why do you want/are you in a relationship?

blacksheep1982

What about your relationship makes you happy to have it and if you're looking, what is it about one that makes you want it?

Aside from sex and someone to attend events with, what do/would you love about it?

cbyrd

Having someone to hug, make tea, argue with, discuss the weather,make the dinner when I'm tired, do the school run and cuddles with on the couch ... To name but a few...

Senna

Someone to tell me when I have a bit of salad in my teeth

One_Of_Shanks

Why are you asking? Because if its a way of looking for answers that you can then apply to your own situation then it's a waste of time.
Everyone is different.

Or maybe you're just a nosey git; that's fine too but if you're going to expect people to spill the beans then you should do likewise.

Having someone both beautiful and intelligent behind you in almost everything you do in life, saying "you're right, you can do no wrong" is very self affirming.

Unless you're actually wrong, in which case having someone both beautiful and intelligent to gently say "you got that wrong" is very helpful.

They promote and support our best tendencies and when we get it right, and gently haul us back when we get it wrong. What could be better?

nhunter100

Simple answer, someone to let me be me and not be alone.

whoopsadoodles

Hugs.

The best hugs.

lazybones32

Don't need to be in a relationship: had an epiphany one night while in bed chatting with the last woman I loved.


Am quite happy to be a bachelor and wouldn't like to change it.....That said, the sunny weather today, and the way women dress when it's sunny, makes me briefly question my choice.

MadDog76

My wife had a life-threatening health scare not too long ago and she jokingly said to me "You couldn't survive without me" to which I replied "I definitely could ......... I just don't want to ....... ".

Doesn't really answer your question but that's because I don't really know the answer to your question.

Ciderswigger

I'm single. Have been for a long time. I would like to be in a relationship but I've kinda resigned myself to not falling in love. I'm not exactly the most beautiful girl you've ever seen and I think my low self confidence is evident even when I'm doing the whole fake it till you make it thing.

I'm good girlfriend material though! And I like having someone to share my thoughts and feelings with, having someone who I know will love me even when I'm unlovable, someone to laugh and make memories with. I see so many of my married friends/long term relationship friends and I want what they want.






It'd be quite nice to have a plus one for weddings too!

RayM

It would be nice to have that special someone, with whom I could go halves on rent and bills.

whoopsadoodles

MadDog76 wrote: »

My wife had a life-threatening health scare not too long ago and she jokingly said to me "You couldn't survive without me" to which I replied "I definitely could ......... I just don't want to ....... ".

Doesn't really answer your question but that's because I don't really know the answer to your question.

See this is why i like AH. Even the people you'd sometimes like to smack in real life are right at least sometimes.

MadDog76

RayM wrote: »

It would be nice to have that special someone, with whom I could go halves on rent and bills.

I'm married and I have no idea what "going halves" even means ...... ???

Brother Luke

I have never been in a serious long term relationship and i don't care for one either. I am quite content and will probably die a bachelor.

MadDog76

whoopsadoodles wrote: »

See this is why i like AH. Even the people you'd sometimes like to smack in real life are right at least sometimes.

Thanks ......... I think?

whoopsadoodles

MadDog76 wrote: »

Thanks ......... I think?

Nooooo. I mean you can disagree with people on some levels and think they're sooooo wrong. But then you realise you always have something in common with everyone

It was meant as a good thing but I've had a few drinks so it may not sound the way I meant it

Basically I love the way you love your missus!

MadDog76

whoopsadoodles wrote: »

Nooooo. I mean you can disagree with people on some levels and think they're sooooo wrong. But then you realise you always have something in common with everyone

It was meant as a good thing but I've had a few drinks so it may not sound the way I meant it

Basically I love the way you love your missus!

Well ........ thanks again so!















By the way, I'm never wrong ......... despite what you, and the wife, think!

whoopsadoodles

MadDog76 wrote: »

Well ........ thanks again so!


By the way, I'm never wrong ......... despite what you, and the wife, think!

