Help me fix myself

pokerbunnybear

Hi guys,
You know when you're not sure if you are wrong for feeling the way you do, well this is one of those. I am sure I am wrong to feel this way yet I can't help myself. I am aware I have a problem and am trying to stop my mind going off on me but so far I can't stop it.
Firstly I'll explain the issue. My boyfriend and I live together and have regular sex. However, he looks after himself in the shower everyday. I don't understand why when he has me but would understand if he just explained "just feel like doing it quick" or "not in the mood for sex" etc. I tried asking him but he denies it and gets annoyed. I'm hurt that he denies it. I'd be more comfortable if he just told me he does. Because he denies it, my mind goes crazy "is he turned on by other girls on Facebook or online?" "Is he watching porn". I can't help but feel hurt that he is secretive about it if there's nothing wrong with it. I told him I have no problem with him masturbating once he's not looking at other girls yet he denies it. For example, today we were sitting on the couch on our laptops. There were music videos on the tv and a real sexy video came on with girls dancing. I noticed him watching just this video and none of the others. I didn't let it bother me. A few minutes later he left the room. I was gonna cook him lunch so went after him to ask if he was hungry and heard him in the shower breathing heavily and could clearly hear him doing it. Other days, there's nothing that clearly turns him on before hard so I don't understand it. Can men do it even if not turned on?

Firstly, am I wrong to be feeling hurt by this? Secondly, to the men, why would he be denying it? And to everyone, how do I stop myself from caring about these stupid things? How do I reassure my mind that I'm the only girl he loves and desires... What's wrong with me?

Tigger99

He's not admitting that he does it because your reaction is OTT in my opinion. People can masterbate every day without it being any reflection on their partner or sex life.

And it's very telling that you are only asking guys. Many girls masterbate too. And looking at porn is completely different to sleeping with a loving real life partner.

Maybe his sex drive is higher than yours and that's why he helps himself as well. Tbh I think he has the patience of a saint to not tell you to feck off when u keep badgering him.

pokerbunnybear

Tigger99 wrote: »

He's not admitting that he does it because your reaction is OTT in my opinion.

Maybe his sex drive is higher than yours and that's why he helps himself as well.

Tbh I think he has the patience of a saint to not tell you to feck off when u keep badgering him.

Thanks for your reply. However, I don't understand you saying my reaction is OTT. I never reacted. I am only feeling upset as he is lying about it. If he was honest with me, I'd do my best to be understanding. And his sex drive is not higher than mine. In fact, I initiate sex a lot more than he does!! I never ever deny him sex no matter what mood I'm in. He's refused me sex a few times though... I don't understand why he masturbates when he could just as easily have me and he knows it. That is my issue. My second issue is his secrecy in doing so. If he has nothing to hide, why not be honest about it. And finally, he has no patience with me. He does tell me to feck off!!!

BelovedAunt

pokerbunnybear wrote: »

I told him I have no problem with him masturbating once he's not looking at other girls yet he denies it.

This seems incredibly idealistic and controlling. Why is him masturbating to porn so bad?

neonsofa

pokerbunnybear wrote: »

Thanks for your reply. However, I don't understand you saying my reaction is OTT. I never reacted. I am only feeling upset as he is lying about it. If he was honest with me, I'd do my best to be understanding. And his sex drive is not higher than mine. In fact, I initiate sex a lot more than he does!! I never ever deny him sex no matter what mood I'm in. He's refused me sex a few times though... I don't understand why he masturbates when he could just as easily have me and he knows it. That is my issue. My second issue is his secrecy in doing so. If he has nothing to hide, why not be honest about it. And finally, he has no patience with me. He does tell me to feck off!!!

I'm sorry but you're basically saying you should be entitled to know what he does with his own body and what he thinks about while doing it. Can you not see why he would be defensive about that?

pokerbunnybear

BelovedAunt wrote: »

This seems incredibly idealistic and controlling. Why is him masturbating to porn so bad?

BelovedAunt wrote: »

This seems incredibly idealistic and controlling. Why is him masturbating to porn so bad?

