"Why I did not report my rapist"

Samaris

Yeah, that's one of the issues around female sexuality imo, the assumption, even expectation that their sex drive is much lower than males and exploration of said sex drive is surrounded by difficulties brought on by social influence, including some very old-fashioned notions about whether consenting to sex (or indeed enthusiastically wanting sex) is to be looked down on particularly in females.

That sort of competing pressures lead to things like consenting to sex, regretting it and finding someone else to blame. Which is a very human thing to do and not just confined to females.

The situation -is- changing, mind you. But taking a situation like this fifteen years ago it could come into play. Admittedly, I'd expect it to come into play rather closer to the time. And I don't know that this is the situation in this case, but it's the sort of situation where that set of competing social pressures crash and can throw up unforeseen problems.

bullvine

Is it me or did she take down the picture of her tears from her facebook?

timmy880

bullvine wrote: »

Is it me or did she take down the picture of her tears from her facebook?

She took it down. 3 days later when many people were asking what the relevance of it was....

As my wife said (not me).. "why is she crying 15 years later?" but I assume it was to give off the emotion of retelling the story.

In hindsight it probably detracted from the point she was trying to make.

Wibbs

I am sorry to see that feminism has such a bad rap though. Some of it I do think is cynical, but there are definitely people that go overboard with somewhat dubious extreme-feminism ideals.

The problem is S in so many ways the "extreme-feminism ideals" have gone mainstream and that's what people are picking up on more and more. And I say this as someone who when asked would have identified as a feminist at the time of the incident that's the subject of this thread. It's not just feminism that has made extreme the mainstream. It's a general trend in society that lines are drawn and heels are dug in on a few subjects. Take I dunno, immigration. Dialogue almost always degenerates into a yay/nay, them/us, with a side order of anger flying from both sides. Take the more popular opposing arguments against feminism. You usually end up with the MRA/MGTOW/Red pill daftness that like feminism may have some valid points to make, but runs to the extreme in short order. IMH about the only difference between them is that the media gives feminism a far easier ride. More it gives such ideas a widely supported set of mainstream platforms including BTW the extreme-feminism ideals you mention. Locally we have individuals like Louise O'Neill and Una Mullaly that make their living from mainstream media and consistently peddle "extreme-feminism ideals" on a weekly basis to a degree that would be unimaginable if they were peddling equally daft MRA ideals.

Feminism might see a resurgence though, especially in countries where rights might start vanishing. Much like the media got a short, sharp shock with Trump getting into power in the US, the feminists without a particular direction might suddenly get revitalized to doing something useful.

Resurgence suggests a decline S, but the fact is feminism including the extreme is the acceptable narrative in western society and woe betide anyone who challenges it. Indeed one could easily argue that the reason a woefully inadequate to the task individual like Trump sits in the White House is because of enough people being pissed off at it and other "acceptable narratives" holding sway. A spoiled vote that got outa hand.

Overall, I do see it as a force for good, but like anything else run and imagined by people, it gets stretched to cover stuff it was never really intended to and doesn't necessarily make sense.

As I say, I would have agreed with you in the past, but I think it's so tainted with nonsense in the mainstream that it has become farcical more than not. Mainstream ideas: the pay gap. the 1 in 4(or 3/6, depending on source), the education gap. The health gap. And a few others. All of which can be easily argued as dubious or entirely false. And that's the mainstream stuff.

Female sexuality has been a thorny issue for generations and it's going to take more than one or two generations to weed out centuries of ingrained social influence.

Even that take, which seems and is perfectly reasonably expressed is assuming a position on the nature/nurture dichotomy based in 60/70's philosophy, from where much of third wave feminism got its foundations. The philosophy that people are blank slates and it's all about social influence and that assumes social influence can "fix" things. Female sexuality(and male) has been a thorny issue since humanity first recorded their thoughts across time and geography and across otherwise diverse societies, which strongly suggests that we're dealing with more nature than nurture. Try suggesting that in mainstream dialogue, including and especially in political dialogue which has direct influence on people's lives and see how far one gets.

sbsquarepants

One eyed Jack wrote: »

She didn't accuse anyone of rape though, she's not even sure herself (if the article is taken as a whole) whether she was or she wasn't... she deliberately leaves it open to any reader to draw their own conclusions.

You must not have read the article - or even the title "why did not report my rapist"

What she should have titled it is "I now regret sleeping with someone I wasn't really in to"

We've all been there Rosemary - learn from your mistakes and grow the fúck up.

neonsofa

sbsquarepants wrote: »

You must not have read the article - or even the title "why did not report my rapist"

What she should have titled it is "I now regret sleeping with someone I wasn't really in to"

We've all been there Rosemary - learn from your mistakes and grow the fúck up.

