"Why I did not report my rapist"

mzungu

pilly wrote: »

To be fair though, Conor McGregor is well able to stick up for himself, I wouldn't be worried about him. I wouldn't put him up as a shining beacon of example to sons or daughters either.

RMC was wrong in linking him to rape culture but he's no gentleman either, it's all part of his persona.

A big part is the intellectual dishonesty of it. No doubt McGregor can handle it, and I wouldn't be a fan of him or his rants, but that is besides the point. The fact is, a quote was taken completely out of context in order to push the "rape culture" agenda. There was probably a good few other quotes of McGregor's that could have been used, however chances are they didn't quite fit the sensationalism needed for the piece in question. It was made to sound like McGregor was saying he could take any women he wanted by force, which is a pretty awful thing to attribute to somebody. No matter who they are.

Lorelli!

kunst nugget wrote: »

True but I think what we're seeing now is people, whose social media is tailored to their tastes, seeing only what they want to see and effectively being cocooned in their outlook. A lot of this seems to be getting hijacked by inflammatory political discourse from the states and seems to be stripping people of the ability to engage in reasoned debate. Instead, we're seeing the rise of the condescending soundbites being lobbed at the other side and people playing the victim card without people actually listening to each other.

I don't follow any bloggers or "influencers" but it seems that a lot of them have an unusual mix of sharing their identity, personal life and career in one.

The oversharing means that they will almost end up entwined and too personally invested within whatever movement they support which can result in any criticisms against it seen as a personal attack especially if they have voluntarily used personal experiences to publicly make a statement in line with a movement which will be defended even if the criticism seems rational.

Buford T. Justice XIX

Wibbs wrote: »

It would be my opinion that anyone who seriously believes Ireland is a "rape culture" needs to get out of their own heads and the philosophy they've adopted and look into the real world the rest of us live in. This is a problem with all radicals. All they have is a hammer, so everything starts to look like a nail.

Spot on, Wibbs.

I was going to say 'Nail on the head' but.....:pac:

kunst nugget

Lorelli! wrote: »

I don't follow any bloggers or "influencers" but it seems that a lot of them have an unusual mix of sharing their identity, personal life and career in one.

I get the feeling that a lot of these bloggers or influencers see themselves as brands so everything they do, from work to lifestyle, is to enhance their brand's perception and get more clicks and in turn more ad revenue.

Lorelli! wrote: »

The oversharing means that they will almost end up entwined and too personally invested within whatever movement they support which can result in any criticisms against it seen as a personal attack especially if they have voluntarily used personal experiences to publicly make a statement in line with a movement which will be defended even if the criticism seems rational.

Tbh, I don't think that's confined to the likes of bloggers. I've seen a rise in people playing the victim card all over the shop when people don't agree with their views.

Vela

This is a woman who is clearly in a world of confusion over what exactly happened to her, and who may indeed be suffering the effect of it now - years later. However, the way she has described the incident, and the 'lax' way in which she's referred to it as 'rape' despite the massive gray area that she's even acknowledged herself, is incredibly irresponsible.

No means no. Of course it does. And if a woman is unable to say no for fear of her own safety, or because she's too intoxicated - or indeed drugged - it's rape. Plan and simple. If RMC had said that she 'let it happen' for any of the above reasons, I would completely agree with it being rape.

But that isn't how it went down. She says in the blog post that she 'decided' it was easier to let it happen because she felt 'guilty' about saying no. And she didn't want to cause a fuss. I am sure that this was a horrible situation to be in and it's unfortunate that she was a young woman who felt that she couldn't properly assert herself. And the young fella she was with should have had the cop on to stop if he sensed she was uncomfortable; although, it's likely that he was also fairly confused (i.e. the initial 'no' despite continuing to kiss him). That is a sad situation and undoubtedly has caused RMC some issues down the line in coming to terms what happened, but that is not rape.

Rape victims don't act a certain way. She's correct in saying that. There is no 'right way' to behave. There is immense pain, there is confusion, there is self-hatred, there is embarrassment, there is rage, there is denial, there are relationship breakdowns, there is isolation, there is post-traumatic stress, there is finally a degree of acceptance. And in-between, during, and after all of that - there is the struggle to survive the rest of your life in a body that no longer feels like it's your own anymore. And someone can feel all of that, whilst still facing the world every day and 'getting on with things'. Because that's what you have to do. That's all you can do. Until eventually, it gets easier.

But I don't know one single rape victim who would seek to profit from an experience that broke them in ways that they weren't even sure that a person could break. Speaking out about your experience is a noble and extremely strong and empowering thing to do; but trivialising the horrific experience of actual rape survivors, like RMC has in her blog post about what is essentially a sexual encounter she regrets, is despicable and completely irresponsible.

