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Girls who love boys who love girls..
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27-09-2017 3:02pm#1
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Mister Vain wrote: »When I was young and naive I was always falling in and out of love. Now I'm lucky if a girl smiles at me.
You are the exact opposite of your name
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Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,253 Mod ✭✭✭✭
Join Date:Posts: 59180
I've been in fond a few times, but in love only twice. To me, Fond and love felt similar enough initially, but after a few months the Love version deepened. It was less about the butterflies of the first flush of it, but more about pure acceptance of another. Almost like a baby bird getting imprinted straight outa the egg. The downside for me was that my brains took a holiday. Went full moron.
In good and bad ways. Over time and in retrospect the bad was pretty bad. Worst being my normal natural and pretty honed BS detector and human reading machine was bypassed.
Allied to me seemingly being a bad judge of character while in Love Brain(failure) mode, I'd be fine with being in Fond again, but I'd personally avoid full on Love. Fantastic feeling, the best drug in the world, but like drugs the stronger the buzz, the worse the hangover and the Love trip hangover is about the worst in the world.
Actually I'd reckon Fond is better. Less frenetic, more practical. And if it goes down the tubes the hangover is much less.
Still, I'd not be one of those hardline cynics that boorishly whinge that "love is an illusion" or any of that. I've seen people head over heels and go on to have really good lives together and fair play to them. The cynic in me would say it's the minority, but hope springs eternal that folks will end up in that minority. That part of me is still a romantic. Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.
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I've been in fond a few times, but in love only twice. To me, Fond and love felt similar enough initially, but after a few months the Love version deepened. It was less about the butterflies of the first flush of it, but more about pure acceptance of another. Almost like a baby bird getting imprinted straight outa the egg. The downside for me was that my brains took a holiday. Went full moron. In good and bad ways. Over time and in retrospect the bad was pretty bad. Worst being my normal natural and pretty honed BS detector and human reading machine was bypassed.
Allied to me seemingly being a bad judge of character while in Love Brain(failure) mode, I'd be fine with being in Fond again, but I'd personally avoid full on Love. Fantastic feeling, the best drug in the world, but like drugs the stronger the buzz, the worse the hangover and the Love trip hangover is about the worst in the world.
Actually I'd reckon Fond is better. Less frenetic, more practical. And if it goes down the tubes the hangover is much less.
Still, I'd not be one of those hardline cynics that boorishly whinge that "love is an illusion" or any of that. I've seen people head over heels and go on to have really good lives together and fair play to them. The cynic in me would say it's the minority, but hope springs eternal that folks will end up in that minority. That part of me is still a romantic.
I hear what you're saying Wibbs but love, just like drugs, can sometimes creep up on you unannounced. You might not have been expecting it, you might wanna slam the door in it's face but it just keeps on ringing the bell until you answer goddamn it!!
At the moment, I'm actively trying to hold back and not fall any further and when I don't see him for a few days I regain composure and think I have this under control but then we meet up and my heart starts racing. I don't act like a love sick puppy in front of him and haven't admitted my feelings. The most complimentary I've been to him is purely s*xual, as in I'll tell him he's really hot while we're.. doing stuff.
The more I like someone, the more I pull back but you used the perfect word to describe love - frenetic. As much as you want to tame it's wild ways, it just keeps breaking loose!!0 -
Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,253 Mod ✭✭✭✭ Join Date:Posts: 59180
I hear what you're saying Wibbs but love, just like drugs, can sometimes creep up on you unannounced. You might not have been expecting it, you might wanna slam the door in it's face but it just keeps on ringing the bell until you answer goddamn it!! Aye, but I've learned to stop it, at least see it for what it is and keep my brain in the game. Muy importante, for me anyway. Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.
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Ulysses Gaze wrote: »Most of us will never fall in love and will marry out of fear of dying alone.
In the absolute best case scenario one of you wakes up next to the cold corpse of the other anyway
I'm in the head over heels camp, can't help myself. And I'm the same at the end, live on vodka and tears, can't eat can't sleep can't think. Last time round I swore that was it and I was running a mile if I ever started falling for someone again. Never ever ever going there again. Fourteen months later I was shacked up with someone I got with three months previously :pac: that's working out well though thank fcuk.
