"Why I did not report my rapist"

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

If being a feminist means degrading men, making issues male vs female, trivialising a serious crime and expecting special treatment because of my anatomy, I'm glad I'm not smart enough to be a feminist. I'm glad I don't hate men, because some of the kindest most sincere and best friends I've known were men with their big rapey heads on them.

And there's no doubt in my mind that most men would step in and help any woman they could see was in danger.

pumpkin4life

midlandsmissus wrote: »

I think you should be ashamed of this post.
What on earth has Rosemary done to deserve this level of vitriol?
Something deeply upset her to write about this. Either he raped her, or she was very upset because he kept pushing her into it. And she didn't know how to stand up to him.
Either way, what has she done wrong for you to say things that nasty?
She wrote an interesting point on her twitter. Should threads like this, aimed at and targeting a named person, be allowed to exist on boards? Is it a form of bullying? Can the mods review this?

Of course.

She's a public figure.

That's one of the consequences of having an internet presence and that is why so many people post anonymously.

She made that decision and now has to come to terms with the consequences.

westernlass

mzungu wrote: »

westernlass wrote: »

I've just watched her Facebook live and to me the crediblity of her article is less again. She said she dimisses others differing opinions of hers (she referenced boards) as the opponent not having the intelligence she has to understand her feminist theories.

I think no matter what side one comes down on (and I do think there was no consent), to hear that kind of glib dismissal is a shame. There was well reasoned points made on here by both sides, but especially by rape survivors who recounted their own experiences. To dismiss all that as a case of not being smart enough to understand 'feminist theory' is a bit off.

I know and as someone who has experienced rape she is insulting and quite frankly upsetting.

To be honest I've wrote several long posts and deleted them as I find the whole thing so hypocritical. I can't have a balanced debate about someone who has put their hands in their ears and says I am superior so I'll ignore you.

That dismissive attitude is so insulting and I think I need to leave this thread as I'm getting too upset by her actions. All women are not the same, all men are not the same. RMC and I are very different and that's something I'm very glad about.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

midlandsmissus wrote: »

I think you should be ashamed of this post.
What on earth has Rosemary done to deserve this level of vitriol?
Something deeply upset her to write about this. Either he raped her, or she was very upset because he kept pushing her into it. And she didn't know how to stand up to him.
Either way, what has she done wrong for you to say things that nasty?
She wrote an interesting point on her twitter. Should threads like this, aimed at and targeting a named person, be allowed to exist on boards? Is it a form of bullying? Can the mods review this?

Should she be allowed brand someone a rapist and leave it unchallenged? There's a simple solution here. If you don't want your opinions challenged, don't broadcast them all across the internet

hatrickpatrick

Help!!!! wrote: »

Hopefully he wouldn't get a jury full of people who believe one side of the story :rolleyes:

Oh I'm not suggesting that the story is definitively true, I'm arguing that hypothetically, what happened should be described as rape.

Mountainsandh wrote: »

Hatrickpatrick

Communication is not limited to words.

All words can be ambiguous, even yes and no.

Has anyone ever replied to you : "yes, yes, absolutely, I will" and meant the complete opposite ? Chances are you knew it ?
Anyone ever said to you : "yeah right" ? Do they mean yes you are right ?
Anyone ever said : "No way !" Do they mean that they think you're lying ?
Even children are very well able to detect when a "no" may mean "if you bugger me enough I may well give in and get you that ice-cream".

Intonation, body language, actions, context, they count. For the times we want no ambiguity, we tend to draw written contracts.

If you bugger someone enough that they relent and let you do sexual things to them, they are not freely giving their consent. Consent is not valid if delivered under pressure like this.

Verbal communication when it comes to relationships and sexual consent trump absolutely everything else, because it's voluntary. Body language is not necessarily voluntary - as I said earlier, I could get a boner and still not actually want to have sex with somebody.

I find this all absolutely sickening to be honest. People are honestly defending somebody who persisted in sexually touching somebody after she had said no to this. The mind boggles.

midlandsmissus

LexieOnRale wrote: »

midlandsmissus wrote: »

I think you should be ashamed of this post.
What on earth has Rosemary done to deserve this level of vitriol?
Something deeply upset her to write about this. Either he raped her, or she was very upset because he kept pushing her into it. And she didn't know how to stand up to him.
Either way, what has she done wrong for you to say things that nasty?
She wrote an interesting point on her twitter. Should threads like this, aimed at and targeting a named person, be allowed to exist on boards? Is it a form of bullying? Can the mods review this?