Because it's a form of betrayal. If he is desiring other women sexually and turned on by them, he enjoys other women and means he would enjoy sex with other women. I would never want to or think about having sex with any other man so I think it's unfair. I wouldn't masturbate to naked men

pokerbunnybear

neonsofa wrote: »

I'm sorry but you're basically saying you should be entitled to know what he does with his own body and what he thinks about while doing it. Can you not see why he would be defensive about that?

I'm saying exactly that. I feel if he is devoted to me, he should only desire me sexually. What has the world come to that people think it's fine to think about others sexually when committed to someone? I'm by no means religious but if God is real even God said "though shall not covet thy neighbours wife"
Surely if a guy is lusting after other women, he wants to be single. Why stay with one woman if you're gonna fantasise about others??

njs030

pokerbunnybear wrote: »

Because it's a form of betrayal. If he is desiring other women sexually and turned on by them, he enjoys other women and means he would enjoy sex with other women. I would never want to or think about having sex with any other man so I think it's unfair. I wouldn't masturbate to naked men

It isn't a betrayal at all op, it's very natural and human to notice other people are attractive. He chooses to share his life with you every single day and chooses to only have sex with you.

You sound terribly insecure if you can't stand the thought of your boyfriend thinking another woman is sexually attractive for a few minutes and then forgetting about her.

pokerbunnybear

notjustsweet wrote: »

It isn't a betrayal at all op, it's very natural and human to notice other people are attractive. He chooses to share his life with you every single day and chooses to only have sex with you.

You sound terribly insecure if you can't stand the thought of your boyfriend thinking another woman is sexually attractive for a few minutes and then forgetting about her.

notjustsweet wrote: »

It isn't a betrayal at all op, it's very natural and human to notice other people are attractive. He chooses to share his life with you every single day and chooses to only have sex with you.

You sound terribly insecure if you can't stand the thought of your boyfriend thinking another woman is sexually attractive for a few minutes and then forgetting about her.

I agree I must be terribly insecure. I'd like to fix myself and stop tormenting myself over these things. Any advice how I could? I hate how my brain works and feel guilty for annoying him but I can't stop myself. I can't get my brain to think it's ok please help me I hate myself. And I agree with you, it's normal to notice other people are attractive. But I don't think it's normal to masturbate about them. I just can't feel okay with this. In my mind, if he's thinking of someone else then he may aswell have sex with someone else cos he's cheating in his mind anyway. I'm sorry but that's how I feel. I know my feelings aren't popular though. It's horrible when people tell you it's normal yet my heart doesn't feel it's normal. I feel hurt and jealous.

DoctorBoo

Don't listen to the others. There is something odd going on here. You are right to be annoyed. Why on earth is he being so secretive? Is he hiding something?

bee06

I think there's two of ye in it to be honest. You're obviously very insecure and either listening intently outside the bathroom door or have the quietest shower ever.

However it's very strange that he can't watch a music video without having to immediately masturbate. Whatever about getting turned on, it seems like he has no self control.

Galadriel

DoctorBoo wrote: »

Don't listen to the others. There is something odd going on here. You are right to be annoyed. Why on earth is he being so secretive? Is he hiding something?

He's hiding it because of her reaction, she is outside the bathroom door listening in on him :eek: There is nothing wrong with what he is doing OP and good luck to you finding any guy that won't masturbate .

pokerbunnybear

DoctorBoo wrote: »

Don't listen to the others. There is something odd going on here. You are right to be annoyed. Why on earth is he being so secretive? Is he hiding something?

I agree DoctorBoo thank you for understanding me. I feel a little less lonely thanks to you

pokerbunnybear

bee06 wrote: »

You're obviously very insecure and either listening intently outside the bathroom door or have the quietest shower ever.

However it's very strange that he can't watch a music video without having to immediately masturbate. Whatever about getting turned on, it seems like he has no self control.

I am insecure. I wish I wasn't. I heard a racket from the shower. It would be hard not to hear, then I listened closer wondering what it was and that's how I heard. I felt sad and left the room. Always knew he did it but he never admitted it. And you're right, I'm worried he has no self control. And my mind then wonders, if he's masturbating about random hot girls, how easily could he reject a girl throwing herself at him?? These are connected. And he is very handsome and has many female admirers so it's a real worry.

pokerbunnybear

Galadriel wrote: »

He's hiding it because of her reaction, she is outside the bathroom door listening in on him :eek: There is nothing wrong with what he is doing OP and good luck to you finding any guy that won't masturbate .

