How to find out if husband has fathered another child

Goldielocks1

Hi
I'm new to this board!

I'm trying to help a friend who thinks her husband has fathered a child with another woman during their 20 year marriage.

Obviously she doesn't have the child's or mothers name but she has all the details on the father i.e. DOB and husband parents names etc.

Assuming the fathers name is listed on the birth certificate, does anyone know how she could go about seeing if he is listed as a father to any other child?

GerardKeating

Goldielocks1 wrote: »

Hi
I'm new to this board!

I'm trying to help a friend who thinks her husband has fathered a child with another woman during their 20 year marriage.

Obviously she doesn't have the child's or mothers name but she has all the details on the father i.e. DOB and husband parents names etc.

Assuming the fathers name is listed on the birth certificate, does anyone know how she could go about seeing if he is listed as a father to any other child?

No legal means, One can get the birth cert for any one, but you need to know name/dob etc.

johnnyskeleton

She should ask her husband the following question:

"Have you had any children with any other women".

She will then have her answer.

Victor

johnnyskeleton wrote: »

She should ask her husband the following question:

"Have you had any children with any other women".

She will then have her answer.

Who asks that kind of question when they don't know the answer?

98q76e12hrflnk

johnnyskeleton wrote:

"Have you had any children with any other women".

johnnyskeleton wrote:

She should ask her husband the following question:

johnnyskeleton wrote:

She will then have her answer.

You might think this is fool proof but what if he lies. She is trying to find out for a fact. No need for smart reply espically from a mod.

Goldielocks1

We know he is going to lie which is why we are trying to get facts before taking next step.
He has a lot to lose.

Anyway it looks like it can't be done.
Thanks for the replies.

aujopimur

What makes her think he fathered a child?.

Goldielocks1

aujopimur wrote: »

What makes her think he fathered a child?.

A number of different things but mainly how he is spending his money . Also a wife's intuition.

Thanks

Sam Kade

Isn't it great to have friends to post your queries on the internet, does she own a laptop that's connected to the internet?

Grassey

Goldielocks1 wrote:

A number of different things but mainly how he is spending his money . Also a wife's intuition.

If it's his money then why does she want to know how he disperses it?

Dial Hard

Grassey wrote:

If it's his money then why does she want to know how he disperses it?

Come off it. They're married, it's household income.

Grassey

OP referred to it as his money. Not me.

colm_mcm

Grassey wrote: »

If it's his money then why does she want to know how he disperses it?

They’re married.

muminpajamas

Could she hire a private investigator?

Tenigate

Goldielocks1 wrote: »

A number of different things but mainly how he is spending his money . Also a wife's intuition. /quote]

Intuition or paranoia?

emeldc

Dial Hard wrote: »

Come off it. They're married, it's household income.

Well, yea, but you'd be surprised how many couples have 'my money, your money arrangements'. I'm a drycleaner and I get quite a few men who'll come in and say, 'l'm just collecting my own suit. She'll collect her own one herself, fcuked if I'm paying for it'.

Ghekko

Short answer - no. Without the child's or mother's name there is no way of finding a birth certificate. Obviously with the child's name and even a possible year of birth it would be possible, similarly if she had the mother's name (specifically maiden surname for initial search) and possible year. She could then trawl through the birth registers at the General Registers Office to see if she could find the name. But even if she had those basic details the mother may not have listed a father on the certificate.

If she feels he is sending money to someone on a regular basis she has a right to question him if it affects the family finances. Whether he's honest or not is another story.

GhostyMcGhost

emeldc wrote: »

Well, yea, but you'd be surprised how many couples have 'my money, your money arrangements'. I'm a drycleaner and I get quite a few men who'll come in and say, 'l'm just collecting my own suit. She'll collect her own one herself, fcuked if I'm paying for it'.

Quite obvious from the sounds of that lad he isn’t married then

la ultima guagua

Isnt there some daytime TV program that works up stories similar to OPs scenario ?

emeldc

GhostyMcGhost wrote: »

Quite obvious from the sounds of that lad he isn’t married then

He was! I know his wife well. I was mortified for her. It's also not the only case. There's loads of them.

smelly sock

Womem really are devious untrusting *****.

hullaballoo

Moderator: This is not the forum for gender bashing.

Goldielocks1

Ghekko wrote: »

Short answer - no. Without the child's or mother's name there is no way of finding a birth certificate. Obviously with the child's name and even a possible year of birth it would be possible, similarly if she had the mother's name (specifically maiden surname for initial search) and possible year. She could then trawl through the birth registers at the General Registers Office to see if she could find the name. But even if she had those basic details the mother may not have listed a father on the certificate.

