Punishment as a child

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

^ that's devastating to read

Armchair Andy

Did anyone ever turn on your mam later on in life Erica? Physically I mean.

(Assuming there's siblings of course)

erica74

Armchair Andy wrote: »

Did anyone ever turn on your mam later on in life Erica? Physically I mean.

(Assuming there's siblings of course)

Nah, I've a brother and sister and it was just a case of leaving home as soon as you could.

I know it probably sounds bananas but even when I was getting thumped around and whatnot, I could never bring myself to retaliate physically, even when I got older and was taller than her.

Armchair Andy

erica74 wrote:

I know it probably sounds bananas but even when I was getting thumped around and whatnot, I could never bring myself to retaliate physically, even when I got older and was taller than her.

Had much the same with my own father. Even when I stood 6 foot 1 and 5 inches over him with him goading me into taking my chance I couldn't do it. Not out of love out of fear.
Had my mother and sisters on him trying to pull him off me a good few times. Didn't know it then but it wasn't normal, far from it.

Hector Bellend

"A good crack on the arse".

I'm sure we've all been administered one of these in our time

boardsuser1

Got slapped across the face or a belt of a sweeping brush. Had my face stamped on once. That's only the tip of the ice berg.

Have 4 kids myself and they walk all over me.

AnneFrank

Slaps off one parent, it never worked and I still find it hard to forgive, the silent treatment off the other was far worse and had much more impact, it made me think

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

boardsuser1

erica74 wrote: »

My mother suffered/suffers very badly with her mental health and my father was/is an alcoholic so we got thumped around the place, the non-physical stuff was worse though, to be honest. My mother was always the one dishing out the punishment, my father never laid a hand on us, he used to wreck the house though.
Wooden spoon - to the point of it breaking. I couldn't count how many wooden spoons were brought into our house. When it broke it was a curse and a blessing, a curse because you'd be after getting a severe walloping for it to break and a blessing because you knew it would be at least a week before another one would be bought.
Wavin pipe (leftover from work on the house) - this was so fúcking painful.
And a whole host of various random objects that were within reach when the punishment for the perceived offence was being dished out. The perceived offence could be laughing at a tv show, coming home from school and waking up my mother (she spent a considerable amount of time in bed), burning your dinner (because I was 7 and surprisingly didn't know how to cook), etc.

We used to take turns hiding the weapons but then you'd get thumped for hiding them.
I used to go to school with welts and bruises all over me all the time. It used to be so embarrassing in PE, however, nobody gave a shíte about this sort of thing back then.

(Oh and we were never given nice things that could be taken away if we were "bold" and we were never brought nice places that we could be prevented from going to if we were "bold". I was 8 the last time I got a card or present for birthday or Christmas.)

I take my hat off to you for writing that post. The psychological damage never heals.

dar100

God I was given some savage beatings as s child, didn't help, in fact made me much worse!!

There was wooden spoons and those round wooden sticks used in the old baby cots, that was from my Mam lol

My dad was an animal, I've had everything from iron bars to screw drivers used in me!! Stopped when I was 15 when I pulled him out of bed with a hammer, didn't hit him with it!!

Armchair Andy

KC161 wrote:

I take my hat off to you for writing that post. The psychological damage never heals.

No never. But you got to come to terms with it at some stage or it will eat you up slowly.

erica74

Permabear wrote: »

This post had been deleted.

KC161 wrote: »

I take my hat off to you for writing that post. The psychological damage never heals.

I've had a few boards accounts down through the years and only recently rejoined after being off boards for a good few years. I've always maintained my anonymity (never met anybody off the site in real life or disclosed information that would identify me) but this is the first account through which I've ever been truly honest about myself. I don't even understand why that is. I suppose you carry shame with you about being mistreated, whereas the people mistreating you just seem to forget about it.

boardsuser1

Armchair Andy wrote: »

No never. But you got to come to terms with it at some stage or it will eat you up slowly.

The psychological damage with me will never heal, I've learned to cope with it yes, but heal no.

Grew up without either of my parents .
Raised by my maternal family consisting of grandparents, aunts, uncles.
Used as a punch bag.
Thrown into foster care and denied contact with my family.
Raped several times by a family member.
Ended up in state care at 14. Only then did I really begin life.

I've self harmed, overdosed, and wasn't able to hold down a job. Up to the age of 23 I had no stability in my life whatsoever.

Thankfully I met a decent and understanding girl who helped me and now we have our own family.

Rightly or wrongly I am now a black sheep on both sides of the family. So My kids have no paternal family.