True. Fair point, but I don't want to find any other guy. I love him he is my home. I just wish he loved me as much

tomwaterford

pokerbunnybear wrote: »

I'm worried he has no self control. And my mind then wonders, if he's masturbating about random hot girls, how easily could he reject a girl throwing herself at him

Surly...you'll just have to take a chance and trust him??

Bordering on some serious control issues otherwise.....has he given you any reason to not trust him?

Tigger99

Oh op your latest posts are heartbreaking. I have never and hope to God will never cheat on someone and I've viewed porn in a relationship. The two aren't automatically connected.

And you assuming that he doesn't love you as much because he masterbates is so messed up.

I really think you should consider counselling.

pokerbunnybear

tomwaterford wrote: »

Surly...you'll just have to take a chance and trust him??

Bordering on some serious control issues otherwise.....has he given you any reason to not trust him?

But my point is: if he is lusting after other sexy women, then he clearly would enjoy sex with beautiful women. So if that's what he would like, why doesn't he stay single? I'd prefer my man to be chasing after me for a quickie or imagining us having sex while masturbating.
To answer your question, he has always been faithful to me. I don't know if this is a reason not to trust him but when we were initially dating, after 2-3 months, I found messages on his phone to another girl, he was telling her she was hot and saying he can't wait to meet her. This is whilst telling me he loves me even though he hadn't asked me to be his girlfriend. We were very much together at the time.. I'm assuming he was just dating a few girls having fun until he gave in to his feelings for me. He was maybe afraid of falling in love. But he also had messages to another girl 2 months after us dating, he was asking her for naked photos. Her messages to him were a lot worse. So that is how I know that he has a lot of female admirers..

pokerbunnybear

Tigger99 wrote: »

Oh op your latest posts are heartbreaking. I have never and hope to God will never cheat on someone and I've viewed porn in a relationship. The two aren't automatically connected.

And you assuming that he doesn't love you as much because he masterbates is so messed up.

I really think you should consider counselling.

Hi tigger, thank you so much. You are right what you said. Are you male or female?

DoctorBoo

DoctorBoo wrote: »

Don't listen to the others. There is something odd going on here. You are right to be annoyed. Why on earth is he being so secretive? Is he hiding something?

He is hiding his masturbations because they are private and personal and no one elses business!

pokerbunnybear

bubblypop wrote: »

He is hiding his masturbations because they are private and personal and no one elses business!

No he is hiding because he know what he is doing is wrong. As someone told me, anything you wouldn't like your partner to know about is cheating. If he isn't doing wrong, why doesn't he admit to it and tell me about it..

pokerbunnybear

pokerbunnybear wrote: »

But my point is: if he is lusting after other sexy women, then he clearly would enjoy sex with beautiful women. So if that's what he would like, why doesn't he stay single? I'd prefer my man to be chasing after me for a quickie or imagining us having sex while masturbating.
To answer your question, he has always been faithful to me. I don't know if this is a reason not to trust him but when we were initially dating, after 2-3 months, I found messages on his phone to another girl, he was telling her she was hot and saying he can't wait to meet her. This is whilst telling me he loves me even though he hadn't asked me to be his girlfriend. We were very much together at the time.. I'm assuming he was just dating a few girls having fun until he gave in to his feelings for me. He was maybe afraid of falling in love. But he also had messages to another girl 2 months after us dating, he was asking her for naked photos. Her messages to him were a lot worse. So that is how I know that he has a lot of female admirers..

Ah now, this is the problem.
You are insecure because he was texting other women while he was with you.
This is a lot more than masturbation.
It's insecurity based on his past actions and is far more understandable.

And, I think you should be more worried about these messages to other women.


Edit, masturbation is not wrong & it's not cheating

njs030

pokerbunnybear wrote: »

No he is hiding because he know what he is doing is wrong. As someone told me, anything you wouldn't like your partner to know about is cheating. If he isn't doing wrong, why doesn't he admit to it and tell me about it..