Yes dear

Galway1989

I don't know if I'll ever be in a relationship. I love the freedom being single gives me.
But....
I've always found myself being alone even though I am quite friendly to others. Not quite sure where I'm going wrong but I find myself not going out this week on my birthday weekend because my friends had prior arrangements. Most of my friends are in relationships now and I see less of them because they spend their free time with the other half. Its lonesome being single for ages....but...I stopped blaming myself and pointing out my flaws a long time ago and became my own best friend. I had to learn to treat myself with the love and kindness everyone deserves!

So... I went for a leisurely walks and baked a few cupcakes this evening instead of going out! Maybe I'll have birthdays in the future where himself will insist on bringing me out for dinner but we'll have to find each other first!!

MistyCheese

My kids' dad won't freakin' leave!!!

Knew I shouldn't've married him.

Jesus Wept

Galway1989 wrote: »

I don't know if I'll ever be in a relationship. I love the freedom being single gives me.
But....
I've always found myself being alone even though I am quite friendly to others. Not quite sure where I'm going wrong but I find myself not going out this week on my birthday weekend because my friends had prior arrangements. Most of my friends are in relationships now and I see less of them because they spend their free time with the other half. Its lonesome being single for ages....but...I stopped blaming myself and pointing out my flaws a long time ago and became my own best friend. I had to learn to treat myself with the love and kindness everyone deserves!

So... I went for a leisurely walks and baked a few cupcakes this evening instead of going out! Maybe I'll have birthdays in the future where himself will insist on bringing me out for dinner but we'll have to find each other first!!

There are avenues to meet additional friends if you would like to, perhaps sharing similar interests as yourself, or new ones.

Lady is a tramp

Myself and my best friend (both single) sometimes joke that we're like a married couple. She's someone who's only been in my life for around a year.
We just can't get enough of each other's company. We're always together for the big things and the little things, like we're happy to act as each other's dates for dinner parties or big occasions etc, but even happier to just snuggle on the couch watching TV, or be company for each other on long drives, or browse around the shops together. We have sleepovers at least one night a week, and are in touch every day. And we buy little cheap-but-meaningful presents for each other all the time. She's actually the closest thing I've ever had to a soul mate. We know each other inside out, even the bad things - especially the bad things - and we love each other inside out, too, unconditionally. I've never trusted anyone as much as I trust her, in every way.

And it's made me realise, that's basically what I want in a relationship (if I'm ever in one again!) Pretty much all of the above, but with sex as well. I've had plenty of relationships in the past, but never one where I'd rather be with the person than not with them - how sad is that?! It was always an effort to be around them, trying to put up a good facade and hoping that they'd like me, that I'd be "enough" for them. I felt so weak and unattractive, and the men I was with were controlling narcissists who took advantage of my feelings of inferiority, and undermined me even further. (It has taken me a LOT of time and therapy to come to realise and accept this!)

I'm not ready for a relationship any time soon, but when the time comes, I won't accept anything less than someone who can accept and respect and love me. It doesn't sound like much, but it's more than I've ever had before in any relationship. And someone who I can regularly be in tears of laughter with, but who I can comfortably cry with, too. And I love what was said above - that you of course could live without the person, but that you don't want to. Isn't that exactly the way it should be - pure love, but without co-dependence!

However, I've had my share of bad relationships, and just really won't go there again unless I'm pretty certain it's worth it. They can be so very damaging. I'm getting to a point where I'm actually totally happy and comfortable being single forever - and single doesn't mean alone. I have lots of good people in my life. I like the idea of a relationship, but I don't think it's something I'll ever actively seek again - if I literally never have a boyfriend again ever, I can actually totally live with that.

Jim Bob Scratcher

Lady is a tramp wrote: »

Myself and my best friend (both single) sometimes joke that we're like a married couple. She's someone who's only been in my life for around a year.
We just can't get enough of each other's company. We're always together for the big things and the little things, like we're happy to act as each other's dates for dinner parties or big occasions etc, but even happier to just snuggle on the couch watching TV, or be company for each other on long drives, or browse around the shops together. We have sleepovers at least one night a week, and are in touch every day. And we buy little cheap-but-meaningful presents for each other all the time. She's actually the closest thing I've ever had to a soul mate. We know each other inside out, even the bad things - especially the bad things - and we love each other inside out, too, unconditionally. I've never trusted anyone as much as I trust her, in every way.

