Real life v.s. Online personality

thepikminman

As I'm sure you all know, we see a very different side of people in youtube comments, and online in general. There's no way people would say what they say online in real life.

I'm an extreme example of this. I'm incredibly shy and anxious in real life, and never say close to what's on my mind to people. I always hold back. To the extend where I've only just realized that you're not supposed to do that, and that people do speak SOME of their minds at least. I always, for some bizarre reason, thought it was natural to just not be myself with people.

But online, in comments and threads, I have no problem voicing my full opinion, whether it causes conflict or not I don't care, and I'm sure most people are like that. That means that I obviously don't care what people think about what I'm saying and am confident in it, so what's stopping me in real life from doing it? Maybe the majority of us are just cowards in a way.... Or maybe it's the fear of real-life conflict. Any thoughts?

Drunk as a Skunk

I'm a total asshole online but in real life I'm a very nice person. Once online you are essentially free to do and say as you wish. It's a good thing, embrace it.

thepikminman

Drunk as a Skunk wrote: »

I'm a total asshole online but in real life I'm a very nice person. Once online you are essentially free to do and say as you wish. It's a good thing, embrace it.

Yeah, but my question is why do we act differently online? It's quite pathetic when you think about it.

Merkin

thepikminman wrote: »

Yeah, but my question is why do we act differently online? It's quite pathetic when you think about it.

What's your issue exactly? PI isn't the place for general discussion.

thepikminman

Merkin wrote: »

What's your issue exactly? PI isn't the place for general discussion.

Didn't realise, is there a way for me to change it, I can't see the option, or will I re-post it in general discussion?

fizzypish

thepikminman wrote: »

Didn't realise, is there a way for me to change it, I can't see the option, or will I re-post it in general discussion?

Anonymity and knee jerk reactions. You already know that you can say whatever you want on the net without repercussions. This is true but if you want to stop being an internet dick/troll then stop treating it this way. Do I disagree with this persons opinion? Do I have anything new to post? Can I disagree with this person while respecting their opinion? Do I need to call them a **** (99% of the time the answer is no)? If I create a thread or post am I writing it in a way thats incendiary or cunty? Am I feeding the trolls? If your real personality can answer these questions in a normal well balanced way then your online persona should reflect this. Realistically you already know the answer to this thread question (jesus that sound douchy...) but change is hard. Writing this I deleted about 4 sentences that I realized were not making a useful point and even though I didn't mean it as a dig would have been construed that way. Think before you type.
Good luck.

ManOfMystery

My personal opinion is that if your online personality is quite different in a negative way, then it's a sign of cowardice. You are typing things that you wouldn't say in real life because the chances of repercussions online are much, much less than they are in real life. I believe this is how and why trolls operate, and how and why some people who are fairly reserved in real life suddenly become this outspoken and sometime aggressive personality online. 


Personally, I try and behave online the same way I do in real life. It doesn't take a lot of effort. Why feed conflict and hostility and anger just to make a point online, if you lack the conviction to do so in real life? Being an authoritative figure on the internet is a totally false illusion if you're unable to be that person in real life.

blairbear

OP, I think the issue that was pointed out to you was that you were quite nasty online. You were in your most recent thread. I don't think that's being outspoken or ballsy or honest. I think you just have a rude online persona.

It's reassuring to know you are different in real life. Please don't try to echo your online persona.

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ManOfMystery

So clearly some people have something internal that stops them doing bad things - regardless of consequences.

It's a moral compass. I've had this discussion with some friends who are religious (I'm close to being an atheist at this stage) who can't seem to wrap their head around why I'm not out raping and pillaging given that I believe there's no punishment (or reward) in any potential afterlife. 

Asides from the fact that I don't want to go to jail, I don't believe in hurting other people or causing suffering/stress. Morals are there so we can work in harmony and unity and the human race will progress better with that approach than through hostility and war.

