House husband (partner)

alberto67

I like the idea of being a house husband (partner) if it's affordable, for a year or two. I think it would be nice to be able to stay at home and take care of your child(ren), do the shopping, housekeeping and any other duties while your wife (partner) is at work.

It would be a good thing for her to come back home after a day of work and have everything ready and be able to spend some time with her family without worrying about any other stuff.



What do you think?

Gatling

Do it if you can afford it

alchemist33

Definitely. It wouldn't work too well for us because of the difference in pay (and the mortgage to be paid off) but if my wife suddenly got a higher paying, full-time job I'd have no issue with being a house husband.

andekwarhola

Get the feeling though that some lads think it's a Benetton advert as opposed to a tough, unpaid job

Gatling

andekwarhola wrote: »

Get the feeling though that some lads think it's a Benetton advert as opposed to a tough, unpaid job

Done it for the the last 4 years while the wife went back to education , definitely not a easy job and can be quite alienating and lonely

Pwindedd

alberto67 wrote: »

I like the idea of being a house husband (partner) if it's affordable, for a year or two. I think it would be nice to be able to stay at home and take care of your child(ren), do the shopping, housekeeping and any other duties while your wife (partner) is at work.

It would be a good thing for her to come back home after a day of work and have everything ready and be able to spend some time with her family without worrying about any other stuff.



What do you think?

It can be very rewarding work - especially if it's appreciated by your working spouse - but it's mind numbingly dull. You'd need a good support network of friends and family, and the patience of a saint. Rainy days are torturous, as is daytime TV. But knock yourself out...two years ??? I give you 3 months ;-)

tomwaterford

I'd imagine you'd eventually crack up,stuck talking to children all day

Odyssey 2005

Gatling wrote: »

Done it for the the last 4 years while the wife went back to education , definitely not a easy job and can be quite alienating and lonely

Agreed. 10 years now and it's definitely alienating and lonely. The other side is the the kids are happier .

riffmongous

Playstation and Boards all day, every day?

Burial.

OP is whipped bad.

One eyed Jack

alberto67 wrote: »

I like the idea of being a house husband (partner) if it's affordable, for a year or two. I think it would be nice to be able to stay at home and take care of your child(ren), do the shopping, housekeeping and any other duties while your wife (partner) is at work.

It would be a good thing for her to come back home after a day of work and have everything ready and be able to spend some time with her family without worrying about any other stuff.



What do you think?

If you like the idea, talk it over with your wife before coming to a decision that works for you both.

I personally wouldn't have any interest in doing it myself, but whatever works for a family is the most important thing Imo.

leggo

I'd love this too. Many of my happiest days were spent with either my sister or my ex's kid, doing school runs, playing on the green and all that craic. I found the little things inherent so rewarding.

The only thing I'd hate is having to be financially dependent on someone, I don't know if I could do that. But if I could find a job that paid enough where I could work at home on my own time (e.g. writing, what I want to do too), then I'd absolutely do it. I hate the idea of missing 8 hours of my future kids' waking moments, 5 days a week, I want to be there for as much as I can.

leggo

Don't get me wrong, I don't judge anyone who does, it's necessary for most and likely will be for me...it's just not something I'd particularly like, having cre workers spend more time with my children in their formative years than I would.

And, don't get me wrong, I've my eyes wide open regarding how hard it'd be too. It's not a decision I'd make lightly.

bee06

My husband is always saying (jokingly I think) that he wants to be a house husband after our baby is born. Currently thinking that instead of me taking unpaid leave at the end of my maternity leave that he could take a few months parental leave instead to give him a taster.

ceadaoin.

I think it's great if you can afford it and if it works for your family. I don't see how anyone could ever come to regret spending those early years with their child/children. They go so fast anyway

peckerhead

Do it. The kids will benefit, and you'll appreciate your wife more after it.

You do have a wife and kids, right?

Rumpy Pumpy

Know of a guy who took on the role recently. He thinks it's going to involve watching daytime TV, drinking wine, and going for snoozes when the kids go for snoozes. He has also boasted that he can now have a **** during the day and not feel guilty in work about it. He's been warned that there's probably far more to it than that, but he just laughs and refuses to listen.

MadDog76

Did it myself for just over 3 years ............ to be honest it was a walk in the park, the most relaxing stress-free 3 years of my "working" life.

irishgrover

MadDog76 wrote: »

Did it myself for just over 3 years ............ to be honest it was a walk in the park, the most relaxing stress-free 3 years of my "working" life.

