Question for girls

jameorahiely

Hammer89 wrote: »

Genuinely asking this in regards to a friend.

So, I've got a 26-year-old female friend who will shortly be living completely on her own, for the first time in her life. She had a family home, then moved in with a friend, but now that friend is moving out and I noticed she was very anxious about it - like, very.

Or at least, I thought she was overly anxious about it, but I'm not a girl you see so it's hard for me to gauge what's happening. Is this a pretty normal response to living on your own for the first time, or is it abnormal?

Neither is your friend a girl, at 26, she is an adult woman

hatrickpatrick

On a more serious note, the responses in this thread are fairly heartless. People need to realise that Generation Z is a generation which has grown up constantly surrounded by a social circle, people to talk to, people to be present with. Of course it could be a gigantic shock to the system for somebody who has gone through their entire life into adulthood never living without any companionship to suddenly find themselves in that entirely alien situation. I'd be the polar opposite of OP's friend, an extrovert but one who actually needs some "recharging time" every so often alone with my thoughts or I'd lose my mind, but I know many people, particularly people a few years younger than me in their late teens or early twenties, who due to living at home for longer, sharing with friends, living in dormitories etc, have never lived entirely alone in a dwelling of any kind.

You may think it ridiculous, but I'd argue that that's because it's normal for you and you don't have that experience of only living alone for the first time when you're already an adult. I for one can totally understand why it would be freaky. 26 years old is quite an age to experience something so fundamental for the first time ever.

And all this is before we even get into wondering whether the person mentioned in the OP might have an anxiety or panic disorder, which I can only imagine would make it a thousand times worse.

maudgonner

Hammer89 wrote: »

I'm not a girl you see so it's hard for me to gauge what's happening.

I had a ring around all the girls there for you Hammer and the consensus is that:

a) We're not a different species from you fellas.
b) We're not all the same. In the words of Monty Python: 'We're all individuals. (I'm not)'

Hope that helps.

Hammer89

maudgonner wrote: »

I had a ring around all the girls there for you Hammer and the consensus is that:

a) We're not a different species from you fellas.
b) We're not all the same. In the words of Monty Python: 'We're all individuals. (I'm not)'

Hope that helps.

It doesn't.

Earthhorse

I think this is way more normal than people are making out. Plenty of my female friends get anxious when their boyfriends or husbands are away and they're in the house on their own. Doesn't mean they're "not capable" of living on their own or whatever other spin people are putting on it.

Dial Hard

Hammer89 wrote:

I realise this but there is likely going to be a minimum of a week where she's alone.

Oh noes! A week?

Grandeeod

FFS! 26 and worried about living alone. Fooking snowflaker! By the age of 27 my now wife had bought a house and was living alone rearing a child. (Not quite alone, but alone enough.) As for me, lived alone in a bedsit at the age of 19.

Dial Hard

Earthhorse wrote:

I think this is way more normal than people are making out. Plenty of my female friends get anxious when their boyfriends or husbands are away and they're in the house on their own.

It's really not. I'd live alone in a heartbeat if I could afford it. Two of my closest female friends live alone extremely happily. My ex-husband was overseas for six months at a stretch several times during our relationship, including shortly after we got married, at which time I was the same age as the OP's friend. Yes, I missed him hugely but I was never anxious when he was away.

Earthhorse

Dial Hard wrote: »

It's really not. I'd live alone in a heartbeat if I could afford it. Two of my closest female friends live alone extremely happily. My ex-husband was overseas for six months at a stretch several times during our relationship, including shortly after we got married, at which time I was the same age as the OP's friend. Yes, I missed him hugely but I was never anxious when he was away.

So because some of your friends didn't get anxious it's not more common than the way posters are making it out to be on this thread, which is basically non existent?

Hammer89

Grandeeod wrote: »

FFS! 26 and worried about living alone. Fooking snowflaker! By the age of 27 my now wife had bought a house and was living alone rearing a child. (Not quite alone, but alone enough.) As for me, lived alone in a bedsit at the age of 19.

And they wonder why I intentionally asked for a female view.

Cee-Jay-Cee

Is she good looking?

Grandeeod

Hammer89 wrote: »

And they wonder why I intentionally asked for a female view.

I gave you one. The missus was over my shoulder.

Hammer89

Grandeeod wrote: »

I gave you one. The missus was over my shoulder.

On the same high horse?

pilly

The lack of compassion here is awful. Of course it's scary for someone living on their own for the first time. My daughter was very nervous at 23 and it took a couple of months but after that she was fine.

All you can do is offer your support and company OP but she will be grand.

A pet can help with loneliness if she's into them?

