Children's table manners

Wall1257

Just a quick question. Is it normal for a six and a half year old child to use her fingers when eating? She never uses a knife and fork and her parents are fine with it.

We went out to a restaurant today and her table manners are really bad.
- she used her fingers throughout the meal (of course)
- picked up food that had fallen off her plate onto the floor and tried to eat it.
- rubbed her vegetables across the table to use the salt that fallen on the table
- and a few other things like that.

Is this fairly normal? Maybe I'm expecting too much from a six year old. My daughter is nearly a year older than her and her table manners have been fine since before the age of three ......

I know it's far from the most important thing in a child's development, but is it usual for a six year old to have bad tabke manners? Just curious,
Thanks

learn_more

I've never seen anyone use a knife and fork in Mc Donalds.

looksee

A child's table manners will only be as good as she has been taught. If the parents have not bothered then you can't expect a 6 year old to know any better.

batistuta9

No, shouldn't be doing the things you mention at that age.

The use of fingers at times would be normal enough though. People 10 times that age still eat with fingers :pac:

LETHAL LADY

Table manners should be taught to children with rigidity, and if the child attempts to deviate from instruction it would merit the paddle. That's just my feeling on the matter.

Your Face

F--king animals.

Mountainsandh

2 points :
Table manners fall under the arbitrary standards heading IMO. What you consider rude, or disgusting, may be perfectly acceptable by another's standards. How bothered did her parents seem ? Where's the official table manners rule book ?
Second, it's a bit of a quick judgement, again IMO. The parents may spend a lot of time at home working on teaching her to use a knife and fork, but leave her off when out for good reason. I have a dyspraxic child who, at nearly 9, is still very awkward with cutlery. We work at it, but in public I will tend to leave him be because I don't want him to feel like crap. I might still use my secret Mum gaze to remind him but an outsider may not notice.

6 years and a bit is still young !

Arcade_Tryer

Mountainsandh wrote: »

2 points :
Table manners fall under the arbitrary standards heading IMO.

You're not wrong.

Aside from the basics like chewing with mouth closed and not speaking with food in mouth, the rest is history. For example, I refuse to abide by the "never put a knife in your mouth" rule. How else can I lick the delicious sauce resting on it? And why is it a rule in the first place? Because some idiot couldn't do it without cutting their tongue? Well, that's tough. But the rest of us shouldn't have to suffer too.

oneilla

Children using phones or tablets at the dinner table drives me nuts

NiallBoo

Arcade_Tryer wrote: »

You're not wrong.

Yeah they are.

Bad table manners are a big indicator that someone has failed as a person.

Without them, what's to distinguish us from the animals/Americans?

Our 2 year old picks things up with her fingers, puts them on a spoon, and then tries to fit spoon and fingers in mouth.

Good manners are nice, but wouldn't judge too much. For example a child quietly using his or her fingers is far better than a noisy kid banging cutlery up and down.

gramar

learn_more wrote: »

I've never seen anyone use a knife and fork in Mc Donalds.

I saw someone use a knife there once. They were threatening the staff with it demanding money from the till. I didn't see any forks but they shouted it a lot. 'give me the forking money' and 'shut the fork up' I believe it was.

LordSutch

looksee wrote: »

A child's table manners will only be as good as she has been taught. If the parents have not bothered then you can't expect a 6 year old to know any better.

Agreed.

Chuchote

If a kid doesn't learn from parents it can't learn, since there aren't school dinners in Ireland where other kids would set it right at the table.

Advbrd

oneilla wrote: »

Children using phones or tablets at the dinner table drives me nuts

Yeah, it ruins them. If gravy gets into the charging port it's fcuked and you can't get the large phones into a child's mouth. You are better off using a fork.

lawred2

NiallBoo wrote: »

Yeah they are.

Bad table manners are a big indicator that someone has failed as a person.

Without them, what's to distinguish us from the animals/Americans?