I love falling in love, like yourself OP I'm walking on air, everything is great, there's nothing I can't handle. And I love the process of that mellowing and deepening and getting a history and the extra good feeling of making a real commitment to someone once the "d'aaaw look at them! They're brushing their teeth! That's so adorable" haze wears off. And when you look at them years later and for some reason get a little jolt of that first rush of love again.
Aaaanyways, I'm off to chance the ride now, good thread!0 -
Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,253 Mod ✭✭✭✭ Join Date:Posts: 59180
The triumph of hope over experience.Blair Defeated Registry wrote: »I'm in the head over heels camp, can't help myself. And I'm the same at the end, live on vodka and tears, can't eat can't sleep can't think. Last time round I swore that was it and I was running a mile if I ever started falling for someone again. Never ever ever going there again. Fourteen months later I was shacked up with someone I got with three months previously :pac: that's working out well though thank fcuk. Ah no, fair play, if you can do that reset and go in afresh. Just doesn't compute for me. Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.
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Though TBH I think my personal well has gone dry enough. I seem to be one of those who has a finite amount of it to go around
Yup, this is me nowadays, too. It does feel a bit of a nuisance at times, as I am in an absolutely wonderful relationship with the sweetest man ever, and I can well appreciate it!
But... I look to be inoculated. That intense feeling I used to get just doesn't come up any more, the butterflies and the rainbows, the weak knees and the heart palpitations, the new adventures and the mixed tapes... gone.
I figure that can only be because I have been through the wars (and I do not use that word here lightly!) so many times now (am the wrong side of 40) that really, all that emotional side to it feels a bit "been there, done that, pass the spuds please". Almost like - it's a young person's game.
But I am very deeply in fond with the fella, certainly. Madly attracted to him, too. And I figure, that has to count for something.
Enjoy it while it lasts, OP. It's life, and it's glorious!0 -
Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,253 Mod ✭✭✭✭ Join Date:Posts: 59180
+1. Like I said my women mates are not drama llamas at all. But in relationships and relationship drama type stuff I have found that women are more prone to it, just as men are more prone to the Easter Island statue with constipation emotional silence stuff.I'm a bit of a tomboy and can't stand drama either but I think women get unfairly branded drama queens sometimes.
My theory(It's me. Feck off) why women mates of mine are drama free with me, but some can be bloody nightmares with partners might be down to a simple explanation. As friends our relationship is far less complicated and less risky. We're not shagging so no chance of babies and all that entails in personal and emotional investment. If we have a falling out, sure there would be emotional hurt involved but it wouldn't be life changing. Maybe sometimes the "drama" is a way to "flight test" the emotional stability of the man who may be the father of her kids. Kids are vulnerable, emotionally volatile little people where there's never a dull moment. It would makes sense to pick a guy who is emotionally stable and quiet around that type of thing, so if he takes her "drama" he's probably a much safer bet than a guy who goes feck that, I'm outa here, or responds with equal drama.
We are that!Having said that, I think drama often stems from miscommunication. Women tend to over analysis a situation and decide what a guy is thinking without basis and this can lead to self fulfilling prophecies. Self destruction comes into play too although maybe that's just me. If something is going well, my cynical side is looking out for the candid camera, no way this can be real etc and then I sabotage it. God, we really are complex creatures!! The over analysis I get alright. I'd say that's more about the slight(and usually complimentary) differences in how men and women approach things. Women tend towards more empathic instinctive thinking based on subconscious processing of the same information as a guy who is actively and consciously thinking things through. Major stereotypes there, but with some validity IMHO and it's not to say both can't use both kinda thinking. I've been in a few situations where women in my life have called something on "gut feeling" with me going; "ah what are you on ya daft bint ya, it's fine", with them going; "Eh can you not see it you thick barsteward?" *Me. Penny drops* "Oh yeah. #sheepishface 
Doh!"
