Work related re my Wedding

wayne25

Hello all.

I've worked with my employer 9 years & to marry on Friday.

Today was my last day before I marry and it upset me no end as people I thought would acknowledge my big day did not even as far as say a "Good Luck" people I've worked with for years.

It has really opened my eyes, my manager of 3 years saw me several times over the last 5 days & nothing.

My other half is in her job a year and they acknowledged the big day with nice presents & flowers. Says it all.

Am I being too ott about this,? Maybe I am. How long does it take to say "Good Luck"

Opinions welcomed, thank you.

tracey turnblad

I got married in 2012. The personnel manager in my job got married the month before me and had a huge fuss made of her. I'm not in to fuss so that didn't bother me but neither her or the manager came to me before I left and wished me the best of luck. I was more disappointed than upset, I was a valuable member of staff(have since left but not because of that) and thought that everyone should be treated equally, i especially thought the personnel manager would have said something l seen as she was just back from her own wedding.. I think it's just bad manners on their behalf

Victor

Are they invited to the wedding? Have they given you a present?

jimmycrackcorm

wayne25 wrote:

Am I being too ott about this,? I don't think I am as I've felt peed this evening thinking about my treatment today.

It's probably because you're male. The wedding is perceived to be a woman's day so they'll make a fuss. Same with women going on maternity, they get cards and a speech etc, nothing for a man who is going to be a dad.

Never wrestle with pigs

I thought it was the woman posting until I got near the end. Toughen up princess, work is work and personal life is just that.

wayne25

Victor wrote: »

Are they invited to the wedding? Have they given you a present?

Some are not, some are. 1 team leader who's only back in the business a week acknowledged the day who's not invited. The rest in management who I've known for years didn't bother there backsides. Present? No not even a card!

People know at work you cannot invite all colleagues, so if you are insinuating they are peed and this is why they ain't bothered, not buying it.

I was not looking for a brass band or firework display! Just classless.

MadamRazz

I got married in 2011. Before I left for in my teammates wished me well and gave me a card. There was lots of squeals and hugs from the women. And I think being female, more of a deal was made for me. Whereas with my OH (male) I dont think his colleagues really acknowledged either it.

wayne25

Never wrestle with pigs wrote: »

I thought it was the woman posting until I got near the end. Toughen up princess, work is work and personal life is just that.

It's not to do with toughing up, it's simple manners and acknowledgement.

Addle

You're not married yet.
They might arrange something in your absence.
Do you work directly with a mix of men and women?
Where I work, if your immediate team don't organise a card/gift, it won't happen. And the men never organise anything.

myshirt

Ah man, come on, are you having a laugh?

Really?

Toughen up a bit would be my advice, with the greatest of respect.

No offence OP, but your wedding is not a big deal to anyone other than you & your other half & your families.
If your work colleagues are invited then Im sure they will give you a card / present. Other than that you shouldn't expect much.

Edit, people leaving work get recognition because it's work related

wayne25

Addle wrote: »

You're not married yet.
They might arrange something in your absence.
Do you work directly with a mix of men and women?
Where I work, if your immediate team don't organise a card/gift, it won't happen. And the men never organise anything.

Mixed 50 50 ratio Men/Women. Well that's it, perhaps Friday, won't hold my breath after the ignorant behaviour.

tracey turnblad

If he is anything like me, I think all he wanted was their good wishes. I never received any good wishes from my management team. Not even a goodbye as I walked out the door...

Addle

wayne25 wrote: »

Mixed 50 50 ratio Men/Women. Well that's it, perhaps Friday, won't hold my breath after the ignorant behaviour.

Do you make a fuss to each of your colleagues when they have an occasion in their lives?

wayne25

bubblypop wrote: »

No offence OP, but your wedding is not a big deal to anyone other than you & your other half & your families.
If your work colleagues are invited then Im sure they will give you a card / present. Other than that you shouldn't expect much.

Edit, people leaving work get recognition because it's work related

The thing is effort was made for occasions in the past for staff working there a year or two. That's the issue.

wayne25

tracey turnblad wrote: »

If he is anything like me, I think all he wanted was their good wishes. I never received any good wishes from my management team. Not even a goodbye as I walked out the door...