Apparently that post was just to reiterate that Rosemary didn't actually name the person she was accusing.

timmy880

I'm still bemused by her tweet "we're all f*cked up re consent".......

This type of outrageous generalisastion suggests a number of things:

1. She herself isn't actually sure what consent is and as such may want to refrain from using the word rapist in a blog title
2. None of us as adults in this country have a clue as to what consent is
3. She seems to think she is speaking for the entire population on said topic

I don't know, it just bothers me alot. It's such a daft thing to say.

bullvine

timmy880 wrote: »

She took it down. 3 days later when many people were asking what the relevance of it was....

As my wife said (not me).. "why is she crying 15 years later?" but I assume it was to give off the emotion of retelling the story.

In hindsight it probably detracted from the point she was trying to make.

Only point she was trying to make was to bring attention to herself..

Poor Me Me Me :mad:

sbsquarepants

Mountainsandh wrote: »

Well this is a bit pat-roniz-iarchal.

This word is the best thing to come out of these 1400 odd posts. Possibly out of boards in it's entirety!:D

fitzytour

I had commented on Rosemary's instagram post where she was crying, and stated my opinion in no uncertain terms that I thought she was NOT raped and that her post was a new low and seriously undermined the word rape etc. etc....she had wrote back to me and we had commented back and forth..a few people had commended me but a few others hadn't - one person in particular asked me 'was I deaf, did I not see the part in Rosemary's blogpost where she said no?'..funnily enough if I was deaf, it wouldn't affect my ability to read her blogpost so that comment gave me a LOL.

Anyway, the point I am getting to is that she now has that post deleted! It really annoy me because I think I made some very good points to which she had no response for, so she just deletes it! If she feels she is entitled to write a post calling her ex a rapist (when she was not raped), then why cant I question her on her post? (I never once got abusive or nasty) - Talk about hypocritcal - If she is going to go there with this type of post then be prepared to deal with feedback!

timmy880

timmy880 wrote: »

This does remind me of a sexual experience of my own and unfortunately I'm putting myself on the line a little bit here but f*ck it, we're having a discussion.

I met a girl online and we agreed to go on a date. In our texts we had discussed sexual things etc. and had been very open with each other. We met one night, had a few drinks, got on great and went back to hers.

On her couch we start kissing and getting naked and handsy with each other. It was all very mills and boons and then she stops and says "no we shouldn't". She said it clearly and I said fine. She continues to kiss me and we get more naked. She says again "no.. we really shouldn't" in a tone that wasn't dismissive but I understood what she said. I say fine fair enough. She kisses me again, we get completely naked and have sex.

This was a few years ago. Now there is nothing at all stopping this female from appearing online, writing a blog and saying "I said no twice but we ended up having sex because I felt sorry for him, now I feel I've been raped" (note: she did not feel sorry for me and we met up several times after this) but technically she could write a blog word for word the same way as Rosemary did and none of it would be factually incorrect (and I therefore would be labelled a rapist by quite a number of Irish females judging by the comments). Her words were understood clearly, nobody was forced into anything but in the end the moment got the better of us and we had sex and it was consentual.

As I said, we met up several times after this and got on great and I know she would never think of me as a rapist but my point is, she could write a blog very similar to this one and it wouldn't be incorrect - the words were said, they were understood but the actions took over on both sides.

The thing is, I can only describe all of the above because I was there. The same way Rosemary can be the only one to accurately describe her encounter. But there are occasions where words are said but actions take over on both sides. And this is where "SHE SAID NO, IT'S OVER" comments just aren't as black and white as that. Hence why I'm posting this story.

My ex girlfriend did this regularly. To her, it was foreplay. She would often refuse my advances and get annoyed when I gave up too quickly. To me, no means no. To the degree where I feel like I've let opportunities pass me by over the years where possibly a more aggressive guy would have pushed the issue. If someone physically pushes you off, that definitely means no. That's what my ex did. Apparently I was supposed to persevere, it as all part of the foreplay. I eventually got used to her but I had to tell that she's essentially training me to not take no for answer and that its really ****ed up. It was fine once we communicated this but she needed to know that its not right that she's been conditioned to do that.

fitzytour

I had commented on Rosemary's instagram post where she was crying, and stated my opinion in no uncertain terms that I thought she was NOT raped and that her post was a new low and seriously undermined the word rape etc. etc....she had wrote back to me and we had commented back and forth..a few people had commended me but a few others hadn't - one person in particular asked me 'was I deaf, did I not see the part in Rosemary's blogpost where she said no?'..funnily enough if I was deaf, it wouldn't affect my ability to read her blogpost so that comment gave me a LOL.