I've no reason whatsoever not to believe this post, and I do believe it. However it really does highlight that there is no real answer. It primarily depends on the individual and how they are organised or react to their circumstance.
For some, I imagine it will be very challenging and lonely and boring, for others it will be a walk in the park...

dar100

Being doing it for 10 months now, and I can tell you it is the hardest thing I've ever done. It has broke me!! But, you drag yourself up each morning and struggle through!! Very very isolating and lonely, sense of meaning and identity challenged daily! The youngest (their 5 and 6 ) is starting school next month so I will be going back to work! I'm happy now that I done it, however it is the hardest job I've done and I can't see anything ever coming close to it

dar100

irishgrover wrote: »

I've no reason whatsoever not to believe this post, and I do believe it. However it really does highlight that there is no real answer. It primarily depends on the individual and how they are organised or react to their circumstance.
For some, I imagine it will be very challenging and lonely and boring, for others it will be a walk in the park...

If it's just one child well behaved then I suspect it would be a walk in park!! Try two kids close in age, stuck in house most the day and I promise that walk in the park will turn to walk on dark side

SEPT 23 1989

I would frown upon it

ceadaoin.

SEPT 23 1989 wrote: »

I would frown upon it

Why?

FizzleSticks

This post has been deleted.

Neames

Tough gig, but very worthwhile if you can afford it.

I'm not sure I would be able for it, for the last number of years I've taken a month off work for the Summer holidays to look after junior (she's 9 now). We both enjoy the time together, but by the end of the month it's nice to get back to the work routine.

Tempted a few times to do it myself - the kids are 6 and 3 at the moment. Soon to be 7 and 3.5. Can not imagining it being boring or isolating at all from my side. Quite the opposite. I reckon it will only be as boring or exciting - isolating or freeing - as I allow it to be. I do not think I would let myself fall into the ruts and patterns that would make it that boring or isolating.

MadDog76

irishgrover wrote: »

I've no reason whatsoever not to believe this post, and I do believe it. However it really does highlight that there is no real answer. It primarily depends on the individual and how they are organised or react to their circumstance.
For some, I imagine it will be very challenging and lonely and boring, for others it will be a walk in the park...

I think a lot of it has to do with mindset ............ for me it was part job (cleaning, shopping, cooking etc.) and the rest was fun (spending time with your kids, watching them learn, helping them to develop etc.) so I'd doggedly get the work done as efficiently and quickly as possible then enjoy the rest of the time with my kids.

Some people see it as a job and, like any job, you're eventually going to become bored, frustrated and bitter doing the same job over and over with no end in sight made worse by the kids "getting in the way!" ............. others see it as a "wonderfully joyous experience" but then get bogged down by the realisation that there's also a bit of work involved ........... for me it was an easy part-time "job" with a lot of time leftover to enjoy with my children.

mahamageehad

I'm still child free, but I think if I was pregnant tomorrow it'd be 50/50 who takes the stay at home role. I think I would first for a few months, then he would. My current salary would be significantly higher than his, so it makes sense for the highest earner to be our earning. Plus I'd go stir crazy in the house all day every day!!! :O If you can afford it, go for it, but don't expect it to be a walk in the park. Also, depending on how old fashioned your families are, prepare for some jibes.

andekwarhola

FizzleSticks wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

Why don't you pat him on the head as well?

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

dar100

FizzleSticks wrote: »

Ah its a pity staying at home with the kids wasn't for you. At least as the years go by maybe you'll forget about the negatives and cherish those years.

What sort of idiot are you at all !! You have absolutely no understand of me, my family, children's situation or what goes on in my home! How dare you respond to me with your patronising tone!

Try raise a kid with serious sensory issues,

dar100

Nor did I say the negatives outweighed the positive, I'm speaking about my personal experience that you know nothing about

dar100

andekwarhola wrote: »

Why don't you pat him on the head as well?

Don't think she can with her head that far up her self righteousness ass

flatty

Well, that went downhill quickly.

_Kaiser_

I'd be happy if I could do a more balanced work/home split - maybe work from home 2/3 days a week - but I couldn't do it full-time.

As already said it's very isolating, constant pressure and busy if you have kids. Major respect though to the women (and men) who do it though.

the_pen_turner

Surely you would have all your daily jobs done by 11. Then 2 hours before lunch to get less frequent jobs done like changing bed, cutting the lawn etc
That will leave 3 hours after lunch to do as you please before you need to cook dinner .
And all evening to relax.

I would choose that day over having to go out and work.

If you wanted to go off for longer you could and just catch up the day after or get ahead on the days before.

The only down side I see is financial independence

Mam of 4

the_pen_turner wrote: »

Surely you would have all your daily jobs done by 11. Then 2 hours before lunch to get less frequent jobs done like changing bed, cutting the lawn etc
That will leave 3 hours after lunch to do as you please before you need to cook dinner .
And all evening to relax.

I would choose that day over having to go out and work.

If you wanted to go off for longer you could and just catch up the day after or get ahead on the days before.

