Trans Using Dating App

Have to say I find most of the replies to this thread pretty disheartening. It seems the OP is going to be judged by the accident of her birth and not the content of her character. That's a lousy way to tell anyone about how to find a relationship and frankly, it's only coming up because some of the posters are more or less saying she isn't a full woman (I assume that's what the phrase "biological woman" is shorthand for) or the assumption she hasn't had reassignment surgery.

At best, some of the replies are shallow and at worst some of them are verging on transphobic. The assumption seems to be that OP will always be judged by what's between her legs as opposed to who she actually is (while the posters have no idea what's between her legs).

OP, unfortunately I think your best bet for a relationship is probably in Dublin because it appears Irish society is still pretty hung up on the accident of your birth. I know that is a lonely thing to have to face but anyone who judges you for how you were born and not who you are isn't worth your time anyhow. Relationships, real relationships, live and die by the person's attraction to another's character as much as anything else, all you can be is be the best version of yourself and keep trying to meet as many people in as many difference scenarios as possible.

uck51js9zml2yt

Lovelesslife1 wrote: »

Thank you, and you are right. I feel some people were bringing in to this conversation off-topic accounts of things and people and events who may or may not exist or have happened. I do not appreciate that association.

I think I am as honest as I need to be with guys on there, to be fair. I never let the conversation get too deep before revealing. I just assess how I think they would react to the revelation. Again, I do not think I should have to divulge my trans status to everyone and their mother - just 'cause. Ghosting is bad, yes. What's worse is when they state they are not interested and still want to chat about the thing they have just rejected to be honest.


Anyways, I appreciate the overall kindness of your message. Thanks.

You're putting it all at the door of the guys who reject you when they find out your aren't biologically female.

The facts appear to be that you are being deceptive in your approach by not identifying what you are up front as many of these guys wouldn't spend there time conversing with a non biological woman.
Id assume there are people who would contact you if they knew the truth up front but won't as they would assume you are female.

Lovelesslife1

Nevaeh Thundering Mesh wrote: »

You're putting it all at the door of the guys who reject you when they find out your aren't biologically female.

The facts appear to be that you are being deceptive in your approach by not identifying what you are up front as many of these guys wouldn't spend there time conversing with a non biological woman.
Id assume there are people who would contact you if they knew the truth up front but won't as they would assume you are female.

Look at it from this perspective. I walk into a bar; a man approaches me and starts chatting to me.

Am I obligated to just shout out my status to some random guy who has just started talking to in the middle of a pub? Or should I just wear a signpost around my head saying I am trans all the time to save you a small moment of inconvenience? Because, basically, that's what you are telling me to do.

I am a woman - regardless of what you say. I have certain extraordinary circumstances, yes. But these circumstances are not the first thing I should ever have to disclose to anyone, in a pub nor in any other social setting either (including online).

Lovelesslife1

Deleted User wrote: »

Have to say I find most of the replies to this thread pretty disheartening. It seems the OP is going to be judged by the accident of her birth and not the content of her character. That's a lousy way to tell anyone about how to find a relationship and frankly, it's only coming up because some of the posters are more or less saying she isn't a full woman (I assume that's what the phrase "biological woman" is shorthand for) or the assumption she hasn't had reassignment surgery.

At best, some of the replies are shallow and at worst some of them are verging on transphobic. The assumption seems to be that OP will always be judged by what's between her legs as opposed to who she actually is (while the posters have no idea what's between her legs).

OP, unfortunately I think your best bet for a relationship is probably in Dublin because it appears Irish society is still pretty hung up on the accident of your birth. I know that is a lonely thing to have to face but anyone who judges you for how you were born and not who you are isn't worth your time anyhow. Relationships, real relationships, live and die by the person's attraction to another's character as much as anything else, all you can be is be the best version of yourself and keep trying to meet as many people in as many difference scenarios as possible.

I am trying. Thank you.

tomwaterford

Lovelesslife1 wrote: »

Look at it from this perspective. I walk into a bar; a man approaches me and starts chatting to me.

Am I obligated to just shout out my status to some random guy who has just started talking to in the middle of a pub? Or should I just wear a signpost around my head saying I am trans all the time to save you a small moment of inconvenience? Because, basically, that's what you are telling me to do.