Armchair Andy

erica74 wrote:

I've had a few boards accounts down through the years and only recently rejoined after being off boards for a good few years. I've always maintained my anonymity (never met anybody off the site in real life or disclosed information that would identify me) but this is the first account through which I've ever been truly honest about myself. I don't even understand why that is. I suppose you carry shame with you about being mistreated, whereas the people mistreating you just seem to forget about it.

I didn't deal with any of it til my 30s Erica, like you I always thought I was the reason it happened to me as opposed to being an innocent victim.
I had buried my head in the sand for years and only when I met one of my sisters after years apart she asked me did I ever come to terms with my childhood.
I broke down as no one had ever asked me how I was that way before. Ever.
Got counselling for a while but gave it up as I could never get to the bottom of it and it was much too painful to find out.
Now i know what happened wasn't me, I was just unlucky, and lucky in comparison to others.
Do something about it. Come to terms with it some way would be my advice. Best of luck.

boardsuser1

erica74 wrote: »

I've had a few boards accounts down through the years and only recently rejoined after being off boards for a good few years. I've always maintained my anonymity (never met anybody off the site in real life or disclosed information that would identify me) but this is the first account through which I've ever been truly honest about myself. I don't even understand why that is. I suppose you carry shame with you about being mistreated, whereas the people mistreating you just seem to forget about it.

I'm always someone who has remained anonymous on boards as well. I don't even have any friends who know I'm on here nor do I tell anyone my true identity here either. And I will never ask anyone their true identity.

It seems some bits of our childhoods were similar from reading your story.

nhunter100

D0NNELLY wrote:

Three kids that no amount of grounding will help, you're the common denominator

Well that escalated rather quickly, someone needs a timeout on the naughty step.

erica74

KC161 wrote: »

The psychological damage with me will never heal, I've learned to cope with it yes, but heal no.

Grew up without either of my parents .
Raised by my maternal family consisting of grandparents, aunts, uncles.
Used as a punch bag.
Thrown into foster care and denied contact with my family.
Raped several times by a family member.
Ended up in state care at 14. Only then did I really begin life.

I've self harmed, overdosed, and wasn't able to hold down a job. Up to the age of 23 I had no stability in my life whatsoever.

Thankfully I met a decent and understanding girl who helped me and now we have our own family.

Rightly or wrongly I am now a black sheep on both sides of the family. So My kids have no paternal family.

Very sorry to read that.

My husband is also very understanding and very helpful when I'm going through bad patches. I was abused by my brother when I was a child and understandably, my husband has a very hard time dealing with that in particular but without him, I don't know where I would be. It takes a very strong person to handle a partner who has been abused.

Bizarrely, I am also the black sheep. My sister is the only one I have a relationship with. Nobody else really keeps in touch with me and that sort of thing. So strange but then I also wonder is it because they feel guilty and by shutting me out, they can ignore their guilt.

erica74

Armchair Andy wrote: »

I didn't deal with any of it til my 30s Erica, like you I always thought I was the reason it happened to me as opposed to being an innocent victim.
I had buried my head in the sand for years and only when I met one of my sisters after years apart she asked me did I ever come to terms with my childhood.
I broke down as no one had ever asked me how I was that way before. Ever.
Got counselling for a while but gave it up as I could never get to the bottom of it and it was much too painful to find out.
Now i know what happened wasn't me, I was just unlucky, and lucky in comparison to others.
Do something about it. Come to terms with it some way would be my advice. Best of luck.

I do plan on getting counselling some day but I'm just not there yet. I have a lot of medical stuff going on and I'd like to get all that under control before opening another can of worms.
In the past few months, I told one of my closest friends about being abused by my brother as a child (my husband is the only other person who knows) and I'm still suffering from increased nightmares and stuff after talking about it for the first time in so long.

gitzy16v

Erica,Andy and KC; I really hope you are all somewhat happy in your lives now,Im not an emotional person per se,but that really tugged at my heartstrings...I was going to jovially post about my dad cracking the belt at me as a threat but its pales into insignificance reading those posts.
I had been dealing with somebody harming my own kids(no way near as bad) and it breaks my heart .
Best wishes to you all.

koumi

The childer punishes me, I don't know how she does it but I get sent to my room and told to be quiet. (she never had a hand raised to her)
I was probably one of those pita children though because I saw my fair share of the lamh in my day. I'd probably feel neglected if I weren't scolded and told what to do by others at this stage :P

gifted

OP here, to be honest when I posted the question about punishment it was more about hearing the funny side of what we remembered as kids ourselves, funny now, as we are, I presume, all adults and possibly have kids ourselves. I naively didn't realise that this question would open up bad and distressing memories for some boards users. Andy, Erica and KC and to other people, I'm really sorry if posting this question has upset anyone.

timthumbni

Personally at school we used to get caned when we misbehaved. It worked for me as it was used pretty fairly as in you only got it if you deserved it. It stopped me acting the maggot. Though it's easy to see with others it could be abused.