I'm sure she expected some onslaught, but she likely expected it to come from men. Well, I'm a woman. I strongly believe in empowering women, but I do not endorse this.

westernlass

I've just watched her video on positive people being a problem as a default and it is the definition of hypocrisy.  She can't handle anyone questioning her ideals at all and that's totally natural and totally normal.
She also finished the video with if you don't like the video don't tell me, it's so mean.  She literally lives in a different universe to me.

SpillingTheTea

If she really see's herself as a beacon for feminism and rape culture, then maybe she needs to head on over to the likes of Somalia or any of the other middle eastern states where rape IS a culture. BUT she won't because it's not a part of the agenda of the hive mind that she as now situated herself as the Queen Bee.

I honestly find it very insulting tbh. Rape culture is not a thing here in Ireland. We imprison rapists. We as a people do not accept rape. I bet she can't name one Irish case of rape in today's society where everyone in Ireland said 'She asked for it' or 'Ah well' or where the victim was bashed unequivocally over her rapist and to top it off, the rapist served no jail time. Correct me if I am wrong, but I have yet to come across that.


The funny thing is, they say that by 'trivialising rape' perpetuates 'rape culture', but isn't that exactly what RMC is doing herself? There have been many victims of rape that have spoken up about their experiences on this thread but isn't it funny how she never included those comments when she was copy and pasting them onto twitter?


What about rape that happen against men? Am I an MRA for asking that question

mzungu

Lorelli! wrote: »

I don't follow any bloggers or "influencers" but it seems that a lot of them have an unusual mix of sharing their identity, personal life and career in one.

The oversharing means that they will almost end up entwined and too personally invested within whatever movement they support which can result in any criticisms against it seen as a personal attack especially if they have voluntarily used personal experiences to publicly make a statement in line with a movement which will be defended even if the criticism seems rational.

There is a lot of truth in the above, and this goes for people on all kinds of social media. What you have with a lot of heavy social media users is that instead of the regular 'self', there is now also the 'digital-self'. Where exactly do the two meet and which one has become more important? What are the benefits to this culture of sharing absolutely everything online with a load of strangers in order to self-promote and gain affirmation through things such as likes, thanks, comments and hashtags etc.

So, part of this new 'digital-self' builds its brand by carefully cultivating an image of themselves of how they wish to be viewed for others. Problem is, so much is now invested in this digital version of themselves, that when the likes, thanks, hashtags and comments dry up, a cold dose of reality hits. If happiness and contentment are tied to a social media presence, then that person will have a tough time finding things that make them content outside of the digital persona.

When you see these constant social media updates of nights out, parties, gigs showing what an amazing time everyone is having, who is it all for exactly? Most people will probably scroll past it giving it a 'like' on auto-pilot as there are probably fifty other pictures in their feed just like it. Nobody is examining that 3rd picture of Justin with his pint in order to analyse the meaning behind it....no matter what crappy filter you stick on it. It is all noise. Why are people so desperate to show other people what a great time they are having, or how fantastic their lives are? That desperation speaks volumes.

To bring it back to the Lorelli's original point, if so much time is invested in bunk ideologies on social media, then criticisms of that ideology will be treated as personal criticism. The ideology (any of them) feeds the need for online affirmation by the 'digital-self'', and this is also tied to the users happiness. This could be one reason why you see people approaching near meltdown over the slightest things on social media. The normal 'self' is now but a mere spectator in it all. If the online and offline personas were separate, you would not have this problem, or at least you would have less of it.

Mountainsandh

LightlyGo wrote: »

We are also seeing the ability to reason at all be eroded. It's quite bizarre really, we are probably the most educated generations that Ireland,even the world, has ever seen and yet the concept of thinking for yourself, reflecting, reasoning, weighing arguments not to take sides but to understand are all being lost. Signs by it the most powerful man in the world is an avowed tweeter.

Could we ever have dreamt that increased education and widespread access to technology would lead us here to a world of makeup enthusiasts with mobile phones and teen novel authors being political ideology gurus and "influencers".

That's why we need philosophy classes in Ireland.
Not that they reach everyone in France either, but at least it's something.

_Whimsical_

Mountainsandh wrote: »

That's why we need philosophy classes in Ireland.
Not that they reach everyone in France either, but at least it's something.

Strangely I know several people with degrees in philosophy who couldn't reason their way out of a paper bag, a few feminists of the same "rape culture everywhere" school actually.
I know what you mean though, we need somehow to encourage critical thinking and evaluation.

Galwayguy35

I hope this guy whoever he is doesn't end up being identified and have his good name dragged through the dirt when he did nothing wrong.