Anyway, the point I am getting to is that she now has that post deleted! It really annoy me because I think I made some very good points to which she had no response for, so she just deletes it! If she feels she is entitled to write a post calling her ex a rapist (when she was not raped), then why cant I question her on her post? (I never once got abusive or nasty) - Talk about hypocritcal - If she is going to go there with this type of post then be prepared to deal with feedback!

midlandsmissus

Samaris wrote: »

Yeah, that's one of the issues around female sexuality imo, the assumption, even expectation that their sex drive is much lower than males and exploration of said sex drive is surrounded by difficulties brought on by social influence, including some very old-fashioned notions about whether consenting to sex (or indeed enthusiastically wanting sex) is to be looked down on particularly in females.

That sort of competing pressures lead to things like consenting to sex, regretting it and finding someone else to blame. Which is a very human thing to do and not just confined to females.

The situation -is- changing, mind you. But taking a situation like this fifteen years ago it could come into play. Admittedly, I'd expect it to come into play rather closer to the time. And I don't know that this is the situation in this case, but it's the sort of situation where that set of competing social pressures crash and can throw up unforeseen problems.

I can say exactly why I didn't want sex as much as the men did when I was younger. Because when I did have sex, the men were very selfish/knowledgeless. Why would the woman want to have sex when she is not going to enjoy it?
I feel I only really learned about sex when I moved out of Ireland later on to another country, that it was for my pleasure too.
Ireland has very bad sexual attitudes.

Mr. Incognito

This struck me this morning.

I hope she actually seeks out some help outside of twitter sphere.

Martyr Syndrome (redirected from Martyr complex)

A condition in which a person uses their suffering, self-sacrifice, and role as a victim to manipulate others into psychologically rewarding them for their ongoing misery

Segen's Medical Dictionary. © 2012 Farlex, Inc

Keyzer

Never heard of this girl before coming across this thread, wish I didn't.

Just read her post on McGregor - utter nonsense, sensationalist tripe.

She strikes me as an attention seeker who stirs up sh1t that wasn't there in the first place to generate a reaction.

Time to erase some of my memory banks...

SB_Part2

fitzytour wrote: »

Anyway, the point I am getting to is that she now has that post deleted! It really annoy me because I think I made some very good points to which she had no response for, so she just deletes it! If she feels she is entitled to write a post calling her ex a rapist (when she was not raped), then why cant I question her on her post? (I never once got abusive or nasty) - Talk about hypocritcal - If she is going to go there with this type of post then be prepared to deal with feedback!

I don't get this.

There's numerous posts her slating her for putting up the crying selfie. She takes it down and people are still complaining.

You can engage with her about this topic on another one of her posts, her blog, her twitter etc.

sbsquarepants

Deleted User wrote: »

It was fine once we communicated this but she needed to know that its not right that she's been conditioned to do that.

I wouldn't go so far as to say she was conditioned to do anything - she just had a bit of kink I'd say. Some people are into much weirder shít than that.
Takes all sorts and all that!

retro:electro

Both the crying selfie and the blog post itself were uploaded and written for the exact same reasons. Not to get conversation going, (as she initially claimed she wanted) that much is clear since she doesn't actually want to converse with anyone about the obvious ambiguity of the situation. But for absolute attention and commendation. It's clear that to be seen as a victim is the currency you need in today's climate, which is ironic and a complete contradiction of the empowerment mentality femisnist doctrine would have had you believe.

MuffinTop86

midlandsmissus wrote: »

I can say exactly why I didn't want sex as much as the men did when I was younger. Because when I did have sex, the men were very selfish/knowledgeless. Why would the woman want to have sex when she is not going to enjoy it?
I feel I only really learned about sex when I moved out of Ireland later on to another country, that it was for my pleasure too.
Ireland has very bad sexual attitudes.

That's a bit of a sad generalisation. You sound like one of those people who says to their friends 'omg you're still living i Iiiireland, I'm SO glad I left, I don't know why people have stayed'
I have friends who do this, who are now back living here.

Any sexual partners I've had have been keen to learn (college days) or knowledgeable but keen to know what my turn ons are (because every woman likes different things).
You sound like you sold yourself short but it's not Ireland's fault.

fitzytour

SB_Part2 wrote: »

I don't get this.

There's numerous posts her slating her for putting up the crying selfie. She takes it down and people are still complaining.

You can engage with her about this topic on another one of her posts, her blog, her twitter etc.