I am a woman - regardless of what you say. I have certain extraordinary circumstances, yes. But these circumstances are not the first thing I should ever have to disclose to anyone, in a pub nor in any other social setting either (including online).

Tbf anyone online dating is looking for the one thing (dating) anyone ya meet/talk to on a night out,could be just up for the craic chat away etc...so imo both are very different social settings


But I did spend a while living in a city,which would have a large trans population and did briefly use tinder when I was there first and youd always see it somewhere in their profiles written (with certain statements about not being fetish/wanting abuse...something to consider?)


I dont mean to be harsh,but your not doing any yourself any favours by not disclosing this very early/in profile as your just delaying the inevitable by not disclosing this (as tough/hard as it may be in a small town setting)

Lovelesslife1

tomwaterford wrote: »

Tbf anyone online dating is looking for the one thing (dating) anyone ya meet/talk to on a night out,could be just up for the craic chat away etc...so imo both are very different social settings


But I did spend a while living in a city,which would have a large trans population and did briefly use tinder when I was there first and youd always see it somewhere in their profiles written (with certain statements about not being fetish/wanting abuse)


I dont mean to be harsh,but your not doing any yourself any favours by not disclosing this very early/in profile as your just delaying the inevitable by not disclosing this (as tough/hard as it may be in a small town setting)

Well, you just said it yourself - I don't want fetishists

I also don't want abuse. I live in a small area with lots of narrow minds And John lives there. And John just so happens to have recently joined a dating app; and before I had a chance to block John he has viewed and liked my profile; John who lives down the road, just less than 1km away (as I am reliably informed by the GPS the dating site uses); John who happens to be a complete asshole; John, who I see almost every day when I walk to the bus stop - John who I don't want knowing I'm trans.

GingerLily

Lovelesslife1 wrote: »

Well, you just said it yourself - I don't want fetishists

I also don't want abuse. I live in a small area with lots of narrow minds And John lives there. And John just so happens to have recently joined a dating app; and before I had a chance to block John he has viewed and liked my profile; John who lives down the road, just less than 1km away (as I am reliably informed by the GPS the dating site uses); John who happens to be a complete asshole; John, who I see almost every day when I walk to the bus stop - John who I don't want knowing I'm trans.

I don't think you should be using tinder in that case, are there more discreet dating sites you could try to avoid the "John's" down the road?

lifeandtimes

Lovelesslife1 wrote: »

Look at it from this perspective. I walk into a bar; a man approaches me and starts chatting to me.

Am I obligated to just shout out my status to some random guy who has just started talking to in the middle of a pub? Or should I just wear a signpost around my head saying I am trans all the time to save you a small moment of inconvenience? Because, basically, that's what you are telling me to do.

I am a woman - regardless of what you say. I have certain extraordinary circumstances, yes. But these circumstances are not the first thing I should ever have to disclose to anyone, in a pub nor in any other social setting either (including online).

Well this man would more than likely be looking to chat up a woman who was born a woman.

No one is saying you aren't a woman however in that sense there are 2 type of women, ones born with the woman's equipment and the ones born with men's. That guy in the bar is usually looking for the former. That's just the world we live in and it's not their fault or yours it just what people want. How would you feel if a man you were chatting to and got in well with told you there were born a woman and didn't have a penis etc? Would you be happy or would you feel a bit let down or decived?

Also being in a small town you shouldn't be on an app if you don't want people knowing who you are.

Take the advice here, you can find love, I doubt in the small town your in but at least try other things like clubs, groups etc in a different local then, the right guy just won't fall into your lap if you use an app in a small town when you don't disclose you are a trans woman when they are looking for a woman born as a woman.

You have so much to offer you just need to branch out

njs030

Can we stop using terms like "woman who was born a woman" please? It's a bit insulting even though I doubt you mean it to be.
If you need to say something use cisgender or cis meaning someone who's gender matches the one they were assigned at birth.
The op is a woman and that's the end of it.

Op you've come a long way and overcome a lot to get to where you are and it's a shame people don't see that, unfortunately that's probably not going to change fast enough for you.

