Sisters lying and keeping secrets!

LegacyUser

Hi,

What would ye do in this situation?


Majority of my sisters keeping secrets and lying to me...
They all know everything apart from me.
But yet if I tell one sis one thing they all know so I will not be telling anything only when asked


My sis got married rec and her sis in law rang her up and told her she was not going to wedding.
I asked her what she said, she said that all and hung up( I knew she was lying)
I since asked my other sis who told me what she did say...

I also asked the sis that got married when was the interiew for the guards.She lied and said given no date.
He told me the truth when I was down visiting... that he had got date 3 weeks ago.I knew she waa lying when she tried to answer question for him.

Also my cousin was on Dragons Den but no one of them told me! I was texting one of them that v same night....
They all knew cos they tagged each other on fb.I am not on that.


So I don't why all the lies and secrets but can guarantee won't be open anymore with them...

Xterminator

HI Op

it sounds like there is an inner circle, and your not in it. Probably stings a little to be excluded, but if you think about it perhaps you can come up with a reason why?

I personally would want to be part of an inner circle that deals with lies and secrets. I'd consider it a backhanded compliment that they knew not to include me in their schemes, and cut contact down to polite civility.

so my advice would be to be the better person, let them have each other and you go your own way. Not fall out twith them just cut down on contact and keep it impersonal.

silverharp

Ive no idea how old you are, whether you are living at home or not but honestly if they are all head wreck just drop your contact way down and keep the chit chat superficial if you cant trust them not to gossip. Do you have parents that can keep you in the loop and just keep updated that way?

LegacyUser

silverharp wrote: »

Ive no idea how old you are, whether you are living at home or not but honestly if they are all head wreck just drop your contact way down and keep the chit chat superficial if you cant trust them not to gossip. Do you have parents that can keep you in the loop and just keep updated that way?

I am 35.Both parents passed away so I reckon.I'll forever be out of the loop.
I visit all the time 2.5 hrs and make most initation to meet up. I think I won't bother anymore.
The more you do for people, the worse you are treated.

I think I will definitely limit contact and definitely it impersonal xterminator.

Two sisters visited other wknd( I since found out I was second choice but how and ever they came)

I asked any news at home.One sister said no and this was a blatant lie with guard interview and Dragons Den and whatever other secrets there are!

GingerLily

It's not really any of your business why someone declined to go to got sisters wedding or when your sister has/had a job interview. That's her business she's entitled to the privacy.

I can see why your annoyed about the Dragons Den thing, but probably just that your not on Facebook, so you will get excluded from some things.

You have to earn trust and friendship, even with your siblings, it sucks that you feel left out but that's life, it's not always easy!

GingerLily

Double post

LegacyUser

GingerLily wrote: »

It's not really any of your business why someone declined to go to got sisters wedding or when your sister has/had a job interview. That's her business she's entitled to the privacy.

I can see why your annoyed about the Dragons Den thing, but it could easily just be that your not on Facebook so you will get excluded from some things.

You have to earn trust and friendship, even with your siblings, it sucks you feel left out but that'd life, it's not always easy!

I get that but I'm the ONLY sister left out.
I wouldn't mind say if me and another were left out but no it's just me

GingerLily

Sorry your feeling left out, I've felt like the odd one out before in my own family, it's a tough lesson but you just have to accept it, you'll feel so much happier when you do.

LegacyUser

A few weeks ago in group chat my sister asked one sis how was work.
I text said sister and she said oh nothing that was just a general question( more lies)
Found out she applying for jobs.
Like why lie about that

December2012

Why do you think they left you out? How is your relationship apart from the secrets. Do you guys have any fun?

LegacyUser

I have no idea.
We went for a wknd away 2 yrs ago organized by me.It was great fun and really thought be annual thing.

I tried to organize another one last year but they all had "excuses "
But as predicted as I told them when someone tries to organize a night out their partners they all jump on board and they did.They were all suggesting dates but not one suggested a date when I was organizing girls wknd.

They knew I was pissed off with that and I even what I said would happen with them suggesting dates did happen!

retro:electro

I would agree with GL and say that most of what you've provided above isn't really any of your business. I've two sisters and they are best friends and tell each other everything. I'm usually the 3rd wheel but I put that down to me being younger and the mentality that they still see me as the baby. I'm okay with that. I know they'll inform me of the important stuff and anything other than that isn't my business really. We still all have fun together- they're just closer. Maybe set up a family/sister WhatsApp group to try and keep in the loop?

December2012

I just re read your original post. they communicate with each other on Facebook, but you don't use that. That's on you. I'm not saying you need to use Facebook, but I don't think you can get annoyed that they are talking to each other in a medium that you are not part of. They don't have to include you in everything that they talk about.

LegacyUser

Only the Dragons Den thing was on fb.
They communicate via text or in person.
They certainly wouldn't be putting other info on fb.....

retro:electro

sistersM wrote: »

Only the Dragons Den thing was on fb.
They communicate via text or in person.
They certainly wouldn't be putting other info on fb.....