Ffs

jester77

Table manners are something that is learned. I have a 3 year old who knows how to behave at the table, knows to wait to start, knows how to use a fork, still struggling to use a knife. If the child has not been taught, then it is more of a reflection on their parents than on the child.

lawred2

Children acquire these skills are varying rates. They are not a homogenous group of people. Some will use their knife and fork sooner than others. I would say that by school going age I would expect a reasonable level of table manners. However it's not something I would ever get hung up about. Adults with poor table manners is a much bigger problem.

Chuchote

A kid that doesn't know not to wipe its food off the table is a bit extreme, though.

Advbrd

lawred2 wrote: »

Children acquire these skills are varying rates. They are not a homogenous group of people. Some will use their knife and fork sooner than others. I would say that by school going age I would expect a reasonable level of table manners. However it's not something I would ever get hung up about. Adults with poor table manners is a much bigger problem.

Chewing with your mouth open is a pretty large pet hate of mine as is slurping soup.

Sue Pa Key Pa

All children should be taught table manners and how to use cutlery. Why wouldn't you impart a skill that needs to be used every day? I'm gobsmacked by the number of young adults who are clueless at using the tools of the trade for eating meals when out in public.

fatknacker

Why is the cork on the fork?

amtc

Slightly off topic but was once in the Clarence restaurant...and the waiter complained about how I was using my cutlery. I had cut meat and left down my knife and transferred my fork to my right hand to eat.

No tip there!

Sue Pa Key Pa

amtc wrote: »

Slightly off topic but was once in the Clarence restaurant...and the waiter complained about how I was using my cutlery. I had cut meat and left down my knife and transferred my fork to my right hand to eat.

No tip there!

That's the way Americans eat. Seriously though, why would you not cut meat as you go along eating your meal?

Chuchote

Sue Pa Key Pa wrote: »

That's the way Americans eat. Seriously though, why would you not cut meat as you go along eating your meal?

If you're very right-handed it's a normal way to eat.

I wouldn't personally see that kind of thing as good or bad manners.

Tom Mann Centuria

fatknacker wrote: »

Why is the cork on the fork?

Ruprecht the monkey boy!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29iPMa1YdW4

looksee

lawred2 wrote: »

Children acquire these skills are varying rates. They are not a homogenous group of people. Some will use their knife and fork sooner than others. I would say that by school going age I would expect a reasonable level of table manners. However it's not something I would ever get hung up about. Adults with poor table manners is a much bigger problem.

I don't think anyone is hung up, its just a casual conversation. If children were taught table manners then adults would not have poor table manners. I remember seeing a youngish man probably in his mid 20s eating with a group of older men, all suited businessmen having lunch together. The younger one didn't seem to realise that by sitting hunched over, holding his fork in his fist and shovelling food into his mouth from a distance of a few inches he was completely destroying the effect of the smart suit.

andekwarhola

It should be pointed out that a five or six year kid not using the correct cutlery or popping a bit of food in their mouth with their hands is possibly not destined to be rubbing their dinner in their hair at important business dinners in 40 years time.

TitianGerm

looksee wrote: »

I don't think anyone is hung up, its just a casual conversation. If children were taught table manners then adults would not have poor table manners. I remember seeing a youngish man probably in his mid 20s eating with a group of older men, all suited businessmen having lunch together. The younger one didn't seem to realise that by sitting hunched over, holding his fork in his fist and shovelling food into his mouth from a distance of a few inches he was completely destroying the effect of the smart suit.

I was at a business lunch a few weeks ago. There was a lady across from me who had just started working with us, her knife and fork in the wrong hands and was holding the fork in a death grip, point down like she was holding a knife to stab someone, and sawing away with her knife. She got food all over the table and chewed constantly with her mouth open and spoke with food in her mouth. It was disgusting. You can tell alot about a person in how they act at a table.

Estrellita

Advbrd wrote: »

Chewing with your mouth open is a pretty large pet hate of mine as is slurping soup.

Without a doubt I have misophonia, and eating noises is one of my biggest triggers. I can't fcuking stand sitting in the company of some neanderthal cnut chewing beside me. Whatever about a gobs.hite not using their cutlery correctly, if they start chewing while breathing out of their mouth they are at risk of getting stabbed in the eye with a fork.

amtc

I was cutting it piece by piece!