I would agree that you're probably better off moving to Dublin or even going there for nights out and join meet up groups where you can get to know people slowly over time and they can see who you are rather than judge who you were!

Lovelesslife1

lifeandtimes wrote: »

Well this man would more than likely be looking to chat up a woman who was born a woman.

No one is saying you aren't a woman

You just did...

lifeandtimes wrote: »

How would you feel if a man you were chatting to and got in well with told you there were born a woman and didn't have a penis etc? Would you be happy or would you feel a bit let down or decived?

If I liked them, it really wouldn't matter. The chances of meeting a transman are far less likely than even a transwoman - but yeah, I really wouldn't have a problem as long as they were the yin to my yang - shall we say. I'm attracted to masculinity, not just a set of genitalia.

lifeandtimes wrote: »

Also being in a small town you shouldn't be on an app if you don't want people knowing who you are.

Really? Well, give me one good reason why I should not be allowed use of an app, that isn't based in prejudice and bigotry?

lifeandtimes wrote: »

Take the advice here, you can find love, I doubt in the small town your in but at least try other things like clubs, groups etc in a different local then, the right guy just won't fall into your lap if you use an app in a small town when you don't disclose you are a trans woman when they are looking for a woman born as a woman.

You have so much to offer you just need to branch out

No, I won't be taking any of your advice. But thanks.

Lovelesslife1

GingerLily wrote: »

I don't think you should be using tinder in that case, are there more discreet dating sites you could try to avoid the "John's" down the road?

I don't use Tinder. But I have tried a lot of sites... and honestly, same guys on all of them..

notjustsweet

notjustsweet wrote: »

Can we stop using terms like "woman who was born a woman" please? It's a bit insulting even though I doubt you mean it to be.
If you need to say something use cisgender or cis meaning someone who's gender matches the one they were assigned at birth.
The op is a woman and that's the end of it.

Op you've come a long way and overcome a lot to get to where you are and it's a shame people don't see that, unfortunately that's probably not going to change fast enough for you.

I would agree that you're probably better off moving to Dublin or even going there for nights out and join meet up groups where you can get to know people slowly over time and they can see who you are rather than judge who you were!

Truth be told, most folks consider a ‘woman’ to be an adult born with the genitalia and sexual organs necessary to carry a child.

I’d wish no harm to anyone, but trying to tell people that man and woman means something else isn’t going to help with the OP’s issue.

If you use a dating site, aged as the OP is in her early 30’s, you’re going to have to accept that a lot of men looking for a female in that age range may be thinking about relationships, children etc.

That’s not something that should be ignored. You do nobody any favours if you try to put these things off and you simply shouldn’t be surprised or upset that guys aren’t best equipped or experienced to deal with your revelation down the line.

Lovelesslife1

leggo wrote: »

Putting aside the trans thing for a moment: they say you should never go shopping when you're hungry. And, similarly in my experience, when loneliness is something you're feeling it's usually a recipe for disaster going on dating sites. I don't know what it is, but when you're looking for someone it's typically when there's NOBODY around. And I think it's because people can pick up on that on a very subconscious level, maybe without even realising. When you feel great about yourself and aren't even trying, that's when people start falling into your lap whether you want it or not. I think you're coming at this from a low emotional state, then taking the knocks that can come with online dating in general (for all people not just given your situation), that's putting you into a further low state and it's becoming a vicious cycle.

On the issue you're finding with being trans: whether you realise it living in a small town or not, you're a part of a community in the LGBT community. I can't honestly come on here and give you any practical dating advice without, most likely, unknowingly offending you. But there are plenty of people who can and who face the same obstacles as you. Embrace that. Boards has an LGBT forum with others no doubt in a similar position, there will be websites and message boards out there filled with people going through it and some who've found practical solutions that could turn your life around. I know you don't like to identify as trans, and nobody is questioning or challenging that you are a woman, but in embracing the things that make you unique you can also feel better by talking to people who are in similar spots and have come out the other side.

