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why do you want/are you in a relationship?

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    #62
    Cutie 3.14
    Registered Users Posts: 610 ✭✭✭Cutie 3.14


    Its someone who takes one look at my terrible cooking and still eats it, without flinching and says "it's lovely"
    I'll accidentally poison him some of these days


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    #63
    Permabear
    Closed Accounts Posts: 39,022 ✭✭✭✭Permabear


    This post has been deleted.


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    #64
    notsoyoungwan
    Registered Users Posts: 614 ✭✭✭notsoyoungwan


    Sunny Disposition wrote: »
    Am v interested in why people remain single for v long spells. Would you have been in any relationships in the past?
    Some good things about being single for sure but for me having a bit of affection easily trumps that.

    I'm almost 38, am single and intend staying that way.

    I've had relationships in the past- one for more than 5 years, and two that were 12-18 months. I've obviously had short-term flings too.

    I've experienced a great relationship, a good one and a toxic and abusuve one.

    There's no doubt that I have loved and been loved.

    But, notwithstanding all that, a long term committed relationship just isn't for me.

    My lifestyle is such that I don't have the time or headspace for one anyway, but even if I did, it wouldn't be for me. I don't like the lack of freedom, loss of independence, the idea of sharing my living-space, having less privacy than I do now etc. I value my own space, my peace& quiet, not having to engage with someone in the evenings if I don't want to, not having to take someone else's plans/wants/schedule etc into consideration, I like just being independent abd doing my own thing.

    Now, I'm well aware people will jump on my post and say that their relationship hasn't resulted in any of those things, and that's great if it's the case, but for me there is nothing a relationship could bring me that would outweigh what I perceive as negatives.

    I have a varied social life, have great friends, a (mostly) great family, I have a job that I love. I'm not short of laughter, love, affection or sex.

    As far as I'm concerned, I've the best of both worlds by just having short term flings/casual dating scenarios rather than a serious relationship


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    #65
    professore
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,857 ✭✭✭professore


    Permabear wrote: »
    This post had been deleted.

    I'd disagree completely with that. Any good relationship involves a healthy degree of give and take. In my relationship, sometimes the focus is more on her needs, and sometimes it's more on mine, but the pendulum always swings back eventually. Over time, it all evens out.

    Neither of us wants to be in a relationship that's all about one person, where the other partner becomes a compliant doormat. I enjoy doing things for her that make her life easier, happier, and more pleasant, and she does the same for me.

    We try to discuss problems without arguments, hostility, or drama. We do it in private (never in front of the children) and try to do it in an atmosphere of caring and understanding (such as sitting on the sofa together holding hands). Never once in our 2+ years together has one of us raised our voice to the other. It's so much easier to reach compromise through quiet discussion.

    We are not perfect by any means, but I think your claim that a relationship either has to be 100% about one person or riddled with arguments and drama is far off-base.[/quote]

    That wasn't my point. It was that some people regard any deviation from what they want as drama.


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    #66
    SimpleDimples
    Registered Users Posts: 225 ✭✭SimpleDimples


    I'm single but would like a relationship again but not just one for the sake of one. I've had great relationships in the past (both 4 yrs) and while they didn't work out in the end, there's something lovely about spending time with someone who gets you and who brings out the best in you, someone who is there to share the good times and the bad. The affection, attraction and general good feeling that goes with it. If it happens again, great, if not, I'll be fine on my own too.

    As I've got older though, I've definitely become clearer on what I do/don't want out of life and a relationship. Unfortunately I have seen too many friends "panic buy" in their 30s because they hated being single/thought time was running out or wanted kids - most of them are now unhappy so I'd rather be single for as long as it takes to meet someone that matters & is right for me! It'll happen when & if it's meant too :-)


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