House husband (partner)

dar100 · 08-08-2017 12:28pm

FizzleSticks wrote: »

Ah its a pity staying at home with the kids wasn't for you. At least as the years go by maybe you'll forget about the negatives and cherish those years.

What sort of idiot are you at all !! You have absolutely no understand of me, my family, children's situation or what goes on in my home! How dare you respond to me with your patronising tone!

Try raise a kid with serious sensory issues,

dar100 · 08-08-2017 12:32pm

Nor did I say the negatives outweighed the positive, I'm speaking about my personal experience that you know nothing about

dar100 · 08-08-2017 12:34pm

andekwarhola wrote: »

Why don't you pat him on the head as well?

Don't think she can with her head that far up her self righteousness ass

flatty · 08-08-2017 12:55pm

Well, that went downhill quickly.

_Kaiser_ · 08-08-2017 1:09pm

I'd be happy if I could do a more balanced work/home split - maybe work from home 2/3 days a week - but I couldn't do it full-time.

As already said it's very isolating, constant pressure and busy if you have kids. Major respect though to the women (and men) who do it though.

the_pen_turner · 08-08-2017 2:07pm

Surely you would have all your daily jobs done by 11. Then 2 hours before lunch to get less frequent jobs done like changing bed, cutting the lawn etc
That will leave 3 hours after lunch to do as you please before you need to cook dinner .
And all evening to relax.

I would choose that day over having to go out and work.

If you wanted to go off for longer you could and just catch up the day after or get ahead on the days before.

The only down side I see is financial independence

Mam of 4 · 08-08-2017 2:13pm

the_pen_turner wrote: »

Surely you would have all your daily jobs done by 11. Then 2 hours before lunch to get less frequent jobs done like changing bed, cutting the lawn etc
That will leave 3 hours after lunch to do as you please before you need to cook dinner .
And all evening to relax.

I would choose that day over having to go out and work.

If you wanted to go off for longer you could and just catch up the day after or get ahead on the days before.

The only down side I see is financial independence

All I can say to the first line is hahahahaha

What are you meant to do with the children while you're doing all those jobs that need doing every morning , and before eleven? Especially if you have small children , that you can't take your eyes off of for a moment

the_pen_turner · 08-08-2017 2:17pm

At school or playschool.

When they are younger than play school there is a lit of looking after.

What do you be doing that takes longer than 2 hours.

I see lots of stay at home women that do very little for at least 4 hours a day . The rest is light cleaning and washing

Mam of 4 · 08-08-2017 2:23pm

the_pen_turner wrote: »

At school or playschool.

When they are younger than play school there is a lit of looking after.

What do you be doing that takes longer than 2 hours.

I see lots of stay at home women that do very little for at least 4 hours a day . The rest is light cleaning and washing

It's a different story when the children are ALL in playschool , than if you have one in PS and one or two at home , it's a full time job , and you relish getting five minutes to sit down and enjoy a cuppa believe me.

And I know lots of women , and men for that matter , who do lots for at least four hours a day . Factor in shopping , doctors appointments , and lots of other appointments if you have a child with special needs .

I'm just giving my opinion on my experience.

mariaalice · 08-08-2017 2:23pm

the_pen_turner wrote: »

At school or playschool.

When they are younger than play school there is a lit of looking after.

What do you be doing that takes longer than 2 hours.

I see lots of stay at home women that do very little for at least 4 hours a day . The rest is light cleaning and washing

Modern parenting is not like that you might get a bit of brake while they are at school or preschool but as they get older its endless the thing you have to do with them then there is the dreaded homework and as they get older again it eats in to the evenings as well, swimming scouts music football to name but a few.

One eyed Jack · 08-08-2017 2:29pm

Permabear wrote: »

This post had been deleted.

It would be logical conclusion if both men and women were doing the same courses at third level, and if both men and women shared the same aspirations to gain high paying careers.

That's why if one is only looking at it from a financial perspective, of course it's not going to make sense that of the people in a relationship, the person with the highest earnings (or given their higher education in certain fields, at least the potential to be the higher earner), that they would want to forego their career aspirations in favour of becoming a homemaker.

