Do you go for drinks after work

Dravokivich

biko wrote: »

I do go for drinks after work occasionally, just not with co-workers.
Instead I go with IRL friends.

Make sure they are properly decaled.

Bambi985

Probably once every month or two, it certainly wouldn't be habit.

I do think it's an age thing though. When I was in my 20s I socialised with my colleagues, hooked up with colleagues, the drinks would be a weekly thing and most of us didn't have families or partners at home waiting for us.

These days I'd rather spend time with my OH and other friends who I don't get to see every day of the week. I'm a lot stingier with the time I'll give to work events as in a sense it's extending your working day and god knows we spend long enough on the clock as it is. I think it's important to foster professional relationships in the workplace though and would never be that person that never went to ANYTHING as I've found a lot of the time future opportunities will rely on being that familiar person that people like and used to chat with at these types of events.

SVJKarate

Very rarely. There's so many more interesting things to do!!

razorblunt

Not really anymore, still keen on the one Friday a month it happens, but I tend to find I'll have the one or two and mooch on home. They thing about work drinks is that they will inevitably end up talking about work.

These days I leave early on a Friday, get home, suit off, tracksuit bottoms/shorts on, walk the dog in the park and stop off for a pint in the dog friendly local on the way back.

As soon as I'm home then, the watch comes off and THAT's when the weekend is over!

jester77

We've a fridge that always has beer in it, so usually have beers in the office but not every afternoon. Plus lunch and beer on Fridays.

Boom_Bap

Nope, there is no boozer nearby and my office is not an easy place to get to via public transport from where I'm coming from. Too much hassle.
About 8 years ago we tried it when there was a pub nearby, but it didn't go well as people wanted to get to their weekend instead of hanging out with colleagues.

In a previous job, we done it which was good fun, but I was younger, closer to home and was normally pre-drinking for the night out ahead.

__Alex__

I've made friends through work occasionally, but with them I'd just arrange things separate from work. Did a bit of the drinking with co-workers things in my early twenties but realised I didn't want waste my precious free time with people who wouldn't be in my life in five year's time. It's just not for me and I don't drink much anyway. Was in a job before in my mid-twenties where there was real peer pressure to go to the pub every Friday after work. I resisted but it was frowned upon, like as if my not going was going to affect team morale or something. I didn't really like the idea of every Friday evening being mapped out for me. I'd much rather enjoy the beginning of my weekend how I want to.

Wanderer2010

dotsman wrote: »

Well, clearly you lead a very different life (and work environment) to me. Why do I think you are miserable in your job? Because the work life you describe sounds very miserable to me, and the language you use to describe it certainly implies that you find it miserable as well

• "to work with people who you have absolutely nothing in common with, some whom you downright despise and others who have odd and weird methods of interacting with others or poor hygiene etc but for the sake of peace you have to get on with it"
• "Finding one, maybe two people who you like is a pleasant surprise"
• "I must work as a team"
• "you bite your tongue"
• etc

For me, my work is one of my hobbies. It is something I enjoy (and if/when I don't, it's time to move on). I'm not going to waste a huge part of my life doing something I don't enjoy with people I don't enjoy spending time with. As an example, I left a job over a year ago now and still regularly meet up with my ex colleagues for nights out (maybe about once every 2 months), and hopefully will for years to come.

Friday nights are about unwinding after the week. They are about finding out that you do, in fact, have a lot in common with your colleagues. They are about laughing at the problems you faced during the week and the problems you expect to face in the coming week. They are about talking about non-work related things. They are about meeting new people who work on other teams. They are about resolving office conflicts in a fun, friendly way. They are about catching up with people who you used to work closely with on a previous project. They are about talking to teammates about private, intimate things happening in your/their lives. They are about exploring possibilities for career advancement. They are about meeting new people. They are about forging relationships with people you may some day end up working with. They are about talking to people from other teams and discovering interesting things that they are doing. They are about hooking up with someone from the office. They are about interacting with more senior members of the organisation in a non-formal setting.

But most of all, they are simply about having fun.

I just cannot comprehend how anyone has a problem with that.