Rainman16

Bad mother I'd say. She needs to teach her child to use a knife and fork. Something she should have been thought years ago, It's a basic human skill. Shame on the mother.

nice_guy80

Family came into a nice pub/restaurant the other other day - parents and three kids.
Kids spent 40 minutes running around the place annoying other customers' tables.
Even when their food arrived they didn't sit down to eat.

Not a word was said to the children by their parents to stop them.
I was ready to stick a foot out and trip them as they ran past.

Billy86

What's worse, someone who eats pasta/curry with their fingers, or someone who eats pizza/burgers with a knife and fork?

Teyla Emmagan

I went au pairing to France as a young one. Their little boy had just turned 3 and had the most impeccable table manners. Ate with a knife and fork! Couldn't cut his own food but bar that ate beautifully. Most Irish kids I knew at the time were like barbarians in comparison.

Clarebelly

Lol at all the posters with the perfectly table mannered children.
The same children that will at 2am be regularly be found asleep in supermacs face down in a punnet of chilli fries during their college years.

lawred2

looksee wrote: »

lawred2 wrote: »

Children acquire these skills are varying rates. They are not a homogenous group of people. Some will use their knife and fork sooner than others. I would say that by school going age I would expect a reasonable level of table manners. However it's not something I would ever get hung up about. Adults with poor table manners is a much bigger problem.

I don't think anyone is hung up, its just a casual conversation. If children were taught table manners then adults would not have poor table manners. I remember seeing a youngish man probably in his mid 20s eating with a group of older men, all suited businessmen having lunch together. The younger one didn't seem to realise that by sitting hunched over, holding his fork in his fist and shovelling food into his mouth from a distance of a few inches he was completely destroying the effect of the smart suit.

Yes obviously. That's why I said I would expect children of school going age to exhibit some level of table manners.

But sure read what you want to read.

maudgonner

Rainman16 wrote: »

Bad mother I'd say. She needs to teach her child to use a knife and fork. Something she should have been thought years ago, It's a basic human skill. Shame on the mother.

Knine

My child would do the same, I guess though anyone at the next table would never know her struggles unless she attempts to talk. I would hate to think there was people judging her at the next table but I guess you meet them everywhere.

Sue Pa Key Pa

Clarebelly wrote: »

Lol at all the posters with the perfectly table mannered children.
The same children that will at 2am be regularly be found asleep in supermacs face down in a punnet of chilli fries during their college years.

As will nearly every college student at some stage. The difference is that the children who were taught table manners will be able to use them when the circumstances dictate.

heldel00

My dad is a stickler for good table manners. (My husband chews like a cowgnawing on her cud just to annoy him!
He came home from work years ago and told us about a new colleague that had eaten their entire dinner using the back of their fingers as the knife.
The laughable part was that this fella thought his sh1t was chocolate and stepped about like he owned the place. How could someone who eats like that be any sort of a threat?!!!

05eaftqbrs9jlh

lawred2 wrote:

Yes obviously. That's why I said I would expect children of school going age to exhibit some level of table manners.

They don't use cutlery there, though.

I didn't really eat dinner with my family so when I started seeing my boyfriend as a teenager, the way their family all sat around to have dinner together was totally unfamiliar to me and I had to completely learn table manners. I obviously knew how to use a knife and fork and how to not be disgusting when eating but I'd have sat reading on the couch and eaten a pork chop off a fork quite happily before that.

Could be a sign the child is badly raised and/or looked after with little routine and normalcy. The poor kid.

andekwarhola

Some of the cited cases of adults are a bit subjective for the parent-bashing at hand.

If you have an adult displaying poor so-called table manners in a semi-formal/formal meal setting such as a business meal, chances are they just don't really care about it or assign much importance to it, unaccpetable as it may appear to others, depending on their sensitivty to such things.

I somehow doubt that the only thing that prevented an adult (that has otherwise grasped the other nicieties of adult life including holding down a professional job) learning how to hold a knife and fork was that the magic complexity of same wasn't imparted to them 20-40 years ago by their parents.