The only down side I see is financial independence

All I can say to the first line is hahahahaha

What are you meant to do with the children while you're doing all those jobs that need doing every morning , and before eleven? Especially if you have small children , that you can't take your eyes off of for a moment

the_pen_turner

At school or playschool.

When they are younger than play school there is a lit of looking after.

What do you be doing that takes longer than 2 hours.

I see lots of stay at home women that do very little for at least 4 hours a day . The rest is light cleaning and washing

Mam of 4

the_pen_turner wrote: »

At school or playschool.

When they are younger than play school there is a lit of looking after.

What do you be doing that takes longer than 2 hours.

I see lots of stay at home women that do very little for at least 4 hours a day . The rest is light cleaning and washing

It's a different story when the children are ALL in playschool , than if you have one in PS and one or two at home , it's a full time job , and you relish getting five minutes to sit down and enjoy a cuppa believe me.

And I know lots of women , and men for that matter , who do lots for at least four hours a day . Factor in shopping , doctors appointments , and lots of other appointments if you have a child with special needs .

I'm just giving my opinion on my experience.

the_pen_turner

the_pen_turner wrote: »

At school or playschool.

When they are younger than play school there is a lit of looking after.

What do you be doing that takes longer than 2 hours.

I see lots of stay at home women that do very little for at least 4 hours a day . The rest is light cleaning and washing

Modern parenting is not like that you might get a bit of brake while they are at school or preschool but as they get older its endless the thing you have to do with them then there is the dreaded homework and as they get older again it eats in to the evenings as well, swimming scouts music football to name but a few.

One eyed Jack

Permabear wrote: »

This post had been deleted.

It would be logical conclusion if both men and women were doing the same courses at third level, and if both men and women shared the same aspirations to gain high paying careers.

That's why if one is only looking at it from a financial perspective, of course it's not going to make sense that of the people in a relationship, the person with the highest earnings (or given their higher education in certain fields, at least the potential to be the higher earner), that they would want to forego their career aspirations in favour of becoming a homemaker.

By that I mean that there are a whole number of other factors you're leaving out of the equation in order to form the logical conclusion you came to. Even nowadays in the age of policies which are meant to foster gender equality, the reality is that while there are indeed more women entering and completing third level education, they still tend to go for lower paid careers than their male counterparts who are entering and completing third level education and going for higher paid careers.

There has been no significant cultural shift when paternity leave was introduced in Sweden, the vast majority of men in employment, in relationships, still choose not to avail of it, and then there is the cultural shift in Denmark where more and more women are choosing to raise children without a partner.

I just don't see any significant cultural shift happening in Ireland where more and more men are choosing to become homemakers that it would ever be necessary for the vast majority of people to re-think their attitudes towards relationships, parenting and childcare tbh. I do acknowledge though that there will always be a minority of outliers.

the_pen_turner

mariaalice wrote: »

the_pen_turner wrote: »

At school or playschool.

When they are younger than play school there is a lit of looking after.

What do you be doing that takes longer than 2 hours.

I see lots of stay at home women that do very little for at least 4 hours a day . The rest is light cleaning and washing

Modern parenting is not like that you might get a bit of brake while they are at school or preschool but as they get older its endless the thing you have to do with them then there is the dreaded homework and as they get older again it eats in to the evenings as well, swimming scouts music football to name but a few.

These are things you choose to do not need to do. . Homework is different. That has to be done but it is good for kids to do that on their own or with very little looking over the shoulder.

the_pen_turner

Mam of 4 wrote: »

the_pen_turner wrote: »

At school or playschool.

When they are younger than play school there is a lit of looking after.

What do you be doing that takes longer than 2 hours.

I see lots of stay at home women that do very little for at least 4 hours a day . The rest is light cleaning and washing

It's a different story when the children are ALL in playschool , than if you have one in PS and one or two at home , it's a full time job , and you relish getting five minutes to sit down and enjoy a cuppa believe me.

And I know lots of women , and men for that matter , who do lots for at least four hours a day . Factor in shopping , doctors appointments , and lots of other appointments if you have a child with special needs .

I'm just giving my opinion on my experience.

Don't get me wrong , anyone with kids with special needs is going to have a lot more work.

If you take an 8 hour day. I still think you would have 3 hours free time to do as you chose. 90 percent of houses I'm in with stay at home mothers only do 4 to 5 hours work a day. The rest is flittered away on tablets or tv

the_pen_turner

the_pen_turner wrote: »

These are things you choose to do not need to do. . Homework is different. That has to be done but it is good for kids to do that on their own or with very little looking over the shoulder.

Have you even actuley been a stay at home parent?

TheDoc

Loveinapril wrote: »

It is something we discussed in the past as I earn more than my husband. In reality I don't think it would work..or it would work but there would be a rocky road to it. He gets so distracted so I can imagine the washing and dishes would pile up while he spends hours messing with the baby!