Walter H Price

i say what i like and don't overly give a Fcuk what people think as much in rel life as i do online , love a good debate not afraid to openly voice an opinion weather its controversial or not.

sashafierce

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Merkin

Moved to After Hours.

sashafierce

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Peregrine

I'm actually even more of an asshole in real life..

OldMrBrennan83

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Winterlong

With me the divergence is between my work and personal life.

ongarboy

It seems like there is confusion in this thread by OP and maybe some others that being honest and upfront about what you believe in or what you demonstrate in actions or in words should automatically also mean you don't care if you hurt anyone with you actions or words in the real world or online.  That is not true. You can be an honest person who speaks your mind but also have empathy.   This means respecting others opinions without having to agree with them whilst still maintaining your own beliefs and opinions and being able to stand up for yourself..
I suspect if the OP has been treated poorly and without respect in real life and he doesn't have the ability to stand up for himself, this manifests itself into deep rooted resentment which he acts out by being hostile online as it is the only outlet where he can remain anonymous and shielded from real world recriminations yet vent his frustrations in a way he could  never do in the real world.  Trolls thrive in such an environment (I'm not saying you are one OP).  I also think that anyone who feels the need to say they don't give a f**k about what they say or what anyone else thinks is actually emphasizing how much they do care and are using bravado, keyboard warrior tactics and projection to disguise it. If I genuinely didn't care what anyone else ever thought, I don't think I'd feel the need to go around convincing everyone of that fact. I wouldn't need to boast about it rub it in people's faces for reaction.....because that would mean I did care....  (it's like someone with wealth feeling the need to let everyone else know they're wealthy, a confident person who is happy within themselves doesn't need to go out of their way to do that)

Boom_Bap

In real life I know what a Tracker Mortgage is.

BrokenArrows

thepikminman wrote: »

As I'm sure you all know, we see a very different side of people in youtube comments, and online in general. There's no way people would say what they say online in real life.

I'm an extreme example of this. I'm incredibly shy and anxious in real life, and never say close to what's on my mind to people. I always hold back. To the extend where I've only just realized that you're not supposed to do that, and that people do speak SOME of their minds at least. I always, for some bizarre reason, thought it was natural to just not be myself with people.

But online, in comments and threads, I have no problem voicing my full opinion, whether it causes conflict or not I don't care, and I'm sure most people are like that. That means that I obviously don't care what people think about what I'm saying and am confident in it, so what's stopping me in real life from doing it? Maybe the majority of us are just cowards in a way.... Or maybe it's the fear of real-life conflict. Any thoughts?

People obviously act differently online because they are anonymous in most cases and unless you go way too far then your opinions and actions have no repercussions.

Ideally if you are a generally well balanced person then your real life vs online personality will be reasonably similar and not some crazy extreme like a Nun in real life but an insane racist nazi online.

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thepikminman

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I know, that's so true. the internet is what really makes me doubt the goodness in people, and makes me think it's not because they're good people, it's because they're cowards/desperate to be liked. 90% of people anyway

thepikminman

ongarboy wrote: »

I suspect if the OP has been treated poorly and without respect in real life and he doesn't have the ability to stand up for himself, this manifests itself into deep rooted resentment which he acts out by being hostile online as it is the only outlet where he can remain anonymous and shielded from real world recriminations yet vent his frustrations in a way he could  never do in the real world.  Trolls thrive in such an environment (I'm not saying you are one OP).

My exact thoughts on the subject. And also in real life, no matter how strong/valid your opinion is, is you speak with a timid voice, don't make good eyes contact, are awkward etc, people walk all over you and treat you with no respect regardless of what your saying. These things aren't a factor online.

thepikminman

blairbear wrote: »

OP, I think the issue that was pointed out to you was that you were quite nasty online. You were in your most recent thread. I don't think that's being outspoken or ballsy or honest. I think you just have a rude online persona.

It's reassuring to know you are different in real life. Please don't try to echo your online persona.

Thanks for the life advice, but that's not what this thread's about. Whether or not I was "nasty" in my previous thread, that was the real me, and I always heard you're supposed to be yourself right?