Oh, and P.S., in all my Friday nights out with work colleagues, I have never heard anybody exclaim how much of a "legend" they are (or anything to that effect)

Id imagine you are in your early to mid 20s going by some of your statements above? You seem to think that nights out and drinking and socializing can only exclusively be done with people you work with.
You also make a number of fixed statements about what Friday nights are for- again, maybe for you but not for a huge amount of people. Have you any children? A mortgage? A dog to look after? Trust me, Friday nights are for a million things besides spending time with your workmates, whether you get on with them or not.
My statements reflect real life by the way. Yes, you are lucky that you seem to have a lot of mates in work and you seem to make work your sole point of socializing but work may not always be like that and its not healthy to base so much of your life around it. What if your mates move on/mature/want to stop drinking. What if you get a new boss you hate but nobody agrees with you and you have nobody to vent to? It might be worth having friends outside of work as well.

dotsman

Wanderer2010 wrote: »

Id imagine you are in your early to mid 20s going by some of your statements above?

Nope. Mid 30's.

Wanderer2010 wrote: »

You seem to think that nights out and drinking and socializing can only exclusively be done with people you work with.

Where did you get that crazy idea? One Friday evening a month with work folk leaves a whole bunch of other Friday and Saturday nights free to socialise with the many different groups of friends, date night or just have a quite night in.

Wanderer2010 wrote: »

Have you any children?

Nope.

Wanderer2010 wrote: »

A mortgage?

Yes.

Wanderer2010 wrote: »

A dog to look after?

Nope (not sure of relevance of last few questions). Yes, kids have a negative impact on social life, but you cut down, you don't just stop socialising. You still need to have a life outside your kids.

Wanderer2010 wrote: »

Trust me, Friday nights are for a million things besides spending time with your workmates, whether you get on with them or not.

A million is a bit of an exaggeration. There are a few things you can do with a Friday night. And socialising with your work colleagues is just one of them. That's why nobody goes out every Friday night, but you should be socialising with your colleagues regularly (target once a month, depending on circumstances, you may only get out once every two months).

Wanderer2010 wrote: »

My statements reflect real life by the way.

I don't know why you keep bringing up the term "real life". Is it that you think we are all making it up? It is all an act? That the pubs in dublin city aren't full to the brim (especially if the weather is nice or it's the friday after payday etc). Believe, liking their work colleagues is reality for many people. Wanting to socialise with people they have fun with is reality for many people. Wanting a pint or two after a hectic week is reality for many people.

Wanderer2010 wrote: »

Yes, you are lucky that you seem to have a lot of mates in work and you seem to make work your sole point of socializing but work may not always be like that and its not healthy to base so much of your life around it.

Again, where have I alluded to that. Enjoying the company of the people I work with and socialising with them doesn't mean I don't have lots of other friends. I do. And even occasionally do weekends away either with friends or to meet friends etc.

Wanderer2010 wrote: »

What if your mates move on/mature/want to stop drinking.

Some do. Maturity has nothing to do with it. Some people just surrender their social life under the pressures of kids or a nonsupporting partner.

Wanderer2010 wrote: »

What if you get a new boss you hate but nobody agrees with you and you have nobody to vent to? It might be worth having friends outside of work as well.

I can't imagine "hating" a boss where none of my colleagues agree. The only reason I would have for not liking my boss is because I think they are having a negative impact on the team, and thus would be felt by most/all the other team members. In fact I have had that experience (of a terrible manager), and being able to talk about it over a few drinks with team members who shared my experience/feelings, non-team members in the same organisation who could see some of the things this manager was doing and put an independent light on it went a huge way to dealing with the issue. Talking to non-work friends regarding it didn't really amount to much as they had little to no idea what I was talking about.


But all this is a mute point. Your original argument was nothing to do with being busy with other things. It was that you don't like the people you work with. You don't like the people who do have fun with their work colleagues. You just don't like the people, and I find that very sad and depressing.

Wanderer2010

But who put you in charge of how people spend their Friday nights?? You keep saying you "should" by socialising with workmates at least once a month. Says who? You? And if you don't what happens to you? Is your life somehow not as enjoyable if you don't meet this quote. Its bizzare that you put these rules in stone as if there aren't a million different viewpoints out there. Oh I have no doubt plenty of workplaces fill the pubs each weekday and weekend, that's not in dispute.
However, I take exception to you saying that people should be doing this and should be doing that. In my answer to this post I said I woudnt drink with them as I see enough of them, but that doesn't mean I'm miserable. I work well within my team, have a few people I can have a craic with then at the end of the day I go home and resume my home life. Work is work for me, I don't need it to satisfy a social void, I have hobbies and interests outside of work, and that's the reality for millions of workers out there. You are in the minority having to be so close to everyone you work with. Its a great thing but not a common thing.
Apologies about the age thing, you just come across like a hard drinking 21 or 22 yr old who lives for the weekend. I wouldn't have put you in your 30s from your posts.