I read your post and feel that part of the problem is a self-acceptance one (even saying stuff like you despise the label), and that's totally understandable given how much you've worked and gone through to be able to see the person you feel you are inside in the mirror. But you seem to be fighting that journey instead of embracing that it made you the person that you are today, and inherent in that is something that may come off as deceptive to some people or, whatever the case may be, isn't getting you the end results you desire. So perhaps embrace the fact that you are both a woman and a trans woman, and try to be proud of that because it no doubt took strength and courage to get to where you are, and I feel that your life could improve dramatically in this and many other departments.

It's hard to embrace a label that singles you out for abuse. If we lived in a more enlightened society, I would have no problem using the label - without fear or shame - sadly, we really, really don't.

Lovelesslife1

JayZeus wrote: »

Truth be told, most folks consider a ‘woman’ to be an adult born with the genitalia and sexual organs necessary to carry a child.

I’d wish no harm to anyone, but trying to tell people that man and woman means something else isn’t going to help with the OP’s issue.

If you use a dating site, aged as the OP is in her early 30’s, you’re going to have to accept that a lot of men looking for a female in that age range may be thinking about relationships, children etc.

That’s not something that should be ignored. You do nobody any favours if you try to put these things off and you simply shouldn’t be surprised or upset that guys aren’t best equipped or experienced to deal with your revelation down the line.

It's hardly down the line - I have a brief conversation with them - I usually let them know within the first few exchanges.

And not all men in their 30s, 40s etc are looking for kids - some already have them; some never want them. And not all women can have children - so your point is invalid really.

Lovelesslife1

Lovelesslife1 wrote: »

It's hardly down the line - I have a brief conversation with them - I usually let them know within the first few exchanges.

And not all men in their 30s, 40s etc are looking for kids - some already have them; some never want them. And not all women can have children - so your point is invalid really.

You’re the exception, not the rule. As are the women who are unable to have children. As are the men in their 30’s and 40’s who never want children.

You see, the point is actually completely valid, just not to your liking. I can understand that, but no matter how you feel or what anyone may say, any man who wants a female partner and has it in mind that they want to be a father some day is going to feel you’ve wasted their time on those 3-4 exchanges.

They’d be right too, which you can surely acknowledge at least to yourself.

lifeandtimes

Lovelesslife1 wrote: »

It's hardly down the line - I have a brief conversation with them - I usually let them know within the first few exchanges.

And not all men in their 30s, 40s etc are looking for kids - some already have them; some never want them. And not all women can have children - so your point is invalid really.

The point isn't though, all men.have their views of what a woman is for them and unfortunately for you on your app in yoyr small town the vast majority wouldn't consider you the woman they want to be with.

But in saying that there is definitely a man who is your type and you there type.

I'm going to bow out, I've tried to be honest and give advice to you from my perspective but I dint feel it's what you want to hear so good night and good luck. I really hope you meet someone and are happy op

Lovelesslife1

Are people going to just continue with the bleedin' obvious here. I mean, I get it: you don't see me as a proper woman. Not my fault the way I was born. And again, it's not my fault some of you think that I should be restricted on how I try to meet people and find love.

If a guy is a attracted to me initially, that again is not my fault. And if he chooses to pursue me that is his decision, I always inform him early (before feelings are formed) - and then its his individual decision - and I always respect that.

So how is it any different from any other person who withholds certain very personal information at the beginning?

Lovelesslife1

JayZeus wrote: »

You’re the exception, not the rule. As are the women who are unable to have children. As are the men in their 30’s and 40’s who never want children.

You see, the point is actually completely valid, just not to your liking. I can understand that, but no matter how you feel or what anyone may say, any man who wants a female partner and has it in mind that they want to be a father some day is going to feel you’ve wasted their time on those 3-4 exchanges.

They’d be right too, which you can surely acknowledge at least to yourself.

Honestly, most guys I speak to on there don't want children or have enough of them already. So that doesn't hold water, either.

Lovelesslife1

Lovelesslife1 wrote: »

Honestly, most guys I speak to on there don't want children or have enough of them already. So that doesn't hold water, either.

Honestly, that’s not how that works.