No he is hiding it because he knows you will cause drama over it.
Sometimes people male and female just want a quick, selfish release without having to think about pleasing someone else or waiting for them to be finished.

Op you do need help because you will push him away, he's hiding a very basic normal thing because you have jealousy issues. That's sad for both of you.

tomwaterford

pokerbunnybear wrote: »

But my point is: if he is lusting after other sexy women, then he clearly would enjoy sex with beautiful women. So if that's what he would like, why doesn't he stay single? I'd prefer my man to be chasing after me for a quickie or imagining us having sex while masturbating.
To answer your question, he has always been faithful to me. I don't know if this is a reason not to trust him but when we were initially dating, after 2-3 months, I found messages on his phone to another girl, he was telling her she was hot and saying he can't wait to meet her. This is whilst telling me he loves me even though he hadn't asked me to be his girlfriend. We were very much together at the time.. I'm assuming he was just dating a few girls having fun until he gave in to his feelings for me. He was maybe afraid of falling in love. But he also had messages to another girl 2 months after us dating, he was asking her for naked photos. Her messages to him were a lot worse. So that is how I know that he has a lot of female admirers..

Was all this....not before ye got togerher offially??

Id say disregard that (youll have to?),

though i dont think you can force him not to think of/notice other women etc

What harm is it...though really,hes not cheating??

pokerbunnybear

bubblypop wrote: »

And, I think you should be more worried about these messages to other women

I amnt worried about these messages to other women because he hadn't asked me to be his girlfriend. I felt very hurt about it because he really genuinely loved me at the time. I had no idea why he wasn't asking me to be his girlfriend. He even said to me once after 2.5 months seeing each other regularly "I told my mum I'm in love but not in a relationship".. That's when I confronted him but he said we are in a relationship but that he meant he never asked me to be his girlfriend. a few months later and after being apart for 3 months (him going travelling) he asked me to be his girlfriend. I do often wonder if he cheated in this time. However I know he has never been unfaithful since we became official. There have been no more messages from girls.

pokerbunnybear

notjustsweet wrote: »

he's hiding a very basic normal thing because you have jealousy issues.

But I clearly said to him I would understand and listen if he tells me. I just wanted him to be honest And say whatever he feels. I don't think it's good to hide things in a relationship. I'm trying to be the open one

pokerbunnybear

pokerbunnybear wrote: »

To answer your question, he has always been faithful to me. I don't know if this is a reason not to trust him but when we were initially dating, after 2-3 months, I found messages on his phone to another girl, he was telling her she was hot and saying he can't wait to meet her

. But he also had messages to another girl 2 months after us dating, he was asking her for naked photos. Her messages to him were a lot worse. So that is how I know that he has a lot of female admirers..

So we're ye dating or not when these messages were sent?

pokerbunnybear

tomwaterford wrote: »

What harm is it...though really,hes not cheating??

Cheating is the next step. And to be honest I feel it is the same as cheating. Cheating is in the heart, it's not physical, it's emotional and mental. And what he's doing is giving his mind and thoughts and emotions to other women. Instead of thinking of me, he is visualising other girls. So in my opinion, he may aswell be cheating if that's the case. If he's spending so much time thinking of cheating, or if he spends 5 minutes actualy having sex with someone else, what is the difference? He is still in his heart cheating right? It's nearly better if he cheated and stopped after and regretted it. Yet he is continuously going to the shower and imagining other girls. and he doesn't care that it upsets me. He doesn't reassure me

njs030

pokerbunnybear wrote: »

But I clearly said to him I would understand and listen if he tells me. I just wanted him to be honest And say whatever he feels. I don't think it's good to hide things in a relationship. I'm trying to be the open one

Are you really saying that if he told you he has sexual fantasies about other women you'd be OK with that?

