Question for girls

kylith

My first time living alone was when my ex moved out a few years ago. For a week or so I felt isolated and had nightmares about burglars, but then I got over it. Now if someone stays with me for more than a few days I resent them for putting in on me. I've gotten used to doing what I want when I want. Want to wander around in the nip? That's grand. Don't fancy cleaning up the kitchen right now? That's grand too.

I'm sure someday I'll live with someone again, but right now I'm happy by myself.

Grandeeod

Hammer89 wrote: »

Sorry mate but the point is that your first post was a bit over-the-top in terms of pompousness and judgement. I don't have an issue with your opinion - I have an issue with the smarmy way you put it across.

You think its pompous, judgemental and smarmy. I think it was straight to the point without any pomp or smarminess. Was I judgemental? Probably. But its hard not to be when asked a question.

Hammer89

It wasn't straight to the point. You could've made the exact same point without saying 'FFS!' or calling her, my friend, a "f*cking snowflaker".They're needless and crass observations in my opinion.

But this is my fault. I accept that. I made an error by asking a question about a friend on a forum where the users can be quite hostile and ruthless. I've probably been on the other side, criticising the person who a certain thread is about, so I can't go overboard in my defence without sounding like a hypocrite.

seamus

Earthhorse wrote: »

I think this is way more normal than people are making out. Plenty of my female friends get anxious when their boyfriends or husbands are away and they're in the house on their own. Doesn't mean they're "not capable" of living on their own or whatever other spin people are putting on it.

Agreed. For generations women have been raised to believe that there's a man lurking around every corner to roughly take her onto his horse and steal away with her to make her his wife-slave.

The specifics have changed, but the sentiment still exists - women are raised from an early age to believe that the world is a scary place from which they need protecting. Boys are taught they are the protectors.

It's subtle, but it's there; women are told to make sure they walk in groups, walk on well-lit roads, not through parks, given a lift anywhere if it's even slightly dark, told to make sure that someone knows where you are and where you're going.
Boys are given bus fare at the age of 12 and told to make their own way to school.

So when it comes to simple stuff like living alone, some women feel a fear that they won't be safe. There isn't someone who knows where they are and what they're doing. If someone breaks in, they're on their own, etc etc.

I'm still blown away by the culture of fear I see with women. Heading home after a night in the pub is a military operation; make sure everyone knows when someone is leaving and who they're sharing a taxi with. No-one leaves on their own. Make sure they text someone else when they get home, and all these other little nuances that you don't see with men.

seamus

seamus wrote: »

Agreed. For generations women have been raised to believe that there's a man lurking around every corner to roughly take her onto his horse and steal away with her to make her his wife-slave.

The specifics have changed, but the sentiment still exists - women are raised from an early age to believe that the world is a scary place from which they need protecting. Boys are taught they are the protectors.

It's subtle, but it's there; women are told to make sure they walk in groups, walk on well-lit roads, not through parks, given a lift anywhere if it's even slightly dark, told to make sure that someone knows where you are and where you're going.
Boys are given bus fare at the age of 12 and told to make their own way to school.

So when it comes to simple stuff like living alone, some women feel a fear that they won't be safe. There isn't someone who knows where they are and what they're doing. If someone breaks in, they're on their own, etc etc.

I'm still blown away by the culture of fear I see with women. Heading home after a night in the pub is a military operation; make sure everyone knows when someone is leaving and who they're sharing a taxi with. No-one leaves on their own. Make sure they text someone else when they get home, and all these other little nuances that you don't see with men.

Or, you know, she might just have been worried about being lonely, or remembering to put out the bins.

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

seamus

Candie wrote: »

Or, you know, she might just have been worried about being lonely, or remembering to put out the bins.

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

Perhaps. But then how would I get the opportunity to spout my pseudo-psychoanalytical wankology?

Grandeeod

Hammer89 wrote: »

It wasn't straight to the point. You could've made the exact same point without saying 'FFS!' or calling her, my friend, a "f*cking snowflaker".They're needless and crass observations in my opinion.

But this is my fault. I accept that. I made an error by asking a question about a friend on a forum where the users can be quite hostile and ruthless. I've probably been on the other side, criticising the person who a certain thread is about, so I can't go overboard in my defence without sounding like a hypocrite.

Listen Hammer. Much respect from me for your response. Honestly. I can't retract what I posted because I believe in what I say. But I'm sorry if my language didn't appeal.

RobertKK

Living on your own is great.

Can turn up the volume high, have a party in your own living room, at 1am if you wish - once you don't have paper thin walls with your neighbours, excellent if you live in the countryside.
No one cares if the house needs cleaning, you do it in your own time, not when told.
Nakedness, yes no one to come on boards their housemate walks around the house naked now and again.
The main thing is you don't have to be considerate of others - yes it sounds like a selfish way to live, but it is freedom...

When I first lived on my own, I was not anxious, I loved having the house to myself and I still do.

Everyone is different, some people seem to need to be in the presence of others, while others are very happy with the peace and quiet of their own company.

Hammer89

RobertKK wrote: »

Living on your own is great.

I agree living on your own is great. There's something very liberating about sh*tting with the door wide open, apathetic to the fact that the smell is slowly but surely filling the entire house. One day my dog barked at me in the bathroom, as if she didn't know me. And maybe she didn't. Sure I barely knew myself that day.

mickrock

I have a question for girls:

Do girls just want to have fun?

JupiterKid

It's understandable for your friend to be a bit anxious about the prospect of living alone for the first time. But she will get used to it. The key thing is that she has a job and activities that get her out of her place and interacting with other people on a daily basis. Us humans are social animals.

I lived alone in the family home 5 days a week at 16 and 17. Long story but I coped fine. It wasn't an ideal situation but the alternative was boarding school and there was no way in hell I was going there!

I'm sure many AHers lived alone aged 7 in a tenement slum and worked down a mine 28 hours a day and it did them no harm, but not everyone is as thick-skinned.

And I'd imagine that some women are anxious about living alone for safety reasons.