BINGO! nail on the head, nowt to do with gushing colleagues, cards or gifts, good wishes and good luck. Very simple thing to say.

Romantic Rose

I think that's very odd. There's nowt so queer as folk though. People these days just seem to indulge their own egos at every turn about. They'll stop the buck when it's someone else. Sometimes I wonder where all the truely decent people of this world are. Good luck and congratulations anyhow

drunkmonkey

wayne25 wrote: »

The thing is effort was made for occasions in the past for staff working there a year or two. That's the issue.

Nobody gives a duck there not invited. Probably think your a bollix seen as your there 9 years and no invites.

Few people have said it, man the feck up, this isn't how men carry on. Go get some unmarried sex in as it's way underrated.

Addle

Maybe they just don't like you and don't want to be hypocrites.

wayne25

wayne25 wrote: »

The thing is effort was made for occasions in the past for staff working there a year or two. That's the issue.

But you said efforts were made with regard to promotions and retirements etc.
Are workmates invited to your wedding?
Was there a fuss over any other wedding?
Like I said, no one really cares bar you & your family

wayne25

Addle wrote: »

Do you make a fuss to each of your colleagues when they have an occasion in their lives?

Yes. In fact I do. Maybe that's my problem.

endacl

Congratulations Wayne. I wish you and your bride every happiness for your future together.

Romantic Rose

endacl wrote: »

Congratulations Wayne. I wish you and your bride every happiness for your future together.

Easy enough thing to say in person. Takes all of 10 seconds. Goodness gracious me, some people have no consideration or decorum these days.

Never wrestle with pigs

wayne25 wrote: »

It's not to do with toughing up, it's simple manners and acknowledgement.

But it is really. Like I said work is work pet. You leave it at the door when you walk out the door for home.

wayne25

bubblypop wrote: »

But you said efforts were made with regard to promotions and retirements etc.
Are workmates invited to your wedding?
Was there a fuss over any other wedding?
Like I said, no one really cares bar you & your family

Jesus a guard wouldn't ask these questions.

Yes some are, they I have no issue with.

Efforts are made for long serving staff yes and I've been to wedding day related Dos & fusses were made.(2 male colleagues over the years)

So yes my job cares, only depending on who you are and by how much a$$ you lick over your time there.

wayne25

Never wrestle with pigs wrote: »

But it is really. Like I said work is work pet. You leave it at the door when you walk out the door for home.

That's fine that's your opinion. Everyone's different. Cheers

Addle

You're getting married in 3 days.
Focus on that and your marriage rather than your colleagues.

wayne25

wayne25 wrote: »

Jesus a guard wouldn't ask these questions.

Yes some are, they I have no issue with.

Efforts are made for long serving staff yes and I've been to wedding day related Dos & fusses were made.(2 male colleagues over the years)

So yes my job cares, only depending on who you are and by how much a$$ you lick over your time there.

Maybe people don't like your attitude & don't want to be hypocritical

wayne25

drunkmonkey wrote: »

Nobody gives a duck there not invited. Probably think your a bollix seen as your there 9 years and no invites.

Few people have said it, man the feck up, this isn't how men carry on. Go get some unmarried sex in as it's way underrated.

Limited to 10 invites, not every staff member could get the time off, obviously. That's your opinion, fine.

drunkmonkey

wayne25 wrote: »

Limited to 10 invites, not every staff member could get the time off, obviously. That's your opinion, fine.

Park it and burn it, you've more important things to worry about. They probably forgot and if they said congrats when you first tell them that should be enough. These are work colleagues their not your "friends".

Do yourself and favour and don't come back near boards until your back from honeymoon. You don't need the distraction this week.

wayne25

drunkmonkey wrote: »

Park it and burn it, you've more important things to worry about. They probably forgot and if they said congrats when you first tell them that should be enough. These are work colleagues their not your "friends".

Do yourself and favour and don't come back near boards until your back from honeymoon. You don't need the distraction this week.[/quote

Cheers all. On the grand scheme of things there are more important things. And yes after today certainly those people I thought were actual friends are far from it. A good lesson learned.

Adios!

drunkmonkey

Yea from here on in it's just the two of you, everyone else is cannon fodder. Enjoy the day.