If she feels he is sending money to someone on a regular basis she has a right to question him if it affects the family finances. Whether he's honest or not is another story.

Thanks for that. I kind of thought as much.

jimmycrackcorm

Dial Hard wrote:

Come off it. They're married, it's household income.

That's actually an obsolete concept from the times when the man worked and the wife stayed at home. It's long gone.

I'm married almost a couple of decades and we've always had separate finances. When we need to buy common things then we discuss about paying it but otherwise we are both free to spend our money as we wish.

In the Ops case I don't think any good from pursuing it. If the husband has a child, he'll still have to pay out.

johnnyskeleton

Florence Scruffy Looter wrote: »

You might think this is fool proof but what if he lies. She is trying to find out for a fact. No need for smart reply espically from a mod.

She then probes the lies. This is how investigation works.

Claw Hammer

If he is providing financial support to the child, he must be in contact with the mother. Monitoring his phone and computer should reveal her name pretty quickly. After that she can be traced and the child found.

the_pen_turner

surely the bank statements could be found . even if accounts are separate some kind of white lies could get him to hand them over. ]then scour them for consistent irregularities

endacl

Are you a friend of Timeshia Brown?

NUTLEY BOY

If the husband died the invisible child might surface to lodge a claim for a share of the proceeds of the estate and that could turn nasty.

Although there is presumably no specific bequest for the hereto invisible child in the husband's will there is the lurking potential for a good old row under S.117 of the Succession Act 1965. Link http://www.irishstatutebook.ie/eli/1965/act/27/section/117/enacted/en/html#sec117

I would be looking for DNA then. It might not be a bad idea for OP's friend to collect a sample of current husband's DNA for future reference. She would need to get proper medical and or scientific advice on collection of the sample and having a DNA profile created. Yes, I can see the evidentiary arguments about admissibility but wouldn't you just love to have that information in the arsenal .

It is actually a serious question for OP's friend as this kind of unwanted and unpleasant surprise can and does happen and can leave a particularly bitter "legacy" in another sense.

NUTLEY BOY

endacl wrote: »

Are you a friend of Timeshia Brown?

That is a classic

UrbanFox

NUTLEY BOY wrote: »

If the husband died the invisible child might surface to lodge a claim for a share of the proceeds of the estate and that could turn nasty.

Although there is presumably no specific bequest for the hereto invisible child in the husband's will there is the lurking potential for a good old row under S.117 of the Succession Act 1965. Link http://www.irishstatutebook.ie/eli/1965/act/27/section/117/enacted/en/html#sec117

I would be looking for DNA then. It might not be a bad idea for OP's friend to collect a sample of current husband's DNA for future reference. She would need to get proper medical and or scientific advice on collection of the sample and having a DNA profile created. Yes, I can see the evidentiary arguments about admissibility but wouldn't you just love to have that information in the arsenal .

It is actually a serious question for OP's friend as this kind of unwanted and unpleasant surprise can and does happen and can leave a particularly bitter "legacy" in another sense.

Even if the husband is supporting the currently invisible child financially the child could still become a source of trouble later in the context of S.117.

Side bar point. Why does wife think that there is an "offside" child ? If there are financial suspicions based on money transactions it could be any number of things from gambling to blackmail as per S.17 Public Order Act 1994 - link http://www.irishstatutebook.ie/eli/1994/act/2/section/17/enacted/en/html#sec17.

BoardsMember

jimmycrackcorm wrote: »

That's actually an obsolete concept from the times when the man worked and the wife stayed at home. It's long gone.

I'm married almost a couple of decades and we've always had separate finances. When we need to buy common things then we discuss about paying it but otherwise we are both free to spend our money as we wish.

In the Ops case I don't think any good from pursuing it. If the husband has a child, he'll still have to pay out.

Just because you don't operate like that does not make it obsolete.

I work fill time, my wife works part time. I earn a good deal more than her, she works a good deal harder than be in the home. It's all joint money. It was joint money as soon as we bought a house together, and will continue to be so forever.

mel123

Claw Hammer wrote: »

If he is providing financial support to the child, he must be in contact with the mother. Monitoring his phone and computer should reveal her name pretty quickly. After that she can be traced and the child found.

Isnt that what whatsapp is for

Goldielocks1

NUTLEY BOY wrote: »

That is a classic

Actually that is quite funny and no I am not her friend!

Thanks for all the replies and comments.

Regarding their finances - in my mind (and my friends mind) it was always 'their' money. As it happens my friend is the breadwinner but that was never an issue for her.


I've located the mums name but now need to find out the child's name which is proving difficult due to data protection laws etc.