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eyerer

I was a young teenager when internet communication really took off and there was no nannying or anything about it, people were (and still are) total assholes online and I wasn't ready for that. Porn isn't the only dodgy thing on the internet for youngsters.

Online bullying is a thing now ffs. And yes they're definitely cowards.

Pat Mustard

ManOfMystery wrote: »

My personal opinion is that if your online personality is quite different in a negative way, then it's a sign of cowardice. You are typing things that you wouldn't say in real life because the chances of repercussions online are much, much less than they are in real life. I believe this is how and why trolls operate, and how and why some people who are fairly reserved in real life suddenly become this outspoken and sometime aggressive personality online.

There are a number of articles about online aggression and lack of empathy. These articles (such as this one) point to anonymity as a factor. Also, in everyday life, we receive feedback in relation to what we do. This feedback is not as accessible online. You can't see people's faces, there is no eye contact, you can't hear the tone of voice, etc. There is less empathy for other people, online.

To use a road-rage analogy, people will do things behind the wheel of a car that they would not do if they were simply walking along the street. It's something similar online and although anonymity plays a part, it's not the sole reason that people behave in the way that they do.

Autonomous Cowherd

Two things I observe. 1) I am better with written words than spoken words. I can compose myself better in print, and am somewhat shy and stumbling in 'speech'. This is apparently an introvert trait. The internet is a great place for introverts to express themselves.
2) When I first went online (not that many years ago) I made a couple of friends in some social forums. I thought I was actually meeting similar types for wide-ranging and good discussion in areas we shared mutual interests. It turns out people on the Internet can be really, really hurtful...the first time some one I sincerely thought of as a good friend (after a few years of regular and friendly communication) was stupendously horrible to me online the physical pain was like a kick to the gut and the shock was enormous. Far greater than in person when I might have responded with a hearty ''Stuff You!'' and moved on instantly. This pain delivered via an ethereal electrical medium lingered for a silly length of time, mainly i think because it involves so much projection and there is no physical point in which to anchor any resolution. The perfect mind -fcuk. It has made me understand how teenagers and younger people can be devastated beyond belief by online bullying.

thepikminman

Pat Mustard wrote: »

There are a number of articles about online aggression and lack of empathy. These articles (such as this one) point to anonymity as a factor. Also, in everyday life, we receive feedback in relation to what we do. This feedback is not as accessible online. You can't see people's faces, there is no eye contact, you can't hear the tone of voice, etc. There is less empathy for other people, online.

To use a road-rage analogy, people will do things behind the wheel of a car that they would not do if they were simply walking along the street. It's something similar online and although anonymity plays a part, it's not the sole reason that people behave in the way that they do.

Yeah, I suppose when it comes down to it, it's just human instinct that stops most people from being their real, horrible selves (youtube comments etc are proof of how people are really thinking).

This thread is really becoming an epiphany for me - the only thing holding people back from saying what's on their mind is pathetic human instinct, if one can get past that, then they're free to speak their mind. Obviously if that person's a bad person they won't get positive results from speaking their mind, but if you're socially fecked (like me), it kind of helps to realise "jesus, I need to stop being afraid of people's responses, it's so pathetic".

Avatar MIA

My online profile would not get out of bed for €9k.




















In real life it's €10k

thepikminman

Autonomous Cowherd wrote: »

Two things I observe. 1) I am better with written words than spoken words. I can compose myself better in print, and am somewhat shy and stumbling in 'speech'. This is apparently an introvert trait. The internet is a great place for introverts to express themselves.

God I know exactly what you mean. Online, even with people who know me as an extremely awkward weird guy in real life, I also hold my own and am funny, entertaining, normal etc i.e. not an outcast. I think it's because when it's in text, that's all there is to focus on, not the expressions, the tone, the volume, the enthusiasm - just the text. That's another thing that p*sses me off about people - I wish they'd just focus on what you say, not the way you're saying it, or why you might be saying it.