Toots

Mod note:

Guys can people stop being dicks to the OP? If you can't post constructively please don't post at all.

nazzy

I think it is rude! When my husband finished up the week before our wedding, there was nothing. I thought it was ignorant however, it materialised that he finished up a day earlier than everyone had realised so they didn't get a chance to give him a send off. It could be a simple matter of them going 'ah Crap, I thought it was next week!'.

You may not have talked about your wedding as much as the personnel manager and so they coulda genuinely forgot. If not, it'll not bother you as much by the time you get back, I hope! Just disappointing for sure.

Enjoy this week and best wishes to you both!!

myshirt

Do you work in the public service by any chance?

Bacchus

Don't get why people are giving you stick. Yes, you're a guy so there's less of a fuss over your wedding but it's still your wedding! You're getting married. That's kind of a big deal and while the reality is that it has little to no impact on any of their lives, it just common courtesy to make some small effort or gesture (or even a "good luck" as you put it) to acknowledge one of the few milestone days of your adult life. You work with these people day every day and arguably spend more time in their company than your closest friends and family. The way they've behaved is just plain rude.

At my current place of work, every birthday is marked (mostly because we all enjoy a bit of cake) and new arrivals and weddings have been met with lots of well wishes, a card and a voucher (usually for some place we know the person likes). Some might think that's a bit OTT but it's no effort at all to make that small fuss over someone and it just makes work life all the better. In my previous job, I had been there 2 years when I got married. To be fair to my manager, he wished me well and there were a few friends in the office that did likewise. Nobody in my team said squat to me though, neither before I left nor after I returned. I think one of them even asked me where I was for the last 2 weeks when I returned. I think I was more disappointed than anything. Like the OP, I didn't need a fuss or anything but I just thought would it have killed them to even just say "best of luck" or something.

Sunny Dayz

Did they know that you were finishing up that day for your wedding? They mightn't have realised you were finishing up then?
Generally not as much of a fuss is made in the workplace about a guy getting married as opposed to a female getting married. But at the very least you should have gotten a "good luck" or "enjoy your last few days as an unmarried man!"
Best of luck on your wedding day, hope the fine weather holds for ye.

irelandrover

I'd expect people didnt actually know you were finishing today. Most people i know finish up 2 days before their wedding. So finish Wednesday for a Friday wedding.

TheFitz13

Why are people disregarding the OPs feelings just cause he is a man? Does he not have feelings just cause he's a man? Some people need to pop their bubble... Congratulations OP I wish you every success in your marriage!

skallywag

I think that the OP is jumping the gun.

For me the norm would be to congratulate a colleague once they return to the office again after having gotten married.

Never wrestle with pigs

Never wrestle with pigs wrote: »

But it is really. Like I said work is work pet. You leave it at the door when you walk out the door for home.

Maybe for you but for many work is not left at the door. Many treat work colleagues as friends and would regulalry do things outside of work with them, many work places make big deals out of birthdays, weddings, leavings etc. so for me it's strange as it would be unheard of in my workplace for something like this to go by without mention, any random non-significant Birthday often had a card going around out office never mind a wedding.

GalwayGirl26

I've worked in places before where I felt the attention given to people on occasions like birthdays, weddings, new babies etc was vastly unfair. For example, one lad (very well-liked) was getting married and we had a big staff party, games, kind of like a ''groom shower''. The same year a girl (well liked, but a lot quieter) just got a card. Same for birthdays- some get cakes, some get cakes and flowers, some get nothing. It often feels very ''cliquey'', and if I was more senior in my workplace, I would really like to call the ''social committee'' (a clique in themselves) out on it. I know it's rude to ''expect'' attention, but it's very disappointing when you think you get on well with co-workers, only to second guess that they may not like you.

testaccount123

Bacchus wrote: »

At my current place of work, every birthday is marked (mostly because we all enjoy a bit of cake) and new arrivals and weddings have been met with lots of well wishes, a card and a voucher (usually for some place we know the person likes).

That sounds like a right pain in the arse.

Bacchus

skallywag wrote: »

I think that the OP is jumping the gun.

For me the norm would be to congratulate a colleague once they return to the office again after having gotten married.

So you purposefully ignore that the person is about to get married, don't speak to them about their upcoming wedding or refer to it (no "how are the nerves?", "speech ready?", "another good man down", etc.) nor wish them well on their last week/day?