Why would you even ask him to be honest with you about it! Most people take it as a given their other half has fantasies that don't include them.

tomwaterford

pokerbunnybear wrote: »

Cheating is the next step. And to be honest I feel it is the same as cheating. Cheating is in the heart, it's not physical, it's emotional and mental. And what he's doing is giving his mind and thoughts and emotions to other women. Instead of thinking of me, he is visualising other girls. So in my opinion, he may aswell be cheating if that's the case. If he's spending so much time thinking of cheating, or if he spends 5 minutes actualy having sex with someone else, what is the difference? He is still in his heart cheating right? It's nearly better if he cheated and stopped after and regretted it. Yet he is continuously going to the shower and imagining other girls. and he doesn't care that it upsets me. He doesn't reassure me

Jesus....thats insane!

Your jumping from him masturbating to saying hes thinking about cheating??



Would ya blame him being wary of being open fully with you....if he had this coming in on top of him

pokerbunnybear

bubblypop wrote: »

So we're ye dating or not when these messages were sent?

Yes very much so. we were madly in love. He wanted to see me often and I him. We messaged all day every day and said I love you many times. The only difference is he didn't ask me to be his girlfriend but I just assumed we were a couple because our actions were a couple and I didn't waste time looking for a label, it's only after when I saw these messages, I realised he never asked me to be his girl and that's the only reason I couldn't keep on about this... I did feel very hurt though very hurt. Can't believe he was so mad about me and behind my back chasing other skirts. And I totally thinking of him 24/7 and starry eyed. Anyway I have no right to be mad as we weren't official

Conor Bourke

pokerbunnybear wrote: »

I amnt worried about these messages to other women because he hadn't asked me to be his girlfriend. I felt very hurt about it because he really genuinely loved me at the time. I had no idea why he wasn't asking me to be his girlfriend. He even said to me once after 2.5 months seeing each other regularly "I told my mum I'm in love but not in a relationship".. That's when I confronted him but he said we are in a relationship but that he meant he never asked me to be his girlfriend. a few months later and after being apart for 3 months (him going travelling) he asked me to be his girlfriend. I do often wonder if he cheated in this time. However I know he has never been unfaithful since we became official. There have been no more messages from girls.

How do you know, do you check his phone regularly? How did you even see the first messages anyway?

pokerbunnybear

pokerbunnybear wrote: »

Yes very much so. we were madly in love. He wanted to see me often and I him. We messaged all day every day and said I love you many times. The only difference is he didn't ask me to be his girlfriend but I just assumed we were a couple because our actions were a couple and I didn't waste time looking for a label, it's only after when I saw these messages, I realised he never asked me to be his girl and that's the only reason I couldn't keep on about this... I did feel very hurt though very hurt. Can't believe he was so mad about me and behind my back chasing other skirts. And I totally thinking of him 24/7 and starry eyed. Anyway I have no right to be mad as we weren't official

So you were seeing each other, & in your words were 'madly in love' ?
Sorry OP, but his actions were not of someone madly in love. And yes if you were sleeping together and madly in love, then you have every right to be annoyed.
I still think your insecurity about a perfectly natural act like masturbation all stems from your boyfriend sexting other women

pokerbunnybear

notjustsweet wrote: »

Are you really saying that if he told you he has sexual fantasies about other women you'd be OK with that? .

No I would not be ok with that at all!!!! I was asking him in the hope he would explain his masturbating innocently like "I did it to relieve stress but wasn't thinking anything." Etc
I was asking him in the hope he would get rid of my worries (my worries being that he was thinking of other women)
But when he denied it and refused to reassure me that's when I started to worry... If he really has sexual fantasies about other women, he should tell me so I can break up with him. I deserve the truth. Why don't I masturbate about other men? I do masturbate from time to time but always thinking of our sex.. I expect the same in return. I don't know how people think it's normal for him to have sexual fantasies about other women and be in a relationship at same time. Surely the whole point of a relationship is to stay sexually committed to one person?

pokerbunnybear

Cornelius Crow wrote: »

How do you know, do you check his phone regularly? How did you even see the first messages anyway?

I know because we spend a lot of time together and when we are apart, he tells me where he is. I have every so often checked his phone to make sure he's serious about me and I never saw anything bad. I haven't checked his phone in the last 6 months however as I know he doesn't message anyone inappropriately anymore. And I saw the first messages by sitting beside him as he opened them. when I saw the content of the messages, I forced him to show me them...

pokerbunnybear

bubblypop wrote: »

yes if you were sleeping together and madly in love, then you have every right to be annoyed.