I hope this doesn't come across as insensitive, but do you think that maybe you're a bit nosey? I mean I'd never dream of asking anyone what the other person on the phone wanted, or ask someone about the date of a job interview. These are things that some people like to keep secret for personal reasons.. You say that "he" told you about the date, who is "he"? A sisters partner? Why would you be asking about your sisters partner's job interview? The Dragon's Den thing they should have told you about yes, but maybe they thought you knew? How did you see them talking about it on FB if you're not on it?

notsoyoungwan

You might not like it but you've no right to know what's going on in your sisters' lives and they do have a right to privacy from you, if that's what they want.
I have 4 sisters, 1 of them knows pretty much everything going on in my life and vice versa, 2 of them know most things but not the most personal and I'd imagine they'd say similar about what I know about their lives, and the 4th... well, for a variety of reasons I go out of my way to ensure she knows very little about my life.

That's life, that's families, that's friendships.

LegacyUser

They told me about fb.I asked about the phone thing when I found out she had told every one else apart from me....
She also told everyone else about guard date. ..
Not me...

As I knew my sis was lying or actually highly suspected she was.I asked my bro in law when he got date and he told me while she tried to interrupt him with oh no it was after that.I know was lies cos she can't lie for **** plus he basically told me she was lying in no uncertain terms.


The main thing is they all lying and keeping secrets from me yet I do most of the running and organizing of things or trying to.
I said after last time , I'd never organize anything again.I was so hurt and very.upset by it all.So much so I was trying to hold back tears in work but thankfully no one said a word.

I was even more upset when they all suggested dates for the partners thing and no "excuses " then.
Although had to get babysitters for most of them.
I told them if ppl want to go somewhere they will go.

Big Bag of Chips

Do you tend to be a bit opinionated, OP? Do you always have something to say about someone else? The only reason I ask is, what the sister-in-law said was irrelevant. You only wanted to know what she said out of nosiness, (and to maybe have a bitch about her?)

I have a couple of sisters. 1 I'm friendly enough with, and we will tell each other some stuff. The other I exchange mundane pleasantries with but I will not get involved in any sort of discussion with her. She's ALWAYS right. She's ALWAYS giving out about something someone said, someone said. She is an authority on everything and has an opinion on everyone and everything and rarely a positive opinion!

So I keep my distance and tell her very little. She finds out general stuff about my life from other family members, which I don't mind, but I will avoid engaging her in conversation at all costs! I'm not suggesting you are like my sister but in families there will always be people who gel better than others. If my sister wasn't my sister then I know for definite we wouldn't be friends, and she wouldn't be someone I'd socialise with.

I'm not sure if there's anything you can do. So some sisters don't tell you stuff, but you tend to find out anyway from other sisters or family members. I agree with maybe setting up a WhatsApp group. That way you can check in with them to see what's going on. But be aware that others will probably still have a stronger relationship than you and may still talk to each other outside of the group.

LegacyUser

I've no problem with privacy.It's just I am the ONLY one left out which is very hurtful but I know what do in future now.Play at own game.I thought we were a close family.Ironic eh.

LegacyUser

We had a whatsapp group with everyone but that a saga for another day!
No, not opinionated. Very quiet.

orthsquel

OP are you the only one of you that lives a fair distance away? If they all live in close proximity to eachother they could be engaging eachother regularly / living in eachother's pockets on a day to day basis so big news to you is no news to them a short while later.

I'm not close to my sister or sister in law at all anymore. I don't tell them anything.... I just don't feel comfortable talking or engaging with them about my own life, simply because they're not asking out of concern or genuine interest whatsoever.

It's hard to gauge in your situation, you may not be out of the loop for any other reason than you live further away - out of sight, out of mind.

If you're eager to share news and expect the same back, if you are living far away it's just that whatever news to you is not news to them. Travelling a couple of hours to you may be nothing, some people would drag their heels visiting anywhere than 10 minutes away, and maybe that is an issue your siblings have, rather than you personally... like it's more convenient for them for you to make the effort, but it's an effort for them to make the same.

retro:electro

sistersM wrote: »

We had a whatsapp group with everyone but that a saga for another day!
No, not opinionated. Very quiet.

How did you see their Facebook chat?

LegacyUser

I did not see the fb chat.
They told me....

Another sis lives a fair distance away but she is kept in loop too.
I wouldn't mind if two of us didn't know but it is just ME.
I kinda get the feeling some ppl might think I am being over dramatic.Perhaps I am. It's very hurtful when you know your sisters are lying to u.

Another thing happened before where my sister was supposed to have "depression " and they were all lying to me.It eventually came out.

I be telling them the bare minimum from now on like they do to me.I wish it wasn't like this but it's families as someone pointed out.