The self sabotage I get too, though men do that as much I reckon. I would say one difference I've noticed down the years is that women are less, I dunno, comfortable for very long? More generally on edge at a low level. I would say actually that women have less comfortable lives than men. Emotionally and even physically. I mean once a month you suffer mild discomfort at best and miserable bloody pain at worst and with all sorts of emotional crap on top. Something me as a man just doesn't get. Hell, even medically you've got that. The last time a doctor looked at my man parts was when I was born and they declared "it's a boy". The average woman is having her woman parts looked at throughout her life. In the Ladies Lounge forum hereabouts there's a thread entitled "I'm sick of being a woman". Now it's mostly tongue in cheek and having an oul healthy vent which we all could do with, but I suspect a topic entitled "I'm sick of being a man" in the Gentleman's Club would get far fewer posts. Hmmm I may test that theory. Women tend to be much more socially aware too. Now I can switch that part of my head on, but bloody hell, it's tiring.
TBH E I found women "impossible to read" until I hit about 30. And do you know what it was in my case? I could read them. I'm pretty bloody good at reading people in general, but what got in the way was TBH the notion that somehow Women™ were different and more, much more, my self confidence or lack thereof. Looking back I was reading the signs very well, but that would be filtered though my self confidence and come out the other end as nervousness. Those women I missed out on that I was into back then? It came out at the time as I'd get very nervy around them and wouldn't with my women mates. Even my women mates who have always had my back would be saying "are you fcuking blind, deaf and dumb you gobsh1te, she's into you" and similar ego boosting advice. The bitches.Earthhorse wrote: »Recently I met someone and just felt so totally comfortable around her. Not sure if it's reciprocated, I find women impossible to read, What's that line from that Dune book/flic? Fear is the mind killer. Turns out it's the boner killer too. Looking back, most I don't really regret, but two I most certainly do regret, when I'm of a mind to think on it(I don't do regret if I can help it. Short of having a Tardis, its pointless).
Yeah, because you know it's kinda "magical thinking". And it is. But I figure it could still be magical? TL;DR? make the play. Worst case you have a few weeks of "ahh crap!", best case you may find it is reciprocated. Best case of all, you won't have the regret of never finding out.I'm also kind of annoyed at myself for feeling so strongly about someone I have only spent two days with but when I think about being with her I just feel very happy; no denying it.Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.
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+1. Like I said my women mates are not drama llamas at all. But in relationships and relationship drama type stuff I have found that women are more prone to it, just as men are more prone to the Easter Island statue with constipation emotional silence stuff.
My theory(It's me. Feck off) why women mates of mine are drama free with me, but some can be bloody nightmares with partners might be down to a simple explanation. As friends our relationship is far less complicated and less risky. We're not shagging so no chance of babies and all that entails in personal and emotional investment. If we have a falling out, sure there would be emotional hurt involved but it wouldn't be life changing. Maybe sometimes the "drama" is a way to "flight test" the emotional stability of the man who may be the father of her kids. Kids are vulnerable, emotionally volatile little people where there's never a dull moment. It would makes sense to pick a guy who is emotionally stable and quiet around that type of thing, so if he takes her "drama" he's probably a much safer bet than a guy who goes feck that, I'm outa here, or responds with equal drama.
We are that! The over analysis I get alright. I'd say that's more about the slight(and usually complimentary) differences in how men and women approach things. Women tend towards more empathic instinctive thinking based on subconscious processing of the same information as a guy who is actively and consciously thinking things through. Major stereotypes there, but with some validity IMHO and it's not to say both can't use both kinda thinking. I've been in a few situations where women in my life have called something on "gut feeling" with me going; "ah what are you on ya daft bint ya, it's fine", with them going; "Eh can you not see it you thick barsteward?" *Me. Penny drops* "Oh yeah. #sheepishface Doh!"
The self sabotage I get too, though men do that as much I reckon. I would say one difference I've noticed down the years is that women are less, I dunno, comfortable for very long? More generally on edge at a low level. I would say actually that women have less comfortable lives than men. Emotionally and even physically. I mean once a month you suffer mild discomfort at best and miserable bloody pain at worst and with all sorts of emotional crap on top. Something me as a man just doesn't get. Hell, even medically you've got that. The last time a doctor looked at my man parts was when I was born and they declared "it's a boy". The average woman is having her woman parts looked at throughout her life. In the Ladies Lounge forum hereabouts there's a thread entitled "I'm sick of being a woman". Now it's mostly tongue in cheek and having an oul healthy vent which we all could do with, but I suspect a topic entitled "I'm sick of being a man" in the Gentleman's Club would get far fewer posts. Hmmm I may test that theory. Women tend to be much more socially aware too. Now I can switch that part of my head on, but bloody hell, it's tiring.
