Girlfriend

pavilion29

Merkin wrote: »

I think you should genuinely seek some professional help. I think the definition of insanity is to keep repeating the same thing and expecting a different outcome. (I'm not suggesting you're insane btw!)

Over six years this is your fourth thread on the topic and I think you may need to explore what the real basis is for your lack of 'success' because it seems like you still keep putting up these self enforced obstacles.

If you look back over your old thread would you say you still feel the same as you did all that time ago? A professional might be able to help you explore this further and come to a resolution.

http://touch.boards.ie/thread/2056329698/1/#post73324794

Im sorry Merkin but I have to defend myself a bit here, there is a line -

Despite some other difficulties I like to think I've made progress over the years on issues in general, i don't believe i need professional help when it comes to relationships, i just need to change my approach which i have done compared to mistakes i made in the past ( i acted like a bit of a doormat) - there have been cases where the fault hasn't been with me and I've just been unlucky to meet people where there was little spark and she had made little effort to find one too. Not saying i haven't been guilty of that myself, but all in all I've taken a lot of good advice onboard from other users here.

Rekop dog

Seeking advice online for this sort of thing is always a bit on the futile side, I'd say I'd give you better advice on where you may be going wrong after 30 seconds in your company than the 6 years of advice you've gotten on this issue from here(not an offer btw). It's close to impossible to gauge social skills from writing.

So I'd second the advice to get professional help due to the reccurent nature of the threads, clearly a big issue for you, don't see it as weakness.

Merkin

I agree in that it's not a weakness to seek advice from a third party (in person). Dating is a numbers game after all so if you're having a significant amount of dates and absolutely nothing is coming from them then the common denominator is you. I am not saying that there is anything 'wrong' with you but there is clearly some issue why you have been at pains to have a girlfriend for a significant number of years and yet it has never happened for you. Have you close friends? Could you ask a trusted friends honest opinion on why this might be proving difficult? I still feel that you may be looking for a girl that doesn't actually exist so that's why I suggested therapy.

I was extremely fussy when single and dismissed a lot of guys but it's only when I met my husband in the early days and I was questioning how I felt because I didn't like one of his tshirts that I had to have a word with myself and cop the feck on!!

tara73

pavilion29 wrote: »

Im sorry Merkin but I have to defend myself a bit here, there is a line -

Despite some other difficulties I like to think I've made progress over the years on issues in general, i don't believe i need professional help when it comes to relationships, i just need to change my approach which i have done compared to mistakes i made in the past ( i acted like a bit of a doormat) - there have been cases where the fault hasn't been with me and I've just been unlucky to meet people where there was little spark and she had made little effort to find one too. Not saying i haven't been guilty of that myself, but all in all I've taken a lot of good advice onboard from other users here.

in your opening post you stated you never had a relationship. so you are 35 now, never had a relationship before and all your dates are going wrong at the first time.
why you need to defend yourself when people suggest here seeking help from a 3rd party with the background you have? you obviously suffering, why not getting help?

I think you are a bit on the old fashion side, (and it fits to your approach to dating/women too) seeing it as a weakness to go to a counsellor or even worse, feeling stigmatised or crazy if you go. Have a read through threads here, I guess in almost 80 % of it people suggest counselling to the Poster or the Poster himself went already and most of the time it really helps.
We all have issues, men and women equally, some poeple more, some people less and it's very common and actually veru mature to consult a professional when the problems manifest themselves and you can't get out of it yourself.

pavilion29 wrote: »

i just need to change my approach which i have done compared to mistakes i made in the past ( i acted like a bit of a doormat) - there have been cases where the fault hasn't been with me and I've just been unlucky to meet people where there was little spark and she had made little effort to find one too. Not saying i haven't been guilty of that myself, but all in all I've taken a lot of good advice onboard from other users here.

I mean, what's the point in posting here if you think you made progress in your approach and it was mostly the fault of the others or bad luck? What's your question I ask myself.
Sorry, but I think your head is all over the place, somethings really odd.

Don't be offended, but you post here and I just ask to help: did you ever consider being gay? Never having a relationship, women are boring you and you never have been in love nor heartbroken...

Daisy78

You have exceptionally high standards to be honest , to the point where you are almost sabotaging your chances of meeting someone suitable. I wonder if you are approaching women who may validate you in some way? Women who bring a certain status through their looks or hobbies which you feel would reflect well on you? I agree with others here that talking to a counsellor or trusted friend might be more productive than looking for advice here. Also taking the focus off what type of woman you would like to meet and reflecting more on what you offer and what type of relationship you would like might be a more helpful way of approaching all of this.

pavilion29

tara73 wrote: »

in your opening post you stated you never had a relationship. so you are 35 now, never had a relationship before and all your dates are going wrong at the first time.
why you need to defend yourself when people suggest here seeking help from a 3rd party with the background you have? you obviously suffering, why not getting help?

I think you are a bit on the old fashion side, (and it fits to your approach to dating/women too) seeing it as a weakness to go to a counsellor or even worse, feeling stigmatised or crazy if you go. Have a read through threads here, I guess in almost 80 % of it people suggest counselling to the Poster or the Poster himself went already and most of the time it really helps.
We all have issues, men and women equally, some poeple more, some people less and it's very common and actually veru mature to consult a professional when the problems manifest themselves and you can't get out of it yourself.



I mean, what's the point in posting here if you think you made progress in your approach and it was mostly the fault of the others or bad luck? What's your question I ask myself.
Sorry, but I think your head is all over the place, somethings really odd.

Don't be offended, but you post here and I just ask to help: did you ever consider being gay? Never having a relationship, women are boring you and you never have been in love nor heartbroken...

Ok so to explain on a number of points -

i have gotten counselling in the past for anxiety in work - CBT it really helped so i am happy with my progress there. I don't experience anxiety on dates or approaching women - i just think i may have been both shy and lacked a few social skills and poor body language ( i have a separate post on my resting bitch face)
I am not against professional help in any way as one of my friends got it for depression, i briefly had a few sessions in the past on relationships but the advice i was given was very general and exactly the same as my friends and family advice - broaden your horizons on women, smile more, listen more, don't force it, be her friend first, etc.
I don't have really high standards but i did in the past. Im still working on that too. No I'm definitely not Gay as I've like i said had brief flings, i can assure you i am attracted to women.
The early posts here have given me some good practical advice so I'm going to try them out this weekend, date lined up

woodchuck

OP why do you want a girlfriend? Genuine question.

From your opening post I get the impression it's just because your friends have now all settled down. You talk about never really wanting a relationship and enjoying your freedom. Is it possible that you're not having any luck (and/or being too picky) because you don't actually want a relationship?

Augme

So cliff notes from what I have gathered from your posts OP

- You play golf every Saturday morning.
- You like sports and films


Is there anything else you do? Because otherwise your not in much position to call someone else boring. That's a pretty dull and uninspiring list of "passions".