Just as an aside, in your OP you said you are lonely. I've been there. It's a hard place to be. I ended up reading a fair bit about it, including books on the subject and it's really fascinating. If you have the time or the inclination I would recommend a book actually called "Loneliness" by John Cacioppo. Here's a link to an interview with him. https://www.theguardian.com/science/2016/feb/28/loneliness-is-like-an-iceberg-john-cacioppo-social-neuroscience-interview

Giovanni Frazetto (researcher in Trinity fwiw) also wrote an interesting book sorta on the topic, called "Together, Closer". Science is only now really starting to come to terms with what it is to be lonely and how to solve it.

Loneliness can exist regardless of the relationship you are in. How is your life outside of relationships? Do you feel part of a community etc? There is plenty of lonely men and lonely women in this world unfortunately, and maybe people are focusing too much on you being transgender and not enough on you being lonely? Just a thought.

Ursus Horribilis

I'm a straight woman so I'm not your intended demographic. But if I was on Tinder and the man I was chatting to turned out to have been born as a woman, it would be a dealbreaker. I have no problem with transgender people transitioning or having a sex life. Just not with me. It is about as unsexy to me as gay sex. No doubt you'll go bananas but I can't bring myself to see a trans person as being a man or a woman in the same way as I do a person who has stayed in the same gender all their life. You can get thick with me if you want and call me transphobic and narrow-minded and whatnot. You asked for opinions so this is mine.

Your strategy of hiding your gender hasn't worked so far, it would appear. I don't know what the solution is, seeing as you don't want to tell anyone straight up that you're a trans person. It takes a special sort of person to be attracted to a trans person. My guess is that the majority of the population aren't that person.

Lovelesslife1

JayZeus wrote: »

Honestly, that’s not how that works.

I'm pretty sure most guys I'm interested (50s mainly) have made up their minds on children at that stage.

Lovelesslife1

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

I'm a straight woman so I'm not your intended demographic. But if I was on Tinder and the man I was chatting to turned out to have been born as a woman, it would be a dealbreaker. I have no problem with transgender people transitioning or having a sex life. Just not with me. It is about as unsexy to me as gay sex. No doubt you'll go bananas but I can't bring myself to see a trans person as being a man or a woman in the same way as I do a person who has stayed in the same gender all their life. You can get thick with me if you want and call me transphobic and narrow-minded and whatnot. You asked for opinions so this is mine.

Your strategy of hiding your gender hasn't worked so far, it would appear. I don't know what the solution is, seeing as you don't want to tell anyone straight up that you're a trans person. It takes a special sort of person to be attracted to a trans person. My guess is that the majority of the population aren't that person.

You assume my emotional state too much. But cheers for your opinion.

Lovelesslife1

Deleted User wrote: »

Just as an aside, in your OP you said you are lonely. I've been there. It's a hard place to be. I ended up reading a fair bit about it, including books on the subject and it's really fascinating. If you have the time or the inclination I would recommend a book actually called "Loneliness" by John Cacioppo. Here's a link to an interview with him. https://www.theguardian.com/science/2016/feb/28/loneliness-is-like-an-iceberg-john-cacioppo-social-neuroscience-interview

Giovanni Frazetto (researcher in Trinity fwiw) also wrote an interesting book sorta on the topic, called "Together, Closer". Science is only now really starting to come to terms with what it is to be lonely and how to solve it.

Loneliness can exist regardless of the relationship you are in. How is your life outside of relationships? Do you feel part of a community etc? There is plenty of lonely men and lonely women in this world unfortunately, and maybe people are focusing too much on you being transgender and not enough on you being lonely? Just a thought.

I lead an active life. Far more active than I did in my teens and twenties. I have some very close friends now - which I never really had before - who I can tell anything to, and none of them judge me or treat me any differently to any other woman just because I don't have ovaries.

I can sometimes forget I am lonely on a night out with my friends -it's still hard when they chat about relationships they are having and things they are experiencing that I never will, but they do help. Problem is, I always go home alone.

I thank you for the reading suggestion - and without meaning to sound childish, I am fed up of reading books. I don't want to analyze and intellectualize my loneliness anymore. I have been told to read books by well-meaning people who have no idea what else to say to me, apart from "try mindfulness" (does not work for me) and go out "join groups and meet people" (which I already have).