I am looking forward to my upcoming maternity leave but I know I will be happy to go back to work after our (first) baby arrives. I know it's not the same, but I was a childminder years ago and it bored me to tears to 'just' be cleaning, cooking and minding kids all day. It is tough work but feckin boring!

My GF stays at home with our children and I typically come home to no dinner, dishes and the kitchen a state and the general house in a tip.

Have my smoke, change, come down and then I do some bits and pieces.

Whatever about the stereotypes about what the homemaker should be doing, and I don't make excuses for my GF while she is brilliant with the kids, shes brutal at time management and doing the other stuff the best of times, I guess while the age old "thing" is the home spouse having everything in order, its not problem the working partner digging out when they come home.

And personally for me, the only priority is my kids being rared and cared for by their mother, and if she is spending all the time with the kids, no problem for me.

I know something I learned and accepted (never speaking to her directly about it) is that while there is a stereotype of the home partner hving everything in order, its not as easy as it looks, or it shouldnt be assumed it will be done. And while I never directly spoke about it or asked, I did in recent months realise I wasn't excluded from helping just because I came home from work tired or wanting to chill. That my partner is pretty much on duty 24/7

the_pen_turner

mariaalice wrote: »

the_pen_turner wrote: »

These are things you choose to do not need to do. . Homework is different. That has to be done but it is good for kids to do that on their own or with very little looking over the shoulder.

Have you even actuley been a stay at home parent?

No.
But my experience is from seeing. Stay at home mothers sitting around most of the day watching telly and playing on tablets.
My experience of helping out my neighbor when she was on shift work and lived alone. I could light her fires ,bring in turf , feed the dogs , walk the dogs , Hoover the floor, and put on her dinner. All in the space if 25 minutes. .

I can't see how with 90 minutes more you couldn't have the washing done and the floors washed. A bit of dusting.
If you allow an hour in the evening to cook the dinner. You can use the time waiting to clean the dish s and kitchen

It's all about time management

Mam of 4

the_pen_turner wrote: »

Don't get me wrong , anyone with kids with special needs is going to have a lot more work.

If you take an 8 hour day. I still think you would have 3 hours free time to do as you chose. 90 percent of houses I'm in with stay at home mothers only do 4 to 5 hours work a day. The rest is flittered away on tablets or tv

Time management is key indeed .
Yes , you can have your floors swept and washed by eleven ,dishes done , washing on , job done .

Factor in drinks spilt on floor ,wipe it off ? leave it there ? Put up with a sticky , tacky floor , or wash it again ?

There's a hundred and one different scenarios that can and do happen , to impede the objective of time management working according to plan .

That's not saying everyday is like groundhog day , it's not , all I'm saying is that in my opinion I never had the time to sit down for three-four hours a day fluting about on an i-pad,phone, or whatever .

Good luck to those that do

the_pen_turner

Mam of 4 wrote: »

the_pen_turner wrote: »

Don't get me wrong , anyone with kids with special needs is going to have a lot more work.

If you take an 8 hour day. I still think you would have 3 hours free time to do as you chose. 90 percent of houses I'm in with stay at home mothers only do 4 to 5 hours work a day. The rest is flittered away on tablets or tv

Time management is key indeed .
Yes , you can have your floors swept and washed by eleven ,dishes done , washing on , job done .

Factor in drinks spilt on floor ,wipe it off ? leave it there ? Put up with a sticky , tacky floor , or wash it again ?

There's a hundred and one different scenarios that can and do happen , to impede the objective of time management working according to plan .

That's not saying everyday is like groundhog day , it's not , all I'm saying is that in my opinion I never had the time to sit down for three-four hours a day fluting about on an i-pad,phone, or whatever .

Good luck to those that do

The cast majority that I see everyday do have the time though.

Mam of 4

the_pen_turner wrote: »

The cast majority that I see everyday do have the time though.

That's why I said fair play to those that can .

Now , am off to do a bit before anyone says I've spent hours on boards when I could have been doing housework :pac:

ceadaoin.

the_pen_turner wrote: »

The cast majority that I see everyday do have the time though.

In what context are you seeing all these stay at home parents everyday? Are you there for the whole day or just are you only seeing a snapshot of their lives?

PandaPoo

ceadaoin. wrote: »

In what context are you seeing all these stay at home parents everyday? Are you there for the whole day or just are you only seeing a snapshot of their lives?

It's worth noting that whenever I have someone in the house to do something, (most recently a tree surgeon and an electrician) I sat down in the sitting room with the kids in case they wanted me! I wasn't going to be washing floors and ironing clothes when they were coming in every 5 minutes to ask questions. Also the kids were interested in what they were doing so I had to keep them distracted and occupied.