Ursus Horribilis

Most people have a filter. Or as it's also called good manners. We all think horrible thoughts but most people have empathy and don't want to hurt other human beings. I don't see anything wrong with that.

eyerer

thepikminman wrote: »

That's another thing that p*sses me off about people - I wish they'd just focus on what you say, not the way you're saying it, or why you might be saying it.

Agreed. People almost never pay attention to the actual words you use in real life lol

Pat Mustard

thepikminman wrote: »

Yeah, I suppose when it comes down to it, it's just human instinct that stops most people from being their real, horrible selves (youtube comments etc are proof of how people are really thinking).

What I meant was that people feel less empathy online, which creates more aggressive behaviour. You are less likely to see what they are like online, as opposed to what they are actually like in real life.

Hannibal_Smith

Hah! It's so funny when people are full of bravado online and then totally full of bs in real life. You also have to take with a pinch of salt when people go to great lengths to describe how/who they are offline. If you're a d*ck, you're a d*ck. Don't be all 'I'm not like this in real life at all ' You maybe able to hide it better in real life, but I reckon the 'hidden behind a keyboard* a$$hole is an insight into how d*ckish someone is.

Pat Mustard

Hannibal_Smith wrote: »

Hah! It's so funny when people are full of bravado online and then totally full of bs in real life. You also have to take with a pinch of salt when people go to great lengths to describe how/who they are offline. If you're a d*ck, you're a d*ck. Don't be all 'I'm not like this in real life at all ' You maybe able to hide it better in real life, but I reckon the 'hidden behind a keyboard* a$$hole is an insight into how d*ckish someone is.

Says the lad with the new account.

Hannibal_Smith

Pat Mustard wrote: »

Says the lad with the new account.

What's that got to do with online/offline personalities?

Ben Gadot

ManOfMystery wrote: »

My personal opinion is that if your online personality is quite different in a negative way, then it's a sign of cowardice. You are typing things that you wouldn't say in real life because the chances of repercussions online are much, much less than they are in real life. I believe this is how and why trolls operate, and how and why some people who are fairly reserved in real life suddenly become this outspoken and sometime aggressive personality online. 

Personally, I try and behave online the same way I do in real life. It doesn't take a lot of effort. Why feed conflict and hostility and anger just to make a point online, if you lack the conviction to do so in real life? Being an authoritative figure on the internet is a totally false illusion if you're unable to be that person in real life.

I think that's true in general when it comes to communication by text whether it's by phone or Internet.

What I've found is that there's nothing like a good shock to snap one out of bad behaviour online. It sounds stupid I know but all it takes is a chance encounter in real life to remind yourself that there's an actual person on the other end of your careless words.

Speaking from experience as a bloke who has done it. I keep to myself now online which is ironically way more in line with my actual personality. I certainly don't look to cause myself any unnecessary grief anymore.

Pat Mustard

Hannibal_Smith wrote: »

What's that got to do with online/offline personalities?

Just hopping the ball offya

sashafierce

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JupiterKid

If you want to see an Internet forum full of hate-filled opinions, then go to Stormfront. I'd bet 95% of those who post their facist hate there wouldn't say boo to a goose.

Ben Gadot

sashafierce wrote: »

No one is completely anonymous online its also important to remember that. There has been cases of people ending up in court because of what they have said online. Which I totally agree with.

Which should be easier to do, or at the very least to get someone down to their local garda station to scare the **** out of them.

Outlaw Pete

No different. Regularly go from saying things here to saying them in real life and vice versa.

thepikminman

Pat Mustard wrote: »

You are less likely to see what they are like online, as opposed to what they are actually like in real life.

I think the online version is the truer version, not the other way around. There's definitely a difference in the two, but real life has all those risks of actual confrontation, so it makes sense that people are holding back their thoughts in real life.

I'm sure lack of empathy plays a part in mean online behavior too though, but mainly I think we just don't see the real bad people in real life because they're afraid, not because they have more empathy.

RobertKK

I say online what I would say in person to someone, only difference is I wouldn't be engaging strangers in real life, and I would avoid tricky subjects that are possibly contentious with strangers.