And it's made me realise, that's basically what I want in a relationship (if I'm ever in one again!) Pretty much all of the above, but with sex as well. I've had plenty of relationships in the past, but never one where I'd rather be with the person than not with them - how sad is that?! It was always an effort to be around them, trying to put up a good facade and hoping that they'd like me, that I'd be "enough" for them. I felt so weak and unattractive, and the men I was with were controlling narcissists who took advantage of my feelings of inferiority, and undermined me even further. (It has taken me a LOT of time and therapy to come to realise and accept this!)

I'm not ready for a relationship any time soon, but when the time comes, I won't accept anything less than someone who can accept and respect and love me. It doesn't sound like much, but it's more than I've ever had before in any relationship. And someone who I can regularly be in tears of laughter with, but who I can comfortably cry with, too. And I love what was said above - that you of course could live without the person, but that you don't want to. Isn't that exactly the way it should be - pure love, but without co-dependence!

However, I've had my share of bad relationships, and just really won't go there again unless I'm pretty certain it's worth it. They can be so very damaging. I'm getting to a point where I'm actually totally happy and comfortable being single forever - and single doesn't mean alone. I have lots of good people in my life. I like the idea of a relationship, but I don't think it's something I'll ever actively seek again - if I literally never have a boyfriend again ever, I can actually totally live with that.

Sounds like you and your friend are meant to be together. Marry them already

Lady is a tramp

Jim Bob Scratcher wrote: »

Sounds like you and your friend are meant to be together. Marry them already

If only she had a willy! :pac:

Jim Bob Scratcher

Lady is a tramp wrote: »

If only she had a willy! :pac:

You can borrow mine if you want :pac:

Colser

Jim Bob Scratcher wrote: »

You can borrow mine if you want :pac:

She probably shouldn't going by your name..ðŸ˜

Jim Bob Scratcher

Colser wrote: »

She probably shouldn't going by your name..ðŸ˜

Actually she should, as scratcher means bed :P and not itchy bollocks :pac:

Burial.

Wouldn't be one for relationships tbh, I quite like the freedom and thrill of being single. I quite like going from person to person as I feel you get to experience the best of them and you remember that and not the inevitable arguing down the line which sours your impression of someone. I absolutely hate drama and have a zero tolerance to it which makes me awful boyfriend material I'd imagine. I'm well able to argue but having to make up and be lovey dovey again is not my style. I guess some people like that stability and security of a partner which makes sense but from a bird's eye view I see far too many couples restricted and confined to the same old thing. The thought of not being able to do what I want because the aul doll has something on or because she said so is horrifying yet so many lads I know are almost conditioned to not even second guess it.

Mister Vain

Burial. wrote: »

Wouldn't be one for relationships tbh, I quite like the freedom and thrill of being single. I quite like going from person to person as I feel you get to experience the best of them and you remember that and not the inevitable arguing down the line which sours your impression of someone. I absolutely hate drama and have a zero tolerance to it which makes me awful boyfriend material I'd imagine. I'm well able to argue but having to make up and be lovey dovey again is not my style. I guess some people like that stability and security of a partner which makes sense but from a bird's eye view I see far too many couples restricted and confined to the same old thing. The thought of not being able to do what I want because the aul doll has something on or because she said so is horrifying yet so many lads I know are almost conditioned to not even second guess it.

I'd be the same. I don't think I would have the patience for a proper relationship. She would have to be extremely laid back for it to even have a chance of working. I want the intimacy of a relationship without any of the drama. I reckon I'm just not cut out for everything that is involved in a relationship. It's just a bit suffocating for me.

ToddyDoody

I just dont think I'm a relationship kindof guy.