Mountainsandh

Yeah at the same time as I was posting that I was thinking about how if it is badly delivered, a course of philosophy would do as much good as antibiotics for a virus.

py2006

So there you are folks, did you tweet her?

https://twitter.com/RosemaryMacCabe/status/836359459316383744

Mountainsandh

mzungu wrote: »

What you have with a lot of heavy social media users is that instead of the regular 'self', there is now also the 'digital-self'. Where exactly do the two meet and which one has become more important? .

The first episode of Black Mirror on Netflix reflects on exactly that. It's not a series as such, more a collection of short stories so you could watch just one episode and never watch again. I tend to watch the episodes in sequences as they stretch out the subjects to last 45 minutes, which spoils it a bit, but the content and ideas are interesting, and well delivered. I'd recommend it.

mzungu

Mountainsandh wrote: »

The first episode of Black Mirror on Netflix reflects on exactly that. It's not a series as such, more a collection of short stories so you could watch just one episode and never watch again. I tend to watch the episodes in sequences as they stretch out the subjects to last 45 minutes, which spoils it a bit, but the content and ideas are interesting, and well delivered. I'd recommend it.

Ah that sounds really interesting, thank you for the tip.

Mountainsandh

mzungu wrote: »

Ah that sounds really interesting, thank you for the tip.

Don't expect greatness either, but it's still a nice try, reminds me a bit of that series in the 80s with the guy who walked along a road with sad music, was it the 6th dimension ?

SB_Part2

py2006 wrote: »

So there you are folks, did you tweet her?

https://twitter.com/RosemaryMacCabe/status/836359459316383744

TBf, if anyone joined twitter just to have a pop at her it is pretty pathetic.

Outlaw Pete

SpillingTheTea wrote: »

Rape culture is not a thing here in Ireland.

Nor the UK, where women like RmacC are just as adamant that there is.

You would think the case of John Leslie would be testament enough to that given that it was just a rumour based on who might have been the person Ulrika Johnson said once date raped her. An "accidental" naming of Leslie as the most likely person it would have been (given they dated at the time she claimed it occurred and had the same job title she had given him in the same book - TV Presenter) was enough to ruin his career / life.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MoETUUeSY-E

Surely in a rape culture, none of what subsequently happened to him would have happened at all: main TV presenter for ITV's flagship show to barely able to get a job (of note) in media at all and that's still pretty much the case. In fact I think murder charge would carry with it less shame and stigma than a rape accusation would on a person.. in western society at least.

Vela

This thread is in very poor taste.
What is it will Irish Peeps and rape.
Tut Tut

David, the blog post that this thread refers to was in very poor taste. This thread is simply a debate, and one that has allowed people to voice their opinions and concerns without getting blocked for doing so on RMC's social media.

As someone who has stayed away from the boards drama for a long time now, I've been pleasantly surprised at the freedom of speech allowed in this thread and the posters who haven't been afraid to challenge this 'influencer' for how she has abused her social influence to mispresent herself as a victim in such an ambiguous situation. A situation that many people have had to endure minus that ambiguity - because they simply had *no* choice. And not because they 'decided' to roll with it and let it happen rather than 'make a fuss'.

RabbleRouser2k

Outlaw Pete wrote: »

Nor the UK, where women like RmacC are just as adamant that there is.

You would think the case of John Leslie would be testament enough to that given that it was just a rumour based on who might have been the person Ulrika Johnson said once date raped her. An "accidental" naming of Leslie as the most likely person it would have been (given they dated at the time she claimed it occurred and had the same job title she had given him in the same book - TV Presenter) was enough to ruin his career / life.

Surely in a rape culture, none of what subsequently happened to him would have happened at all: main TV presenter for ITV's flagship show to barely able to get a job (of note) in media at all and that's still pretty much the case. In fact I think murder charge would carry with it less shame and stigma than a rape accusation would on a person.. in western society at least.

It pretty much ended Ulrika's career too- I think her histrionics jsut got too much for folks by then. Which I agree on tbh. Not that I say 'she wasn't raped' -from all accounts, she hadto go to hospital and so on. It was a horrible time for her, genuinely.
However, the way she shut down Leslie's career was completely unjustified.
(She could have just said 'no, it wasn't him'-instead it required a tribunal-or the equivalent of it in the UK).

Omackeral

mzungu wrote: »

A big part is the intellectual dishonesty of it. No doubt McGregor can handle it, and I wouldn't be a fan of him or his rants, but that is besides the point. The fact is, a quote was taken completely out of context in order to push the "rape culture" agenda. There was probably a good few other quotes of McGregor's that could have been used, however chances are they didn't quite fit the sensationalism needed for the piece in question. It was made to sound like McGregor was saying he could take any women he wanted by force, which is a pretty awful thing to attribute to somebody. No matter who they are.