To your last point: do I think people focus too much on the fact I am transgender: Yes, I honestly do. There is a social stigma attached. And i know the typical reaction and attitude to a guy who would be seen with a girl like me is - "Ah, what's wrong with ya? couldn't you find a real woman?" - and I can understand why they wouldn't want that too. I'm not saying biology doesn't play a part, but I do think people are underplaying the social stigma attached to dating a transwoman.

I thank you for your thoughts rather than your attacks.

Fol20

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Have to say I find most of the replies to this thread pretty disheartening. It seems the OP is going to be judged by the accident of her birth and not the content of her character. That's a lousy way to tell anyone about how to find a relationship and frankly, it's only coming up because some of the posters are more or less saying she isn't a full woman (I assume that's what the phrase "biological woman" is shorthand for) or the assumption she hasn't had reassignment surgery.

At best, some of the replies are shallow and at worst some of them are verging on transphobic. The assumption seems to be that OP will always be judged by what's between her legs as opposed to who she actually is (while the posters have no idea what's between her legs).

OP, unfortunately I think your best bet for a relationship is probably in Dublin because it appears Irish society is still pretty hung up on the accident of your birth. I know that is a lonely thing to have to face but anyone who judges you for how you were born and not who you are isn't worth your time anyhow. Relationships, real relationships, live and die by the person's attraction to another's character as much as anything else, all you can be is be the best version of yourself and keep trying to meet as many people in as many difference scenarios as possible.

Unfortunately. It’s the way the world works. Everyone is judged in one form or another. This is just one of many things that can turn someone off someone. Looks and their biology definitely do come into play as well. I completely understand that she identifies as a women hower in reality biologically speaking she isn’t and this can and is crucial to a lot of people. How about if they build a solid relationship and want to have kids. If this was a straightforward relationship you just go for it the old fashioned way but it isn’t here. I think she needs to accept that it isn’t standard and for that very reason, it may not be everyone’s cup of tea. When your saying it is all about what they have between their legs. The same could be said for heterosexual and homosexual, why do people classify them as such because in your opinion everyone is the same and shouldn’t be judged on what they have between their legs. Don’t get me wrong. I have no problem with homosexual, trans and heterosexuals. Whatever you get up to in your spare time is completely up to yourself but when you bring other people into the mix you have to understand that what you are. What you represent. What ethnicity, what weight you are. Style. Clothes etc all come into play when people are choosing a partner. I’d echo what a lot of other people have said and I would go to your nearest big city to meet likeminded people that are open and accepting. Unless you just want a quick hookup, The best way to meet someone IMO is not through a dating app but through clubs and Society’s so you can first gel with whatever your into and then see where it goes. I don’t mean this in a bad way but you also need to accept that your are trans and as other people mentioned be proud of who you are and ignore ignorant and wasters that you will knowdoubt see in life be it transgender or a women or man born from birth. You will always get stupid people so it’s best just to cut the bs out and accept who you are and embrace it. I hope everything works out for you as I’m sure it is a bit more complicated but there’s someone out there for everyone so I’d just give it time and you will meet the right person for you.

Fully understand your point re reading OP. I've been lonely, I guess that's what really strikes me about your post and so many of the posts on this particular forum. So many of the posts, though they never address is directly) seem rooted in loneliness, (the affairs, the people staying in sad/bad marriages, etc).

I really think, unfortunate as it is, if you want a relationship you'll have to move to a bigger city and look for it offline. Ireland is very lucky to be near loads of great cities if you do decide it's possible to leave Ireland too. Paris, Brussels, Madrid, Berlin, Amsterdam are all so close if you find the (current) Irish mindset too restrictive.

Just remember how far you have come already and you will find a partner in time. Good Luck.