Electric Sheep

dotsman wrote: »

Nope (not sure of relevance of last few questions). Yes, kids have a negative impact on social life, but you cut down, you don't just stop socialising. You still need to have a life outside your kids.

In my experience, kids don't have a negative impact on social life, social life just changes - for most people it no longer revolves around the pub. It concentrates more on socializing as a family, rather than the man being down the pub with his workmates while his wife holds the fort at home.

You know, visiting with other families in their homes, having dinner or a barbecue. Attending family friendly events. Attending their kids' sports events. Getting a babysitter and going out together as a couple.

osarusan

dotsman wrote: »

That's why nobody goes out every Friday night, but you should be socialising with your colleagues regularly (target once a month, depending on circumstances, you may only get out once every two months).

Should? Why 'should' you?

Socialise with them if you want to, don't socialise with them if you don't want to.

Conor Bourke

Not a regular thing but now and again after the final night shift of set a few of us would head to an early house.

You'd be plastered by 12midday, home in the nest by 2pm and wake up fresh as a daisy the next morning

Electric Sheep

Electric Sheep wrote: »

In my experience, kids don't have a negative impact on social life, social life just changes - for most people it no longer revolves around the pub. It concentrates more on socializing as a family, rather than the man being down the pub with his workmates while his wife holds the fort at home.

You know, visiting with other families in their homes, having dinner or a barbecue. Attending family friendly events. Attending their kids' sports events. Getting a babysitter and going out together as a couple.

Only men who allow it happen don't get out to the pub regularly after having kids. I know people who disappear and I know people who are still out fairly regularly even with kids, I'd consider kids having a negative impact if you fall into the first category. Man out Friday night, woman out sat night etc and that sort of thing is fine if you don't want always dropping to the grandparents/getting a baby sitter at weekends.

I have to say its a depressing picture having the above as your main social life* and I certainly don't intend on giving up fairly regular nights out with work/other friends when kids come, its the sort of thing that ends up with people resenting their choices etc.

*Just to clarify the events you described are fine, enjoyable and part of everyones life but I would not consider them a replacement for an active social life.

Wanderer2010

What would be considered an "active" social life for a 30 something though? Theres a lot of one size fits all stereotypes in this thread.

Wanderer2010

Wanderer2010 wrote: »

What would be considered an "active" social life for a 30 something though? Theres a lot of one size fits all stereotypes in this thread.

For me (early 30's) I'd have a proper night out basically every week, sometimes two (usually with the work crowd or the friends back home when I head home). Regular impromptu couple of midweek pints after work etc. Out for dinner at least once a week, regular cinema visits, weekends away etc.

Sunny Disposition

Wanderer2010 wrote: »

What would be considered an "active" social life for a 30 something though? Theres a lot of one size fits all stereotypes in this thread.

I'd say very few 30 somethings in relationships go to pubs on a regular basis, but people who are single probably would. Even if you are single the hangovers are going to be much more vicious than in your 20s so I think very few people in that boat are going to head out for a drink more than once a week.

Electric Sheep

Sunny Disposition wrote: »

Wanderer2010 wrote: »

What would be considered an "active" social life for a 30 something though? Theres a lot of one size fits all stereotypes in this thread.

I'd say very few 30 somethings in relationships go to pubs on a regular basis, but people who are single probably would. Even if you are single the hangovers are going to be much more vicious than in your 20s so I think very few people in that boat are going to head out for a drink more than once a week.

Or, you know, mature people can go out for dinner and a couple of drinks without getting hammered.

Gavinz

Electric Sheep wrote: »

Or, you know, mature people can go out for dinner and a couple of drinks without getting hammered.

Well done. You're brilliant.

Gremlinertia

All the time.. Not with colleagues though..