Grandeeod

Hammer89 wrote: »

On the same high horse?

Same smartarse as ever! But my wifes opinion doesn't concur with your predetermined view. Whats the point so. You've come on here asking for an opinion and when you get one that you don't like your off on the smart ****.

Dial Hard

Earthhorse wrote:

So because some of your friends didn't get anxious it's not more common than the way posters are making it out to be on this thread, which is basically non existent?

So because you think it's common your viewpoint is more valid than mine?

And seeing as most female posters on the thread seem to have the same viewpoint, perhaps it *isn't* actually all that common?

Hammer89 wrote:

And they wonder why I intentionally asked for a female view.

I'm female. My view is that your friend is being rather silly. But you only seem to want assenting viewpoints to hers, so I don't think it really matters what anyone says here.

Gunslinger92

OP I'm female, 24, and similar to your friend in that I've never lived alone, but at the moment I only share with one other girl and due to her job I have the place to myself a lot. I love it to be honest, and not once have I felt anxious about being in the place myself. That's definitely a little odd. But I really don't think she has anything to worry about it, it'll be grand

Earthhorse

Dial Hard wrote: »

So because you think it's common your viewpoint is more valid than mine?

Nope. Because some of my friends have told me they've experienced something similar the phenomenon is more common than is being made out on the thread, which is making it out to be non existent.

And seeing as most female posters on the thread seem to have the same viewpoint, perhaps it *isn't* actually all that common?

Didn't say it was common. Said it was more common than was being made out.

coffee_cake

Dial Hard wrote: »

I'm female. My view is that your friend is being rather silly. But you only seem to want assenting viewpoints to hers, so I don't think it really matters what anyone says here.

We don't know that she's being silly or even what her viewpoint is because the OP is all about "I think she's anxious but I don't know because I didn't bother asking so I'm assuming this is it"

pilly

This all turned very abusive very quickly?

Dial Hard

pilly wrote:

This all turned very abusive very quickly?

Who's abusing whom, exactly?

wakka12

Why is it addressed to girls ? Why do you think her being nervous about living alone has more to do with her gender rather than simply character traits that apply to her personally . Maybe she's just a nervous person herself? Like clearly a lot of women are happy to live alone without house mates, so I don't think its a huge thing she shares in common with most women

suicide_circus

She'll die of starvation having been unable to open any jars and be found dead weeks later, her corpse having been partially devoured by her many cats

Dial Hard

So the consensus from women is that she'll be grand whereas from men it's that they all know better than us how women feel.

Sounds about right for AH.

Bambi985

i think she needs to put on her big girl pants and not have friends and family pandering to her, making her ridiculous childish whims seems in any way justified.

Hammer89

Grandeeod wrote: »

Same smartarse as ever! But my wifes opinion doesn't concur with your predetermined view. Whats the point so. You've come on here asking for an opinion and when you get one that you don't like your off on the smart ****.

Sorry mate but the point is that your first post was a bit over-the-top in terms of pompousness and judgement. I don't have an issue with your opinion - I have an issue with the smarmy way you put it across.

Grandeeod wrote: »

FFS! 26 and worried about living alone. Fooking snowflaker! By the age of 27 my now wife had bought a house and was living alone rearing a child. (Not quite alone, but alone enough.) As for me, lived alone in a bedsit at the age of 19.

Earthhorse

Dial Hard wrote: »

So the consensus from women is that she'll be grand whereas from men it's that they all know better than us how women feel.

Who's saying she won't be grand?

Hammer89

bluewolf wrote: »

We don't know that she's being silly or even what her viewpoint is because the OP is all about "I think she's anxious but I don't know because I didn't bother asking so I'm assuming this is it"

Am I purposely omitting key details or do I just not know them? Which makes more sense?

I don't see why she can't be both a functioning adult and also apprehensive about living alone for the first time. It's fairly normal to be nervous about doing things for the first time, no?

I was anxious about living alone at first, although I was younger than the girl in question as a 17 year old student. I was very nervous alone at night in the beginning, nervous that I was forgetting something important about the practicalities of being totally independent, and nervous of being lonely. As it turned out, I was fine and loved living alone. Not everyone is ready to embrace every new experience without any hesitation at all though.

The OP's friend hasn't had a chance to find out if she'll like it or not yet, it's okay for her to be a bit anxious about it. We're not all the same, we don't all like the same things or have the same tolerance for aloneness or have the same triggers for a bit of anxiety.

Being a bit anxious isn't the same thing as being incapable either.

She'll probably be fine OP, but if you think she'd appreciate it then let her know you're at the end of the phone if she feels a little overwhelmed.

pickarooney

I think I've never lived alone. Just happened that way.