I only follow her on instagram so that is why I engaged with her on it there, it did not even enter my mind that may be why she took down the post, as I didn't realise people were slating her for that particular reason!

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

I just want to know how to take a good crying selfie.
I am not a pretty crier. I'm a snotty mascara running swollen eyed pale misfortune. I'm intrigued by people who can look nice when they cry.

retro:electro

SB_Part2 wrote: »

I don't get this.

There's numerous posts her slating her for putting up the crying selfie. She takes it down and people are still complaining.

You can engage with her about this topic on another one of her posts, her blog, her twitter etc.

Can you engage though? It's pretty clear from this thread that's she's blocking people for even as much as liking a tweet by someone who disapproves of her stance.

groovyg

fitzytour wrote: »

Anyway, the point I am getting to is that she now has that post deleted! It really annoy me because I think I made some very good points to which she had no response for, so she just deletes it! If she feels she is entitled to write a post calling her ex a rapist (when she was not raped), then why cant I question her on her post? (I never once got abusive or nasty) - Talk about hypocritical - If she is going to go there with this type of post then be prepared to deal with feedback!

I think I saw your post, as I said previously about all these bloggers they can't take the heat when it comes to criticism. Its only positive feedback please, blocks people on twitter who like posts who disagree with her view.


She tweeted this at the weekend

I'm confused about why @boards shuts down threads that "gossip" about bloggers, while this 53-page monster dissecting my character is okay.

MMA_Ireland‏ @MMA responded

@RosemaryMacCabe @boards But didn't you dissect @TheNotoriousMMA 's character yesterday, saying he sees women as objects to be groped??

Her response was

@RosemaryMacCabe @MMA_Ireland I quoted him, in an interview saying some incredibly misogynistic things about women. Relevance?

@RosemaryMacCabe @MMA_Ireland actually! Please don't answer that. I 100% do not care.

I'm not fan of McGregor or MMA but that piece she wrote was awful, took quotes from his GQ interview completely out of context to suit her own agenda.
Then another person questions her on it

Joe‏ @joedoyle11 @RosemaryMacCabe @boards @TheNotoriousMMA But its OK for you to talk about Conor McGregor & use his name concerning rape culture??

and her response is

RosemaryMacCabe @joedoyle11 oh please! The way he speaks about women and the fact you think it's acceptable = rape culture.

Joe‏ @joedoyle11 @RosemaryMacCabe No its not, I've heard many women say worse about men. Are they rapists as well?

Mr. Incognito

anna080 wrote: »

Can you engage though? It's pretty clear from this thread that's she's blocking people for even as much as liking a tweet by someone who disapproves of her stance.

What?

She posts it on Social Media and is now blocking anyone who disagrees with her?

That's really someone who is totally insulated from reality.

pilly

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

What?

She posts it on Social Media and is now blocking anyone who disagrees with her?

That's really someone who is totally insulated from reality.

Keep up Mr. I, this has been the situation since she posted it.

retro:electro

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

What?

She posts it on Social Media and is now blocking anyone who disagrees with her?

That's really someone who is totally insulated from reality.

Yep. Blocking anyone who disagrees AND blocking anyone who do as little as like a tweet where someone has questioned her.
The reverberations in that chamber must be getting louder.

westernlass

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

anna080 wrote: »

Can you engage though? It's pretty clear from this thread that's she's blocking people for even as much as liking a tweet by someone who disapproves of her stance.

What?

She posts it on Social Media and is now blocking anyone who disagrees with her?

That's really someone who is totally insulated from reality.

On snap chat last night she said she wasn't taking 'abuse' from anyone anymore and her social media platforms are hers and she will block if she likes.

I've seen a few articles from new feminists saying the same. The rationale is there's no point arguing with people who never want to get it and you have to protect yourself

Keyzer

RosemaryMacCabe @joedoyle11 oh please! The way he speaks about women and the fact you think it's acceptable = rape culture.



Jesus H. Christ...

Rapists running rampant in the streets...

pilly

westernlass wrote: »

On snap chat last night she said she wasn't taking 'abuse' from anyone anymore and her social media platforms are hers and she will block if she likes.

I've seen a few articles from new feminists saying the same. The rationale is there's no point arguing with people who never want to get it and you have to protect yourself

There is a certain truth to that though imo. There are certain posters on here too that will simply keep posting the same statement over and over and over hoping what I don't know that repetition will convert everyone else? If I bothered with any public form of social media I don't think I'd put up with that kind of ****e either.

Kimbot

I have just read the McGregor piece, I am seriously lost for words after it.