That said, I understand there's always a need for fresh material here involving shoddy parenting so I guess any example in a storm.

Clarebelly

Charlie Haughey had impeccable table manners....... charvet shirt and all.... yep..yep.

Ghandai ate with his hands...... the pig.

cbreeze

When we were kids we always had our set of small cutlery because the adult sizes were too big for us to hold.
Pet hates: people (over six years old) who eat with their mouths open; people who talk with their mouths full; people who talk while chewing gum so you can see the gum travelling around their gobs (yuk); people who ignore waiting staff as if their food was being served by robots.:(

HellSquirrel

I do the switching of knives and forks around thing when eating. I'm pretty sure my parents tried to train me out of it, but my brain doesn't cope as well with the fork in the left. I'll cut food with fork-in-left, knife-in-right, but I will tend to switch them around still. Actually, I seem to have been able to train myself not to do that if I'm consciously trying to eat as politely as possible, without thinking too much about which cutlery is where, come to think of it, but I am more comfortable doing it the other way and also less likely to accidentally sproing something across the table, which would be mildly mortifying.

To some extent, it's best to realise that manners in general are about making the group as comfortable as possible and unless something is harming or really freaking you out/putting you off your food, it's far more polite personally to accept that someone else's ways are a bit different and there may be a reason for it, so it's best not to judge them too much for it.

One can have perfect physical manners and be as rude as can be with looks, double-edged comments and weaponising manners against someone else. I would absolutely choose to spend my time with someone with more real class and kindness.

looksee

Clarebelly wrote: »

Charlie Haughey had impeccable table manners....... charvet shirt and all.... yep..yep.

Ghandai ate with his hands...... the pig.

I worked for a while, many years ago, in the University of Zambia. In the dining room people either ate 'European' style with a knife and fork, or 'African' style, rolling balls of nsima (maize porridge) with their fingers (one handed) then dipping into a communal bowl of sauce.

Either way was done with grace and manners, the choice of which style depending usually on the food chosen. Its not so much the use of implements that matters, as eating in a social and courteous manner whether you are using cutlery, chopsticks or your fingers.

DrPhilG

Indians do frequently eat with their hands. I can never understand how they don't end up clattered but it's done pretty smoothly.

PS I'm not being racist and generalising a group of people in Ireland, I mean the local population I've met on trips to India.

Mountainsandh

andekwarhola wrote: »

If you have an adult displaying poor so-called table manners in a semi-formal/formal meal setting such as a business meal, chances are they just don't really care about it or assign much importance to it, unaccpetable as it may appear to others, depending on their sensitivty to such things.

+ 1

I don't do formal well. As a parent, I don't want my kids to look repulsive when they eat, but I don't think teaching them formal/Clarence standard table manners is a priority in life.

In the same manner a poster said a person's table manners can tell a lot about the person, I think how hung up you are about others' table manners can tell a lot about who you are.

DrPhilG

PS as others have said, I find that open mouth chewing is becoming more and more common in adults which I can only attribute to an ongoing decrease in the teaching of manners by parents.

Cee-Jay-Cee

Wall1257 wrote: »

Just a quick question. Is it normal for a six and a half year old child to use her fingers when eating? She never uses a knife and fork and her parents are fine with it.

We went out to a restaurant today and her table manners are really bad.
- she used her fingers throughout the meal (of course)
- picked up food that had fallen off her plate onto the floor and tried to eat it.
- rubbed her vegetables across the table to use the salt that fallen on the table
- and a few other things like that.

Is this fairly normal? Maybe I'm expecting too much from a six year old. My daughter is nearly a year older than her and her table manners have been fine since before the age of three ......

I know it's far from the most important thing in a child's development, but is it usual for a six year old to have bad tabke manners? Just curious,
Thanks

I'm appalled, I hope you berated the child for her complete lack of table manners. Imagine making it all the way to 6 years old and not learning basic table manners!

My 6 year old eats with her fingers all the time, I try and get her to use a fork/spoon but she usually reverts to her fingers. I don't really mind so long as she eats enough and healthily. My 4 year old uses knife/fork/spoon all the time.