LegacyUser

I wouldn't mind if I was not the only sister left out but I am the ONLY one left out.
Yes two of them are closer and that's not a bother.
The point I've been tying to me is I am the ONLY sis left out of everything.
The trying to organise a wknd away with us and the "excuses" was very upsetting and then I even told them that when partner one come around they all jump on it and they did... No "excuses" then.

sistersM

sistersM wrote: »

I visit all the time 2.5 hrs and make most initation to meet up. I think I won't bother anymore.

I asked any news at home

sistersM wrote: »

We went for a wknd away 2 yrs ago organized by me.It was great fun and really thought be annual thing.

I tried to organize another one last year but they all had "excuses "
But as predicted as I told them when someone tries to organize a night out their partners they all jump on board and they did

sistersM wrote: »

I'm the ONLY sister left out.

So what's different about you? As Anna pointed out, the natural dynamics of siblings can lead to one person feeling left out or other siblings being closer but that's just natural. How many sisters do you have and where do you fall in the age range?

I get the impression from your posts that you:

1. Don't live at "home" but they do?
2. Have partners but you don't?
3. Are closer in age than you are?

I think "secrets and lies" is a bit over the top, it just seems that you're in a different dynamic to them.

GingerLily

Are you possibly a busybody OP?

You were out of line talking to the brother in law about this interview date, it's got NOTHING to do with you.
Your not entitled to an adult family holiday, your not entitled to know private information of your sisters, your not entitled to friendship with your siblings.

I think you need to take a step back from your sisters, for everyone's benefit.

LegacyUser

GingerLily wrote: »

Are you possibly a busybody OP?

You were out of line talking to the brother in law about this interview date, it's got NOTHING to do with you.
Your not entitled to an adult family holiday, your not entitled to know private information of your sisters, your not entitled to friendship with your siblings.

I think you need to take a step back from your sisters, for everyone's benefit.

No, quite the opposite.They always wanna know everything about me and I tell 'em.
Me and another sis lives away but I have to say again I'm the ONLY sis left out.


I know not entitled to a holiday but suddenly when group one was on they all shouting dates.I tried to get a date from them for months.They just didn't wanna go.
I am the only single one..

I think none of ye can see how upsetting this is but I know just keep at a distance from now on. Cheers.

witchgirl26

OP I get that you're upset but at the end of the day they're not keeping massive stuff from you, are they? I would be fairly close to my sister but yet she didn't know my other half had started a new job until I mentioned it in passing. I didn't keep it from her and may have mentioned it (or may not have) but realistically it wasn't much to do with her so didn't seek her out to say it.

In regards the Dragons Den thing - my friend missus out on some stuff not being on FB but honestly was this really a massive thing? I rarely have a clue what my cousins are up to except for when I see something on FB. And they told you about the chat afterwards when you asked so obviously not keeping it from you as such.

The holiday thing - people have lives and are not always free when you want to go away. Are there kids involved? Is that maybe what's led to the not being able to commit. I'd love to go away with my sister but with her having 2 kids it's just not a possibility anymore in the same way it once was. And we do have separate lives.

Honestly I think maybe the fact that you seem to living away from everyone is highlighting this a little more but maybe an actual open chat with them all about how you're feeling would be the best way forward. Maybe they haven't even realised how left out you feel. That said, they don't have to share everything with you. Interview dates or anything. It's up to them. Same way as it's up to you what you share.

I'd be the type of person who'll share anything with people I know and not care but I know others who are more guarded the older they've gotten in terms of what they let people know. They've been hurt, not necessarily by the people they're not telling stuff to, and are protecting themselves a bit. And you can't get upset if they decide to share things with one person but not you. The only person you can get upset with about that is a significant other not a sister.

I'm sorry if any of this was harsh but I think you need to step back a bit from the situation and look at it objectively.

LegacyUser

I don't understand why she needed to lie about interview date when he had got it...
There are kids with 3, not 2 of them.
Interestingly they used that as one of their "excuses" yet their pArtners would have been around.

No trouble at all getting babysitters when both parents be away.
The other sisters had excuses could not get off work etc yet they no trouble getting time off for races and colour runs..

They of course did not tell me that.I found out after.

retro:electro

sistersM wrote: »

I don't understand why she needed to lie about interview date when he had got it...
There are kids with 3, not 2 of them.
Interestingly they used that as one of their "excuses" yet their pArtners would have been around.

No trouble at all getting babysitters when both parents be away.
The other sisters had excuses could not get off work etc yet they no trouble getting time off for races and colour runs..

They of course did not tell me that.I found out after.

Your posts are becoming increasingly harder to follow. How are you finding out all of this info about them? And again, how did you see their Facebook conversation? You seem awfully bothered by what they may or may not be telling you about their personal lives. If I had a sister who wanted to know every detail about mine and my partners lives I'd probably be very selective in what I told her also.

5rtytry56

witchgirl26 wrote: »

... step back a bit from the situation and look at it objectively.

Please Do This for the sake your own well-being OP.