Should she be allowed brand someone a rapist and leave it unchallenged? There's a simple solution here. If you don't want your opinions challenged, don't broadcast them all across the internet

She didn't name him.
There have been convictions of people on social media, who have bullied and harrased people online.
Why should boards.is allow this.
You know as well as I do, that the girl is going to be deeply affected by these posts. You or I would be. And she has said that the posts upset her.
Social media bullying is not allowed as much as it once was, and I think that some of the people on here should be deeply ashamed.

ibarelycare

midlandsmissus wrote: »

I think you should be ashamed of this post.
What on earth has Rosemary done to deserve this level of vitriol?
Something deeply upset her to write about this. Either he raped her, or she was very upset because he kept pushing her into it. And she didn't know how to stand up to him.
Either way, what has she done wrong for you to say things that nasty?
She wrote an interesting point on her twitter. Should threads like this, aimed at and targeting a named person, be allowed to exist on boards? Is it a form of bullying? Can the mods review this?

She did know how. She chose not to.

hatrickpatrick

LexieOnRale wrote: »

And there's no doubt in my mind that most men would step in and help any woman they could see was in danger.

According to this thread an awful lot of men and women would be ok with one of their mates harassing somebody into sex and sexually groping them without permission (indeed, with a very clear denial of permission) - that's pretty f*cking scary, and again I say that as somebody who is generally on the anti-SJW side of these debates.

midlandsmissus

midlandsmissus wrote: »

I think you should be ashamed of this post.
What on earth has Rosemary done to deserve this level of vitriol?
Something deeply upset her to write about this. Either he raped her, or she was very upset because he kept pushing her into it. And she didn't know how to stand up to him.
Either way, what has she done wrong for you to say things that nasty?
She wrote an interesting point on her twitter. Should threads like this, aimed at and targeting a named person, be allowed to exist on boards? Is it a form of bullying? Can the mods review this?

Which post are you talking about and what vitriol?

Being badgered isn't rape. Deciding to go through with sex rather than having a tough talk isn't rape. Rape doesn't allow for deciding whether or not to go through with it because it's easier. Rape steals the victims ability to make decisions.

I know this episode must have upset her, I know she's probably struggled to come to terms with it, and I know being badgered is unpleasant and pushy and can catch you on the wrong foot. I feel sorry for her dealing with that, I'm sure she felt horrible afterwards. But it's not rape.

Her appropriation of the term rape to describe her experience is an insult to everyone who never got to decide anything, and never thought subjecting themselves to 'rape' was easier than having a chat.

Rape is a big, big word, you don't throw it around to describe poor decisions or an inability to communicate.

ibarelycare

midlandsmissus wrote: »

She didn't name him.
There have been convictions of people on social media, who have bullied and harrased people online.
Why should boards.is allow this.
You know as well as I do, that the girl is going to be deeply affected by these posts. You or I would be. And she has said that the posts upset her.
Social media bullying is not allowed as much as it once was, and I think that some of the people on here should be deeply ashamed.

She put this story out in the public domain. People have the right to discuss it, and of course people are going to disagree with her. I used to really like Rosemary and follow her across social media (I've even defended her in the past on boards) but this has turned me right off her as I believe she knew how this article would turn out, that there would be people who would speak against her (although I suspect she didn't think it would be such a large number), and that she could use that to further push her victim complex.

midlandsmissus

Candie wrote: »

midlandsmissus wrote: »

I think you should be ashamed of this post.
What on earth has Rosemary done to deserve this level of vitriol?
Something deeply upset her to write about this. Either he raped her, or she was very upset because he kept pushing her into it. And she didn't know how to stand up to him.
Either way, what has she done wrong for you to say things that nasty?
She wrote an interesting point on her twitter. Should threads like this, aimed at and targeting a named person, be allowed to exist on boards? Is it a form of bullying? Can the mods review this?