I do see kids in school now seem to have no fear of teachers at all. As such some of their behaviour is shocking and very disruptive. Hard to know how to deal with that nowadays.

Urethra Franklin.

Ive always wondered how many kids actually suffer abuse given the topic of this thread. I had a homelife similar somewhat to Erica70s although my father was not an alcoholic nor did he wreck the house and it probably wasnt as severe as Ericas-I got hit with pool sticks and tin whistles, dragged from one end of the house by the hair and back again, was made eat cob webs, etc. I did retaliate once when my mother came charging at me with a rolling pin-I grabbed a deodrant and sprayed it in her eyes, slammed the door and ran for the hills.

I told a friend at college I was abused at home to which she said both she and another mutual friend of ours also had physical abuse at home, following this I believed that domestic violence within the home was very common, probably in nearly every home but nobody likes to talk about it or admit to it, but recently enough when we were chatting about it she said she was just pushed around-and as awful as this may sound I dont really consider that getting a beating or abuse-so now Im wondering if its common at all and just wondering others people thoughts on it?

erica74

Urethra Franklin. wrote: »

Ive always wondered how many kids actually suffer abuse given the topic of this thread. I had a homelife similar somewhat to Erica70s although my father was not an alcoholic nor did he wreck the house and it probably wasnt as severe as Ericas-I got hit with pool sticks and tin whistles, dragged from one end of the house by the hair and back again, was made eat cob webs, etc. I did retaliate once when my mother came charging at me with a rolling pin-I grabbed a deodrant and sprayed it in her eyes, slammed the door and ran for the hills.

I told a friend at college I was abused at home to which she said both she and another mutual friend of ours also had physical abuse at home, following this I believed that domestic violence within the home was very common, probably in nearly every home but nobody likes to talk about it or admit to it, but recently enough when we were chatting about it she said she was just pushed around-and as awful as this may sound I dont really consider that getting a beating or abuse-so now Im wondering if its common at all and just wondering others people thoughts on it?

Sometimes someone will tell you something and then when they speak about it again, they'll let on it wasn't that bad or that they made it up. Sometimes it's because they don't want to be seen as a victim or they don't want to be pitied or they don't want to have to talk about it. Sometimes it's easier to convince yourself it didn't happen if you say it didn't happen. Now obviously, your friend may well have "just" been pushed around but it's worth bearing in mind she may just be protecting herself.

Armchair Andy

gifted wrote:

If a mod could close this I'd appreciate it.

I wouldn't say close it at all. If it helps any one person even begin to understand what child abuse is or was its a good thing imo.

KERSPLAT!

gifted wrote: »

OP here, to be honest when I posted the question about punishment it was more about hearing the funny side of what we remembered as kids ourselves, funny now, as we are, I presume, all adults and possibly have kids ourselves. I naively didn't realise that this question would open up bad and distressing memories for some boards users. Andy, Erica and KC and to other people, I'm really sorry if posting this question has upset anyone.

If a mod could close this I'd appreciate it.

It's good to talk, it can help no end. No need for you to apologise or for us to close the thread.

gifted

Armchair Andy wrote: »

I wouldn't say close it at all. If it helps any one person even begin to understand what child abuse is or was its a good thing imo.

OK.

erica74

Don't close it on my account anyway. Always good to talk. Those who want to read and contribute will do so and those who don't want to or who find it overwhelming, won't.

koumi

gifted wrote: »

OP here, to be honest when I posted the question about punishment it was more about hearing the funny side of what we remembered as kids ourselves, funny now, as we are, I presume, all adults and possibly have kids ourselves. I naively didn't realise that this question would open up bad and distressing memories for some boards users. Andy, Erica and KC and to other people, I'm really sorry if posting this question has upset anyone.

I only read your opening post before I responded so didn't see the other posts until after, had I realised it was opening wounds for others I wouldn't have added my own contribution which I felt was in keeping with the light hearted tone you set out. Apologies.

One eyed Jack

KC161 wrote: »

The psychological damage never heals.

I understand why you'd say that, but it's very much dependent upon the individual and their experiences as to whether or not that's actually true. I certainly wouldn't want it to become a commonly held belief that's assumed to be true because all it does IMO is takes away the motivation to seek help in order to overcome what damage may have been done.