By that I mean that there are a whole number of other factors you're leaving out of the equation in order to form the logical conclusion you came to. Even nowadays in the age of policies which are meant to foster gender equality, the reality is that while there are indeed more women entering and completing third level education, they still tend to go for lower paid careers than their male counterparts who are entering and completing third level education and going for higher paid careers.

There has been no significant cultural shift when paternity leave was introduced in Sweden, the vast majority of men in employment, in relationships, still choose not to avail of it, and then there is the cultural shift in Denmark where more and more women are choosing to raise children without a partner.

I just don't see any significant cultural shift happening in Ireland where more and more men are choosing to become homemakers that it would ever be necessary for the vast majority of people to re-think their attitudes towards relationships, parenting and childcare tbh. I do acknowledge though that there will always be a minority of outliers.

the_pen_turner · 08-08-2017 2:31pm

mariaalice wrote: »

the_pen_turner wrote: »

At school or playschool.

When they are younger than play school there is a lit of looking after.

What do you be doing that takes longer than 2 hours.

I see lots of stay at home women that do very little for at least 4 hours a day . The rest is light cleaning and washing

Modern parenting is not like that you might get a bit of brake while they are at school or preschool but as they get older its endless the thing you have to do with them then there is the dreaded homework and as they get older again it eats in to the evenings as well, swimming scouts music football to name but a few.

These are things you choose to do not need to do. . Homework is different. That has to be done but it is good for kids to do that on their own or with very little looking over the shoulder.

the_pen_turner · 08-08-2017 2:36pm

Mam of 4 wrote: »

the_pen_turner wrote: »

At school or playschool.

When they are younger than play school there is a lit of looking after.

What do you be doing that takes longer than 2 hours.

I see lots of stay at home women that do very little for at least 4 hours a day . The rest is light cleaning and washing

It's a different story when the children are ALL in playschool , than if you have one in PS and one or two at home , it's a full time job , and you relish getting five minutes to sit down and enjoy a cuppa believe me.

And I know lots of women , and men for that matter , who do lots for at least four hours a day . Factor in shopping , doctors appointments , and lots of other appointments if you have a child with special needs .

I'm just giving my opinion on my experience.

Don't get me wrong , anyone with kids with special needs is going to have a lot more work.

If you take an 8 hour day. I still think you would have 3 hours free time to do as you chose. 90 percent of houses I'm in with stay at home mothers only do 4 to 5 hours work a day. The rest is flittered away on tablets or tv

mariaalice · 08-08-2017 2:42pm

the_pen_turner wrote: »

These are things you choose to do not need to do. . Homework is different. That has to be done but it is good for kids to do that on their own or with very little looking over the shoulder.

Have you even actuley been a stay at home parent?

TheDoc · 08-08-2017 2:44pm

Loveinapril wrote: »

It is something we discussed in the past as I earn more than my husband. In reality I don't think it would work..or it would work but there would be a rocky road to it. He gets so distracted so I can imagine the washing and dishes would pile up while he spends hours messing with the baby!

I am looking forward to my upcoming maternity leave but I know I will be happy to go back to work after our (first) baby arrives. I know it's not the same, but I was a childminder years ago and it bored me to tears to 'just' be cleaning, cooking and minding kids all day. It is tough work but feckin boring!

My GF stays at home with our children and I typically come home to no dinner, dishes and the kitchen a state and the general house in a tip.

Have my smoke, change, come down and then I do some bits and pieces.

Whatever about the stereotypes about what the homemaker should be doing, and I don't make excuses for my GF while she is brilliant with the kids, shes brutal at time management and doing the other stuff the best of times, I guess while the age old "thing" is the home spouse having everything in order, its not problem the working partner digging out when they come home.

And personally for me, the only priority is my kids being rared and cared for by their mother, and if she is spending all the time with the kids, no problem for me.

I know something I learned and accepted (never speaking to her directly about it) is that while there is a stereotype of the home partner hving everything in order, its not as easy as it looks, or it shouldnt be assumed it will be done. And while I never directly spoke about it or asked, I did in recent months realise I wasn't excluded from helping just because I came home from work tired or wanting to chill. That my partner is pretty much on duty 24/7

the_pen_turner · 08-08-2017 3:29pm

mariaalice wrote: »

the_pen_turner wrote: »

These are things you choose to do not need to do. . Homework is different. That has to be done but it is good for kids to do that on their own or with very little looking over the shoulder.