As bad as it is to simply forget that one of your colleagues is getting married in a few days, or mistakenly think you had up until the day before to say anything, to actively decide not to say anything until they get back? The mind boggles.

Is it too difficult for some people to say something nice to someone in a time of celebration? No, a firm handshake, head down and "congrats"... yeah that'll do. (skallywag, that last bit isn't directed at you, more of a generalization on how repressed Irish people can be when it comes to being happy for other people).

Bacchus

testaccount123 wrote: »

That sounds like a right pain in the arse.

Yes, the misery of cake in the office every 6 weeks or so :rolleyes:

As for the weddings/babies. They're few and far between so it's not like we're inundated with having to chip in €5/€10 for a voucher and a card every month. It's a nice thing to do, people are generous and appreciative.

skallywag

Bacchus wrote: »

So you purposefully ignore that the person is about to get married, don't speak to them about their upcoming wedding or refer to it (no "how are the nerves?", "speech ready?", "another good man down", etc.) nor wish them well on their last week/day?

I don't purposefully ignore anything, and I may indeed mention something, depending on whatever situation I find myself in with the colleague in question. I won't go out of my way to wish someone good luck beforehand though. I would, however, go out of my way to say congrats afterwards.

Bacchus

skallywag wrote: »

I don't purposefully ignore anything, and I may indeed mention something, depending on whatever situation I find myself in with the colleague in question. I won't go out of my way to wish someone good luck beforehand though. I would, however, go out of my way to say congrats afterwards.

See, I don't understand that. Why do you have to "go out of your way" to wish someone good luck before they get married? I mean this is a work colleague, you speak to them every day (or at least most I assume). On a Friday, do you say as you leave "have a nice weekend"? It's no more going out of your way than it is to wish someone well as they are about to get married.

Look, I don't want to harp on at you. At the end of the day, it's a rather trivial argument and you know your relationship with your colleagues better than I do.

skallywag

Bacchus wrote: »

I mean this is a work colleague, you speak to them every day (or at least most I assume). On a Friday, do you say as you leave "have a nice weekend"? It's no more going out of your way than it is to wish someone well as they are about to get married.

There is a small handful of people who I would speak to every day, and of course in these circumstances there would be chit-chat concerning weddings, etc. But the majority of my colleagues I may see just a couple of times a week, and in this case I'm not going to actively seek someone out on a separate floor or building just to wish them luck before their wedding. I will, on the other hand, make a point of congratulating them afterwards when the next appropriate chance arises.

faceman

Jaysus. The people saying the likes of "Man up" on the thread should be ashamed. And will fail as business leaders.

That's pretty sad that your colleagues didn't even wish you good luck OP. After family, we see our work colleagues more often than anyone else. Therefore the workplace should be a more considerate place.

But don't take my word for it. There is ample research on the topic into how employers taking an interest in the lives of employees can positively impact productivity and employee retention. It makes an employee feel valued and cared about.

You can bet that when the OP returns to the office his loyalty and work engagement will have been eroded.

I know a guy who worked for a company and he kept the fact his partner was pregnant a secret. Someone found out accidentally when the baby was born. The company sent flowers to him and his partner. It went a long way in his eyes. He figured that being a man, no one would care about his missus' pregnancy. He was wrong. He greatly appreciated the gesture though.

Have a wonderful wedding OP.

sbsquarepants

I'm working at my job for the best part of 2 decades now - if I was to decide to get married in the morning, I wouldn't expect anyone to give a toss, bar 3 or 4 people who I'd regard as friends rather than colleagues. There have been maybe 50 weddings in the time I'm here - I went to one full wedding and the afters of another. The other 48 I didn't have the slightest interest in, I'm sure I spoke to / congratulated a few of them if we happened to be speaking and I happened to think of it, but that would be about it.
This is my job, not my life. I think you need to toughen up a bit - no one really cares that you're getting married, why would they?
They won't care if you have kids or get divorced either!

Hani Kosti

You have every right to feel upset OP!
Male or female, wedding is a significant enough life event and should be acknowledged. I'm not saying everyone need to know the color scheme of your big day or how many courses are being served for dinners, but simple and polite best of luck on your wedding day costs nothing and makes you feel special for those all 3 seconds.
Wishing you bets of luck and enjoy your big day!