__Alex__

Paula Bewildered Yardage wrote: »

For me (early 30's) I'd have a proper night out basically every week, sometimes two (usually with the work crowd or the friends back home when I head home). Regular impromptu couple of midweek pints after work etc. Out for dinner at least once a week, regular cinema visits, weekends away etc.

You'd be very lucky to keep up a social life to that extent post-children. And it's nothing to do with being whipped.

Wanderer78

__Alex__ wrote:

You'd be very lucky to keep up a social life to that extent post-children. And it's nothing to do with being whipped.

And if you did, I'd question your parenting skills and respect to your partner. More to life than drinking and partying

__Alex__

Sunny Disposition wrote: »

Even if you are single the hangovers are going to be much more vicious than in your 20s so I think very few people in that boat are going to head out for a drink more than once a week.

Electric Sheep wrote: »

Or, you know, mature people can go out for dinner and a couple of drinks without getting hammered.

Oh, I don't need to get hammered to be hungover, a few drinks'll do it.

Penny Tration

With colleagues, it's an occasional thing. if one of them has a birthday or achieved something in their studies, we'll head to the hotel next door after work for a few drinks. They're almost all lovely people and I enjoy their company.

It's only occasional though, because I just don't drink much anymore. I can't be dealing with hangovers.

A Shaved Duck?

Paula Bewildered Yardage wrote: »

Only men who allow it happen don't get out to the pub regularly after having kids. I know people who disappear and I know people who are still out fairly regularly even with kids, I'd consider kids having a negative impact if you fall into the first category. Man out Friday night, woman out sat night etc and that sort of thing is fine if you don't want always dropping to the grandparents/getting a baby sitter at weekends.

I have to say its a depressing picture having the above as your main social life* and I certainly don't intend on giving up fairly regular nights out with work/other friends when kids come, its the sort of thing that ends up with people resenting their choices etc.

*Just to clarify the events you described are fine, enjoyable and part of everyones life but I would not consider them a replacement for an active social life.

You are in for a shock.

Sunny Disposition

__Alex__ wrote: »

Oh, I don't need to get hammered to be hungover, a few drinks'll do it.

More than two does it nowadays:mad:

Parchment

I dont do anything with colleagues after 5pm.

Sunny Disposition

Sunny Disposition wrote: »

I'd say very few 30 somethings in relationships go to pubs on a regular basis, but people who are single probably would. Even if you are single the hangovers are going to be much more vicious than in your 20s so I think very few people in that boat are going to head out for a drink more than once a week.

I'd disagree, basically everyone that I would regularly go to the pub with is in a relationship or married (some even have kids).

__Alex__ wrote: »

You'd be very lucky to keep up a social life to that extent post-children. And it's nothing to do with being whipped.

It may not be to that extent initially anyway, but there is always room to fit in fairly regular pints after work/over the weekend if you want to. Once the child is over the very young baby stage, sleeping properly etc then there is really no reason not to have a fairly active social life for both parents if they want it, just maybe not togeather as easily (unless you have grandparents etc. close by for minding).

A Shaved Duck? wrote: »

You are in for a shock.

Am I? As I said I know a number of people who still get out fairly regularly after having kids, maybe not as often and not last minute decisions but still out. On the other hand some people just disappear. It's a choice imo (or being whipped).

__Alex__

Can't imagine resenting having children simply because it would mean I can only infrequently pour alcohol down my gullet. It's just alcohol. It's not very important. I don't have kids but can't imagine priortising work nights out over them if I had them. I could imagine a lot of social outings seeming a lot less important once children come along. Home with the kids and OH or out flapping my gums with people who won't be in my life in a few years times. Hmmm, tough choice!

Bambi985

Paula Bewildered Yardage wrote: »

As I said I know a number of people who still get out fairly regularly after having kids, maybe not as often and not last minute decisions but still out. On the other hand some people just disappear. It's a choice imo (or being whipped).

Your weekly schedule of social events sounds like my idea of hell. I'd absolutely hate that many nights out and pub trips and restaurant dates in any given week, it'd exhaust me and I'd have no time or money for the things I actually enjoy, hobbies and investments and exercise and the things that start to mean more once you've reached a certain age and are bored of the pub scene.

Some people "disappear" as you describe after a certain point because they're tired of the same old piss-ups and the 3-day hangovers and are at an age where they'd prefer to prioritise their partner and closer family/friends and a more healthy and tranquil life.