Yes we were sleeping together when we met every 2 days. We were very close and intimate and I felt utterly betrayed seeing the messages I saw

Tigger99

It's interesting to see that the real issue isn't masterbation at all. It's his previous behaviour when you were first going out.

Him masterbating is perfectly normal. Him sexting other girls when he's allegedly mad into you is ****ty. You checking his phone and his whereabouts is incredibly unhealthy and controlling.

Do you realise that just because all the texts you've spied on over the last few months seem innocent it doesn't give you any sort of guarantee of whether or not he is cheating? I'm not saying that to hurt you but so that you take the rose tinted glasses off and take him off that pedestal.

You either trust someone or you don't. And you obviously don't. And i can't say I blame you. You will drive yourself insane if you stay with this guy.

Oh and in answer to your question, I'm female. I would imagine most of my boyfriends also looked at porn when we were together. It never bothered me because it's not reality.

I'll say this one more time, get help. You can't solve this or as you describe it, fix it, by yourself.

Pickpocket

OP, your boyfriend is almost certainly thinking about other women when he's masturbating. You'll just have to learn to accept it. It's perfectly normal and it's not cheating.

My girlfriend has a vibrator that she thinks I don't know about. We have a very active sex life but that's a little something extra for herself. For her quite nights in with Tom Hardy or god knows who else. And good for her. I have my moments as well. It's very healthy if you ask me.

LegacyUser

I'm female op and I watch porn and masterbate. And I can honestly say if my fella was giving me grief about it he'd be getting dumped pretty fast. He actually walked in one day when I was in the middle of "me" time and we had a good laugh about it after.

You cannot control someone's thoughts or actions.

You don't trust your fella. I think that's the main issue here. And you say you want him to think only about you is way too unreasonable. I don't think any of us can help you "fix" yourself. You have trust issues with this guy and that can be very hard to get over.

Dial Hard

pokerbunnybear wrote:

As someone told me, anything you wouldn't like your partner to know about is cheating.

pokerbunnybear wrote:

I have every so often checked his phone to make sure he's serious about me... I saw the first messages by sitting beside him as he opened them. when I saw the content of the messages, I forced him to show me them...

OP, seriously, you need help. Nothing that you are feeling is normal. Even the language you use is concerning "He is my home" - what does that even mean? You seem to have an absolutely HUGE amount of your self image and self worth invested in this man and that's not healthy.

I really think you should listen to the people here who have advised you to get counselling but unfortunately I think you're just going to cherry-pick the posts that agree with you. Just ask yourself this, though - why are there so few of those?

neonsofa

pokerbunnybear wrote: »

I'm saying exactly that. I feel if he is devoted to me, he should only desire me sexually. What has the world come to that people think it's fine to think about others sexually when committed to someone? I'm by no means religious but if God is real even God said "though shall not covet thy neighbours wife"
Surely if a guy is lusting after other women, he wants to be single. Why stay with one woman if you're gonna fantasise about others??

The bible also says you shouldn't wear mixed fabrics. I'm guessing you don't expect people to abide by that teaching?

My best ever relationship was with a guy who would literally drool over Sophia vegara when she was on TV. For Christmas he got me a calender of hot men from a TV show I watch. We had amazing sex with each other and only each other but because we are not blind we did find other people attractive. Now if any of the men in that calender propositioned me I would not even think about it because I loved him. Can't say the same if Sophia came onto him lol, but my point is- finding someone attractive does not mean you love your partner less. It means that their face or body is nice to look at. That is all. You are going to make yourself sick with worry if you don't seek out help for these insecurities. Your partner is not being open with you because you are making him feel like he is doing something wrong when he is not. He is avoiding a fight- because he loves you. He doesn't want to hurt you but he knows you are asking too much of him so he does what is natural and then keeps it from you to keep you happy. He is not in the wrong here.

sReq | uTeK

pokerbunnybear wrote: »

I'm saying exactly that. I feel if he is devoted to me, he should only desire me sexually. What has the world come to that people think it's fine to think about others sexually when committed to someone? I'm by no means religious but if God is real even God said "though shall not covet thy neighbours wife"
Surely if a guy is lusting after other women, he wants to be single. Why stay with one woman if you're gonna fantasise about others??

