven via dna that he was the childs father and the birth cert never updated.

I think the mans wife has the right to know if he is financially supporting a child he fathered with someone else outside of the marriage.

But seriously, if I were at the point of amateur detective with my husband on suspicion that he had a child with someone else, Id be gone out of the marriage - the trust is gone.

Then I'd suggest the wife discuss it with her husband instead of her and her friend stalk a woman and child trying to find the child's name and birthday and talking about this woman's home address!!

If I caught someone doing that to me I would be scared and would definitely call the guards, it's irrelevant who the child's father is or what the maintenance records are - no one has a right to poke though a child's life the way they are doing.

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Dravokivich

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Not in my experience it isn't.

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boardsuser1

....... wrote: »

Are court records not public?

Family law cases are heard ‘in camera’ in the 10 years I’ve been there and that was still the case 3 weeks ago when I was last in.

Journalists are allowed in while proceedings take place but can’t identify anyone.

Anything leading to the identification of children is prohibited unless directed by the court.

pilly

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Not family courts records.

sbsquarepants

This all just stinks of revenge to me!
Your "friend" is clearly out to cause trouble for somebody.

Tell your "friend" go do her own thing, and pursue her own entitlements whatever they may be - if he has another kid he can continue to pay for it out of what's left. She doesn't really need to know the kids details.

In fact tell her that her that by proving the existence of another kid, she will only dilute what she thinks is hers.

Ashbx

Claw Hammer wrote: »

If this womans husband fathered that child, she has a right to know, especially if she is effectively supporting the child.

Yeah the husbands wife has a right to know....not the wife's friend! I would be letting the wife do the leg work because frankly, it has nothing to do with the OP.

pc7

On the legal side if the wife has been supporting this child and splits with the husband. As the main breadwinner would she be expected to support the husband and give him enough to support said child as she already had been doing so (even unknowingly?)

circadian

Unknown payments could be anything. Also, when did they start? I would expect support payments to date back to around the time of the birth of the child.

Honestly, best course of action would be to ask him about the payments. Suspecting something nefarious and snooping on someone on what appears to be a hunch is a bit OTT to be fair.

gct

Goldielocks1 wrote: »

Indeed the trust is gone but information is power as it allows her to plan moving forward.

Also the reason she needs proof is because he has been lying for years so the name of the child is key.

How exactly do You know he's been lying for years?
What happened to the presumption of innocence until proven guilty?
This just smacks of revenge. This fella has been tried, judged and sentenced already and Yourself or Your "friend" haven't even had the decency to ask him about what he is spending the money on. Man up, tell him what your suspicions are and get Your answers that way.
Stop being so juvenile!

Claw Hammer

brian_t wrote: »

At the moment there is no proof that she did have sex with the husband and even if she did, she may not have known that he was married at the time.

That is why the proof must be found. if she did have sex she must have known he was married.

pilly

Claw Hammer wrote: »

That is why the proof must be found. if she did have sex she must have known he was married.

That's a very naïve view of the world. Just because you have sex with someone you know whether they're married or not? Really?

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