Any ideas on how I could find out the child's name
would be really helpful!

Mrs OBumble

Why does it matter? If trust is gone, surely the marriage is over?

Goldielocks1

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Why does it matter? If trust is gone, surely the marriage is over?

Indeed the trust is gone but information is power as it allows her to plan moving forward.

Also the reason she needs proof is because he has been lying for years so the name of the child is key.

Dravokivich

Goldielocks1 wrote: »

Indeed the trust is gone but information is power as it allows her to plan moving forward.

Also the reason she needs proof is because he has been lying for years so the name of the child is key.

Your friend may go down the avenue of divorce. They don't need all the facts.

El Tarangu

Op - first of all, sorry to hear about your friend's troubles.

If things come to the worst and the marriage finishes, I am sure that the existence of any child would come out very quickly in the divorce proceedings.

And, if it came down to divorce, surely it would be in the husband's interest to disclose the existence of a child with another partner(?) I presume the maintenance he would have to pay would be lower if has another child to support.

Claw Hammer

Goldielocks1 wrote: »

Actually that is quite funny and no I am not her friend!

Thanks for all the replies and comments.

Regarding their finances - in my mind (and my friends mind) it was always 'their' money. As it happens my friend is the breadwinner but that was never an issue for her.


I've located the mums name but now need to find out the child's name which is proving difficult due to data protection laws etc.

Any ideas on how I could find out the child's name
would be really helpful!

Find out what age the child is. Then check the birth registers.

TheChizler

Claw Hammer wrote: »

Find out what age the child is. Then check the birth registers.

Don't you need the name and place of birth for that?

Claw Hammer

TheChizler wrote: »

Don't you need the name and place of birth for that?

He has the mothers name and the name of the suspected father. All he needs then is the county of birth. Given that he knows where they no live and have lived for the past 20 years. that shouldn't be a problem.

Goldielocks1

Claw Hammer wrote: »

He has the mothers name and the name of the suspected father. All he needs then is the county of birth. Given that he knows where they no live and have lived for the past 20 years. that shouldn't be a problem.

Do you mean place of birth as in the country, hospital or address where the mother and child live?
Just to confirm we have the mothers name, suspected fathers name and mothers home address. That's it.


We don't have the child's name or birthdate.

Ghekko

Claw Hammer wrote: »

He has the mothers name and the name of the suspected father. All he needs then is the county of birth. Given that he knows where they no live and have lived for the past 20 years. that shouldn't be a problem.

She'll need Year of birth. Ideally she'll need child's first name. If she were to go to the General Registers Office with just the mother's name and look up records, all she will see is mother's maiden name on the list of records - not the first name. So this would take considerable time and effort. Trawling through the Registers and pulling certs for every child whose mother has that surname would incur a fair cost too. It's doable but not really practical without the child's name and approximate birth date.

Claw Hammer

Goldielocks1 wrote: »

Do you mean place of birth as in the country, hospital or address where the mother and child live?
Just to confirm we have the mothers name, suspected fathers name and mothers home address. That's it.


We don't have the child's name or birthdate.

Do you know what age the child is. If you have the mothers address you should just get chatting to a neighbour about her. Thdere is bound to be some nosy-parker gossip who will tell you the names and ages of all her children.

Ghekko

Goldielocks1 wrote: »

Do you mean place of birth as in the country, hospital or address where the mother and child live?
Just to confirm we have the mothers name, suspected fathers name and mothers home address. That's it.


We don't have the child's name or birthdate.

Is the mother's home address far from ye? A trip there and casually asking in a local shop might get you the child's name. Is she on Facebook? A bit of investigation will be required to take it further so it's up to your friend how far she is willing to take it.

fxotoole

Goldielocks1 wrote: »

Actually that is quite funny and no I am not her friend!

Thanks for all the replies and comments.

Regarding their finances - in my mind (and my friends mind) it was always 'their' money. As it happens my friend is the breadwinner but that was never an issue for her.


I've located the mums name but now need to find out the child's name which is proving difficult due to data protection laws etc.

Any ideas on how I could find out the child's name
would be really helpful!

Your publicly asking people to help you "get around" Data Protection laws?

pilly

A private investigator would do this job an awful lot quicker than you can OP.

Ghekko

Hardly a data protection issue when anyone on the street can ask what someone's name is.

.......

This post has been deleted.

minikin

buy a phone, send him a message while you're at home with him so you can see reaction - "Hi 'Frank' had to get a new phone, we need to talk about your child"

hullaballoo

fxotoole wrote: »

Your publicly asking people to help you "get around" Data Protection laws?

The Data Protection Acts don't have any bearing whatsoever on this thread.