Girls who love boys who love girls..

Wibbs wrote: »

I've been in fond a few times, but in love only twice. To me, Fond and love felt similar enough initially, but after a few months the Love version deepened. It was less about the butterflies of the first flush of it, but more about pure acceptance of another. Almost like a baby bird getting imprinted straight outa the egg. The downside for me was that my brains took a holiday. Went full moron. In good and bad ways. Over time and in retrospect the bad was pretty bad. Worst being my normal natural and pretty honed BS detector and human reading machine was bypassed.

Allied to me seemingly being a bad judge of character while in Love Brain(failure) mode, I'd be fine with being in Fond again, but I'd personally avoid full on Love. Fantastic feeling, the best drug in the world, but like drugs the stronger the buzz, the worse the hangover and the Love trip hangover is about the worst in the world.

Actually I'd reckon Fond is better. Less frenetic, more practical. And if it goes down the tubes the hangover is much less.

Still, I'd not be one of those hardline cynics that boorishly whinge that "love is an illusion" or any of that. I've seen people head over heels and go on to have really good lives together and fair play to them. The cynic in me would say it's the minority, but hope springs eternal that folks will end up in that minority. That part of me is still a romantic.

Wibbs wrote: »

+1. Like I said my women mates are not drama llamas at all. But in relationships and relationship drama type stuff I have found that women are more prone to it, just as men are more prone to the Easter Island statue with constipation emotional silence stuff.

My theory(It's me. Feck off ) why women mates of mine are drama free with me, but some can be bloody nightmares with partners might be down to a simple explanation. As friends our relationship is far less complicated and less risky. We're not shagging so no chance of babies and all that entails in personal and emotional investment. If we have a falling out, sure there would be emotional hurt involved but it wouldn't be life changing. Maybe sometimes the "drama" is a way to "flight test" the emotional stability of the man who may be the father of her kids. Kids are vulnerable, emotionally volatile little people where there's never a dull moment. It would makes sense to pick a guy who is emotionally stable and quiet around that type of thing, so if he takes her "drama" he's probably a much safer bet than a guy who goes feck that, I'm outa here, or responds with equal drama.

We are that! The over analysis I get alright. I'd say that's more about the slight(and usually complimentary) differences in how men and women approach things. Women tend towards more empathic instinctive thinking based on subconscious processing of the same information as a guy who is actively and consciously thinking things through. Major stereotypes there, but with some validity IMHO and it's not to say both can't use both kinda thinking. I've been in a few situations where women in my life have called something on "gut feeling" with me going; "ah what are you on ya daft bint ya, it's fine", with them going; "Eh can you not see it you thick barsteward?" *Me. Penny drops* "Oh yeah. #sheepishface Doh!"

The self sabotage I get too, though men do that as much I reckon. I would say one difference I've noticed down the years is that women are less, I dunno, comfortable for very long? More generally on edge at a low level. I would say actually that women have less comfortable lives than men. Emotionally and even physically. I mean once a month you suffer mild discomfort at best and miserable bloody pain at worst and with all sorts of emotional crap on top. Something me as a man just doesn't get. Hell, even medically you've got that. The last time a doctor looked at my man parts was when I was born and they declared "it's a boy". The average woman is having her woman parts looked at throughout her life. In the Ladies Lounge forum hereabouts there's a thread entitled "I'm sick of being a woman". Now it's mostly tongue in cheek and having an oul healthy vent which we all could do with, but I suspect a topic entitled "I'm sick of being a man" in the Gentleman's Club would get far fewer posts. Hmmm I may test that theory. Women tend to be much more socially aware too. Now I can switch that part of my head on, but bloody hell, it's tiring.

TBH E I found women "impossible to read" until I hit about 30. And do you know what it was in my case? I could read them. I'm pretty bloody good at reading people in general, but what got in the way was TBH the notion that somehow Women™ were different and more, much more, my self confidence or lack thereof. Looking back I was reading the signs very well, but that would be filtered though my self confidence and come out the other end as nervousness. Those women I missed out on that I was into back then? It came out at the time as I'd get very nervy around them and wouldn't with my women mates. Even my women mates who have always had my back would be saying "are you fcuking blind, deaf and dumb you gobsh1te, she's into you" and similar ego boosting advice. The bitches. What's that line from that Dune book/flic? Fear is the mind killer. Turns out it's the boner killer too. Looking back, most I don't really regret, but two I most certainly do regret, when I'm of a mind to think on it(I don't do regret if I can help it. Short of having a Tardis, its pointless).

Yeah, because you know it's kinda "magical thinking". And it is. But I figure it could still be magical? TL;DR? make the play. Worst case you have a few weeks of "ahh crap!", best case you may find it is reciprocated. Best case of all, you won't have the regret of never finding out.

Widdershins wrote: »

Are you already dating or even flirting? If so an X shouldn't be an issue. It's not a declaration of undying love. Anyway friends send that xxx to each other without a second thought.
Sounds like you need to know where you stand asap! I do love that, ''everything will unfold as it should''.

I had that sense of something slotting into place that I mentioned, a few months back when someone walked into the room to speak to me (hadn't met him before), and I pushed it to the back of my mind as it seems like a highly unlikely possibility. Actually I think had seen this man a couple of days previously but not spoken, just passed him in a corridor, and was taken with his cheerful manner, he kind of stood out to me. Maybe in a parallel universe.