Have you even actuley been a stay at home parent?

No.
But my experience is from seeing. Stay at home mothers sitting around most of the day watching telly and playing on tablets.
My experience of helping out my neighbor when she was on shift work and lived alone. I could light her fires ,bring in turf , feed the dogs , walk the dogs , Hoover the floor, and put on her dinner. All in the space if 25 minutes. .

I can't see how with 90 minutes more you couldn't have the washing done and the floors washed. A bit of dusting.
If you allow an hour in the evening to cook the dinner. You can use the time waiting to clean the dish s and kitchen

It's all about time management

Mam of 4 · 08-08-2017 3:44pm

the_pen_turner wrote: »

Don't get me wrong , anyone with kids with special needs is going to have a lot more work.

If you take an 8 hour day. I still think you would have 3 hours free time to do as you chose. 90 percent of houses I'm in with stay at home mothers only do 4 to 5 hours work a day. The rest is flittered away on tablets or tv

Time management is key indeed .
Yes , you can have your floors swept and washed by eleven ,dishes done , washing on , job done .

Factor in drinks spilt on floor ,wipe it off ? leave it there ? Put up with a sticky , tacky floor , or wash it again ?

There's a hundred and one different scenarios that can and do happen , to impede the objective of time management working according to plan .

That's not saying everyday is like groundhog day , it's not , all I'm saying is that in my opinion I never had the time to sit down for three-four hours a day fluting about on an i-pad,phone, or whatever .

Good luck to those that do

the_pen_turner · 08-08-2017 4:00pm

Mam of 4 wrote: »

the_pen_turner wrote: »

Don't get me wrong , anyone with kids with special needs is going to have a lot more work.

If you take an 8 hour day. I still think you would have 3 hours free time to do as you chose. 90 percent of houses I'm in with stay at home mothers only do 4 to 5 hours work a day. The rest is flittered away on tablets or tv

Time management is key indeed .
Yes , you can have your floors swept and washed by eleven ,dishes done , washing on , job done .

Factor in drinks spilt on floor ,wipe it off ? leave it there ? Put up with a sticky , tacky floor , or wash it again ?

There's a hundred and one different scenarios that can and do happen , to impede the objective of time management working according to plan .

That's not saying everyday is like groundhog day , it's not , all I'm saying is that in my opinion I never had the time to sit down for three-four hours a day fluting about on an i-pad,phone, or whatever .

Good luck to those that do

The cast majority that I see everyday do have the time though.

Mam of 4 · 08-08-2017 4:07pm

the_pen_turner wrote: »

The cast majority that I see everyday do have the time though.

That's why I said fair play to those that can .

Now , am off to do a bit before anyone says I've spent hours on boards when I could have been doing housework :pac:

ceadaoin. · 08-08-2017 4:07pm

the_pen_turner wrote: »

The cast majority that I see everyday do have the time though.

In what context are you seeing all these stay at home parents everyday? Are you there for the whole day or just are you only seeing a snapshot of their lives?

PandaPoo · 08-08-2017 4:12pm

ceadaoin. wrote: »

In what context are you seeing all these stay at home parents everyday? Are you there for the whole day or just are you only seeing a snapshot of their lives?

It's worth noting that whenever I have someone in the house to do something, (most recently a tree surgeon and an electrician) I sat down in the sitting room with the kids in case they wanted me! I wasn't going to be washing floors and ironing clothes when they were coming in every 5 minutes to ask questions. Also the kids were interested in what they were doing so I had to keep them distracted and occupied.

Wanderer78 · 08-08-2017 4:17pm

alberto67 wrote:

What do you think?

Chap I worked with has been doing it for years, calls himself a himbo! Seems to work very well for them

Chester Copperpot · 08-08-2017 4:28pm

Did it myself as well . I loved it. For people saying that it is boring and lonely, get out and join some of the parent and toddler groups. You will be the centre of attention. If you schedule it right can go to a lot if these groups

the_pen_turner · 08-08-2017 4:55pm

ceadaoin. wrote: »

the_pen_turner wrote: »

The cast majority that I see everyday do have the time though.

In what context are you seeing all these stay at home parents everyday? Are you there for the whole day or just are you only seeing a snapshot of their lives?