I'd love him to have a go at her in his horrible nasally Dublin-American accent just for the absolute craic of it. No doubt she'd call it bullying and all but if someone calls you a part of rape culture you're fair game to have a pop back. I'd love him to give her a shout out ''Rosie baby, I know ya want me darling!''

jameorahiely

Well it's back to business as usual. Prentending to care about eating disorders while body shaming models.

Omackeral

SpillingTheTea wrote: »

I honestly find it very insulting tbh. Rape culture is not a thing here in Ireland. We imprison rapists. We as a people do not accept rape. I bet she can't name one Irish case of rape in today's society where everyone in Ireland said 'She asked for it' or 'Ah well' or where the victim was bashed unequivocally over her rapist and to top it off, the rapist served no jail time. Correct me if I am wrong, but I have yet to come across that.

I'm gonna go deeper on this. I work as a Prison Officer. Rapists in prison are seen as the lowest of the low. They are scum. Murderers are miles above them. What does that tell you? Apart from Subversive Republicans (and that's largely political), Sex Offenders are the only category of prisoner requiring their own prison. Imagine that, their own prison because even the dregs of decent society won't accept them. Rapists aren't accepted in decent society and are just as much not accpeted in indecent society.

There ya go radfems, I just dispelled your rape culture theory.

mzungu

Mountainsandh wrote: »

Don't expect greatness either, but it's still a nice try, reminds me a bit of that series in the 80s with the guy who walked along a road with sad music, was it the 6th dimension ?

Ah, never heard of 6th Dimension. Only show I recall where a bloke sauntered along the road to sad music was the Incredible Hulk.

RabbleRouser2k

jameorahiely wrote: »

Well it's back to business as usual. Prentending to care about eating disorders while body shaming models.

Is that the retweeted image? To be fair, it's not so much 'shaming' the models-it's a dodgy photoshop job where they've completely removed all of the curves of the ladies in question-with a slogan that says 'Love your curves'...
(And she wasn't the one who posted it-the person who did is actually pretty sound-RMC probably took it as far more 'serious').

Mountainsandh

mzungu wrote: »

Ah, never heard of 6th Dimension. Only show I recall where a bloke sauntered along the road to sad music was the Incredible Hulk.

Ah no, found it. It was the Twilight Zone :P It's called the 4th Dimension in French. And for some reason, I mixed up the theme with The Incredible Hulk, must have been watching them at same time period !

Don't mind my brain. The old memory is not what it used to be, apparently.

mzungu

Mountainsandh wrote: »

Ah no, found it. It was the Twilight Zone :P It's called the 4th Dimension in French. And for some reason, I mixed up the theme with The Incredible Hulk, must have been watching them at same time period !

Don't mind my brain. The old memory is not what it used to be, apparently.

Happens to the best of us!

A_smurf

I'm probably just reiterating what has already been said so eloquently and unbiased by many already. While her intentions may have been good (I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt on this one) her blog post to me just smacked of trying to be relatable to her followers (which any kind of abuse shouldn't be used for personal gain, real or implied), instead of sharing her story in the hope of being able to help someone else in a similar situation or otherwise. Does a 'rape culture' exist in Ireland? I sincerely doubt it. That said a lot more has to be done to help people affected by rape, seeing as for most people who are unfortunate to go though it don't get enough support outside their own circle of friends and family. That is if they are brave enough to tell them in the first place.

retro:electro

jameorahiely wrote: »

Well it's back to business as usual. Prentending to care about eating disorders while body shaming models.

Incredible. Posting an "inspirational quote" for eating disorders awareness week that on the surface appears to reach out and empathise with people struggling with an eating disorder, and a day later reposts an article on her Facebook that basically states you can only be body shamed if your fat so get over it skinny people. Is she trolling?

take everything

Digs wrote: »

I agree. I have two young daughters and I'm left wondering how I help them navigate this new wave of utter rubbish that the likes of RMC is spouting. That Conor mc Gregor article bothered me so much!! Also the defence of objectifying men being allowable because women have it worse??? Boils my blood. Thats like defending poor treatment of women in Ireland, well because, ya know women have it so much worse in the Middle East.

Men are not the enemy, however, my daughters father, grandad and uncles etc are doing a good job of proving that to them as they grow up.

I have two nieces and I worry that this is the world they will have to grow up in. So many conflicting messages for girls/young women today. And this toxic echo-chamber of unreason (social media) fertile ground for muddle-headed women posing as feminists.
It'll get worse before it gets better.