Jesus Christ, if he reads this he should be out the door..

sReq | uTeK

pokerbunnybear wrote: »

I know because we spend a lot of time together and when we are apart, he tells me where he is. I have every so often checked his phone to make sure he's serious about me and I never saw anything bad. I haven't checked his phone in the last 6 months however as I know he doesn't message anyone inappropriately anymore. And I saw the first messages by sitting beside him as he opened them. when I saw the content of the messages, I forced him to show me them...

You're going to be the cause of the relationship falling apart. You're borderline psychotic in your actions. Never mind the masturbating, This is crazy and the reason he will end up sharing nothing with you.

Pickpocket

Snip: duly warned.

Tokyo

Pickpocket, questioning the authenticity of a poster in that manner is not permitted here - if you have an issue with a post, report it. Please familiarise yourself with the forum charter before posting in PI/RI again.

Pickpocket

mike_ie wrote: »

Pickpocket, questioning the authenticity of a poster in that manner is not permitted here - if you have an issue with a post, report it. Please familiarise yourself with the forum charter before posting in PI/RI again.

Of course. An error of judgement. My apologies.

Big Bag of Chips

OP, you're all over the place. Your title suggest you believe you're the one with the problem. Yet all your replies suggest he is 100% wrong and you only seem to want to hear replies who tell you he is. So which one is it? Do you think you're wrong? Do you think he is?

Your language and your views on relationships is bordering on hysterical. You seem to have this man built-up in your head as some sort of superhuman being. He's a man. Just a man. He will have faults. He will disappoint you. He will on occasion let you down. (Just to be clear, I'm not suggesting that him masturbating is wrong!!) I highly doubt he "desires" other women. If he did, why is he in a relationship with you? Would it not be easier to be single and fulfill his desires every weekend if he wanted to? Watching porn does not equal desiring others.

OP, you need to back off. You need to stop following him around. You need to stop checking his phone. If you don't trust him then you should end your relationship, rather than wear him down to a person who you believe should hand over full control of his private life to you. And yes, even people in relationships will still have their own private stuff. If you don't finish with him and you continue your controlling behaviour, he will finish with you. Maybe he's being inconsiderate, maybe he's being a sleaze? But judging by your language and ideals, he's probably not doing anything out of the ordinary, but you are dramatising it.

Continue the way you are you will push him away, possibly to another woman who doesn't have the same obsession with him. But if that happens, you will probably tell yourself you were right not to trust him all along, that he didn't really want you.

osarusan

Your understanding of how somebody should behave and feel and think while in a relationship is skewed. Horribly, frighteningly skewed.

I'd guess that if your boyfriend had started a thread which mirrors this one but from his perspective, posters would be telling him to get the hell out of there.

cactusgal

Going against the grain here, but I really don't think it's normal for a guy to be watching a music video with his girlfriend and then get so turned on that he has to go jerk off in the bathroom straightaway. If my boyfriend did that, I'd find it pretty weird.

Big Bag of Chips

But we don't know if that's exactly what happened. OP's language has been pretty hysterical in her posts. So while I don't want to doubt her, I also don't want to concentrate too much on the specifics of what she describes but has made it clear that she thinks any man in a relationship should never even think never mind act.

As is often said here, if you go looking for something specific you'll usually find it... Even if it's not necessarily there.

njs030

cactusgal wrote: »

Going against the grain here, but I really don't think it's normal for a guy to be watching a music video with his girlfriend and then get so turned on that he has to go jerk off in the bathroom straightaway. If my boyfriend did that, I'd find it pretty weird.

I'd agree with bboc on this. The op seems to be looking for reasons to be jealous because she's insecure, we've all been watching telly and then got up to go and have a shower!
The op has decided that he went for a shower because he saw a particular advert and she then followed him to check what he was doing and created a link in her mind.