I'm a carpenter. 90 percent of my work is domestic. I'm in houses most of the time. At least half the time there there is someone there. most people act like your not there at all
I wouldn't put too much faith in the jobs your only there for a few hours or day or 2. But I'm oftentimes houses for a week or two. Even up to a month ocasionallly.

MadDog76 · 08-08-2017 6:03pm

alberto67 · 09-08-2017 5:00pm

peckerhead wrote: »

Do it. The kids will benefit, and you'll appreciate your wife more after it.

You do have a wife and kids, right?

Yes, I have a wife and a baby on the way.
This is always something that interested me even when I was single... A friend of mine did it for more than 10 years.

pilly · 09-08-2017 5:22pm

the_pen_turner wrote: »

Don't get me wrong , anyone with kids with special needs is going to have a lot more work.

If you take an 8 hour day. I still think you would have 3 hours free time to do as you chose. 90 percent of houses I'm in with stay at home mothers only do 4 to 5 hours work a day. The rest is flittered away on tablets or tv

Why would you be in houses with stay at home mothers? Very strange thing to say?

pilly · 09-08-2017 5:28pm

the_pen_turner wrote: »

No.
But my experience is from seeing. Stay at home mothers sitting around most of the day watching telly and playing on tablets.
My experience of helping out my neighbor when she was on shift work and lived alone. I could light her fires ,bring in turf , feed the dogs , walk the dogs , Hoover the floor, and put on her dinner. All in the space if 25 minutes. .

I can't see how with 90 minutes more you couldn't have the washing done and the floors washed. A bit of dusting.
If you allow an hour in the evening to cook the dinner. You can use the time waiting to clean the dish s and kitchen

It's all about time management

All in 25 minutes? Don't think so. How long of a walk does the dog get? 2 minutes?

I think you're being very judgemental of something that you really know nothing about to be honest.

Marz66 · 09-08-2017 8:37pm

Most people decide to stay home so they can spend time with their kids while they're young. So the housework is not the priority. There is food prep for breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks, clean up after each meal, nappy changes, breastfeeding/make formula, washing & sterilising, ***play with kids***, tidy up, help them to fall asleep for nap, get them outside for exercise, coats on, coats off etc. If you have older kids in playschool or school, add in time for pick ups and putting younger child in car seat. Add in shower for yourself, laundry, dishwasher and cooking evening meal. And trying to get quality time with each of your children which is the aim of the game.

I'm on maternity leave so slightly different. But my aim is to get quality time with each child and get housework done around that if possible, not for them to slot in around the housework.

The s-a-h parent could still be getting up in the middle of the night to settle babies/children also.

I'm sure there are easier phases when all kids are in school but I don't think people are talking here about becoming a s-a-h parent in that phase.

the_pen_turner · 09-08-2017 9:39pm

pilly wrote: »

All in 25 minutes? Don't think so. How long of a walk does the dog get? 2 minutes?

I think you're being very judgemental of something that you really know nothing about to be honest.

25 min all in. easy.

go open the run, grab water bowl from run and empty water. walk to shed 10 feet away and fill with nuts.
go into house with bowl. divide into 3 bowl, rack out ashes from first fire. , take out tray, grab small bits of timber from press (put there yesterday) and light fire with what's left in basket .leave door open slightly
go rack out second fire , take out tray and light with small bits of timber and some coal in the bucket. leave door open slightly
fill kettle and turn on, turn on oven, grab dog food and put in bowls, mix.
grab 2 buckets , go to shed and fill up and bring back in
take out ashes ,
fire is getting going, so fill up , put back in tray, leave door slightly open.
peal spuds and put in steamer. put water from kettle in the bottom part (being boiled gets in going faster), put meat in oven.
check fires, all ok, grab hoover that's plugged in ready to go and hoover up any mess .
check steamer and oven , adjust if needed. close doors of fires.
15min max if you want to.
take dogs for walk for 10 min roughly.
come back refill water for dogs in other bowl.
check fires and food on the way to get dog food. give dogs their food.

stand out with dogs watching them eat. neighbour comes home around that time. I open gate for her

job done

if she comes home before I'm back from the walk I will go farther with them and that will take about 30 min.

House husband (partner)

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