Which post are you talking about and what vitriol?

Being badgered isn't rape. Deciding to go through with sex rather than having a tough talk isn't rape. Rape doesn't allow for deciding whether or not to go through with it because it's easier. Rape steals the victims ability to make decisions.

I know this episode must have upset her, I know she's probably struggled to come to terms with it, and I know being badgered is unpleasant and pushy and can catch you on the wrong foot. I feel sorry for her dealing with that, I'm sure she felt horrible afterwards. But it's not rape.

Her appropriation of the term rape to describe her experience is an insult to everyone who never got to decide anything, and never thought subjecting themselves to 'rape' was easier than having a chat.

Rape is a big, big word, you don't throw it around to describe poor decisions or an inability to communicate.

how do you decide that for everyone? I was raped, and it isn't an insult to me. In fact I think it had given me more empathy for anothers suffering, empathy that some on here are sorely lacking.

midlandsmissus

anna080 wrote: »

midlandsmissus wrote: »

I think you should be ashamed of this post.
What on earth has Rosemary done to deserve this level of vitriol?
Something deeply upset her to write about this. Either he raped her, or she was very upset because he kept pushing her into it. And she didn't know how to stand up to him.
Either way, what has she done wrong for you to say things that nasty?
She wrote an interesting point on her twitter. Should threads like this, aimed at and targeting a named person, be allowed to exist on boards? Is it a form of bullying? Can the mods review this?

Are you serious? Why should she be ashamed for writing this? I felt like this post was heartbreakingly honest. So tell me, what offended you so much about this posters ability to share what happened to her and say she was offended by RMC's attitude?

anna please read my post before replying. Look back at my post - which post am I quoting? Not the one you are referring to.

midlandsmissus

anna080 wrote: »

midlandsmissus wrote: »

I think you should be ashamed of this post.
What on earth has Rosemary done to deserve this level of vitriol?
Something deeply upset her to write about this. Either he raped her, or she was very upset because he kept pushing her into it. And she didn't know how to stand up to him.
Either way, what has she done wrong for you to say things that nasty?
She wrote an interesting point on her twitter. Should threads like this, aimed at and targeting a named person, be allowed to exist on boards? Is it a form of bullying? Can the mods review this?

Are you serious? Why should she be ashamed for writing this? I felt like this post was heartbreakingly honest. So tell me, what offended you so much about this posters ability to share what happened to her and say she was offended by RMC's attitude?

anna please read my post before replying. Look back at my post - which post am I quoting? Not the one you are referring to.

Outlaw Pete

hatrickpatrick wrote: »

She said no. He persisted. Case closed.

Nope.. you're leaving out some crucial stages:

She said no.
He persisted.
She kissed him.
He persisted.
She stopped saying no and let him have sex with her to avoid having to tell him she did not fancy him.
Case closed.

Penny Tration

midlandsmissus wrote: »

You know as well as I do, that the girl is going to be deeply affected by these posts. You or I would be. And she has said that the posts upset her.

And you know what? I'd imagine many of the women here who have been a survivor of rape have been deeply affected by her lessening of their real, traumatic, non-consensual attacks.


God knows it's infuriated me to see what some people define as rape - what happened to me, and to all of the other women here who have spoken about their past, is deeply traumatizing, and here is a post by someone who had consensual sex saying "hey, I'm the same as you ladies, empathize with me."


I won't. And if she's deeply affected by the issue, she can switch her internet off, just like I or anyone else can.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

midlandsmissus wrote: »

She didn't name him.
There have been convictions of people on social media, who have bullied and harrased people online.
Why should boards.is allow this.
You know as well as I do, that the girl is going to be deeply affected by these posts. You or I would be. And she has said that the posts upset her.
Social media bullying is not allowed as much as it once was, and I think that some of the people on here should be deeply ashamed.

I'm sure there's posters here she's upset by discussing them on her social media platforms and having her followers speculate in regards to their mental health. She's been quoting boards users all across her social media for a long time now, trying to intimidate them for stating their opinions online and now when the shoes on the other foot it's bullying?

hatrickpatrick

ibarelycare wrote: »

She put this story out in the public domain. People have the right to discuss it, and of course people are going to disagree with her.