The thing is we don't really know the person we are engaging with online, they could be suffering depression for all one knows, so I just attack the issue rather than the person, as I want people to attack my opinion if they disagree rather than make it personal, which does nothing positive.
If I get attacked personally on social media and its nothing to do with the subject, I simply block. One does not need such people in one's life.
I try to act online as I would in real life, try and be nice to people, if they are not, well I don't want you in my life.

I just want people to be honest with their opinion, and if I disagree, I give my opinion, but one has to remember in life whether real life or online life, everyone is entitled to have a different opinion, and just leave it at that.
It makes real life and online life easier, debate something but be respectful of the other person. So I'm relatively similar to my online presence.

thepikminman

RobertKK wrote: »

I say online what I would say in person to someone, only difference is I wouldn't be engaging strangers in real life, and I would avoid tricky subjects that are possibly contentious with strangers.

The thing is we don't really know the person we are engaging with online, they could be suffering depression for all one knows, so I just attack the issue rather than the person

I just want people to be honest with their opinion, and if I disagree, I give my opinion, but one has to remember in life whether real life or online life, everyone is entitled to have a different opinion, and just leave it at that.
It makes real life and online life easier, debate something but be respectful of the other person. So I'm relatively similar to my online presence.

"attack the issue rather than the person" - I wish everyone did that. Your post made me think that, in a way, online personalities are the most real form of opinion because there are no outside irrelevant factors affecting the conversation (unless its social media), like looks, wealth, social skills etc - it's just based on what we're actually saying. F*ck real life, I'm gonna become an online slug. Thank you, sincerely.

JackTaylorFan

I don't think my behaviour/personality online is very different than it is in real life - though I think, unintentionally, I do tend put my foot in it more online than I do IRL - or I misjudge the tone in my reply - which is very easy to do even with smileys - which up til recently I was loathe to use. Of course, there is the odd occasion when I am overly aggresive in my reply - usually when I suspect somebody is talking bullshine.

In both RL and online I say what I mean almost 100% of the time. Though beinh an introvert, I probably get more opportunity to say these things online.

Also, if I disagree with someone online, I think it's more likely due to the fact that IRL I would never encounter them - so challenging them online for their often obnoxious, sometimes repugnant, opinions is just far more likely a scenario. There is also less chance of being threatened with violence online too - as I imagine a lot of the people I argue with would turm to violence sooner than later.


People who go online with the sole intention of causing offence are pretty sad though. I do wonder what's missing in someone's life that they need to comment some vile piece of hate on a news article, youtube video, etc. for lols or a genuine disturbance or whatever - it's just not healthy.

B.A._Baracus

Dare I be blunt it's people being a*sholes.
The Internet has given people a platform to say what they really think and feel. Because you can hide behind your keyboard and have no confrontation.


Personally I don't get it tho. I'm me on the Internet and the same in person. Never got hiding people keyboards cause it's a real weasel thing to do if you do not say the same in the real world.

fizzypish

thepikminman wrote: »

I think the online version is the truer version, not the other way around. There's definitely a difference in the two, but real life has all those risks of actual confrontation, so it makes sense that people are holding back their thoughts in real life.

I'm sure lack of empathy plays a part in mean online behavior too though, but mainly I think we just don't see the real bad people in real life because they're afraid, not because they have more empathy.

Actions have always spoken louder than words. Someone threatening to kick the **** out of me will never be as bad as the lad/lass who actually does it. I can't help but get the impression your young. My personality only settled properly around 25ish and some of the things your saying remind me of a younger version of myself which I've grown out of. I used to think that people were more honest with drink in the system. Not the case, the filter and error checking mechanism between brain and mouth are bypassed. I think online is similar in that the mechanisms are bypassed again but its due to the lack of repercussions. I'm not trying to **** on you as this is a good thread and discussion but you must know that the way your phrasing certain things comes across as cunty (It could simply be something that I perceive though). You'll catch more flies with honey.

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