TBH E I found women "impossible to read" until I hit about 30. And do you know what it was in my case? I could read them. I'm pretty bloody good at reading people in general, but what got in the way was TBH the notion that somehow Women™ were different and more, much more, my self confidence or lack thereof. Looking back I was reading the signs very well, but that would be filtered though my self confidence and come out the other end as nervousness. Those women I missed out on that I was into back then? It came out at the time as I'd get very nervy around them and wouldn't with my women mates. Even my women mates who have always had my back would be saying "are you fcuking blind, deaf and dumb you gobsh1te, she's into you" and similar ego boosting advice. The bitches. What's that line from that Dune book/flic? Fear is the mind killer. Turns out it's the boner killer too. Looking back, most I don't really regret, but two I most certainly do regret, when I'm of a mind to think on it(I don't do regret if I can help it. Short of having a Tardis, its pointless).
Yeah, because you know it's kinda "magical thinking". And it is. But I figure it could still be magical? TL;DR? make the play. Worst case you have a few weeks of "ahh crap!", best case you may find it is reciprocated. Best case of all, you won't have the regret of never finding out.
You Sir..are a very insightful and interesting guy. I feel like im sitting beside you when I read you're replies. I also feel like I'd love to have a chin wag and a game of chess with you..but I digress..ultimately, let's get down to basic instincts. There's a hot man/ women thing in AH which I find fascinating. Beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder. Most of the so called hot men..while I appreciate their beauty, do nothing for me. I don't like obvious beauty.
That said.. im lying because I do. Angelina Jolie..johnny depp..Fassbender..obviously they're hot but whatever. Thing is, im not claiming to like less then perfect, most people do but someone like James Franco..very hot but looks fun and sound! I fear im babbling but hope im making some vino induced sense:)0 -
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TBH E I found women "impossible to read" until I hit about 30. And do you know what it was in my case? I could read them. I'm pretty bloody good at reading people in general, but what got in the way was TBH the notion that somehow Women™ were different and more, much more, my self confidence or lack thereof. Looking back I was reading the signs very well, but that would be filtered though my self confidence and come out the other end as nervousness. Those women I missed out on that I was into back then? It came out at the time as I'd get very nervy around them and wouldn't with my women mates. Even my women mates who have always had my back would be saying "are you fcuking blind, deaf and dumb you gobsh1te, she's into you" and similar ego boosting advice. The bitches. What's that line from that Dune book/flic? Fear is the mind killer. Turns out it's the boner killer too. Looking back, most I don't really regret, but two I most certainly do regret, when I'm of a mind to think on it(I don't do regret if I can help it. Short of having a Tardis, its pointless).
In my experience even when people have been sayin "She's obviously into you" it turns out they weren't, and I know because I've asked (at the time, not in retrospect).Yeah, because you know it's kinda "magical thinking". And it is. But I figure it could still be magical? TL;DR? make the play. Worst case you have a few weeks of "ahh crap!", best case you may find it is reciprocated. Best case of all, you won't have the regret of never finding out.
Yes, well I am going to find out but it's been a pretty rough patch of late. That few weeks of "Aw crap" is going to be really, really, crap if it happens.I think bizarrely when it's with the right person, there is no timeframe or time limit or time constraint or time anything! Two days..two weeks..it ceases to matter. This is the exact reason I wrote the post. I really am the most cynical person but this beautiful person has come into my life and knocked me out of the park. I'm not a naive kid and either are you. Why are we worrying so much that we feel..oh my lord...happy!! I guess love equals vulnerability and vulnerability equals uh oh..shiittt where's my guard.. wheres Jon snow and the night watchmen!! I guess love is terrifying. Juxtaposition. I dont know whether to shun or embrace it but your post made me smile
Yeah, it's just hardly ever been reciprocated in the past so I'd like to protect myself this time but I can't help how she makes me feel. Damn her charming hide!0 -
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