This is anathema to the radical SJW, much as it is anathema to the radical alt-right. As far as both groups are concerned, questioning their principles is akin to Galileo suggesting that the Earth might not be the centre of the universe.

These two groups which despise eachother so strongly share so much in common that it's ridiculous, to be honest. The SJW-left and the alt-right both believe in silencing people who contradict their morality - the alt-right in the religious conservative sense, the SJW-left in the safe space sense. And both seem to be entirely oblivious to their own similarities with those they regard as arch nemeses.

hatrickpatrick

Outlaw Pete wrote: »

Nope.. you're leaving out some crucial stages:

She said no.
He persisted.
She kissed him.
He persisted.
She stopped saying no and let him have sex with her to avoid having to tell him she did not fancy him.
Case closed.

Actually you're the one who's leaving out some crucial stages.

Amended list:

She said no.
He persisted.
She said no.
He tried to undress her.
She said no.
He took off her top.
She said no.
She kissed him.
He persisted.
She stopped saying no and let him have sex with her to avoid having to tell him she did not fancy him.
Case closed.

It's the part where he continued to undress her after being told not to, that makes this a sexual assault. The part in bold, specifically.

If you tell me not to undress you and I proceed to unzip your trousers and pull them off, I have just committed sexual assault. Nothing which happens afterwards brings us back in time and changes the fact that at the exact moment I took off your trousers, I had been told not to. Therefore, it is assault. Nothing else is remotely relevant.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

midlandsmissus wrote: »

how do you decide that for everyone? I was raped, and it isn't an insult to me. In fact I think it had given me more empathy for anothers suffering, empathy that some on here are sorely lacking.

I was raped and it offended me. People have extremely different views. In fact, I've talked about that incident before, numerous times on boards over the years and usuallyvrefer robmy incident as sexual assault/non consensual sex because I feel my using of the word rape trivialises women who had been actually rape raped, as in threathened with a knife, needing stitches, being beaten up etc.

I certainly take offence to women labelling regret sex as "rape".

midlandsmissus

Penny Tration I have also suffered a sexual assault, and I would never, ever dream of telling a woman, 'you didn't suffer a sexual assault', when she believes that she had.
It really saddens and dissapoints me to see women now doing that on here.
Where is the empathy?

hatrickpatrick

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I was raped and it offended me. People have extremely different views. In fact, I've talked about that incident before, numerous times on boards over the years and usuallyvrefer robmy incident as sexual assault/non consensual sex because I feel my using of the word rape trivialises women who had been actually rape raped, as in threathened with a knife, needing stitches, being beaten up etc.

Non consensual sex is rape though. The idea that it has to involve coercion or violence is in my view incredibly damaging, especially for victims. There's nothing wrong with differentiating between rape and violent rape, but rape is still rape.

hatrickpatrick

midlandsmissus wrote: »

Penny Tration I have also suffered a sexual assault, and I would never, ever dream of telling a woman, 'you didn't suffer a sexual assault', when she believes that she had.

I have to disagree somewhat with this - if somebody believes they have suffered a sexual assault when they definitively have not, they shouldn't be allowed to trivialise actual sexual assault in my view. For instance, anyone who believes that regret after the fact can ret-con a consensual encounter to a non-consensual one should IMO be told in no uncertain terms that this is not on.

Just my opinion - that kind of thing is one of the reasons the issue of rape has become so unimaginably muddled in society. The attempts to re-define rape as including consensual sex that is regretted or consensual sex after a night out on the piss is more damaging to rape victims than almost any other societal meme to my mind.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

midlandsmissus wrote: »

Penny Tration I have also suffered a sexual assault, and I would never, ever dream of telling a woman, 'you didn't suffer a sexual assault', when she believes that she had.
It really saddens and dissapoints me to see women now doing that on here.
Where is the empathy?

My empathy is with the poster who was raped continually as a child. It's with the countless number of posters who have been raped. It's with the women (and men) who aren't yet able to say "I was raped" for fear of judgement or shame. It's with rape victims. It's not with someone who was too juvinele to tell someone "I don't want Toby have sex, I don't fancy you". She consented to sex. My empathy is with the women who have never had that luxury.