I take solice in the many single "The Simpsons" characters;

Professor Frink
Comic Book Guy
Principal Skinner
Agnes Skinner
Patty and Selma
Abe Simpson
Kurk Vanhouton

And so forth.

MadamRazz

I like having someone that I can just go up to and plop my hand onto their face for a second before walking off and they wont even bat an eyelid at my weirdness. If anything he loves me more for it. Also having someone to put my cold feet on at night is always nice. And the way he understands and plays along with the fact that sometimes my butt has a personality of its own and likes to be touched.

Glenster

Its company.

If my dog could talk/ was allowed into events my missus would be out the door.

Ms Doubtfire1

Been married for years and a few relationships as well but now it's kinda been there, done that, not doing it again.

ToddyDoody

Glenster wrote: »

Its company.

If my dog could talk/ was allowed into events my missus would be out the door.

Oh you old romantic you.

Paddy Cow

Mister Vain wrote: »

I'd be the same. I don't think I would have the patience for a proper relationship. She would have to be extremely laid back for it to even have a chance of working. I want the intimacy of a relationship without any of the drama. I reckon I'm just not cut out for everything that is involved in a relationship. It's just a bit suffocating for me.

Not all women are high maintenance drama queens

LadyMacBeth_

A regular ride.

greencap

lazybones32 wrote: »

Don't need to be in a relationship: had an epiphany one night while in bed chatting with the last woman I loved.


Am quite happy to be a bachelor and wouldn't like to change it.....That said, the sunny weather today, and the way women dress when it's sunny, makes me briefly question my choice.

Tell me of this epiphany brutha??

seachto7

lazybones32 wrote: »

Don't need to be in a relationship: had an epiphany one night while in bed chatting with the last woman I loved.


Am quite happy to be a bachelor and wouldn't like to change it.....That said, the sunny weather today, and the way women dress when it's sunny, makes me briefly question my choice.

curious... do tell...

Can talk about anything and everything, he's my best friend and biggest fan, and vice versa. It's great to have someone who'll step up for you no matter what, and he knows he can rely on me for the same. We have a lot of fun together, find the same things interesting, connect on multiple levels.

Good relationships can't be compared to bad ones, a good relationship makes a good life a genuinely great one, but a bad one can make you miserable beyond words.

Triceratops Ballet

Mister Vain wrote: »

I want the intimacy of a relationship without any of the drama.

I don't think I've ever known anyone to have a dramatic relationship, unless one was cheating on the other or something. You must know some crazy people! (or you're a teenager, love a bit of drama do the teenagers!!)

Out of interest what constitutes relationship "drama"?

dottie_lottie

dottie_lottie wrote: »

Out of interest what constitutes relationship "drama"?

I think - and I'm not saying this applies to Mr Vain - sometimes when people talk about drama they really mean expectation. If someone expects a partner to go with them to a family event, and that partner hates family events, then they call it drama because they don't want to do something that's important to their OH.

I've noticed this a few times with people, and the less flexible a person is the more likely they are to label normal give and take 'drama'.

Obviously there's actual drama where mountains are made of molehills, but I think an expectation differential accounts for a lot of what people term it.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

zcorpian88

To have companionship, share mutual interests and discover new ones with, to enjoy particular and special moments with like personal achievements, holidays like Valentines day, Christmas, New Years, birthdays. To spoil them and be spoiled. To feel content that you're living your life the way it's supposed to be lived and not in that sort of solitude or isolation that comes with being single example (like being the guy at the table on nights out and all of your friends are couples and being very self conscious of it and you go out anyway for the sake of being social)

To be spend time with them and be intimate without interference from the way the modern world is gone that is far too demanding of people's time and energy.

RoisinClare6

My cup of tea most nights before bed and the ones delivered to me when I wake up on a Saturday/Sunday morning. In turn I get up every morning at 5.30 to make his Coffee and sambos before he heads off to work. I jump back in bed and get a squish before he heads off. He gives me the sour gargamels in every pack of smurf jellys he gets. I take his work boots off when he gets in the door. He'll ring me now in the morning so I won't miss the rugby. Just loads of simple things like that.