Lovelesslife1

Fol20 wrote: »

Unfortunately. It’s the way the world works. Everyone is judged in one form or another. This is just one of many things that can turn someone off someone. Looks and their biology definitely do come into play as well. I completely understand that she identifies as a women hower in reality biologically speaking she isn’t and this can and is crucial to a lot of people. How about if they build a solid relationship and want to have kids. If this was a straightforward relationship you just go for it the old fashioned way but it isn’t here. I think she needs to accept that it isn’t standard and for that very reason, it may not be everyone’s cup of tea. When your saying it is all about what they have between their legs. The same could be said for heterosexual and homosexual, why do people classify them as such because in your opinion everyone is the same and shouldn’t be judged on what they have between their legs. Don’t get me wrong. I have no problem with homosexual, trans and heterosexuals. Whatever you get up to in your spare time is completely up to yourself but when you bring other people into the mix you have to understand that what you are. What you represent. What ethnicity, what weight you are. Style. Clothes etc all come into play when people are choosing a partner. I’d echo what a lot of other people have said and I would go to your nearest big city to meet likeminded people that are open and accepting. Unless you just want a quick hookup, The best way to meet someone IMO is not through a dating app but through clubs and Society’s so you can first gel with whatever your into and then see where it goes. I don’t mean this in a bad way but you also need to accept that your are trans and as other people mentioned be proud of who you are and ignore ignorant and wasters that you will knowdoubt see in life be it transgender or a women or man born from birth. You will always get stupid people so it’s best just to cut the bs out and accept who you are and embrace it. I hope everything works out for you as I’m sure it is a bit more complicated but there’s someone out there for everyone so I’d just give it time and you will meet the right person for you.

People on here seem to assume, I don't understand there is a biological reason. I do. A lot of people have used language that equates to "but you're not a real women though, are you?". And even then I take on board some of what you say. But you, like so many others here, keep bringing it back to couples inevitably must want and have kids (I don't know maybe it's a Catholic thing). There are cis-couples who choose not to have kids or can't have kids the "old way", if at all. So every time you use that point to deny my identity you are, in a way, saying women who can't have kids are somehow less than too.

As for the stuff about meeting the right person. Well, forgive me if I'm not holding my breath.

Lovelesslife1

Deleted User wrote: »

Fully understand your point re reading OP. I've been lonely, I guess that's what really strikes me about your post and so many of the posts on this particular forum. So many of the posts, though they never address is directly) seem rooted in loneliness, (the affairs, the people staying in sad/bad marriages, etc).

I really think, unfortunate as it is, if you want a relationship you'll have to move to a bigger city and look for it offline. Ireland is very lucky to be near loads of great cities if you do decide it's possible to leave Ireland too. Paris, Brussels, Madrid, Berlin, Amsterdam are all so close if you find the (current) Irish mindset too restrictive.

Just remember how far you have come already and you will find a partner in time. Good Luck.

Thanks. If I could pick up and move tomorrow, I would. I'm kinda stuck though. Financially, and medically. But you've been very understanding in your replies.

Goodnight.

LLMMLL

Haven't seen the OP blaming anyone for not being into her, or demanding that they should be.

I don't believe for a second that some of the posters here think 3-4 messages back and forth on a dating site constitutes the OP "wasting a guys time". It's pretty clear they think the OP should almost warn the guys before they even say hello. It's a pretty ****ty attitude.

OP I'd love to give you good advice but you're doing everything right as far as I can see. I hope it works out for you.

leggo

OP, I'm sorry, but you're knocking back everything everyone is saying and, though I've seen some stuff that is doubtlessly unintentionally offensive to you, everyone who has posted here is most definitely trying to help. The reality is that you're posting here. Like everyone who posts here, something is not working. And as it goes for everyone who is dating and not getting anywhere: if you keep doing what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten. So something has to give.

My dayjob is in a very LGBT friendly place which a lot of trans people frequent. A lot of them are in happy relationships. So it can be done, your circumstances are not a complete obstacle to finding love in Ireland. But the current method you're using isn't working, so if it's something you actually want then instead of trying to prove your negative (if understandable) world view (i.e. "I'm ****ed"), you're going to have to try something else and you've gotten loads of advice here on how you can do that. Maybe take some of it on board instead of arguing with everyone and telling them they don't understand. We're trying. Expanding the discussion by giving further insight into the day-to-day struggles you face can allow us to brainstorm with you and help further by being able to empathise, shutting down everyone's point as if they don't understand only provides an obstacle to further dialogue.