Penny Tration

midlandsmissus wrote: »

Penny Tration I have also suffered a sexual assault, and I would never, ever dream of telling a woman, 'you didn't suffer a sexual assault', when she believes that she had.
It really saddens and dissapoints me to see women now doing that on here.
Where is the empathy?

And it saddens me, not as an assault/rape survivor, but as a human, to see people immediately dive on someone's very dubious account of sex they claim they "let" happen, to call a man a rapist. It demeans rape victims, it demeans men and it sets a precedent for more people to claim rape when they regret something.


I'm not lying here when I say I know several women who have falsely cried rape. I seem to know some absolute nutters. Two of them, EVERY man they've taken home on a night out, has "raped" them. Hell, one claimed a mutual friend raped her, at a time he and I were out at the bloody cinema!

So unfortunately, people do lie about these things, so may of us won't just blindly believe dubious accounts because to assume all men accused of something are guilty, is wrong.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

hatrickpatrick wrote: »

Non consensual sex is rape though. The idea that it has to involve coercion or violence is in my view incredibly damaging, especially for victims. There's nothing wrong with differentiating between rape and violent rape, but rape is still rape.

I agree but for me personally when I've posted about this previously, I prefer not using the word "rape" because as rapes go, there's women who's had much worse and like I've preached re: RMC I too need to accept some level of responsibility for the poor choices I made that lead to the rape happening. I know what it is. I just prefer describing it with a different word.

LexieOnRale

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I agree but for me personally when I've posted about this previously, I prefer not using the word "rape" because as rapes go, there's women who's had much worse and like I've preached re: RMC I too need to accept some level of responsibility for the poor choices I made that lead to the rape happening. I know what it is. I just prefer describing it with a different word.

You don't have to accept any responsibility for being raped. The ONLY person responsible for rape is the rapist.

It's okay to call a rape a rape, Lexie, and I'm very sorry you had that happen you.

It's just not okay to call being badgered and giving in a rape, like this blogger.

midlandsmissus

Lexieonrale why are you being so harsh? In fact I would say (some) women can be each others worst enemies on this.
I remember, and will never forget, when I was raped as an adult, I told one woman I knew, and her response was 'so what I have been raped twice - by a family member, and by a stranger ' that she had suffered more so I shouldn't complain.
I think in knowing the damage of peoples words after rape, I would never ever condemn or critisice someone who feels hurt in this area, and said no on numerous occasions. Put yourself in her shoes, that you were diacussing your rape online and everyone was nasty to you about it. I just think you should be a little more careful with your words.

Help!!!!

midlandsmissus wrote: »

I think you should be ashamed of this post.
What on earth has Rosemary done to deserve this level of vitriol?
Something deeply upset her to write about this. Either he raped her, or she was very upset because he kept pushing her into it. And she didn't know how to stand up to him.
Either way, what has she done wrong for you to say things that nasty?
She wrote an interesting point on her twitter. Should threads like this, aimed at and targeting a named person, be allowed to exist on boards? Is it a form of bullying? Can the mods review this?

Should she be able to write about Conor McGregor & include "rape culture" in the same sentence??

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

i dont feel I'm being harsh at all.

midlandsmissus

midlandsmissus wrote: »

She wrote an interesting point on her twitter. Should threads like this, aimed at and targeting a named person, be allowed to exist on boards? Is it a form of bullying? Can the mods review this?

You need to get a grip of yourself and so does she. Aimed at her? She has herself out in the public domain. She's a Social InfluencerTM. That's how come this thread exists at all to be honest, from on article she wrote which was intended to hit the public and garner attention. It's done that now but it's not the echo chamber style she'd be used to with her similar-thinking friends. Rape victims have commented in this thread and are at odds with what this woman has wrote about.

This one has posted up selfies of herself crying looking for sympathy, seriously who the f*ck does that? If you're crying, the last thing you naturally do is reach for a camera. More attention seeking. If you give her any negative feedback tis blockage for you or else you're a woman hating MRA. She, and anyone else with this type of mindset, are a scourge. The term feminism has been dragged through the mud by people like these. Feminism, to me now, is a tainted word in its modern guise.

Can a mod review this? Translation: I don't really like what I'm hearing so I want it changed.