Don't get me wrong he can be a pain in the arse, leaves the shower mat on the floor even though he knows the dog will Pee on it if he does, leaves the fecking lights on to name a few but at the end of the day he's my pain in the arse!

Planning on keeping him

Burial.

Burial. wrote: »

Wouldn't be one for relationships tbh, I quite like the freedom and thrill of being single. I quite like going from person to person as I feel you get to experience the best of them and you remember that and not the inevitable arguing down the line which sours your impression of someone. I absolutely hate drama and have a zero tolerance to it which makes me awful boyfriend material I'd imagine. I'm well able to argue but having to make up and be lovey dovey again is not my style. I guess some people like that stability and security of a partner which makes sense but from a bird's eye view I see far too many couples restricted and confined to the same old thing.

I think this is the post that most closely reflects my own opinion.

I find myself getting tired of relationships after a few weeks or a couple of months, when the exciting bit of getting to know someone fizzles out, and you both make slightly less effort.

If I ever do get married, which I don't really want to, my ideal situation would be for both of us to agree to a marriage-term of say, ten years, and then review the situation.

I don't believe in lifelong vows, because whilst I am never the perfect boyfriend, I think it's an unrealistic and unfair restriction to put upon anybody. I think marriage-term should be agreed between a couple, at maximum, as the period of time where your kids are in late-adolescence (with an exceptional circumstances 'breakout clause', of course)

It would be more reasonable and fairer on all concerned.

Donald Trump

lazybones32 wrote: »

Don't need to be in a relationship: had an epiphany one night while in bed chatting with the last woman I loved.


Am quite happy to be a bachelor and wouldn't like to change it.....That said, the sunny weather today, and the way women dress when it's sunny, makes me briefly question my choice.

Ah that's where you went wrong. Amateur mistake. Less of the chatting and more of the riding and you'd probably still be with her

Donald Trump

greencap wrote: »

Tell me of this epiphany brutha??

seachto7 wrote: »

curious... do tell...

A quick google search will tell you:

Oxford English Dictionary wrote:

epiphany: noun. The return of common sense to the working of a mans brain. Usually occurs at the instant of ejaculation.

Mr.Plough

Lady is a tramp wrote: »

I'm getting to a point where I'm actually totally happy and comfortable being single forever

I'm of the opinion that when you reach this point, that's when you'll end up in the relationship that you actually want to be in. Like attracts like.

As for me I've been in a few relationships that were destined to fail, mostly because I was insecure at the time and attracted insecure women. All turned codependent or toxic in one way or another. One of them very nearly stuck and I'm so glad it didn't, as I'm sure she is also.

Long term I do want a relationship for all the reasons talked about in this thread, just not right now.

Bambi985

It's really nice to have someone waiting for you at Arrivals in the airport.

I was single for years and years and that was always the thing that got to me. Not in any sort of melodramatic way, but it was where I felt most single. Most on my own. Seeing couples fall into each other's arms around me as I walked through and out the door to find a bus/train to take me to my next stop.

I've been in Brussels, Vienna and next stop Stuttgart all this week, but what I'm most looking forward to next is walking into arrivals in Heathrow on Monday night and seeing his lovely familiar face smiling at me in that secret way that he smiles at me and his big brown eyes sparkling and thinking "there he is" and getting a big bear hug and knowing that I'm home and can finally relax.

gifted

I'm sitting in a car outside a hair dressers waiting for herself......on a Saturday morning....just saying like.....












All ye single blokes get what I'm saying to ye.........hold onto your single life as long as you can lol.lol.........coming Dear.....lol

professore

Deleted User wrote: »

Having someone both beautiful and intelligent behind you in almost everything you do in life, saying "you're right, you can do no wrong" is very self affirming.

Unless you're actually wrong, in which case having someone both beautiful and intelligent to gently say "you got that wrong" is very helpful.

They promote and support our best tendencies and when we get it right, and gently haul us back when we get it wrong. What could be better?

Let me guess ... new relationship?